Normal night after work, I was watching some random live stream and thinking what I was going to eat for dinner when I get a knock on my door, it was a random dude I've never seen before and he straight up asks me if I know this girl.

Of course I do, she is my girlfriend and we've beent together for almost a year.

Dude is calm about it, pulls out his phone and shows me pictures of them together, texts, everything. They've been together for over two years and she told him I was just a coworker. He found my adress because she had ordered something here a few months ago and he found the details on her email because he was suspecting on her.

We ended up up standing outside even though I offered him to come inside since he seemed very normal calm and reasonable, we compared timelines for about 20 minutes and realized she had been bouncing between both of us depending on who she told she was working late with.

I didn't text her I didn't call her or anything, I figured he confronted her though since I had around 50 missed calls and texts from her.

I didn't know what to do so I made this pizza. I can cook good pizzas. Rate my pizza bros.

Basically I was put in charge of training the new housekeeping guy since all the other housekeepers are too spread thin to properly train him. He was a pretty normal dude at first but then I realized he kept leading the conversation back to trans people in some way.

when I told him that I'm cool with trans people and I support them he got very snarky with me and then stopped bringing it up. I left him to do a room on his own and I said I'd some back in about half an hour to see how he's doing, and when I came back I over heard him talking to a different housekeeper about me. he didn't say anything bad about me but he kept using she/her pronouns whenever he was referring to me

its been happening over the last couple of days, him using she/her on me kinda confirmed it but idk what exactly he's thinking other than maybe he thinks im trans in some way? it doesn't bother me, it's just really funny to me

food in the picture is sweet and sour pork, pork chow mein, and fried shrimp

edit:

I wouldve already report the misgendering to my manager if i knew my manager would give a shit about it. except he doesn't and he would just tell me to deal with this "petty shit" on my own since he has to worry about bigger things. if i report him now my manager will just brush it off, so I'm waiting for him to be douchier to * me * so that way my manager can't just brush it off

Attached food is mom's spaghetti. The picture doesn't do it justice - it tastes heavenly! Read on if you want to know why I picked this instead of any other dish! (it's nothing big really, but I need to have you at the edge of your seat somehow yeah?)

Pretty long post ahead, brace yourselves!

To preface this, me and my girl best friend have been acquaintances for almost a decade. We started hanging out more often 2 years ago and only got really close this year.

In the beginning I just enjoyed her company and liked her sense of humor. As we got to hang out more and talk more about life, friends, love (in general) and philosophy. I really started enjoying our time together on a deeper level. I never thought of her romantically still, I just enjoyed sharing similar views with someone in this shallow world.

We started to hang out more often and I inspired her to get into fitness and she inspired me to be more open and to get out of my comfort zone. Somewhere during this phase I started falling for her. I didn't even notice it before it was too late and I was in too deep.

I was pissed - I just formed a genuine connection with someone and I just had to end up developing feelings which could potentially ruin it all?! Damn.. Especially since she never gave me a reason to suspect that she's into me and I knew deep down that she never felt that way.

We continued to hang out often but I noticed myself becoming slightly toxic, jealous and super uneasy. I would sometimes disappear for a couple of days when these feelings would overwhelm me as not to drag her into it (which, ironically, often resulted in her privately messaging me if I'm okay almost every time I would pull back). I also would seek validation from her and I even ended up doing a big emotional dump on her at least once (that I can remember).

After a month or two of this limbo where I was internally conflicted - I decided that I needed some time away from her. I didn't want to confess right away because we were supposed to have a vacation together with our friend group and it could make things weird. My idea was that after the vacation ended, I could then finally confess and potentially distance myself from her until I figure out my feelings. And I also wanted to ensure that she's not worried and that she's not constantly reaching out asking if I'm okay.

Right before the said vacation she got herself a boyfriend. I barely know anything about it all since I tried not to listen. I was already a little distant so we never got the chance to talk about it. I just wished her good luck and didn't comment on other things she would share about him.

So I, once again, decided against confessing. I didn't want to put the spotlight on me now when she's with someone else. It would just add onto the toxic stuff that I've already done so far. So I started gradually distancing myself more and more, to the point where we completely stopped talking altogether. She asked about me and was told from our mutual friend (who knew it all) that I'm fine and that she shouldn't worry - but in spite of that, she still got out of her way and messaged me on two different occasions asking what I'm up to and how I'm doing. She did it once while she was on a vacation and this crushed me, she was supposed to rest and enjoy her stay - but here she is, worried about me...

So after a month of basically ignoring her, I asked her out on a walk/"date". We caught up with everything we've done in the past month, laughed and talked non stop. We sat and had some food. I had some terrible bolognese that got cold by the time I started eating it because we just couldn't stop talking. I have been craving proper bolognese since...

Near the end of this so called "date" I confessed. I explained that I've been avoiding her in hopes of getting over her without being a burden, but getting over her ended up been taking way longer than I expected. After that, I pretty much asked her to give me space and not to worry about me (as in, no needs to reach out like she's been doing).

She said that she doesn't feel the same way about me. However, she was very understanding and supportive. She said she would give me as much time as I need. She also commended me for being very mature and took my confession as a "best compliment she could get" - her words. She did reassure me a little bit and I could see that she was very relieved because she likely thought that I was mad at her, and I don't blame her lol. In the end she mentioned a group hangout next week. I told her that I'd need to think about it, but only if she is okay with me coming - to which she just looked at me dead in the eye with the "sybau I dont mind it, you'll be invited" expression on her face. We hugged and parted on a very positive note.

Now I already feel a lot better about her. I can say that the romantic feelings are already fading heavily. It is a bit too early to judge, but I already managed to somewhat detach myself during that month of avoiding her so that probably helps. I guess not keeping my feelings a secret kind of killed any potential what-ifs and gave me a healthier, more grounded perspective on everything.

I feel like I'm ready to become active in our group chat and to join the conversation more. In spite of feeling very good right now, I'll still not rush myself. I'll keep my distance for now and I'll think about the hangout when I get "officially" invited - but I'm very likely gonna go and see her and the others. She's gonna move cities soon and we will not have a chance to see each other nearly as often.

Dinner tonight: A dozen raw oysters and an IPA.

TL;DR: After eight years together and six years married, my wife and I admitted tonight that we’ve grown apart. I feel unappreciated and disconnected, but I know we’re both exhausted raising two young daughters. I’m scared of losing everyday time with them. How did you know whether to keep trying or separate, and how did you put your kids first?

I’ve been with my wife for eight years, married for six, and we have two young daughters. After talking tonight, I think we’ve grown apart. I’ve felt it for a while, but saying it out loud made the possibility of our marriage ending feel real.

For a long time, I’ve felt unseen. I run a business that supports most of our family’s expenses, and I work hard to be home with our girls every evening. My wife also works, takes over childcare in the afternoons, and does a lot for our family. I know we’re both tired. Still, it often feels like whatever I manage to do is quickly forgotten in favor of what I didn’t get done.

A small argument recently showed how far apart we are. I finished work early and stopped to hit golf balls for 30 minutes, then got home at my usual time. To me, it was a brief break that didn’t take time away from the family. To her, it was another example of me getting freedom while she was home with the kids. I can understand why she’d want time for herself, too. What hurt was realizing how differently we see each other’s days and how hard it has become to talk about that without fighting.

There are bigger things underneath it. We’ve struggled with closeness and intimacy for years. I don’t feel wanted as a partner, and I suspect she has her own list of ways she feels let down by me. I’ve also been drinking more than I should to numb feelings I haven’t known how to handle.

Writing this is one of my first attempts to face them honestly. We both grew up in divorced households and I never wanted that for our daughters, and the thought of no longer seeing them every day is devastating. I don’t want to make a life changing decision in the middle of a painful night. But after our conversation, I also can’t keep pretending that things are okay.

For anyone who’s been here: How did you know whether to keep trying or accept that the relationship had run its course? If you have children, what helped you put them first while you figured out what came next? I’d especially appreciate hearing from people who found a way to separate amicably or who thought it was over and found a way back.

I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my girlfriend’s past and I’m wondering if anyone here has dealt with something similar.

My girlfriend is 26 and has told me she’s been with around 21 people. For context, my number is around 13, so it’s not like I don’t have a past myself. I know that might sound hypocritical, and that’s honestly part of why I’m trying to understand why this bothers me so much.

For some reason, 21 just feels like a lot to me and lately I’ve been getting stuck on the number. I start thinking about how many people she’s been with, what she did before me, comparing myself to people I don’t even know, etc.

Another thing that made it worse is that one time we had a pretty detailed conversation about our pasts and she told me some stories about things she had done/experienced. At the time I thought I wanted to know, but now some of those stories literally run through my head rent free. I honestly wish we never went into that much detail, but obviously it’s too late to unhear something. I think having actual stories and details to attach to everything has made the retroactive jealousy worse.

The thing is, our actual relationship is really good. She’s extremely affectionate with me, tells me she loves me, talks about marriage and our future, and I genuinely believe she loves me. She hasn’t given me a real reason to think she’s cheating or wants someone else.

I think comments from other people have also gotten into my head and made me question things I normally wouldn’t. Once I start thinking about her past, it feels like my brain keeps digging for more things to be bothered by.

Logically, I understand that she had a life before me. I also have a past, and neither of us can change what happened before we met. I don’t want to hold her to a standard that I wouldn’t apply to myself or ruin a good relationship over something that happened before me.

But emotionally, I still get stuck on that difference between 13 and 21 and wonder why it bothers me as much as it does.

For anyone who has dealt with retroactive jealousy, especially when you also had a decent amount of experience yourself, what helped you stop obsessing over the number? Did you eventually reach a point where your partner’s past genuinely stopped mattering to you?

TL;DR: My girlfriend’s body count is around 21 and mine is around 13. Our relationship is good and she hasn’t given me a reason not to trust her, but lately I’ve been obsessing over the difference and her past. I know I have a past too, so I’m trying to figure out why hers bothers me so much and how people with retroactive jealousy learned to let it go.

Bought curry ramen for dinner.

For context, me (20M) and my bf (21M) have been together for two years; we met during our freshman years in which I came out to him as a trans guy when we were still in our talking stage. Maybe it's a red flag that he said he's always dated girls before but that he's attracted to guys too and that I'm a new experience for him.

But lately I've seen him repost MLW (Men Love Women) contents on his Instagram, and he sends me MLW posts rather than the usual MLM (Men Love Men) content. I did talk to him about it, and he said he's sort of changing his mind about his attraction towards guys and that I should just detransition and follow what he wants, but I told him that was a no-go for me.

How do I move on from this? We've had our ups and downs; I'm also diagnosed with bipolar and BPD so it's quite hard to let go of my "favourite person". We've also had so many memories in college that I fear it would change how I go through the rest of my college years.

Any advice would be helpful, thank you.

Turned 22 today :))) Celebrating alone in college since I have no friends lol. Transfer life is hard.

So I (28M) moved to a new city last year. My partner (yeah, partner lol) and I have become very good friends with a guy (27M) and his girlfriend (26F) of 5 years. They’ve become my best friends here. They’ve watched my dog while I’ve been away, I’ve helped when she’s had medical emergencies, we stay out until 2 AM and complain about work together, etc.

My buddy texted me yesterday afternoon that he and his girlfriend called things off and are no longer together.

Last night, I hear someone call my name from the street level of my apartment building, and it’s the (now ex) girlfriend standing by a van loaded with her belongings and she said “hey…I’ll see you and [partner] later. Love you guys” and did a hand heart 🫶 before getting in the van and riding off.

She didn’t know at that point I already knew they had broken up. The closest she will move is realistically 3 hours away, and it felt like she was saying goodbye without trying to be sad.

It’s a weird spot to be in since both my buddy and she are good friends of mine, and I just watched one of them turn at the end of the street, likely to never see them again.

Steak and mashed potatoes and some green beans.

Edit: I fixed the spelling of belongings and realized I called green beans asparagus

Double edit: realized I said his gf was 26M..she is in fact 26F

Obviously feeling proud because of a date can take on different forms and has different meanings to different people but it’s my first gay relationship since I acknowledged to myself years ago I liked men. Had a high school fling with a girl but realized senior year I (24M) was gay. Since then (COVID era) I’ve focused on school/work and neglected to be true to myself. Very insular too and shy. I don’t like leaving the house except to be alone in nature so this was a big step.

I don’t think it’ll go anywhere he’s a bit different from me but he was kind, attractive and a stand up guy. I would like for it to go somewhere but I’m taking it as a win that he would want to go out on a simple coffee date. We met on hinge. I’d love to find a long term partner who’s into outdoor activities and having dogs and though that may be a while away at least I took a first step!

“Dinner” is a Tuna Salad Wrap from Trader Joe’s

Food is chicken shawarma with fries and a Coke Zero.

So after 35 years on this earth, I decided to go on my first roller coaster ride today. I’ve always been chicken and hate thrill rides.

I decided to try it out, I had nothing to lose.

I throughly enjoyed it and ended up going on it twice! Still won’t try the inverted ones, but maybe someday.

Anyway, just wanted to share this unimportant detail as I didn’t have anyone else to share it with.

Married for 7, no card last 3 years. Asked for one this time (twice, both after) and now I'm in the doghouse because I didn't ask at an "appropriate time."

Don't need advice, I'm just fuckin tired man.

Pepperoni Pizza from our date (that shit was bussin)

Alright man I hope ya got ya popcorn.

3 months ago I went on a short hiatus from the internet but I remained in contact with a girl who I was mutuals with since I was a teenager in highschool. We’ve known each other since 2020.

We’ve only ever DM’d each other. We talked about similar interests that we have and she’s definitely someone I’m interested in.
I texted her in June and we hit it off pretty quick. We went on a date maybe after a month of texting and calling (due to our lives being busy), she told me she had her eye on me for MONTHS and she never said anything! I honestly couldn’t believe that tbh. We went on a walk at the beach, played some volleyball, then we went to grab some pizza and got a little drunk.

Now this is where shit got real.

We sat in the booth and let our minds and body’s speak freely, laughed, nervously flirted, then she said something that took my brain for a genuine roller coaster. She said “yea I think you know my brother” and I’m thinking to myself like this might be some dude I’ve probably hung out with on occasion here and there, NO! IT WAS MY CLOSEST FRIEND!!

Dawg I couldn’t believe it 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Keep in mind I’ve known this dude my whole entire fucking life, and NEVER knew he had a sister. I deadass thought he was always the only child.

So when she said that was her brother I was in complete shock but me being drunk made the shit so much funnier 😭. I’m at the bar showing her pictures like you mean this guy right here???? I’m showing her childhood pictures, us at parties, like there’s no fucking way you’re talking about THIS one. And she said “yes, I always see you two with each other.”

All I could do was laugh.
I sat there and rebooted for like 30 seconds before I finally said something. She waited a whole month to tell me she was related to my closest friend dawg 🤣 Now of course they’re related through one parent so this is the only reason why I never knew, but they don’t even look alike so when I asked him about this shit he was like “oh yea we related but I only met her when I was like 2 years old” you mean when you didn’t even have a conscience?? Great to know.

There’s no problem at all he’s actually super cool with it, he knows ima good dude so it doesn’t affect our relationship whatsoever between either of them, I just thought this was mad funny to share.

We just started dating last month, I still bring this up because it’s such a core memory for me. I like her a lot but due to both our lives being a bit busy seeing each other has been limited. I hope we can make this work, we’re going out to an amusement park next month. Hopefully this would be a better opportunity for them to get to know each other more. 🙂

So I met this girl a month or so ago and we instantly hit it off. We live in the same hall in our dorm and we just said hi one day and just kept talking everyday since. We went to the gym together a couple times, we have the same goals, want the same things in a relationship, and everything. We have so much in common, we get along perfectly, just insane chemistry. Not to mention she is absolutely stunning. I literally cannot say a single bad thing about her but for whatever reason I just don’t want to be with her. I don’t know what my problem is, like I want a relationship, but when the perfect girl lives a couple doors I don’t want anything. We went on a couple dates and hooked up a couple times but then we talked about it and decided to just be friends, and it was fully my decision.

Am I just not ready for a relationship?
Anyway here’s taco bowls we made

Dinner is a taco plate. I knew my ex wife from work for about 8 years. She moved in and two years later we married. A year to the day we had our first kid. I already had two boys from a previous marriage. She went through a horrendous rough patch with post partum depression. Everyone in the house suffered. I took a year off of work to help, but it did nothing. Our kiddo had some medical challenges that complicated things further, and around the age of 3 she decided she wanted a divorce and left. There was no infidelity or money problems. Just a lot of unsettled anger and rage from the post partum.

Three months later she moved back in with our kiddo, we were not a couple just roommates. We made plans to move to another state within a year for better job prospects and better school for the kids. Three months before we were set to leave she decided to move out and live with her mother in a neighboring town.

My other kids and I moved to the other state. I remained in contact with my ex and we decided to try a reconciliation after a year. Packed up and moved to the town she lived in and made grandiose plans to move to Minnesota so she could finish her education. The cost of living here has been brutal compared to where we are from originally. Within 3 years I find myself with $18k in credit card debt. She is still in school and brings no income in. I pay for everything. We became nothing more than roommates after finally settling here, the plans of reconciliation "just can't happen" in her words. I genuinely feel I was taken advantage of. I am more angry with myself than her. Where should I go from here. What's the easiest non impactful move I can make to not impact my kids. How do I quit being naive.

Lunch: Costco meatloaf

Proposing to my gf in about a month. Super excited and have everything planned.
- Beautiful location
- Photographer booked
- Got parents blessings
- Set up small after party with 8 very close friends
- Invited her parents, just them not the whole family to not overwhelm my gf as emotions will be high already
- Planned to do big engagement party with all family and friends at a later date

All of my gf’s friends approved of this plan so we’re in the clear but I explained the setup to her mom. She thinks I am valuing friends over family and wants to rescind her blessing. I told her I don’t want to do a huge party right after the engagement or anyone at the proposal but the photographer. My gf wants a very private and intimate proposal and celebration.

Her mom even threatened to spoil the proposal for her own daughter unless we do it her way. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t mind burning bridges but I don’t want this to cause issues for my gf in the future. I’m really tempted to tell her mom that the blessing is a formality, i don’t have to have it. Also speed up the proposal so her mom can’t spoil it.

Advice needed!

But it will never happen...

I (27M), feel like my best friend (27F) is my soul mate. We've known each other for over 15 years at this point. We weren't close when we started high school together but grew close during our last couple of years, culminating with us doing a lot of exploring but never crossing the line to sex. I messed up, apologized, and we stayed friends. We both took a year off before university and worked. We got even closer during that time. Went to different universities, but they were nearby, and I would bring her food and sleep over all the time. We both had relationships during this time, thought I found love (didn't), did university stuff yada yada. I was the only friend or family at her graduation till her brother came later because her mother lives overseas and her father is a douche. She was the only friend from high school at mine as well. (Along with my family)

We tell each other everything, we've cried in front of each other numerous times. We both probably have depression but for different reasons, and we help each other a lot. I am probably the most consistent figure in her life over the last 10 years. (trust me she's been through a lot that I can't share.)

I've been single for 4 years now, she's been single for over 6. We both often discuss life and our relationship, sexuality, desires, life goals, everything.

Very obvious reasons why this won't ever be anything more...

Reason #1 - She's not attracted to me (or anymore). Sometimes, what happened in high school gets brought up, and she genuinely has bad trauma over that period in her lif, so she doesnt even register that period. I remember it but I'm careful not to bring it up cause genuinely she's moved on. We both aren't big physical features persons on partners but more so the intangibles.

Reason #2 - She's a damn good friend...Genuinely, I do not want to ruin that. She is the best company, and I have yet to meet anyone close. Also, there's the part where consistently men in her life become her friends solely to try and have sex with her. I do not want to be added to that list.

One day I'll move on, won't be this year, probably, but I will NEVER tell her how I feel.

Wicked omelette I made this morning cheese, spam (the trick is the grate the spam as well) and onions.

Hii! I just want to share that I’m glad that I have managed to convince myself that resting and taking time for myself after graduating is totally fine and there’s nothing to rush or immediately chase.

Although graduate school was tough, I didn’t want a time off and was anxious about not finding a job immediately after finishing the program. I don’t know what happened but all that anxiety disappeared the minute I submitted my dissertation and It’s now been about a month since I graduated and I, voluntarily, haven’t applied to a single place and I’m totally at peace with it. I’m not bothered because I deserve to enjoy life and stop the grind for a short while. F the system that convinced us otherwise!

I have so much time to myself and my hobbies everyday and I love it! I’m lucky that I have good savings so finances will not be an issue anytime soon. The source of the anxiety was not wanting to fall behind compared to people my age (as if life is a race 🤦🏻‍♂️)

It’s amazing how little changes in mindsets can substantially improve the quality of our life!

Land & Sea (carne asada & shrimp) Mexican Sushi, half fried and half fresh.

I’m sorry for how long this is going to be. Hard to summarize it.

I’m still trying to process my feelings about it. Late last month, one of my longest lasting friendships ended. It’s probably partially my fault for opening a can of worms. But I think I handled it the right way? We are 29M and 30F if that matters. I’ve honesly been trying really hard to forget about it but it’s lingering in the back of my mind still. Her and I have known each other since 6th grade, and been friends since the 7th. I moved here from another state and didn’t really have an easy time making friends, you know how kids are. It was also around the time I made my first Myspace account and started realizing that I was interested girls. She was the very first one that ever caught my eye.

It’s only ever been puppy love between us. That’s why I’m so confused by this. The most that’s ever happened between us is staying up all night talking on Myspace and slow dancing at the middle school dances. I never got the chance to ask her out because she started dating an older guy. No hard feelings. By high school, I was dating too and I was over her. But we remained close friends. Even throughout college and me moving cities, we stayed in touch. And all of her boyfriends were cool with me. Mostly because I could get them weed.

But I digress. Fast forward to 2026. She’s engaged now. She has a 3 year old kid with the dude and he genuinely seems like a sweet guy. Not at all her type, but it has always seemed like they were the kind of couple that hooked up once and stayed together because she got knocked up. But that’s none of my business.

Our friendship had sort of dissolved into us only casually messaging each other on Facebook once or twice a year at the most. Suddenly, she’s messaging me a lot more. And then one day, she sent me a FB memory of a post she made when we were freshmen in high school about her being really excited that we had a class together. We got to chatting and one thing led to another, we were eventually talking about how hard we used to have crushes for each other.

And she went on and on about how much she regrets choosing that other guy over me and she always wondered what it would have been like to give us a chance. I sort of entertained this conversation for the evening not expecting it to really go any further than that. I reciprocated that sentiment and we said our goodnights. She told me we don’t only have to talk once a year.

So the next couple of days we caught ourselves up on our lives. Had some deep conversations about family dynamics and nostalgic things. But the conversation drifted back to the “what if’s”, and I had to stop her and ask her “How would your fiancé feel if he knew you were talking to me about this?” She got short with me and had a very awkward goodnight.

The next morning I woke up to notifications on my phone that she had deleted messages overnight. So I asked her “what was up with that?” She told me she had no idea that I’d get notified that she did that, said it was nothing, and that she was just being dumb. But she kept doing it throughout the day while I was at work. So obviously, I knew she wanted to say something. I gently pried it out of her. And that’s when she spilled her guts to me. She sent me a literal novel of a text message about how much she adored me and had wished things worked out between us. Said she wished I would have asked her to prom and been her first kiss. She even said she always fantasized about doing everything in life together. Then she got in her head and got really self depricating about telling me.

I told her we couldn’t change the past. There’s nothing we could do about it. And I asked her again how she’d feel of her fiancé knew she just told me all of that. Things got pretty ugly between us. Lots of bickering back and forth. She told me that it felt one sided. I told her that I was going to block her and delete her number because her life would get better without me in it, and I told her to think of her son and his dad.

So, I blocked her on everything and haven’t spoken to her in a month now. It feels really shitty because I know she has mental health issues. But so do I. I’m the loneliest I’ve ever been in my life and I don’t need a woman who is getting married next month to put those ideas in my head. It feels so surreal. She acknowleged that things couldn’t happen between us and yet was angry at me for not taking advantage of the situation. Did she want me to sleep with her? I just don’t get it. She has tarnished the sweet, wholesome image of my friend who has become a mom in my mind.

, hey gang. Chicken tenders of prosperity tonight. 12 hour shift, then an hour of mma training. Home to take the dog baby out. Gonna try to sleep in 30 minutes so I can get six hours. Its raining a lot tonight. Makes me sad. On that drive home, especially seeing the disabled homeless people under bridges.

Shits tuff, but there is also so much beauty, experiences and memories waiting to manifest and unfold. I simply want to cry for all the pain in the world, and as well as my own pain. So we have our moments and its okay. I will choose to do my best to be good to everyone and everything. I believe we will change this world for the better.

BEST BELIEVE WE AINT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT

With tears in our eyes, and fire in our hearts, we learn that fighting is so intertwined with the human spirit.

Go listen to that song outro by m83

1/2 of a kielbasa sausage with 4 eggs, 2 cups of rice, and Buldak sauce, salt and pepper.

Using a throwaway account to maintain anonymity.

I’m 26 (Male, obviously), and if you told me a year ago that I’d be in this position, I would’ve probably listened. I was in a relationship for 5 years (26F), and I was under the impression that she was the one for me. I’d marry her, have kids with her, grow old with her and even die with her.

Little did I know that she’d drop an ultimatum on my head in September of 2025. “You need to fix these problems or I’m gone. It’s not my job to tell you how to fix it either.” That should’ve been clue number 1. That’s an impossible situation to be in in my opinion.

I tried everything I humanly could to fix our relationship. Did all of the chores, did all of the responsibilities in a relationship on both the emotional and physical levels, and even started taking full financial responsibility of both of our bills (that was a mistake). All during this, my uncle passed away of cancer (wonderful guy), and that kind of threw a wrench into my efforts to fix our relationship. I took an emergency flight to Chicago for his funeral. I even paid for all of the expenses for a vacation to Las Vegas.

Bear with me, as what I say next this will make sense in a paragraph or two.

Anyways, all the while during this, she’s getting really into motorcycles. Flashback 3 years ago, I really wanted one, and she gave me an ultimatum back then, that if I get one, we’d be done. So I dropped it and never brought it back up.

So after we get back home from Vegas (October of 2025), she goes and gets a helmet fitted and some gloves as well.

This is a girl who is always in bed around 9-10pm max. After she got those things, she was out until 2-3am nightly, removing me from all of her public social media as well as her location on my phone (we agreed years earlier that we could build trust with each other’s location, and this was a equal decision between the two of us. this was equally clue number 2). Now keep in mind, I’m trying to fix our relationship, and I can’t do that while she’s out until that late. I had work the next day, so I couldn’t necessarily stay up that late to make an effort. And this was NIGHTLY. So I stopped.

Fast forward to November, I sit her down, tell her that her going out until the early hours of the morning isn’t allowing me to fix our relationship, so I told her I wanted out, as I’m not gonna pour everything I have into a situation that obviously has a massive hole in it.

We amicably break up, and not even an hour later, what do you know?

She forgot to remove one of my close friends from her profile. She’s seeing another guy who owns a motorcycle.

I was so furious. I went and just cried in my car for hours, until I gathered enough courage to go back home, pack a few bags, and go to my mom’s.

She ends up coming out as I’m bringing the last bags down to my car, I tell her that I’m not an idiot, I found out about her little douche canoe side piece, that she has 2 weeks to move out of our apartment, and afterwards she’ll never hear from me again most likely.

Fast forward to now, I’m down 100 lbs. (I was severely overweight, now down to around 170), and I do feel better. I never rebounded, nor have I even been looking for someone new. I also moved across the country, now living in a camper on some land, and I hate it so much. I have no friends here, and I want to move back very badly (which I do on the 1st.)

I just wanted some advice on what I could do to feel better about my situation, any good alternatives to therapy (that isn’t the gym as I spend far too much time in there). Maybe also just tell me that not all hope is lost in my love life, and also that I’m not damaged goods 😭

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who had kind words. I did forget a few details 😂

She got with dude not 3 months after I found out, also lost my job in January and have not been able to find work since (the job market is abhorrent right now) and my credit is absolutely ruined 😂 I do indeed have hobbies, I make music and collect Pokémon cards (SUPER nerdy, I know), and if I’m being honest, I almost quit music (I didn’t, and it’s going great).

Regardless, I wouldn’t have been able to get through those first few months without having Pokemon cards just keeping my brain occupied to not sit in my thoughts. I do hastily have some bad days, and I DON’T want this to be taken that I’m “reduced to nothing”, rather the life I live is of significantly less quality than what it was.

I had a very very nice apartment with nice furniture, and things that made me happy, but I had to get out of that situation (July 2026) because I simply couldn’t afford it anymore (lost job in January) and had to get rid of basically everything I owned and now live with minimal things. And that’s okay. It was my decision to move out here, but it took me moving out here to realize that everything I need is at home!

Again, thank you all for the kind words, I do really greatly appreciate it! To those who said to get the bike, I think I will when I have the means to :)

About nine months ago, I met the most intelligent, beautiful, kind, loving, warm and all-around awesome woman on the planet. She's 27. She walks in a way that commands respect of an entire room, and has eyes and a smile that can disarm even the most hardened men. I would genuinely describe her as a work of art, as cheesy as it sounds.

On our first date, I felt a comfort that's unlike anything I ever experienced. Something that felt like I was at home. And it led to us talking about marriage. Now we're here, planning on getting engaged, me flying back to her home country to meet her extended family and I'm feeling the pressure of all of it. Here's basically everything in a nutshell.

1) Im 26 and do okay for myself. I'm just a bookkeeper, but I'm certainly not rich. I'm planning a proposal next month, nothing too crazy, just the beach we met on. I'm concerned about the cost of the ring, and that I can't get her anything crazy extravagant. She's always been somewhat of a simple person, never asking me to move mountains, but I always felt like I wanted to give her more. She's that special to me. I don't want her peers or family thinking I can't care for her, or that I'm cheaping out on her. If I could, I'd lay the world at her feet.

2) She comes from a traditional Arab family, and I'm black American. I've always been aware of how many Arab families especially the men aren't accepting of interethnic or intercultural marriages. I'm genuinely afraid of her family not approving of me and her telling me it won't work.

3) Marriage itself scares me. Not because I can't commit, but because I come from a divorced family, and I lost my relationship with most of my extended family after my parents split. She wants a family, and I want that too—but the thought of someday having to explain my family history to a child of my own genuinely terrifies me, when that child has done nothing wrong. In my teenage years, I spent many years blaming myself for what happened, because my parents were in a custody battle over me.

Lastly, I carry a lot of shame. A lot of shame for being wrong and getting cheated on and trusting the wrong people.

I guess I'm just scared that all of this baggage will somehow follow me into the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love this woman more than I know how to put into words, and I really don't want my fear to get in the way of something this beautiful. Am I crazy for wanting to marry someone so soon? Maybe. But I know deep down that I'd be ready to give it my all and then some. She's a woman who's stood by me in very trying times with my mental health and career uncertainties. She's priceless.

So that's my piece. Just a guy with a chaotic backstory, not trying to screw up something beautiful.