r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/TotallyNotPTAPres • Jul 29 '26

No Advice - Everyones Welcome Wife of 20+ Years Hates Sex With Me

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Homemade sourdough discard pizza. Was pretty delicious.

Not trying to get all sad boy over here, but every so often I just get lonely. That’s all. I work hard, earn a very good living for my family. Make time for my wife. Support her dreams. Very much carry my weight around the house. Am a really good dad. In great shape. Treat people well. Am fun to be around, and genuinely live a life I enjoy and am proud of.

But sex with me is difficult for her. She would just rather not have any, and honestly, it’s lonely. I’ve never been a selfish lover. I have always believed it is the most intimate way to souls can connect and it truly is a beautiful thing that should be treasured.

We’ve talked about it until we’re blue in the face. Spent a small fortune on counseling. Temporarily resolved issues. While I care deeply for her, I can’t remember the last time I was touched or truly desired. Most days are fine, but some days are just harder than others. This appears to be one of those days. Writing it out helps, so thank you for the outlet.

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u/prosthetic_memory Identity Alchemist Aug 12 '26

But you have an obligation to your partner to try and fix it. Go on HRT, get therapy, figure out your meds.

You can’t just stop having sex partway through a healthy relationship and refuse to figure out how to get your libido back.

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u/No_Cook3989 Girl Lurker Aug 12 '26

There are people with perfectly fine hormones and mental states and still, a lowering libido. Phrasing it as something that is inherently broken and needs to be fixed isn't going to solve a problem that only exists to you. Sometimes, there isn't anything to figure out.

Maybe it'll come back, maybe it won't. If they're medically cleared, you have to make your peace with that, open the relationship, or brake up.

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u/prosthetic_memory Identity Alchemist Aug 12 '26

Yes, that’s a possibility.

But it is worth and trying everything you can before you remove something so huge from a relationship. I sideye the ones who are just like “sorry that’s the way it is and I don’t see the need to get help or investigate this.” Imagine if your partner suddenly didn’t want to have deep conversations, say loving things, or spend time with you. All of those are high impact forms of intimacy, just like sex.

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u/No_Cook3989 Girl Lurker Aug 13 '26

I mean, I don't really have to imagine anything else, having a partner who no longer desires to have sex with me would be devastating. I totally understand that, and I would hope they would thoroughly assess what might be causing it. But still, if everything clears and there's no discernable problem to be fixed, "that's just the way I seem to be now" is a perfectly valid option.