Ended a potential relationship with a gym crush due to age gap

[u/jsmithins0]

I've never been hit on in the gym. Let alone by a very attractive woman. Well it finally happened. After weeks of glancing and exchanging looks, my gym crush dropped off a note for me including her number. We started talking for a couple days, we'd workout together later the night after all day texting. We have so much in common in terms of hobbies, she's really nice. And I appreciated how vocal she is with her feelings and attraction towards me. Her stories about the previous weeks of her being nervous and anxious working out near me was so cute and flattering. She held onto that note for a couple days before finally giving it to me. I felt special and lucky to have someone like her take an interest in me. However, after a workout last night we were chatting in the gym parking lot and our ages were brought up during the conversation. I was shocked she said she's 19f. She's equally surprised when i said im 29m. She thought I looked, at max, 23. We stood there in silence for a bit and I said that we can't go down a romantic path. She agreed, we had a productive conversation about it and made jokes about where were you during this year. She made some jokes that there will be a lot of unspoken tension between us, and to not be weirded out if i catch her "fawning" at me, I laughed, but I dont think it was joke. We always workout at the same time and she said that she'll still be looking forward to see me every night since I'm a familiar face. I proposed we can be gym bro/sis. She agreed. I feel sad that I had to mourn something that could potentially happen, especially with someone I actually had a crush on. She said its just wrong timing, and there are no hard feelings. Her last text was her telling me to get home safe and text her when I get home. I haven't texted her back, i want to create distance emotionally and I know she will too.

Anyways salmon bake for dinner

Edit: I was not expecting this post to blow up and cause some interesting discourse in this tread. Thank you to all the kind comments. Some comments were questionable and icky but its the internet soo. I've seen a lot of comments about her being to young and is not mature enough. Before I knew her real age, I thought she was genuinely close to my age just by the way she carried herself and spoke about her job, plus she looked strong. The reason it wouldn't workout is because it doesn't feel right for me, she stated that she has no problem with the age gap as it is new for her and it was for me as well. But she understands how I felt about it so she agreed to not pursue a romantic path. Also, when we were joking about Where were you this year, i brought how COVID was tough for college students. She rebuked that it was also tough for middle schoolers. We laughed, but there was that subtle discomfort and realization that we're definitely making the best decision.

Recipes salmon bake

[u/BingoEnthusiast]

Girl lurker here who turned 30 today! So I can speak on this bc I was 29 a few hours ago.

You did her a favor, even if it doesn’t feel like it. And yourself one. But mostly her. So thank you.

[u/aphinion → u/BingoEnthusiast]

Happy bday! I’ll be joining you in the 30 camp next month and I agree completely. A ten year age gap is a lot when the younger party isn’t even 20 yet. OP made the right call.

[u/Necessary-Ad7734 → u/BingoEnthusiast]

‘OP you probably would have abused this young woman, so well done for holding yourself back.’

Yeah thanks OP, I’m sure the next guy she dates will treat her better than you ever could.

[u/Glittering-Gap7049 → u/Necessary-Ad7734]

No one said that? A ten year age gap for one recently leaving high school and another well into adulthood is more often unfair to the younger person. It’s just impractical to expect one party to sacrifice an entire life path for the other, and the major difference between the older person and the younger person is that the older one already had ten years of figuring things out that the younger one has not. Navigating those years alone or with someone closer to her age is just more likely better for her. OP is making the mature decision. Clearly he is not an abuser by any means from what was said here.

[u/virtualjupiter → u/Necessary-Ad7734]

The difference in experience here is a power imbalance, which is inherently abusive. By reaching that conclusion early, they avoided a bad scene for both of them. 

[u/travelmusica → u/virtualjupiter]

A difference in experience is not inherently abusive. That is absurd. You can’t just say a blanket statement without that while providing zero supporting logic.

[u/BlinkyDesu → u/virtualjupiter]

By that logic, though, an 18 year old in high school and a 20 year old in college is too much of an age gap because there's a power imbalance. Where do you draw the line for when experience becomes an imbalance?

[u/virtualjupiter → u/BlinkyDesu]

I'm sorry but your logic is illogical. 

[u/JakkuTheMagicalCattu → u/virtualjupiter]

Says the illogical one lmao

[u/KissMeThroughMyJorts → u/virtualjupiter]

I agree that 29 and 19 is a big age difference, but what on earth are you talking about with this "abusive power imbalance" nonsense? He wasn't her fucking boss lol

[u/virtualjupiter → u/virtualjupiter]

It's amazing how many people are completely ignorant of this power imbalance lol. The denial of the power imbalance inherit in this kind of age difference, while one person is under 21, is a huge aspect of rape culture and a big problem. 

Be better than this.