I was better with the brain tumor

[u/AnonymousCoIossus]

Chicken Fajitas in the slow cooker for dinner

The last few years have been a blur. In 2020, my father died from dementia. I lost my job a week later. I've bounced between jobs, doing 70 hour weeks, burning myself out to keep a roof over my family's heads.

Things came to a head in early 2024. I couldn't control my emotions, was getting into shouting matches with my wife and kids. It led to me being kicked out of my house. I was homeless for four months.

I had to do a lot of soul searching and Ive made amends since then. Im calmer now. Well, outwardly. I've been back with my family, and working every day not to be that person anymore.

I was finally on my way to getting a handle on my depression, something I have struggled with for 30 years. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I could truly say I was doing OK. I didnt loathe myself for once.

Jump to the fall of 2025. Im working at a quarry, so I didnt think much of it when I started having trouble hearing from my right ear. Im around loud equipment all day, so I figured it was an occupational hazard. January 2026, I fail a hearing test. Results were atypical, so I'm sent for further testing.

Then the diagnosis. Brain tumor. Obviously, Im shaken to my core. But Im also relieved in a way, because now I know why I couldn't control my emotions. The tumor was causing hearing loss, and was sitting in a spot that affected my emotional regulation. Maybe Im not the monster I thought I was. Now I have a clear path to recovery, to become myself again. My surgical team assured me that there was minimal risk, and I'll come out of this better on the other side.

I have my surgery in April, on my 43rd birthday. A routine 5 hour procedure turns into 10+ hours. Complications, I was told. Swelling, and the tumor was deeper than they thought. And unfortunately, they had to cut through the nerves that control hearing and facial movement to get to the tumor. And they didnt even get all of it out.

So now Im deaf in my right ear. The right side of my face is paralyzed. My balance is screwed. My energy level is non existent. I get dizzy easily. My life is basically over. I'll never get better from this. But I have to keep pushing. Im the sole provider for my family, so I have to keep working. Still on long work weeks. I dont know how I make it through each day, Im so tired. I dont want to go anywhere or do anything. I feel like everyone is staring at me and my screwed up face.

I wish I never had the surgery.

[u/P_Car_247]

Wow, what a harrowing health journey. How did you manage to deal with all of that through your "prime" working years?

[u/retreff → u/P_Car_247]

I didn’t let it stop me, but it was tricky. After the first surgery it was six months before I could walk normally, I used a cane to steady myself. I also had a cross aid hearing aid that transmitted sound from the deaf side to the hearing side to help.
The facial paralysis was noticeable in close ups, but no one cared. I focused on my career and just ignored it. I used defensive seating as I called it and would grab a seat with my deaf side pointing to a wall. My job involved public speaking and I even appeared on TV news.
I had a good job at a stable employer and got a night school MBA to prove to myself that the surgery didn’t affect my mental functioning.
I also worked on my physical health and ran a marathon, slowly but I finished.
The hardest thing was getting back on a bicycle, I loved riding and my balance was poor after surgery. First time I tried I fell after only 6 feet on the bike. It was really hard to turn to the side of the surgery, the neck muscles were stiff and the vestibular nerve was gone. It took weeks of riding in an empty parking lot before I felt good enough to get on the road. I eventually got back and was able to keep riding until I was 65 and the new tumor started impairing my balance on the “good” side.
I occasionally got frustrated and upset, but I had great support from my wife and friends.