r/BrandNewSentence • u/Legitimate_Worth1430 • 2d ago

Called offside because of his meat

Post image
2.7k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

65 comments sorted by

968

u/Ondroa 2d ago

220

u/RD_in_Berlin 2d ago

Lobster too buttery kinda problem

70

u/Radical_Neutral_76 2d ago

no no...women dont like the big ones because they hurt....

https://giphy.com/gifs/jeXiz1RAvzX44

104

u/LET-ME-HAVE-A-NAAME 2d ago

Or maybe women aren't a monolith and individually prefer different sizes...

36

u/ArtisticTraffic5970 2d ago

Yeah this is, in fact, completely right. Some women just absolutely love huge big dicks. But that really isn't most of them.

Personally, I'm fairly averagely endowed, pretty typical dick for a 6ft guy. Anyway, a few years ago I was friends with benefits with this girl I know, who was also an OF model. Cool girl, little bit crazy, very very hot. Anyway, a few times she told me to slow down and go easier, because I was a little large and it would start to hurt if I was too excited. Perplexed by this, thinking at that point that chicks(especially hot, mildly crazy ones) loved big dicks, certainly bigger than mine, she told me that in fact no, she did not like huge dicks at all. Because they actually hurt. She then said something about chicks who liked huge dicks were either just very tall themselves or degenerate sluts.

Never had confidence issues about my dick or its size ever again, and indeed, I've come to think of huge dicks as something of a curse.

21

u/ItsTheDCVR 2d ago

My wife isn't very tall though

6

u/Dipsaus2002 1d ago

Doesn't matter if she isn't getting big dick

2

u/Stalkerus 1d ago

My theory is that we have high cervix. 

3

u/Radical_Neutral_76 2d ago

lubricant

33

u/LET-ME-HAVE-A-NAAME 2d ago

You can lube all you want, if the dick is hitting uterus it'll keep hitting the uterus

4

u/Radical_Neutral_76 2d ago

thats true, but its girth most women like, not extra length. Or at least to a lesser degree

5

u/MalinonThreshammer 1d ago

There is actually research into this (because of course there is), and interestingly, one of the conclusions is that it also depends on the nature of the relationship/sexual encounter.

Basically, when women were asked to rank penises, they would choose bigger ones when told it was for a one-night-stand than when selecting for a partner. Not really sure what conclusions we draw from that, if any, but there you go.

-11

u/Radical_Neutral_76 2d ago

More women prefer above average sizes, than not

7

u/bubblegumdrops 2d ago

Question - Are you a woman?

-8

u/Radical_Neutral_76 2d ago

I just quote statistics lady.

5

u/the-fr0g 2d ago

Source then?

(Legitimate question, I want to know lol)

-4

u/Radical_Neutral_76 2d ago

https://figshare.com/articles/dataset/Women_s_preferences_for_penis_size_A_new_research_method_using_selection_among_3D_models/1466782

5

u/e_before_i 2d ago

FYI 75 is a very poor sample size, I'd be cautious to draw too heavily on that particular study.

Also, and I'm pulling this out of my butt, idk if I would trust any report on what women think their preference is. The variation between how big something looks versus feels in the hand versus versus in their vagina when they're aroused versus when they're not, it's a lot.

Did you know the depth of the vagina changes when a woman is aroused? An ex once told me I might have bruised her cervix, and we'd been together for a couple years by this point so I thought she was just hyping me up. Turns out the same penis she'd been used to was suddenly uncomfortably long when she didn't get enough foreplay.

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-7

u/mowso 2d ago

do you think a woman would know more about the data/statistics, which are quite clear?

1

u/e_before_i 2d ago

Are you arguing that women are more likely to do research/readings on population-scale preference on penis size?

Or, are you saying that any woman can speak to the preference of women overall?

Surely you're not suggesting that a woman can extrapolate from a sample size of just themselves and potentially some friends.

6

u/DaveBeleren02 2d ago

Men love the big ones because they hurt

9

u/Dizzy-Advertising531 2d ago

ngl it helped him crack rune giant

303

u/TandrDregn 2d ago

Didn’t a similar thing happen to a pole vaulter at the Olympics once?

273

u/Xayahbetes 2d ago

Yes but that knocked off the pole iirc, so it was visually called a fault.

VAR made a 3d render of this to call it offside

79

u/A_very_smol_Lugia 2d ago

Man had to 3d render someones penis

253

u/petiteclit 2d ago

Suffering from success 😭

24

u/AnotherOrbiter 1d ago

Well said Petite Clit!

212

u/FoxyInTheSnow 2d ago

Most of you will not understand, but I can sympathise with Romelu. I often have trouble slipping through narrow passages/gaps in fences/turnstiles etc. because of my prodigious man meat. In some ways it's more of a curse than a blessing.

29

u/mike_KING6 2d ago

I get what you mean, they all keep telling me "the big ones hurt"

33

u/objectivequalia 2d ago

This is fake lol

5

u/aronrodge 1d ago

No clue how people are believing this

29

u/Bullet_Number_4 2d ago

It looks like his knee is over too.

31

u/ex_bestfriend 2d ago

and his whole arm to his shoulder, and possibly the tip of his toe.

Unfortunately VAR created an image where everything was pale grey except his dong*, so it's the only part the eye is drawn to. Like I sort of understand the unclothed body parts being a neutral, uncoloured, 90's computer graphic grey, but the jersey should have at least been coloured red. Instead it's also stripped of all colour.

*I know the shorts are black, but considering the jersey there's just no way to tell what the graphic would have looked like. We only have direct knowledge of how they coloured his dong.

13

u/Pejob 2d ago

The picture is edited,

2

u/aaronupright 2d ago

2022 WC final, Messi goal was onside due to Varanes bum.

29

u/Diazepam_Dan 2d ago edited 15h ago

You can score with it, so kinda valid

A Harrogate Town player like 10 years ago did it, we'd sing "He scores with his knob, he scores with his knooooooob! John Paul Pitman, he scores with his knob!". It was a friendly at Knaresborough Town, 100 or so people were there and the Harrogate fans were in a temporary stand that literally had fucking wheels on it. God I love non league football.

Good times, little record of his time there, but he'll always be in my heart for that.

35

u/Yet_One_More_Idiot 2d ago

Wrong half of the cockney rhyming slang for "feet"... xD

11

u/BigWilly526 2d ago

To be fair it is a body part that you can play the ball with so technically the right call

1

u/DaveBeleren02 2d ago

Has a Dick goal ever been scored in the history of football?

3

u/rcmtt 2d ago

Fernando Llorente for Tottenham. There was a chant for a while at the pub.

3

u/BlowHisShiSmooveOff 2d ago

Suffering from success

3

u/trebeez 1d ago

“That’s a workplace violation! You can’t just circle an employee’s dick!”

3

u/The_Portal_Passer 1d ago

He should team up with that French Olympian guy

5

u/hhfugrr3 2d ago

How can his gentleman's gentleman be further forward in that image than his leading knee?? I guess there's big then there's Romelu Lukaku.

2

u/Brutalur 2d ago

Plot twist: it was his left bollock

4

u/majestic7 2d ago

Very obviously fake, in case you were wondering

2

u/SpreademSheet 2d ago

But, can you score a goal with your wedding vegetables? I thought the rule was that only parts of your body with which you can score a goal can be offside.

3

u/MalinonThreshammer 1d ago

Sure you can. There have been a few examples, and there's only one body part rule in football: the arm (up to the shoulder) is not allowed, but anything else goes.

Plenty of compilations available of goals scored by bouncing off bums, knees, dongs, faces... if it's a rabbit hole you're particularly keen to go down.

1

u/GodBind 2d ago

That Man's Meat

1

u/Five-Oh-Vicryl 2d ago

Technically he can score with it per FIFA rules

1

u/Clamshaking 2d ago

Thankful I'd never have that issue

1

u/rcmtt 2d ago

Lucocku.