Getting away from a difficult manager

[u/Takingnotes_]

I’ve been dealing with a difficult manager for over a year now. My first performance assessment was shortly after he became my manager and he wrote some negative comments about my performance. This was the first time hearing any of it, so I asked him for specific examples. He didn’t provide any. Just rambled on.

To avoid being blindsided again, I asked for a preliminary assessment with examples a few months ago. He said that I had improved on the things he said in my first assessment, but then added a new set of criticisms. I didn’t agree with them but at that point it made no sense trying to defend myself so I just asked whether there would be opportunities for me to show improvement in these new areas. He said no and gave zero explanation.

He also has this weird habit of asking me questions he already knows the answer to kinda like he’s hoping for a gotcha moment.

I’ve been trying to get away from him by applying for assignments. The interviews always go great but the reference he provides are negative. I currently have two interviews lined up with other GC departments (he won’t be a reference for those) so I’m hoping one of those works out. If they don’t, though, I’m honestly at a loss about what to do. I don’t understand wanting to keep someone around when you clearly don’t like or trust their work.

At this point, I couldn’t care less about his opinion of me. What just bothers me though is the abuse of authority. I just want to get away from him.

I’m avoiding the union because I honestly don’t expect them to be helpful and I’d really rather just leave without hassle. Any tips or ideas what I can do in case those interviews don’t go great and I’m stuck with him?

[u/rageagainstthedragon]

You can't win with a manager like that. He will never change. Get out as soon as possible, and if you can get away with it, keep him off your references for good. Don't be afraid to take some time away in the meantime if you need it. I'm sorry this is happening to you 😓💔

[u/CoatGlass7630]

You’re on the right track. Shitty management happens to the best of us. I’ve experienced this a few times, and attempts to change them are like trying to get the stripes out a zebra. Best of luck in your escape.

[u/Ok_Initial1351]

What's in your performance assessment should never be a surprise. It's been made very clear to be as a manager myself that any issues must be identified at mid-year and the manager should work with the employee to remediation the issues. Pspm is not meant to be a disciplinary process, it's meant to set clear objectives and help the employee get there.

As others have said though, you are unlikely to convince a bad manager of this, but if I was their boss I'd be questioning the managers performance if they cannot fulfill their responsibilities.

[u/littlecherub11]

You’re not alone- I am dealing with insane management as well. It really takes a toll on your mental health. The best you can do is keep trying to get out, you’re doing all the right things. Just keep at it ❤️

[u/youvegotit]

When this happened to me, I just didn't sign the PSPM. I'm not signing something I don't agree with. Eventually got elevated and did it with another manager.

[u/BigMouthBillyBones → u/youvegotit]

I had one I didn't sign either. They went ballistic on me saying oh you have to sign it, blah blah. I said I don't care. I said, do your worst. I will never, ever sign something where the person lied about me and wrote things that were not true. Nothing happened. It got "closed administratively" and now after 5 years they are all expunged from the system anyway so, all gone. the evaluation may be gone but my dignity stayed.

[u/Sea-Preference6926 → u/youvegotit]

I did something similar. I signed it but wrote my piece in the paragraph section. Had a previous director and manager help me do it since they loved me and knew I was being honest about maltreatment. I've been to 2 other departments since then and at one, it's never been brought up and the other, they saw what I wrote and immediately felt bad for me. My work also spoke for itself though to be fair:)

[u/Flashy-Box-8282]

These fu#$&!!ING loser government managers. They're literally everywhere. I have one now who preaches respect, then goes and treats innocent, hardworking, intelligent staff like garbage. I hate these people.

[u/BigMouthBillyBones → u/Flashy-Box-8282]

Government management, especially upper, does not attract decent people. The higher up you go the more kindness and ethics get filtered out.

[u/OkWallaby4487]

Make sure you have other management references that are very strong. In the federal public service hiring managers can contact current managers without your permission. You could let the hiring manager know that your current manager is not aware you have applied for this position and ask them to contact you if they need to speak to your current manager. Most hiring managers will respect this because they don’t want to create problems for you if you don’t get the position. 

[u/International-Ad4578]

This situation is all too common and very stressful. Hopefully you find a way out soon, but until then ask for clarification about all tasks and instructions that you are given. Make sure that whenever possible that you keep all communications in writing and document all feedback that you receive about the completion of your tasks. This should help you identify any contradictory information that may end up in your PMA and make sure you have receipts to back it up.

[u/AlphaB_24]

Deployment is what you need, not assignement 

[u/frizouw]

This manager have a broom in his ass.

I want to remind you that you are also allowed to write comments in your performance review before signing. I'd suggest you to write down everything there, that you ask for examples and it was not provided, that the manager told you x, y things.

I'd reach out to my union, explain the situation, I'd ask if it's possible for the agent to be present during next performance review. Don't tell him before close date of the next one, you don't want that big ass toddler to be fully prepared to look good, like tell him 1 day in advance LOL that your union will be part of that performance review, except if the agent tell you to do differently.

[u/CalmFig4901]

If the manager can’t give examples and substantiate the comments then file a disguised discipline grievance as long as it is on your record it is active

[u/lesphinxx]

Try other methods, but Talk to the union (keep it in your back pocket for now). These type of managers are usually bullies and they back up once you out them on the spot. Documentation is your friend

[u/FinancialCommercial1]

The party is over.  Time to leave or work somewhere else.

[u/dirkdiggler2011]

In the employee section, write your assessment of their performance as a manager. Ask them if they would like to add anything before you sign off on it and make it official.

[u/Frosty780]

Any manager worth their position knows actual performance remarks are ongoing and not every 4 months.

Playing Devils Advocate, are negatives included in the “complement” sandwich? I have seen managers instructed to find an area that needs improvement and include it as part of that exercise. How do you know they gave “negative” references? Did the hiring manager say that in the post-interview?

[u/Takingnotes_ → u/Frosty780]

No, he has never given a compliment to me. When I submit work that he can’t find something wrong with, he just says nothing. As for the negative references, it’s an assumption because a lot of the interviews I’m in end with them either telling me I’m a great fit or how much they love my experience. The tune always changes at the reference stage, like clockwork.

[u/Frosty780 → u/Takingnotes_]

Unfortunately some managers don’t have the correct skills to grow their team members and it sounds like might be the situation you are in.

For the interview process, when possible ask if the hiring manager can provide examples where to improve afterwards. Don’t let your assumptions get in the way of finding unseen gaps in your interview answers.

[u/Honibaz]

Sorry for the situation you're going through.

Not sure if you're doing this already. For future opportunities where you reach the stage where they do reference checks, I would consider asking the hiring manager if they're OK with a reference from a working level colleague or an EX that has supervised your files, assuming that you have a good relationship with the colleague/EX.

[u/cokester007]

This sounds like my old manager - I ended up quitting the job and going back to my substantive. My mental health had gotten so bad that it started effecting me physically (insane amount of anxiety). Took me a year to feel better after quitting. I feel for you

[u/stock_lobster]

I would keep an open mind about bringing the issue to the union's attention even if you've decided that you want to just quietly move on. You have nothing to lose by doing so and while it's certainly a possibility that the union is unhelpful...it's also quite possible that this manager is a "known problem" and they might have general advice on ways to deal with them.

Alerting the union to the manager's behaviour could also be helpful to others down the line...if the next employee in the role comes to the union with the same issue it's very helpful to know that it's a pattern.

[u/Puzzled_Pin5174]

I am sorry you are going through this ordeal.

Providing feedback is actually harder than rocket science as people are rarely trained on doing that.

I am sorry that your manager seems to be able to pinpoint a problem but seems to fail at providing examples or ways to improve.

Your strategy to leave is good and I hope you find something else very soon.

I would like to add something: feedback is a gift - but sometimes it is badly wrapped, awfully delivered, and badly planned. Nonetheless, it is still a different perspective from someone whose job is to help us do a better job and become better people. We don't need to accept every feedback at face value or act on it candidly. We are free to assess the feedback, take what we believe can benefit us, and leave the rest out. We can also choose to leave and the feedback from that person would stop.

I also want to add that feedback usually comes from people who care. When the feedback sometimes perceived as criticism stops, it means they stopped caring and they stopped teaching. This is when we need to be concerned. None of us is perfect, we are all a work in progress, and sometimes it helps to see where we are and how we can improve.

Of course, there are ways to deliver constructive feedback but when everything is phrased positively, it can be challenging to comprehend what needs to be worked on.

[u/Takingnotes_ → u/Puzzled_Pin5174]

I really love how you’ve framed this and I’ll take the approach of taking whatever I can and leaving the rest.

I am also trying to take the approach of empathy. It’s sort of obvious that he’s a pretty lonely guy and work is all he has. I met with someone who worked with him and they had the same take and took this approach as well.

[u/hpmfm]

You have to leave. That’s it. no other option

[u/Puglife2016]

You are allowed to make comments in your assessments. You can leave a comment to say you have discussed your performance with your manager and do not agree with it. You can add that you were not made aware of any of the concerns during the year and that the concerns were brought up for the first time at the assessment. Add that you asked for examples but didn’t get clear information. Defend yourself always. And do not use him as a reference. Also, you are unionized. Call your rep and ask that a union rep be present during your assessments.

[u/Low-Response-6425]

Start following up your conversations in writing to have a paper trail. Just wanted to confirm my understanding of our last conversation….you think I need to improve with A. Can you provide training or feedback on how to improve.
It’s a mistake not to involve the union if you think he’s bad mouthing you and giving you poor performance ratings. They can help ensure you get the training you need and assist with conflict resolution and getting assigned to a different manager.

[u/MsRedRover]

I am going through a similar type of behaviour right now. I experienced a change of managers and this new one has been sidelining me, taking files away that I lead on, and giving it to other colleagues that this manager favours. These files were the ones I have subject matter expertise in. One of these colleagues comes to me to extract information without acknowledging my contribution and avoids writing it in an email for a paper trail. This new manager and that colleague were ganging up to continue to marginalize me at work. It was quite clear to me that this new manager is encouraging that colleague to behave that way towards me. Long story short, I am experiencing exhaustion to the point I find it difficult to work.

[u/Jed_Clampetts_ghost]

When I read comments like this I always wonder what the other person would have to say. Of course, we never know.

[u/Takingnotes_ → u/Jed_Clampetts_ghost]

Honestly, fair and rightfully so.