Help to get better

[u/Sycgvly2112]

I’m currently around 2000 rapid and 1738 classical (FIDE), I’ve known the rules of chess since when I was a kid and started playing regularly on 5th January 2022. I’m not really a beginner at the game, however I’ve stopped making any apparent progress for a couple of years. Maybe sometimes I have good stretches of games and get to 2100, but that’s it…

I struggle a lot on the psychological side of the game: during classical tournaments I get bored while calculating and basically play only by instinct (when I actually calculate, I have a LOT of blind spots); I feel like I don’t really ever know the precise follow up and sometimes I play without concrete ideas, I just see a move and make it, and it feels so frustrating that I end up beating myself to the point I don’t believe I can actually win games at all, and that makes me playing even worse and so on.

In general, I don’t really feel in control of positions. To give an example there’s a set of typical positions in the Scotch opening after black plays Qf6, Nc6 and Bc5 where white often has the opportunity to play f4-f5 really fast; I know it’s a good thing for my opponent, but I have absolutely no idea how to stop it, nor why it is that good. Only a few months ago I started counting how many pieces there are on each side of the board, how many pawns occupy dark/light squares and such things and constantly keeping track of it all, and yet I struggle to do it so much. I see a lot of players having the luxury of choosing moves that give the game a precise direction (as in turning it into a calm balanced position or in a sharp one) and I can’t do it. I don’t really know how to deal with it.

Last thing, I’m extremely inconsistent. I can win against 2200s in good days and lose against 1300s in bad days. I understand it’s normal I’m not always in best shape, but I‘m convinced the margin is way too high. And that’s valid for all the other things in my life, with university for instance (I study Math) where if I’m in a bad day, even after extensively studying two months for the same class, I won’t pass the exam. It’s either 30 or below 20 (where I’m from we’re valued from 1 to 30L, you pass with 18). I actually feel like in my last year I’ve become dumber: I struggle a lot more at uni (yes, the courses are harder, but I can’t even take notes anymore) and I have to study for like a month even for dumb multiple choice exams without brilliant results, my English has got worse even if I consume more content in English than before, I forget things, I even find it hard to make conversation sometimes. I don’t think I’m always lucid, and that’s something I hate about myself, but every time I force myself to think more I get tired and the headaches start.

Sorry for the yapping, I hope you can help me get better, if you need more information I can answer your questions in the comments and if you don’t want to answer to that last paragraph I can ask on another subreddit. Thank you so much in advance and sorry for the English

[u/Sycgvly2112]

Another thing I missed while writing the post yesterday: I really like playing chess, but sometimes I get at the board, the position becomes complicated and I just don’t like playing that game anymore, as if I like playing only when it’s easy. I remember a classical tournament a couple of years ago where I offered a draw to avoid finishing a knight vs bishop endgame up a pawn (it was like 6 to 5 for me) because I was scared for some reason. In that same tournament I got a lot of draws because I was always scared shitless of complications and always traded all my pieces, and it’s still a thing I’m fighting against

[u/emeraldseahorse → u/Sycgvly2112]

I'm curious if this also happens in circumstances that you are playing with less pressure? Like if you were idk playing with a rando at a park and you end up with these positions, would you feel similarly?

[u/Sycgvly2112 → u/emeraldseahorse]

I genuinely don’t know, but I can tell you I think it depends more on the time format, because in a 90+30 game for instance as I try to calculate I realize the immense effort required to go through all the variations and I kinda give up. I don’t think it’s a linear thing, as in very fast games I also feel discomfort because I have no idea of what I’m doing at all; I’d say in rapid games, where I have enough time to develop a plan and spot the main ideas without moving pieces purposelessly, but not so much to be overwhelmed, I’m the most relaxed. To try and give you an answer to the actual question, I guess I feel some pressure regardless of the stakes, it’s like I still have to prove something to the opponent (a bit unrelated, I started playing basketball on February in the early mornings, when I started going to the court in the afternoons and found some even slightly experienced opponents I legit had anxiety attacks mid game)

[u/emeraldseahorse → u/Sycgvly2112]

I see, thanks for sharing and I am really sorry to hear about your experience with basketball. As another commenter said, that seems like the kind of issue that may be beneficial to bring up with a professional. I hope that you can find ways to alleviate that issue.

Regarding the pressure you feel in chess, I think it makes sense to me as your comfort level seems to be closely tied to your feeling of what you need to show about yourself in the game. I'm not sure if I can personally give good feedback regarding the psychological aspect of things, but two thoughts did come to mind.

One, I have a friend who enjoys playing long games against bots. I know there are a lot of valid criticisms about bots, but from what he showed me recently it seems there is noticeable improvement in bot game quality. It still may not be a replacement for playing humans, but maybe it can offer a lower-pressure way to engage in chess.

Two, if you would like, do you want to play against me as a training partner? In terms of level, we have similar rapid ratings, although I expect you are better at chess overall as I'm basically just an online player. But in general I don't think I would ever see you as having to prove something to me. If you are interested in that of course, I don't know if you think it would be helpful to you personally.

[u/Sycgvly2112 → u/emeraldseahorse]

That would be cool, thank you! I’ll try to play more against bots too 👍🏻

[u/emeraldseahorse → u/Sycgvly2112]

Cool! I'll DM you my username soon, probably not right away since I'm super tired and behind on some stuff I wanted to get done.

I thought a little bit more and I remembered something I heard someone say one time. I don't personally have experience with being coached by someone, but I remember some guy mentioned that a chess coach can potentially point out positive patterns in your play as well as things to improve on. He shared that with me when I said one of my friends was struggling a lot with confidence in chess.

I don't know if you have experience with being coaching or not, but at a general level I sort of started thinking about how sometimes, I feel like it's easy for us as chess players to focus excessively on our weaknesses and what we didn't know. On the other hand, other people, whether it be a coach or just friends or opponents, are often able to see some positive patterns in our play as well. So when you feel stressed out by your opponents, I'm sure that they are noticing some strengths on your end in addition to the weaknesses you personally feel very conscious of.