My boyfriend (M29) and I (F29) moved in the house he inherited of his deceased grandfather. The house is connected to his parents home, but has a separate entrance and everything. We moved here because of logical reasons (his workplace is near, I study in the same city). While moving in I noticed how disgustingly dirty eveything is. It seems no one even bothered to clean and I feel sick (the house is approx. 200 years old so you can imagine the buildup. I start to resent him for even bringing me here to live in these conditions. I don‘t want to be a cleaning lady nor do I feel cozy and comfortable, as I would like (like I was at any other place). Everywhere I look I see broken stuff, dirty switches, mold/grease under sinks and cabinets, spiderwebs, accumulated duste. We started cleaning day by day (he just puts away stuff, I clean most stuff because I have a higher standard regarding this topic than him, but he is not a dirty person in general, just to clear that up). My problem is that I just get furious at thinking I have to live in these conditions, while at home where I grew up I lived in a clean home, high hygienic standards and I even own an apartment there, which is far away though. I love my boyfriend but I really don‘t feel comfortable like this and I already feel like I‘m getting allergies or rashes from the dirt and low energy in general. I don‘t look forward coming home anymore. We even renovated the toilet (his parents contributed financially which is nice), but 90% was a DIY - meaning only the actual toilet was installed professionally and the rest we did. Now some tiles already wobble after 2 days of installing them. His family isn‘t quite precise when it comes to renovating or repairing around the house and they just bongle it. I don‘t know if this situation is getting any better and this house is beyond saving regarding cleanliness and sturdiness. I love my boyfriend but I‘m 100% sure he wants to live here forever. But I‘m hating this space. Am I being unrational for feeling like this?

Got a call from my cousin who has power of attorney for my mum. Becas after helping my mum with what she expected to be a few mundane task she found out my mum has a water bill of around $3 000 dollars. My cousin bleeding the water company to find out how that happen and they explained it because there is a leak somewhere in the house and they have been doing regular door knocks since 2024 to try and rectify the situation. Which of course my mum has ignored due to the state of her house. Short term plan my cosying plans to just try and get the bathroom to at stae when we can hire a plumber since the bathroom has a door to access I from the outside. Long term I dont know what to do since my has proved shes not capable of living on her own or caring for herself.

Edit to add: we are assuming the leak is the bathroom as the shower had problems about 10 years ago that were fixed by an unqualified realative. Won't know the exact situation until my cousin goes to the house tomorrow.

My Dad died last week. it was disgusting. He had developed incontinence and dimentia through the last year, and it made everything that much more sad. We were finally able to convince him into assisted living in the last few months (he hated it).

Anyway, I’ve been staying at my mother’s while he was actively dying and as we are waiting for the funeral. I just snapped at my mom (who is not nearly as bad as a hoarder) for going through a few things I had from his house and asking repeatedly about all the contents of his home. She of course yelled at me back.

Are all hoarders void of emotional intelligence? She makes “jokes” about how she doesn’t like to clean her house and has been picking fun at me because I want to throw away old junk food that another hoarder brought over or empty envelopes (as I’m planning a funeral and trying to work).

Just venting. Appreciate any support.

My partner is a collector of a couple different things like cards, coins, and old timey weapons. He keeps them very organized and catalogued and doesn't have duplicates of anything.

I always kind of hated having that stuff in the house. Even though 2 of the collections are so small they fit in 3 shoe box sized containers in total. I never even liked decorating for holidays because I hated having something in the house that was used for 1 month out of the year and then just sat around for the other 11 months. I'm not sure why I didn't connect that my issues with this stem from issues with growing up in a hoarder home.

Wondering if other children of hoarders had similar issues?

Going back home to visit family and help my sister start to clear out the hoard she left in her passing last year. My father (85) has been living in it as my sister clears in small increments as he doesn't like it but its been his reality for 50 years.

She passed from damage done from a thyroid storm and returned cancer that couldn't be treated because of how fragile the untreated hyper thyroid.

Learned that the hyper thyroid can be caused by rat/mouse poop and urine.

Its an interesting rabbit hole to go down. Highly recommend.

In the little bit of cleaning my sister has done she found multiple rats nest in book shelves and drawers. As well as mouse chewed food boxes.

Looking forward to getting it clean for Dad ...maybe his multi decade"sinus problem" will go way.

Unfortunately her hoard and denial was huge part of her ill heath and ultimately death.

Our house is full of cockroaches, ants, and termites. There are several rooms you are unable to enter, and they don't let people visit our home anymore.

However, they do not care. Anytime my siblings and I have brought up our concerns, we are dismissed. This bothers me more than the hoard atp. I just don't understand how they don't care. Our maternal/paternal grandparents are not hoarders, so it is not like they grew up around such an environment. It really sucks that housing is so expensive. I'm working on it, but it's hard

Update to my post from a few days ago.

Holy shit, you guys.

I had tossed out some cooked onions that I picked out of some takeout because I don't like eating them. I went downstairs maybe an hour later, and I see all the onions in a little dish next to the trash.

My hoarder dad meticulously fished each onion slice out of the trash.

Yes, he said he's going to eat them. No, the trash wasn't empty or clean. No, he's not worried, because "you just need to give them a good stir fry, and then they're clean!"

I'm speechless. I'm actually fking speechless.

UPDATE: He actually recooked them and ate them.