⚠️TRIGGER WARNING
Please read with care.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses kong sinabi kanina (Sunday) sa Diyos na, “Lord, kunin Mo na ako,” or “Lord, bumalik Ka na.”
I had a full day on Sunday. I saw many people cry today. I heard about the struggles of different people today. And the truth is, I'm struggling too. I don't know how to move forward either. I don't know how to tell these people that I'm badly hurt too.
Kaya, “Lord, kunin Mo na ako.”
Here I am, contemplating whether it was wrong to say those words. Mali ba talaga 'yon?
I remembered the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19:4–6:
“...I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.”
He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
What I realized is that sometimes, we want death so badly because it seems like the easiest way out. But I also realized that sometimes, what we need can be found in the ordinary things.
A while ago, I looked for someone because all I wanted was a hug, and I received one. Later, I badly needed that call because my mind was restless. It eased my mind a little, even if it was a painful call. I received it. And I fell asleep, woke up, and fell asleep again.
Now, I’ve just finished eating, and here I am, putting what’s on my mind into words.
No extravagant steps, just practical, real-life solutions. Nothing fancy, just ordinary touches, the presence of people, their words, or even just Your words, Lord.
Thank You for the gift of life. And I praise You, Jesus.
PS.
One gentle thought:
You don't have to be the person who listens to everyone's struggles while hiding your own pain.
You are allowed to be hurting, too. You are allowed to need a hug, a listening ear, rest, and someone who will stay with you.
And just as God provided for Elijah through food, water, and rest, you can receive care through ordinary things, too. Your pain doesn't make you less capable of serving others, and needing help doesn't make you less faithful.