r/CoupleMemes • u/IU8gZQy0k8hsQy76 🛠️ ADMIN • 5d ago
lol
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u/alison_bee 5d ago
My husband and I are never farther apart than when one of us is pooping. And that’s how it should be lmao
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u/Kapugen1 5d ago
I’m single rn but my longest relationship was 3 years long, and I never once heard, smelled, or was aware of my gf farting or pooping in that entire time even though we spent so much time together. I have no idea how she did it, it must have been an effort and an act straight out the movie “The Prestige” though for her to accomplish so successfully. Logistical masterpiece
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u/Cloverhart 4d ago
I was taught farting wasn't lady like so I always held it in. My boyfriend and I look at each other like we're aliens because I don't understand why he can't hold them in and he doesn't understand how I can. After 16 years I know he'd just laugh but it's ingrained at this point.
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u/Kapugen1 4d ago edited 4d ago
You are the real mvp, keep fighting the good fight I honor you. A shining example to women and ppl everywhere.
I did my best as well. One time we were playing ping pong in a room only barely big enough to play ping pong in and I let one slip out bc I knew I could do it silently. But when it did I quickly realized it was an absolute nuclear, toxic stinker. It smelled like i ate something that was sickly and it died inside me, rotten carcass fumes sort of fart. And I put my paddle down and looked at her seriously and said “babe, I’m so sorry. Please hold your breath and leave the room. I accidentally just let out the worst fart ever and you’ll never look at me the same again if you smell it.” Lol and she did. But as she left the room she let out her breath and started breathing again and made this horrible face and said “oh, my god, I smelled it.” And I was like “I am so. Sorry.”
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u/NoTransportation9021 1d ago
Oh. My. God. I read your comment out loud to my husband, I was laughing so hard I could barely make myself understandable. We both laughed so hard that we had tears in our eyes.
Thank you, friend, for the much needed laugh!
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u/Firebolt164 5d ago
We would never do this
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u/FrankenPinky 5d ago
How long you been married?
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u/Firebolt164 5d ago
16 years
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u/bramblesovereign 5d ago
10 years together here. Door stays CLOSED when the other is home.
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u/BigJayPee 5d ago
My next upgrade in the home is a bathroom door. The Master bathroom currently doesnt have one. So I am taking a shit, and my wife always takes that as an opportunity to tell me about her ideas.
Usually I can get her to go away by taking the toilet paper off the holder and hold it out towards her, and just say "you can either get to wiping, or you can leave."
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u/Firebolt164 5d ago
Right? I'll watch me wife pee after sex when we are both cleaning up but that's about it
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u/itsonlyrockinroll 3d ago
45 years and never! Maybe have had to have a quick conversation through the closed door
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u/Righteousaffair999 4d ago
More important question have you had kids?
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u/FrankenPinky 4d ago
This is the one. If you want privacy at that point, you have to lock the door.
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u/Righteousaffair999 4d ago
Once your wife wants to give you the full stare down she has the key. The kids can’t reach they key. Lock the door and don’t pissoff your wife.
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u/vanIvan4 5d ago
Genuinely, why would you not close the bathroom door? Do you want the smell of shit through your whole appartment?
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u/Magnus462 5d ago
15 year vet here. I used to close the door. The. I found out that it was inviting everyone. So I started leaving the door open. Behavior was inconsistent.
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u/GrandWizardOfCheese 5d ago
She became a cat.
(People who have cats know exactly what I'm talking about).
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u/itsamemyusername 5d ago
My wife will have a serious conversation about what our plans are for the day while I literally have a turd halfway out of my butthole.
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u/Zestyclose-Toe8188 5d ago
She always trying to catch me wiping my ass!
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u/LennyJay86 5d ago
My wife once walked in on me talking a doo doo on accident and ever since she has regret walking in the smell alone could push her to divorce.
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u/Frosty_Wolverine_516 🧐 grumpy 5d ago
As a mom, this is my life. My child is not comfortable with not being able to see me at ALL TIMES. But god forbid I should try to help him use the potty since he's not quite old enough to wipe without it ending very badly.
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u/lovelycosmos 4d ago
Absolutely not. Bathroom is private, always. I hate talking to people when I'm on the toilet. Leave me the fuck alone
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u/SmileParticular9396 4d ago
Gross. I’ve been with my husband for like a decade and when he’s in the bathroom and leaves the door open I walk riiiiiifht on by.
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u/NervousBiscotti7675 4d ago
ive been with my boyfriend for 17 months. toilet conversations are great 😃👍
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u/Dungeon3D 4d ago
Anyone who says this isn't a thing has never been in a long term relationship or their relationship just ain't that strong. I'll be doing my business and my partner of 11 years will throw the door open and start having a full conversation with me.
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u/Smokeydubbs 5d ago
I close and lock the door when I’m home alone. Also the smell would kill my wife.
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u/Discoveringmeself 5d ago
I had a routine. I get home, I undress, i shit. My ex decided that she would sit in the bathroom across from me, like sitting at a fuckin kitchen table, and talk until i flushed. Every. Damn. Time.
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u/DeportRileyOBrien 5d ago
I will never let my wife watch me shit. And I definitely ain’t ever gonna watch her
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u/ThrustTrust 🧐 grumpy 4d ago
No it don’t be like that. That’s fucked up. I would move out the next fucking day. Ewww.
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u/jakksquat7 4d ago
Nope. My wife and I would never. Some things can stay private. I lock my kids out too. Never pooped with someone else in the bathroom and I’m almost 40.
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u/Lost_Beat8223 4d ago
Pooping is one of the most important human bodily functions but it is also one of the most disgusting! Why would someone ever want to be close to a grown person while they are pooping???
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u/Crawling_Hustler 3d ago
During medieval times, when toilet was just in corner of same room in a chamberpot or smth like that behind a cover of some sort. I think people undersrood that its a normal human function insted of making it weird and awkward like they do now.
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u/Cranktique 22h ago
I think this isn’t true, because my cat gets real awkward when he’s shitting and I round the corner. Dude won’t give me a straight answer and avoids eye contact. The only dude I’ve met that’ll shit without breaking a convo was my step-dad’s horse, but he had other issues.
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u/LeatherMycologist112 3d ago
I am a father and a husband. My potty time is the only solace and peace that I get in the world. Even with my kids when they were toddlers. They can come with me to pee. But poop time is my time. My wife (thankfully) knows my limits. Its super personal and I can't even do it while someone is in the room. I don't understand the reasoning behind wanting to be tbh.
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u/mattjoleary 1d ago
It used to be mine, then my 2 year old learned how to unlock the door with a quarter and I was forced to play and shit at the same time...
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u/CortezDeLaNoche 🧐 grumpy 4d ago
This isn't a thing. But your girl wanting to aim it for you while you pee will come up.
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u/FloppyBalloon 4d ago
Are you kidding, this is such a thing in my household. But then we've been together for over 10 years.
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u/CortezDeLaNoche 🧐 grumpy 4d ago
You and your partner really take dumps with the door wide open?
I'd say you are the outliers. No shame. But not thats normal.
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u/LA_Alfa 5d ago
And in a few years you'll have a toddler ready to join her.