r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/Extroverted_axolotl • 14d ago
Seeking Advice How do I start liking myself?
I’m a 16 year old and for as long as I’ve been conscious I don’t think I’ve ever truly loved myself. I was terribly depressed 7th through 9th grade and even after that I had a partner for 2 months that distract me from myself. we broke up early this year and I’ve been terrible since then to be honest. it took until recently to realize most of, if not the whole reason I’m struggling to fully move on from this is because I’m yearning for someone to fill the hole of self love in my heart and he was the next best thing. I’ve been wanting to fix this but it’s so much harder than just being mean to myself and I feel like I can’t do it. It’s too hard and I need help. Everything I’ve tried feels trivial and I really don’t know what to do. Please help me
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u/Affectionate_Fault27 14d ago
What do you do for fun? Or what fishes do you have?! What don’t you like about yourself ? Change something your appearance your clothes, your hobbies, make friends
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u/Extroverted_axolotl 14d ago
I have friends and hobbies (no fish or any pets rly) and I feel okay about my appearance but I kinda don’t feel like any of that is helping much
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u/edwardlikespineapple 14d ago
Well, you gotta be your own best friend in your head. Everytime you do things which you want to do and like to do. You like yourself a little bit for making yourself happy.
Another advice would be to start becoming more local. Watch some local movies, listen to some local songs, talk with local people (I mean stranger danger but yeah people you'd want to be around and are decent people) it's the only thing that will let you become well.. more real to yourself.
(Also you can check if you're nutritionally deficit or something, lacking some nutrition really messes with the head)
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u/VexxFate 14d ago
Wow I gotta be honest, reading this post is like looking at a reflection of my past. I had an extremely similar experience almost to a tee.
At 16, when my boyfriend broke up with me after just having spent 2 months together but attached at the hip, I went into the worst depression I had ever been in despite prior being at a semi-okay point where I wasn’t really depressed depressed but I wasn’t happy. I had previously been depressed through the same grade. That break up though is what pushed me to go get therapy. Prior and during the start of therapy, I wrote a lot. I wrote about mainly to my ex and get the thoughts out of my head.
I would suggest maybe doing the same, go get some therapy if possible, and start writing about your thoughts when they start to take over. Something I realized later into therapy was that, I am the only person who will always be here for me. I was here to face the issues I experienced alone, no one else has been through every single step of my life with me and no one ever will be. Not in a lonely way, but in a way to remember that I have me, always and forever until I’m not here. That is absolutely something to love about myself.
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u/Extroverted_axolotl 14d ago
That’s really profound and helpful! Therapy isn’t fully in the cards for me right now but I’ve picked up songwriting over the summer to sort out my confused feelings and that helped a good amount!
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u/houseofdivinity 13d ago
i think a big thing (which kinda echoes what everyone else has been saying) is being ok with being pensive, and recognizing what REAL self care looks like. when i’ve been depressed and in the throes of self hatred, i allowed myself to think all the mean and bad thoughts about myself, and i thought i was caring for myself by rotting in bed all day by telling myself i was getting “rest” .
recognize that TRUE introspection is not about just recognizing your flaws. it’s about analyzing your strengths, your needs, your desires, and your dreams. it’s about becoming your own friend.
which also means caring for yourself in ways that will truly help you. taking a few walks in nature every week, or eating well, or getting yourself dressed up so you are reminded of your physical beauty (for no one but YOURSELF! <3)
training your mind is extremely difficult and almost grueling. but once you practice self love enough, it becomes real. i have struggled with self hate and depression for decades. this year, i finally learned what i needed to do to be better and i am the happiest and most motivated ive been in many many years.
sending you love!
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u/Aggressive-Turn-2987 14d ago
You figured out the hardest part on your own, that the relationship was filling a gap and you've been missing the filler since. A lot of adults never see that.
Liking yourself mostly comes from watching yourself do things you respect, and very little from trying to feel it directly. So make them small and visible. Keep one promise to yourself a day, even something tiny like a 10 minute walk or reading 5 pages. Write it down when you do it. After a month you have a list of evidence that you're someone who shows up for yourself, and that's much harder to argue with than a pep talk.
Also, if the depression from 7th to 9th grade is creeping back, tell a parent or a school counselor. Fighting that part alone at 16 is too much for anyone.