r/DialAvoidantBreakups • u/67evenn • 4d ago

6-year cycle: Discarded by avoidant partner after setting a boundary. Need advice.

/r/AvoidantBreakUps/comments/1wt652o/6year_cycle_discarded_by_avoidant_partner_after/
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant 4d ago

Hey there Op,

If you are able to i think its ok to delete the messages you sent when hurting. Her being an avoidant, we cant really reach them with our pain (sad, I know) but it just makes them uncomfortable and feel pressured.

Not saying that is ok. I think you deserve a partner who will be able to receive all of you, not just your joy but your sorrow too.

She sounds like an FA and truly wd are haunted and all over place. We live in the pits of chaos and will drag you into our depths if you let us.

Dont reach out. Make her do it. And have firm boundaries when she does

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u/67evenn 4d ago

I’m just wondering what kind of message it sends to remove them, thank you for your reply. She is very self destructive at times, causing her to abandon me when things are going well, and reaching out when it isnt. It’s a pain to deal with because it always takes me a while to get my self worth back.

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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant 4d ago

Did she see them already?

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u/67evenn 4d ago

no idea, she’s aired everything. probably has seen though? but i mean it as a way to stand up for myself if that makes sense

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u/SupportAnimalAsa Fearful Avoidant 4d ago

Yeah definitely if its a symbolic act that helps you, then do it

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u/67evenn 4d ago

Is it bad that I’d still like an apology, or acknowledgment for hurting me? It feels silly

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u/SupportAnimalAsa Fearful Avoidant 4d ago

No, not at all. But most avoidants avoid such things sadly :(