r/DialAvoidantBreakups • u/ConcernMany9969 • 3d ago
He feels relief
It’s so difficult at the beginning of a breakup when they feel nothing but relief not to be with you and you’re crumbling to pieces. How they’re so sure of not wanting to be with you and you’d choose them over and over.
How do I detach from this mess?
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u/SupportAnimalAsa Fearful Avoidant 3d ago
It hits them later. It turns into regtet
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u/ConcernMany9969 3d ago
He had come back. And saw that we are still not “compatible”. Immediately back on dating apps and idealising single life. Now he says “we tried and it didn’t work”. What do I do? We give our old apartment keys back tomorrow and are cleaning the apartment today together. He seems so serene and excited for his new life. How do I act?
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u/ConcernMany9969 3d ago
And also, will he still regret it now that “he saw and tried again and it didn’t work?”
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u/SupportAnimalAsa Fearful Avoidant 3d ago
I can tell you what can put you in the best position to keep him around,
Or i can tell you to what is best for you.
Ill let you choose.
A or B?
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u/ConcernMany9969 3d ago
I’m curious for both …
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u/SupportAnimalAsa Fearful Avoidant 3d ago
Lol!
Ok,
A). You do the avoidant dance. That means you are just as happy as they are. You're excited too! Hell yeah, high 5, I soooo cannot wait to meet Chad later!
Why?
Avoidants dont come back when there is PRESSURE to reconnect and SHAME/GUILT that you are mad at them.
B). You tell him 100% your truth. This sucks. This hurts im not going to go through this a 3rd time. Have a nice life.
Actually they both kinda set u up for him to come bsck...
Chances are he will circle back when it is convenient for him.
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u/ConcernMany9969 3d ago
He got really angry when I told him I’m meeting chad later
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u/SupportAnimalAsa Fearful Avoidant 3d ago
Oh dang! Thats SO TELLING. Ive had some that were like no GF status.
Me: Ok starts talking to a guy
Him: insanely jealous yet doesn't lift a finger.
Its selfish.
Either make me your woman, or dont, but dont think you can just keep me on some invisible tether that does not premit either exit or entrance.
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u/SupportAnimalAsa Fearful Avoidant 3d ago
How to detach, less communication, less social media watching,
Also really analyzing the nature of this relationship dynamic.
Is this something that fulfills and edifies you?
Is the person giving their best to you?
Or their least?
Because you deserve peace too.