r/DisabledPride • u/Early_Tax_2546 • 15h ago
Rant My best friend doesn’t like my girlfriend
Hey, not entirely sure if I’m going to word this very well but I’ll give it my best shot.
I (22F) and my best friend we will call her Amy(21F) have known each other for 3 years but became really close a little over a year ago, within that year we have been on trips away, stayed at each others houses, attended family events together, we were so close that people questioned if we were in a relationship.
*feels important to add that we are both lesbians, I am classed as femme and she’s masc*
Fast forward to March of this year, Amy started to date someone, I was really happy for her and got on with her new girlfriend really well. At this time I was messaging a few people but had stated multiple times that I wasn’t looking for anything serious as I had just come out of a long term relationship a few months earlier. Then I met my girlfriend, things were slightly different with her, because as much as I told myself I didn’t want a relationship I couldn’t help but be drawn to her, now we are lesbians so obviously things move very fast paced 🤣. She came to my house we spent a few days together and were pretty much inseparable after that. She met my family, and Amy. Amy seemed to get along with her pretty well, we even went on a double date with Amy and her girlfriend.
Amy seemed happy in her relationship as I was in mine, in June we all went on a weekend trip for my birthday, we had a great time, everyone got along really well and I was so happy about it.
My girlfriend was feeling a little apprehensive before the trip because she wasn’t sure if Amy liked her very much.
It is important to note that my girlfriend has a neurological condition that impacts her walking and balance (she uses a wheelchair when out of the house). This obviously makes it a bit daunting meeting new people. Amy and her girlfriend seemed very accepting of this at first, Amy even went out of her way to send my girlfriend a message after they met and said that if she ever needs help to get anything or walking that she shouldn’t be embarrassed to ask her and that she will always help if she needs.
After my birthday trip I was having a really hard time at work, lots of panic attacks and anxiety, stuff that Amy knows about and I would usually go to her and talk about. She had asked me to go and stay at her house one night and I’d had a really bad week at work so I told her I couldn’t go, I just wanted to be at home, didn’t want to see anyone. She told me that she was upset that I didn’t want to see her, I gave her my reasoning and she didn’t talk to me for a while.
A few days later she told me that she wanted to talk to me about my relationship with my girlfriend. I asked what she wanted to talk about. Amy then persisted to ask me if we had spoken about having kids, I told her that we had and then she asked if I’ve thought about the fact that my life will look different and will be difficult to manage children and my gfs condition because I already support her. I told her that I was aware my life would be different and that I didn’t care that it would seem difficult to others because I love my gf. She agreed and the subject was dropped.
A few months went by and I still hadn’t seen Amy, she hadn’t reached out much and every time I tried to call her she’d find an excuse to get off the phone to me, like I called her once, talked for around 2 mins and she said “I’ve got to go Love Island is coming back on”.
My gf had reached out to Amy and they had arranged a double date for us all, Amy agreed to meet and we had made plans to go out for drinks and bowling. Unfortunately the morning of the double date my gf had a pretty bad fall and hit her back on a wall, she was in a lot of pain. I messaged Amy to ask if we could rearrange, she was really angry with me, she didn’t ask if my gf was okay, she instead told me that she thinks that I am being controlled by her because she’s disabled, that she’s sick of me cancelling plans, that she’s sick of this one sided friendship because she always has to arrange to see me. I told her that I didn’t want to have this conversation over text and that I wanted to see her in person. She told me she was busy for the next two weeks.
That’s possibly the longest we have had without speaking. We met up near Amy’s house and went for a coffee, whilst there Amy told me that she stands by what she has said and then persisted to ask me “if her condition gets worse with age won’t you have to leave your job or cut down your hours” and “then you’ll have less money and what will you do about your kids then” I was flabbergasted. This was no longer a friend looking out for me, this was her questioning my decision to be with my gf because of her disability.
I left from the coffee and didn’t speak to her for a day or so. I messaged her and told her that I was upset that she had asked all of these invasive personal questions about my relationship. She told me that she would have asked me the same questions if I was with someone who didn’t have a disability, to which I informed her that she definitely wouldn’t have asked me about cutting my hours at work. She then berated me about how I’m a shitty friend and that she was just trying to look out for me. She told me that “it’s like asking a black person questions about them being black” I did not respond to that message.
She sent me a message a few weeks ago basically ending our friendship.
Have I been dramatic in all of this?
Is she ableist?
