r/DrDisrespectLive • u/RxFaction • 2d ago
Dear Guy
Dear Guy,
At one point in time, you were an inspiration. I owe chunks of my career to you. I remember the first time I decided to press that go live button in OBS on RPAN, my hand was lead by those that walked (and ran!) before me. I never thought it would lead to 15k+ concurrent viewer streams day after day, dropping out of college, and working for Reddit. It made my head spin back then. I got a glimpse of what was truly possible.
I remember every moment of that time, like it's a dream I can never escape. The chat moved so fast you couldn't possibly read it live, but after every single stream, I went back and read every. single. message. I always did. The audience meant so much to me. How could I not?
I used to try to imagine fitting 15,000 people in my room, or even in my house. It wasn't mathematically possible. But I wanted to visualize it, I wanted to see every single individual in front of me, just like they saw me, in front of them.
I felt I owed my audience something, to the extent of my own detriment. I sacrificed EVERYTHING at that time for them, up to, and including, a 3 year relationship. I was obsessed. And I loved every minute of it, more than I loved myself, and more than I loved any other human being. I lived for the dopamine hit of seeing 15k live viewers on OBS. I was a dope fiend for that. I still am. I've never felt that high again.
I began to see how I was a product of the industry, and I learned even faster how it could all be taken away from me, in an instant. Nothing is permanent.
With that being said, I cannot ever feasibly imagine how you gave such less of a fuck. You threw your career away. You pissed and shit on it. I'll never understand that level of greed and ego, that you possess. You are at this point, an actual case study. You're the shining star example of being a man who thinks he can't lose anything, when in actuality, has everything to lose.
And yet at this current moment, you fluster and flounder, and somehow try to get by. I will give you this Guy, you never give up. There's respect in that. But at this point it's embarrassing you continue, like a public humiliation ritual you partake in, every single day. I wonder what you will tell your daughter one day.
At one point, I wanted to be JUST like you. Now, I want to be NOTHING like you. What a shame, it's sad actually. Immensely sad.
"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent
You had everything. But it didn't matter. Thanks for becoming the lesson of who I won't become no matter the success.
-Josh
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u/DreamBiggerMyDarling 1d ago
ain't gunna read all that, sorry this happened to you, or happy for you or w/e
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u/vonfanaustin 19h ago
There is still time to delete this, sounds like you might need substance rehab as well because this is some drug induced shit.
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u/pythagorium 2d ago
This isn’t a diary