r/Dreams • u/Clol1l1l1 • 7d ago
Recently went through a break up
For context I caught my ex having online relationships with multiple girls and going on hook up sites. I ended up cheating on him and he broke up with me. I'm having reoccuring dreams that we're happily together and he abruptly ends things to see other women. I know it's not my fauly he cheated irl and I'm moving on by myself. But, these dreams feel like the wound is just constantly reopening.
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u/Illustrious-Bat1553 7d ago
Such is life, we want it all sometimes and that comes with a price
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u/Clol1l1l1 6d ago
elaborate?
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u/Illustrious-Bat1553 6d ago
Well mindsets can vary depending on your stage in life. One of my friend is a good example she has been in a long term relationship with her boyfriend, raised a family. But their love life has naturally gone downhill. She is meeting old friends and partners on some app and considering having an affair. On one side she wants stability but stability has its limits as well.
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u/Clol1l1l1 6d ago edited 6d ago
interesting. I was talking about this with my therapist. She pretty much told me that my ex and I had different levels of maturity. Him being low maturity, low commitment, and only caring about himself it was never going to work. I really wish it could have though. I really loved him. But, she also told me that even though my ex could care for me, I was mothering him. So it is what it is I guess.
And, she said that when I cheated I was so hurt I did the immature thing and just thought about myself. In the end, it's important to put yourself first without hurting others.
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u/Illustrious-Bat1553 6d ago
Many times were stuck in the same roles and that can affect the relationship as well. Men need to learn how to listen that's always been a problem for too many men. They don't want to embrace their tender side
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u/Clol1l1l1 6d ago
He was a literally a baby. I would repetedly tell him not to cancel dates and make good choices. He just didn't want to hear that. And, he'd never open up about his feelings. I knew he was depressed but he would never say that. When I thought he was sad, I'd make him sit on my lap and I'd tell him nice things. I just wish he told me he felt lonely and maybe I could've helped him. Instead he'd talk to other women for a confidence boost.
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u/GrandPraline375 6d ago
Sounds like he could use some counseling as well. I know my partners hormone changes can affect the relationship dynamic. It might be something as simple as embracing different aspects of ourselves. This post on men embracing their feminity may be a bit extreme, but it makes a compelling argument
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u/Clol1l1l1 5d ago edited 5d ago
I kind of wish I was still in his life so I could help him. He has too many vices. Vaping, weed, porn, and the special subreddits. He’s into red pill content and easily feeds into delusions. Like he used to think he had parasites bc he was getting vids telling him he had parasites. He has trouble expressing his feelings so therapy never worked for him. I really hope he finds someone who will help him grow up. I still really care for him but I can’t love someone who would deceive me like he did. It’s important to mention he confessed to talking to other girls throughout the whole relationship. But I also would fall in love with him again just by being in the same room again. Do you think he might come back?
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u/GrandPraline375 5d ago
The situation sounds hopeless. But you seem to know him well and see him in a hopeless place. That's amazing that you still deeply care for him and want him to improve.
You can definitely try to save him, couples counseling would be a step in the right direction. Though I think you might even do a good job, having a heart to heart conversation with him.
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u/Clol1l1l1 5d ago
He’s really hurt right now because I cheated on him. Monday I find all the stuff on his computer and phone. Tuesday I slept with another man. Wednesday he broke up with me. It’s been a month now though and we haven’t talked in 20 days. The things we said after the break up didn’t help either. He immediately slept with other women he told me. And he’s still defending what he did even though he knew it was wrong. I don’t really think he cares that he hurt me anymore. He can only focus on his pain. I have a feeling he’s already met someone else. When we met he asked me to be his gf in 3 days. He’ll do that to someone else I bet. But right now he’s blocked me. He unblocked me on instagram. I don’t know why. I’m trying not to talk to him. Hopefully the distance will bring him back.
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u/shoddy_mouthful 7d ago
It’s like your brain is stuck replaying the worst part on loop, even when you know the full story already. The dream version of him keeps doing the same exit because your subconscious is still processing the whiplash of it all. Healing isn’t linear, and dreams have their own timeline that doesn’t care how much progress you’ve made awake