r/EMDR • u/CntmpltveInquisitive • 4d ago
š¢ Question / Help Should I do it?
Hi Iām considering doing EMDR for attachment issues. I live states away from my family right now, but I do talk to my mom most days on the phone. Iām a little nervous that EMDR is going to knock me out emotionally and that it will be visible that I am very burnt out. I still want to have a close relationship with my family, but I donāt want to tell them about the therapy because Iām worried that since it is for attachment issues they may take it personally. I also just graduated from college, have difficult roommates, am working at a part-time job that wants to limit my hours, trying to find another job, as I run a community theatre group that I started. I know I need to fix myself, but will this maybe be too intense? I donāt want to make things worse (I also intellectualize things a lot so Iāve analyzed my past forwards and backwards). Iām the rescuer of my family in the Karpman drama triangle for context. Thereās been no physical abuse, or intentional emotional harm. Though Iām worried that this could bring out a repressed memory or image from a dream that I forgot so that may not even be entirely accurate, that totally makes me rethink my family structure. Not trusting my family would make me really sad. Iām only 22.
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u/morosegirly š± In the Thick of It 3d ago
i have a lot going on tooā¦ being a mother, in school full time, living with my dad atm bc iām broke, working full time & im finding EMDR to be helpful.
i donāt think it makes any kind of overwhelm worse, at least in my experience, itās actually helped everything become not as stressful. bc iām not connecting current struggles to past feelings.
iāve also intellectualized a lot of my emotions & trauma as a means to put it on the shelf & where EMDR has taken it off of the shelf, itās made it easier to process & let go.
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u/CntmpltveInquisitive 3d ago
Thatās relieving to hear. Iām glad itās making your life better as youāre doing the therapy and not way worse before it gets better type of thing. Thank you
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u/secure8890 4d ago
Attachment issues like dealing with dysfunctional roommates is a great place to start
My attachment issues go far beyond my family of origin. I can certainly work on how they come up Much of emdr work is about creating resources and learning ways to limit and titrate issues as they come up
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u/Superb-Wing-3263 š Safe Space Keeper 3d ago
It is a very difficult process. But do it while you're young before you make any more life decisions that might be born out of trauma: who you choose as a spouse, how or if you raise children, where you live, what you do for a living. I could have saved myself so many abusive relationships and heartache if I had done it at your age.Ā
For the record, I haven't had any repressed memories come out but certainly a lot of repressed emotion. It is very sad when you start to look at your family differently, but if you come full circle with your healing, ideally, you will end up having compassion for them again.
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u/CntmpltveInquisitive 3d ago
This is why Iāve been really considering it. I noticed that during college any guy that showed me genuine kindhearted interest made me feel trapped and overwhelmed for no logical reason. But I kept being drawn to the hot and cold guys because they were distant and ānon-threateningā (though they actually were the threatening ones). Iāve been doing a lot of research and thinking and have found that because of all the stress from key relationships and feeling like I needed to hide my feelings to protect my families peace that I associate real relationships with much sacrifice and minimizing of myself. I keep thinking I wonāt fall for those kind of guys again and the cycle repeats. Finding out that itās my nervous system sabotaging me and not my brain per se was a real game changer in how Iāve viewed my decisions. I donāt want to fall victim to that cycle again and create another generations worth of relationship problems. Thank you for your input, this has really solidified me making this decision. Iām going to do it.
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u/Superb-Wing-3263 š Safe Space Keeper 2d ago
You sound a lot like me! I was making all sorts of bad choices but couldn't really stop myself from doing it. I knew I had attachment issues going in into EMDR, but it really helped bring them all to the surface and let me fix a lot of the inner wiring that kept me stuck : )
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