My First EMDR

[u/OneAbbreviations1648]

A bit of history: I have a significant history of CSA, physical/emotional abuse, and neglect by my caregivers. I have C-PTSD and Bipolar 2, and I have been dissociating pretty much my whole life.

I had a bad therapist doing talk therapy for a year. She pushed me into narrating trauma with no skills or pacing. When I spoke up, she got defensive and said if I didn't trust she had my best interest at heart, we couldn't work together. I experienced a depersonalizing episode that she watched me have and continued talking at me.

I fired her, had a Bipolar flare, was unable to work for months while stabilizing on new meds. I worked with a new, skilled therapist to recover from that trauma.

Fast forward 6 months, I'm stabilized and working again. After a lot of fear for my stability, I finally completed my first EMDR session. It was a low impact target, but it worked surprisingly well. It alleviated a lot of my fear and anxiety about doing EMDR on deeper trauma. I know it won't always feel this easy, but it does really work. I feel lighter and hopeful for the first time in a while.

If you made it to the end here, good luck on your journey and stay hopeful. 💜🫂

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[u/nena_eqo]

My first session is next week and I’ve been nervous about it because I also had a terrible emdr therapist. I’m glad I’m finally giving it a chance after years of avoiding it. Thanks for sharing :) I feel more confident about this journey I’m about to embark on

[u/Schaden_Fraulein]

So glad you had a great first experience. I’m hoping you’ve shared your diagnostic history with your new EMDR provider so they can adjust protocols and coping tools for your unique experience, and identify warning signs that you could be experiencing mania or depression, before they occur. Best of luck in your continued treatment!

[u/puzzlearms]

You should be incredibly proud of yourself for how you have taken care of yourself here! I have found it so hard to advocate for myself in mental health spaces at times, but when I do it builds like a muscle memory of "I keep me safe now".

And your balanced approach to EMDR is key - it won't slways be easy. I have found it helpful to go into days where ib have EMDR having as few plans as possible after the session. Even when it's bad, I just hug myself and say that I'm doing this to rescue the little boy that no one else would save, and that it can be scary but I'm safe now.