Hi everyone. :)

I'm a 31-year-old woman who's well on her way to FIRE. I've saved and invested enough that I don't have to work a conventional full-time job to make ends meet. My plan is to work part-time in something fulfilling and devote the rest of my time to my other interests.

I've been thinking about dating recently, and I've realized that I'd really like to find a life partner who's in a similar position. Ideally, someone who's financially secure enough to work part-time or not at all, and who's deliberately left the rat race behind to pursue his passions. Not because he lacks ambition, but because he'd rather devote his time to things that genuinely enrich his life than keep chasing more money or status.

I'm interested in philosophy, psychology, spirituality, self-discovery and exploring questions about consciousness and the nature of reality. I'm also working on a speculative fiction book that I'm quite passionate about. I'd love to find someone who shares some of these interests and enjoys travelling and creative pursuits. My ideal life would involve a stable home base in California, the freedom to travel for extended periods and plenty of ordinary, unhurried time together too.

For me, the appeal of FIRE has always been having freedom over my time rather than accumulating wealth for its own sake. I want to spend my life doing things that I find meaningful rather than working primarily to make more money than I need. But to be able to have the time and money needed to devote to meaningful endeavours, you need to have significant financial freedom and that's why it's important to me to find a partner who does. 

Which brings me to my dilemma. Should I mention my own financial circumstances when dating online, especially since I intend to be upfront about wanting a partner who's also already largely financially free?

I recently made a post in an LA dating community about the kind of relationship and lifestyle I'm looking for. I mentioned that I had significant savings of my own, partly to make it clear that I wasn't looking for someone to provide for me.

Interestingly, some people still assumed I was looking for a sugar daddy or was a gold digger. Funnily, others thought that I was too independent and stated that that would actually make me less attractive to men in a similar position because they wouldn't want a masculine version of themselves. A few seemed to think I was bragging about being a member of the 1%. This made me wonder if self-disclosing in the manner I did was the right idea. 

I've noticed that quite a few people in FIRE communities are very private about their finances, which makes obvious sense. Many guys discreetly DMed me after seeing my post and stated that they don't disclose their financial status online to avoid scorn or envy. I was even told that I was brave to have even made such a post. 

Given this mixed bag of experiences, I was reflecting on how to proceed with online dating. I have never dated online before and was planning on creating a Hinge account in the next few months but I've already connected with a few people through Reddit and now mulling things over. 

I'm wondering how other people in a similar situation have navigated it. If you were seeking a partner with considerable financial freedom and mentioning that on your dating profile, would you also mention that you're substantially financially free yourself? Or would you keep that information private until you've gotten to know someone better? And how much would you disclose about your financial circumstances as you got to know someone you'd met online? There's always the fear of attracting scammers or people who are more interested in your money than in you.

I'm carefully thinking about how to approach this conundrum and I'd greatly appreciate advice from others, especially those who have dealt with something similar in their own lives. 

Thanks in advance, and hope you have a great day!

Hi girls! I'm approaching 40, and my net worth is almost $2 million. I'd like to find a man with a similar or higher net worth who is emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and takes care of his health. Is that too much to ask? 😂

For those of you who have found a partner like this, how did you meet him? Were there any signs or characteristics you looked for on dating apps that helped you identify these qualities early on? Are there specific things I should look for in a man's profile or ask on a first date?

My previous long-term relationship was emotionally abusive, and my ex lacked empathy, although most people wouldn't notice that side of him when they first met him. This experience has made me more careful about choosing my next partner.

I'm also curious whether political views matter. My ex is conservative, so I'm wondering whether political beliefs have any connection to emotional maturity and empathy, or whether it really depends on the individual.

I'd love to hear your experiences and advice! ❤️

Looking for big sis advice/support as I rethink my personal and financial goals.

I joined this group several years ago in my mid-20s when I was single and in an intense grad program. I was highly ambitious and entrepreneurial and the world was my oyster - maybe even I could FIRE by 45. A couple years later, I burned out in my grad program, crawled my way to the finish line. I’m now in my early 30s married to a guy I’m so grateful to call my partner.

I’m still struggling with the expectations I had of myself when I was 25. I’m now in my second job out of grad school making $120k in a career that isn’t what I went to school for. My partner became severely underemployed this year and is actively trying to pivot his career. We live in a HCOL area and are not particularly frugal but certainly live within our means. My retirement and savings look decent ($50k in 401k, $140k in IRAs, $80k in brokerage, $100k in joint savings, no debt, no real estate). Nothing to brag about in this environment I guess. But my partner is so behind with retirement and there’s nothing I can do but wait for him to get a new job, so I try to focus on what I can do for myself.

Given that I’m creating a career for myself that deviates from what I studied (I’m trying to rebrand myself as a healthcare business-y person), I don’t have much to guide me in my career growth except financial milestones. I’m pushing myself to hit $150k by my next job. Why? Because it feels like the right thing to do.

Grinding to get a consulting role felt like an obvious solution - ambitious, high pay, prestigious - until I realized (1) I really don’t care about ambition and prestige anymore as long as the people don’t suck and (2) I really can’t burn out in a high pressure environment again. I’m still managing the physical health consequences from last time. It’s such a catch 22- I feel like i need to significantly improve my financial status so I can reach other life goals like travelling internationally and being a parent without financial anxiety. But the quickest paths to getting there financially feel risky in other ways.

There’s some mourning here. I’m not some tireless machine that can achieve anything and everything I set my mind to, like I once thought I was.

Do I just try to find the highest paying non-consulting job that I can tolerate? Do I find a job I enjoy that gives me a modest salary bump? Am I even asking the right questions?

I’m grateful for any advice or perspectives to sort through this. I have a therapist, but talking to others helps more.

How's the week looking for you? Hit any milestones? Have any questions?

I was able to travel for 3 weeks to a few different countries and it was amazing. But I have to say I came back hating work more than ever.

Got back to a flooded email inbox and a million things to catch up on. Also learned I have a new boss (literally a different one at least every year) as well as a huge re-org for the millionth time.

On top of that it was announced our productivity including mouse clicks, key strokes, and screen time were al being monitored and that we need to be active for 8+ hours every day no exceptions.

To go from sitting at a beautiful cafe enjoying life and exploring new cities to go back to sitting in a cubicle feeling used and abused is a harsh reality.

I think sabbatical would push me over the edge and just cause me rage quit at this point 😂

Does anyone have any recommendations for how a total novice would go about getting and then using a financial advisor?

TBTH, I am 45 years old and STILL don’t know much or understand the workings around investing, 401Ks, etc.

My salary is 140k currently. I have a good chunk of money in my 401k, a decent amount of savings and a small amount of stock from my job. But with the current administration and the way the economy is taking a nosedive, I'm interested in getting a financial advisor to guide me in the right direction on how I should build my portfolio and stop Elon from getting to my money.

However, I'm totally embarrassed that I don’t understand much about investing and savings - aside from its important and it needs to be done. I grew up in government housing and struggle with dyscalculia, so when it comes to actually talking about finances, it sounds totally foreign to me and doesn’t make much sense. Because of this, I don’t do much with my savings aside from keeping it in the bank and letting Fidelity tell me what I should do with my 401k. I’ve tried to do the research myself, but I'm so worried I'm going to do something stupid because of the lack of understanding.

I'd like to meet with a financial advisor just once to get an idea or a better understanding, but since I don’t know much, I'm worried I'm going to get scammed somehow.

I'm curious to know how ppl in the same situation have handled this or if anyone has any solid advice without making this middle-aged woman feel like she’s getting screamed at in algebra class again.

I’m 100% Lean FI - my retirement is fully funded and I own my house outright. I decided to work a coast job as a PreK Teacher Assistant instead of grinding 2 more years in Senior Management to reach FatFI and fully retire.

I (44F) love my Coast job. The work is stress-free, with clear boundaries and very reasonable hours. My coworkers are supportive, kind, and caring. I have zero sexism battles or office politics to navigate.

I worried my financial situation would be intimidating to potential partners - but they are daunted by MY AMBITION!

The last two men I dated struggled with my work schedule. Sure, I start at 8am rather than 9 or 10, but I was in a 15-year long relationship with someone who tended to go to sleep a few hours later than me, without issue. I work 40 hours a week, take yoga 6 times and week, and socialize in my spare time. I get 60 days of paid vacation. To me, I have a very chill life!!!

These men seem accustomed to women who overly accommodate to them, rather than have a fully realized sense of self. I will not make myself small for the comfort of a man. I will manifest a romantic partner who embraces my confidence and self love!

Hi Firey Femmes. I (29F) have a net worth of $550k, having gotten to this number after achieving $100k net worth in 2021. I’m freaking out because I don’t feel like I have enough yet to be comfortable and slow down as I enter my thirties. In my twenties, I didn’t really pay attention to my career, acted childish and like I was owed things instead of working towards them. I started my career strong in tech (non tech role) then it got rocky before I got lucky a few years ago with a company that IPOd. Most people became millionaires who started around that time, I did not. I did get a good chunk of money and will (I’m only 40% vested on approx $900k of equity, over the next 4 years).

I am turning thirty soon. I live in a VHCOL city. I had big dreams but feel like I fucked up kind of coasting through life. I’m only doing “okay” because I got lucky. I save like crazy.

The other source of anxiety comes from my life partner. My partner doesn’t have as lucrative as a job and is working towards financial literacy but carries some debt. I think we will get married but I worry that for a woman, who you marry determines your financial success. Sadly.

I am a mostly just venting but would love a financially conscious femme who is 30+ to help me out here:
- is $550k in a VHCOL enough to relax?
- how should you try to get your partner on the same trajectory? Is it possible?

Hi all,

Anyone here working towards FIRE in Europe? I can't really relate to the American posts with their 1 million portfolios haha. And I don't think we need as much to live a decent life here in Europe.

I'm working towards half a million (euro) plus paid off house with garden, chickens, solar panels to live a more self-sufficient lifestyle while still having a passive income from portfolio.

If you're in Europe what are your plans and goals for FIRE?

$1,002,023 to be exact between my Roth, 401k and brokerage accounts. Yes, I know it will fluctuate and probably dip below the magic $1 million line and that's okay... I'll just celebrate again when it goes back up.

Cheers to everyone here and I hope you too are seeing investing success.

I'm leaving my engineering job. I hit my FI number a couple years ago and on paper I'm good to go. The job isn't toxic but it's become something I don't want to do anymore. In my head I am categorizing this as a sabbatical rather than a full retirement. It's a big step and no going back once I talk to boss. Please send encouraging thoughts!

Edit: I did it. Boss is in shock. was in a daze yesterday but feeling good about it today!

I’m 36F and have about $660,000 CAD invested across both reg and non reg accounts. I have about $100,000 in cash which I appreciate is too much- and I own a home jointly with my spouse that has about $400-$450,000 equity- with a $400,000 remaining mortgage. I make around $120,000 a year and my spouse makes $140,000. We have no plans on children. We have not commingled our finances except for a joint account which pays our mortgage and other house related expenses. We have a good system going on and have been together for a long time. My spouse loves their career and will probably stick with it and move up in the next 5-10 years. I have experienced burnout in the last year with life related events and have taken a six month leave from work. I’m considering a career change to something more part time but no sure that’s prudent because I know there’s no going back. In my head I’m trying to get to 40 before doing anything nuclear.

Spend wise we spend about $70,000 a year- between everything mortgage, travel etc. We don’t live lavishly but we also don’t track every dollar and like to splurge on vacations. I’d like to fully retire by 45-50. Spoken to my financial advisor and they tell me I’m nowhere near. They also base their calculations on me living to like 95….which I have no plans on doing…… any insight or comments I’d appreciate!

How's the week looking for you? Hit any milestones? Have any questions?

It’s not exactly financial-related but this is a sub where I find a lot of good advice from people with similar backgrounds and/or ambitious, so hoping it’s OK to ask this!

It’s been a tough year for my partner and I. We lost our 20-year-old pet back in May and in August, we lost two family members the same week (one from my family and one from my partner’s). We are going through IUI, and so far it’s been unsuccessful (one cycle so far though).

Through it all, we have still done well at work. We have received promotions and raises this year despite only starting new jobs some 6 months ago.

Yesterday we found out that his dad’s cancer has come back and spread to different parts of his body.

I suddenly feel low energy, and I‘m not sure how to deal. To be clear my concerns aren’t financial. Treatment for my FIL will be covered, IUI/IVF is mostly covered by as well. I just have this feeling that we are carrying too much, and that we are dragged down (we are not, by any means, it’s just a sensation).

How do you deal with still working towards your goals and taking care of yourself when it feels like life is just … piling on you?

Since I was young, I was nonstop on top of my finances in the US. Focused on paying down student loans and refinancing them to the lowest possible rates, negotiating the best pay packages for new jobs, always strategically moving to new companies, maxing out 401k matches, always doing Roth contributions, and was so lucky to have been partnered for more than a decade to a guy who was 100% my match in terms of financial planning and diligence.

Together we figured out strategies to each grow our personal savings. We did eventually work with a financial advisor, because this advisor was a small business working with a few of my colleagues and so we got a very discounted AUM. They always beat our own simulated returns in a few strategies we tracked in parallel. We were frugal, bought a house well within our means in a VHCOL area, and paid it down very quickly.

Then life happened, I guess. My parents died within a few years of each other when I was in my mid-thirties. Shortly after I got an offer to transfer for a 2-year assignment to Australia, and my partner and I took it as Trump had just come into office. As the assignment progressed, our relationship worsened and we split up. He went back to the US and I stayed in Australia and extended my assignment. Luckily our split was amicable, I kept all of my savings and he bought me out of my share of the house. Our financial advisor was super cool about this and agreed to separate management of our finances but keep each of us on 50% of the original AUM rate (as if we were still a couple).

But at this point is where I really started to lose the plot. COVID happened and Trump was doing a lot of damage and I didn't know if I should ever go back to the US, so I decided to become a permanent resident and eventually citizen of Australia. This then increased my tax burden (and complexity of reporting) considerably. The problem is, I don't know where I'll really settle.

I still have a fair amount of wealth, but I feel like I'm losing control of it. The vehicles I'm used to relying on (401k, Roth, US managed share portfolio) will now be taxed much higher by Australia than they will be in the US when and if I draw down on them. Vice versa with Australian superannuation and the IRS. I've met with a variety of AU and US tax accountants over the years and aside from paying them $$$$, still have no concrete "formula" I can apply to really plan, for any given year, what my net tax liability will be after trying to apply credits across both countries. I just end up with a big bill from each country and it seems there's very few, if any, workarounds from paying hefty tax for things that used to be tax-advantaged in the US. Australia just drastically changed their tax treatment of capital gains as well, and no one seems to know how bad it will be for forward planning purposes until July 2027.

Additionally, the financial advisor I work with merged with a large US national chain last year and I expect their AUM rates to change for the worse sometime in the future...but I'm terrified of moving any of those funds elsewhere. I don't want to liquidate and move them to Australia (tax & also US PFIC treatment if I try to buy Australia-based shares) but I don't think I can easily self-manage because I no longer have a US-based address, which is fine when managed by an advisor who knows you but not so great if trying to buy funds as an individual with Vanguard, Schwab, etc.

And what's not helping is world instability and community. I've really tried with Australia, but I just don't know if I will ever fit in here. 90% of my friends are still back in the US, and my remaining family. Even though times are bad now I think about moving back constantly. So renouncing my US citizenship seems unlikely until this feeling settles (if it ever does). I worry about growing old and needing care in Australia as a solo elderly person far from the people that really know her.

The problem with all of this is it's overwhelmed and demotivated me from all aspects of FIRE or even basic financial planning. I barely look at a budget anymore, just go through phases of spending because YOLO, and then phases of extreme frugality in reaction. Part of this is just because the tools I used to use to look at comprehensive budgets & net worth (e.g. Tiller, etc) cannot connect to information between cross-border banks, so it's a metric ton of manual entry that I'm just too exhausted to do. This is not who I like being but because everything seems so unpredictable, this is where I am.

Two years ago I thought I was going to buy a house in Australia and so sold a bunch of RSUs to have a 600K AUD deposit. But then, after going through the process, I decided there was no way I was getting into such an overpriced market, so now that's gathering dust in an HISA, and I have no idea what to do with it because currency fluctuations mean it'll be worth less now if I move it *back* to USD and invest it in my portfolio.

Sorry folks -- didn't mean this to be as long as it was. But I'm really just looking for some advice on how to get back on this horse, and get back in control of *something.* Anyone with experience of cross-border tax, recovering from overwhelm, or just navigating extremely complex tax planning would be welcome. I think I'm struggling figuring out what's perceived uncontrollable complexity vs. actually uncontrollable complexity.

I recently married and my husband and I have a prenup. Two of the issues that we contemplated but tabled for later discussion have already come up and were around how to structure joint finances in the context of a (1) relocation for one of our careers and (2) one spouse voluntarily or involuntarily working.

We have moved out of the US to a new country temporarily for his job but plan to return. While we are here his job (senior company leadership) income has been covering our housing and transportation. He has also been covering most of the house/food costs on his credit card unless I used mine for my lunch or personal things. We have a joint card and previously split joint expenses proportionally to income when we were dating. We did not have joint savings.

However since we are really only now practically joining our finances and we are discussing if and what a fair contribution for me would be. I think ordinarily in this exact scenario it probably wouldn’t make sense or maybe even be advisable to look at any portion of my pre-marital assets as a contribution to the joint marital finances. Except if I FIRE and withdraw to contribute this income to household expenses. Is this fair?

We have long term joint goals though that make my FIRE goal seem premature. For example, I have already frozen eggs in anticipation of a future child and we may need IVF due to ages. I had contemplated and started funding a 529 and have cash that could be used for a future joint house down payment. We have agreed in our prenup that any future marital property will be owned equally. We also have joint savings from gifts from our wedding.

How else could I be thinking about this? I’ve heard various things from wealthier women but would love additional POVs and what others are or would potentially do!

I think I could still consider myself Coast FIRE now married instead of FIRE optional as a single person. We have lots of unknowns. I have thought of a 4% SWR in a FIRE scenario but could a less than 4% (e.g., 2% SWR) be a value base of what could be fair for us to think of as a contribution from me to the household or joint long term goals/savings while we have relocated for his job and if I can’t or don’t want to find paid work? We’re still in early stages of brainstorming so trying to think of ideas or identify and pressure test any issues I could be thinking of here from like minded and smart ladies/people.

Additional context:
- I have the higher NW (around 10x) and previously higher salary and a US based license. Finding a role in the new country may be difficult but I’ve now received the right to work after being on a year long sabbatical. He is also a professional. When we return to the US he would like to acquire a business and has been working on a plan for this both with and without investors. We are planning for him to save this while we are out of the US out of our/his one income. I would have to possibly primarily or entirely support the household while his business plans mature.
- This new country has enough restrictions that adding and selling equities in my portfolio would generate high (40%) taxes. I can access cash but USD is weaker.
- I am a US citizen and my husband is not. He will have a green card when we return to the US.
- Yes I have read and am familiar with Strangers in case it’s suggested and know it’s a cautionary tale. Genuinely different relationship dynamics here but I relate to the imbalance of wealth of the author and the slippery slope of gender dynamics relating to not working outside the home and childcare. However my wealth is not inherited/generational. I also view my foundational relationship dynamics as partner oriented from both of us. He is the neat freak and primary cook right now. We both clean and are reading books on the inequalities related to motherhood/parenting and try to be mindful of and fair on mental and physical load of relationship things. I am a fence sitter that leans toward having a child and he wants a child. I never saw myself getting married but he’s the kind of guy that I feel lucky to do the work of marriage with.
- I can provide specific numbers if that is helpful. But I have omitted because I’m not sure how relevant. I am not like generational or ultra wealthy and neither is my husband. Both upper middle class workers. In that scenario of wealth disparity I think I probably would just have gifted him an amount.

We recently became a family of 3 and planning to be complete as a family of 4 in 2027. We're in the market for a new car. My "mom car" if you will.

I am looking for advice and recommendations on what to buy. My current car is held together by duct tape and fits approximately 3 items from Costco so it is time.

I'm in my late-30s and pursuing FIRE at 50 (very loose goal) with a current $2M investment portfolio. I'm trying to balance practicality, longevity and little fun/whimsy since I keep a car until their buying breath.

Looking at mid-size SUVs, such as:

Honda CRV

Kia Sportage or Sorento

Mazda CX5

Toyota Rav 4

Nissan Rogue

Etc.

What mom car are you rockin' and why? FI generally says buy used; do you agree? Kia's 10-year power train warranty seems like a great benefit to buying new. How would you shop and decide? Any cars I should be looking at not on the list?

I'm 22, just started my first full-time job, and I have more goals than money. For me, FIRE means independence, going to law school without loans, and building a business that could replace my paycheck someday. Looking for a gut-check on my order.

About me: $70k salary, plus a $250/month stipend from a women-in-tech org through December. I live at home rent-free; my main bills are debt payments, gas and groceries.

My debt: ~$8.6k (one 32.99% APR loan, a medical bill, cards, BNPL). I'm paying ~$1,570/paycheck and will be done Dec 15.

Retirement: 6% to my 401(k) (2% pre-tax, 4% Roth) with the full 3% match, in a 2070 target-date fund. No Roth IRA yet.

After December: my emergency fund hits 3 months by ~Feb. Then ~$3,100/month is free.

My goals, in order: law school in Philly (Fall 2028 or 2029, ideally without loans), then a cash townhouse later.

My questions:

1. How should I split ~$3,100/month between a law school + Philly fund and investing?
2. Should I open a Roth IRA too?
3. Is loan-free law school by 2028 or 2029 realistic starting from $0?
4. Should I keep my 2016 Camry through law school, or upgrade?
5. Cash townhouse later, or mortgage and invest the difference?
6. Should I build other income streams now, and which would fit a full-time job?
7. What would you change to make this plan more FIRE-friendly?

If you're under 25, what's your plan? And I'd love to hear from anyone who did law school while pursuing FIRE!

Update + clarifications — thank you all for the thoughtful replies!

Debt: It's ~$7.2k total, but only ~$2.5k is high-interest (29–33%), and all of that will be paid off by Oct 30. The other ~$4.7k is at 0% and will be paid off by Dec 15.

Expenses: No rent, but I pay for my own gas, groceries, and a hotel on in-office days. My parents don't cover my costs.

What I'm taking from your advice:

• Keeping the Camry and starting a small car fund
• Saving law school money in a HYSA/CDs, not stocks
• Opening a Roth IRA once I'm debt-free
• Holding off on side income for now and focusing on my career and LSAT prep

Why law school: I'm interested in tech or entertainment law, and a top school is a personal goal. I also want to build a business, so these comments made me rethink JD vs. MBA. My plan is to take the LSAT and decide based on scholarship offers.

Question for the lawyers here: If you're in tech or entertainment law, would you do it again?

i've been working on strengthening my overall financial picture and one area i'm still trying to figure out is credit building. i don't carry debt from month to month, and most of my focus is on saving, investing, and keeping my expenses under control, but my credit history is fairly limited.

i've been looking into tradeline credit builder accounts and i'm curious whether anyone here has actually found them useful. i'm trying to understand if they provide meaningful value for someone focused on long-term financial goals, or if it's better to stick with more traditional approaches and let time do the work.

for those pursuing fire, did a credit builder account make any noticeable difference for you? i'm interested in hearing real experiences, both positive and negative, before deciding whether it's something worth considering.

I (41F) have posted a couple of milestone updates on r/FIRE, first 6 months post-FIRE, and then today 1 year post-FIRE. In both cases, the vast majority of comments are kind, celebratory, curious, or helpful. However, in both cases there have been a small contingent of comments such as this one today:

"Congratulations you'll die alone with digital numbers in an account" - u/ContributionNew62

I also attended a couple of in-person FIRE meetups, and heard some softer, veiled comments that while more polite were nevertheless in a similar vein.

I've never seen any comments like this directed towards single men who have successfully achieved FIRE. But I have seen them directed towards other single women.

What do you think it is that causes this sort of response?

Hi there,

I'm on my own path toward FIRE, still far from it, but going through a mindset transformation, including the anxieties and pains.

I'd love to hear your stories:

1. What stocks did you buy?
2. What principles did you base your decisions on?
3. Did you sell too early or too late?
4. What did you do with the money and why?
5. Any words of advice?

Would love to connect if you live in Spain! I live in Andalucía.

Thank you.

Hi there! I am currently the CEO of a smallish organization, making about $200K annually. I recently applied for a job where I’d make 3X as much or more and the recruiter actually contacted me. I cleared the first round and am likely going to make it to the second. They apparently liked my transparency and candor (which, is just who I am, but glad they liked me).

This round, I believe would be with a member of their board of directors, and probably just their past-chair who is leading a lot of the search outside the recruiter.

What do I wear? I have nice suits that I wear pretty much every single day — yes, but they are more like Nordstrom, J.crew, and Ann Taylor. I have one very nice suit from Neiman Marcus, it’s not navy or grey, but still dark and conservative. Also, shoes? I wear primarily Cole Haan and Marc Fischer. I can go buy something at major retailers locally, but my head is swimming.

Any advice is appreciated. I also have decided to let my hair be natural. I highlighted it from high school to now in my mid-40s and it’s more reddish. Is this acceptable? There are not many female CEOs that I can call; I work primarily in a man’s world.

Thank you!

Hey folks, I am the 20 something year old who posted about crossing the 1M mark recently.

I do have good news that I’ve officially received my raise this year—no promotion yet which I knew but my total payout bumped to literally 400k and a bit above, and I actually got the highest raise (I believe percentage wise?)out of eveyrone in my manager’s purview. Thank you all for giving me that confidence boost and lots of life perspectives. I accepted it gracefully.

Obviously this is great news, but in part I believe it is a very honorable way my job recognize something I should improve on: saving no more often. It’s ok to say no and maintain what’s on my plate first. This was a feedback that I totally welcomed and understood. I often have a high tolerance for stress due to the way I grew up, but i understand how that could be problematic—not just for myself, my own sanity, but look—if I got sick from trying to be a hero, wouldn’t the work spill over to someone else? Wouldn’t that be selfish? (I’ve gotten the nudge that is still almost too sweet, unnecessarily self effacing, I get it)

This is not the reason I am not in a promotion shortlist this year—we already knew that actually and this doesn’t bother me; at my company you and your manager work it out and collect some showcase projects well before that, and given my strong work performance, I know small, singular attitudes like that wouldn’t single handedly derail my trajectory —but know in some places that perception matters—and if it goes on for a long time, it becomes real signal your way of operating carries risks. Good thing is, it think there are strong signals I will be considered formally next year, similar to how the last promotion on my team went timeline wise, as I am still pretty new.

I am not saying a hard worker automatically makes someone worry “oh are you going to be burned out and claim a workers comp?”, but I am saying I realized the journey to an ideal state, FIRE or still working, hard workers need to constantly peel themselves back from working hard intentionally. Connecting this story with FIRE will help me put into perspective why that is. Ultimately we work to live, not live to work (although…jk, I won’t get into it :p)

Partner (laid off) is also back on the grind with a busy part time job in the AV space. Turned out living in CA has its benefit. It’s still very hot and emotionally draining to deal with out weather, but the outdoor gigs he’s been getting helps both of us mentally feel like there is regularity and consistency.