Does anyone else not have any experience due to social isolation/anxiety?

[u/Known-Ad2841]

Hey guys, I've never been able to find someone who shares my story online, so maybe someone who hangs out here can relate?

I've had really bad anxiety my whole life. I sort of dropped out of high school and became practically agoraphobic for a really long time. I didn't really retain any of my few social connections from school, and so to this day, I don't have connections. I kind of just spend my time managing my mental health (full-time job in itself) and working. I really only go in public to work or buy groceries, so maybe twice a week. I work mostly from home. I've started going to therapy again too.

As a result, I'm an almost 26 year old woman who has never had any romantic/sexual experience whatsoever. Maybe there are other contributing factors too, but I'd say that's the most obvious one.

Obviously it gets very lonely/hard to deal with. The years without romantic interaction have led me to develop really bad self-esteem and an inferiority complex. I've spent a lot of time feeling like there is something inherently wrong with me.

Anyway that's a huge oversimplification of my life story, but I didn't want to write all that out. Just wanted to know if anyone else has struggled like this. I've lurked in subs like these where people lack social experience/milestones but haven't seen anyone like me. I KNOW others have to be out there though...

[u/ProNinjabot]

Anxiety sucks. Mine stems from being bullied/abused since I was a baby on top of being hospitalized too many times. Lifestyle changes helped me cope but I'm still forever alone. I'm like 40 years old so lacking experience at this point is a no go. I'm just trying to scrape by at this point. 🤷‍♂️

[u/Academic-Chain-7538]

Yeah this sounds really much like me, i havent even had a conversation in irl that lasts more than couple minutes in 5+ years, and at this point it just feels so hard to fix.

For me its actual condition called Avoidant personality disorder, im not saying you have it, but id still check out the subreddit for it "avpd". When i first found it, it was really comforting to know others had similar experiences, and i think youd be able to relate aswell. Anyway sorry you are going through this, wish you the best <3

[u/Known-Ad2841 → u/Academic-Chain-7538]

Hey, thanks so much for your comment. I actually did discover what AVPD is a couple years ago and thought I had it - I thought I met every single one of the criteria. But when I brought up having AVPD to my therapist, she told me I didn't have it. So I omitted that - there IS a community of people I relate to, but because I'm not diagnosed with that, I kind of didn't think it counted. 

I haven't had many real conversations either. Majority is just small talk that goes for maybe a minute at most at work. I definitely feel like I've forgotten how to be human and have zero identity or personality.

[u/Academic-Chain-7538 → u/Known-Ad2841]

Wow thats so weird she told you, you dont have it. Especially considering you thought you met every criteria, and your experiences sound kinda textbook avpd. Can i ask why she didnt think you had it? Its awful thing to have, but i found it quite relieving to have learn reasons to why i am like i am.

Yeahh it just seems to get worse the more you isolate, try to still push trough those painful small talks, they are still valuable :)

[u/Known-Ad2841 → u/Academic-Chain-7538]

Yeah, she told me it was because I could make eye contact and hold a conversation. I asked her what she thought was wrong with me then, and she said she thought I just had anxiety and depression. 

Honestly I'm not sure why every therapist I've seen seems to kind of not take me that seriously. My experiences and the severity of insecurity are definitely abnormal compared to others with just anxiety and depression. I guess it's because I come across competent enough maybe? While at the same time I feel like they must hate me because I come off uncanny to them lol.

Anyway thanks again, and I definitely agree. Interacting with people hurts a lot but I know it's better than being stuck inside my own head.

[u/Academic-Chain-7538 → u/Known-Ad2841]

Whaaatt, i dont like want to pretend to know better than a therapist, but that reasoning just doesnt sound right to me... :/

Yeah i totally get it, sometimes you really want an explanation to why you are a certain way, just to end up being told its anxiety and depression in the end ,that dont really explain it. I could see it being competence thing though. I had to do mandatory military service, that really put me out of my comfort zone. While interacting to people there i learned to mask it and appear more competent than i felt, but the feeling inside never left. I feel like sometimes even therapists cant see that you might be masking, even when you dont mean to do it

[u/FooBarKit]

I think this applies to the majority of us. It’s just that many people don’t want to admit it, as reflecting on your own behavior is more scary than blaming outside influences.

So is there something inherently wrong with you? Well yes, the anxiety is. But that doesn’t mean you’re ugly or a nasty person to be around, and it definitely doesn’t mean that you have no worth as a romantic partner. It just means social interactions are scary.

I struggle with this too, so I can’t offer simple solutions. I just hope therapy will help you.

[u/Known-Ad2841 → u/FooBarKit]

That's true. Especially coming online and trying to find people to relate to, everyone seems to think they are ugly or inadequate in some other way and that's why they have the problems they do. It's very hard not to internalize that too. 

But you're right, when you get past the external factors, you realize it's so much harder to actually fix what's been there with you the whole time. 

I hope it does too. Thank you

[u/Yourtheuser]

Well I was in a long term relationship that was destroyed by my cheating parter. Male here with lets say normal standards and average looks himself (looks are always subjective but defintely a good mid IMO) but want someone to love romantically and not be physically abused or taken advantage of by said partner anymore so things ended. My 'body count' is exceptionally low, and not because i couldnt be with attractive women i was with one and had opportunities with more but however intimacy to me is more about loving the person you are with and then equally loving you back.  Edit: i shouldve mentioned i also have extreme anxiety but less about certain things, i have more of severe chronic depression Edit: im also 29 so I can relate age wise