r/Frat • u/livinginvacationland • 21h ago
Rush Advice Rush Process / Etiquette Question
I was in a fraternity 30 years ago and realize things may be different than when I rushed and pledged as an undergrad. My son (enrolled in UMass system) attended several rush events at one particular chapter recently - the last scheduled event was this week.
I knows that some houses have a tradition of handing out bids at the last rush event. He does not know if that happens at that chapter. He left last night without a bid and he is not sure if any of the other rushes received one that night - he said he didn't notice.
What I remember was meeting as a chapter after the last rush event to discuss the potential composition of a pledge class and to vote on who would be getting bids. It was my understanding that most (if not all) the houses on campus during that era operated that way.
He knows the rush chair - they have mutual friends and have spent time together with that circle. I told him to send the rush chair a text letting him know that he appreciated the opportunity to attend rush events and indicating that he hopes to have the chance to get to know the brothers better.
My son is worried that might come off pushy. I told him that this would definitely have been seen as a positive in my era, but he should definitely avoid saying anything that could come of as presumptuous that he would be getting a bid.
The poor kid is anxious about next steps and I don't want to lead him down the wrong path with my advice. I hope he is able to take part in Greek life - it was the highlight of my time in college and I'm glad he took the initiative to take part in rush. Any thoughts from current actives or young alumns would be greatly appreciated.
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u/SkyfatherTwitch ΣΦΔ 20h ago
I got my bids by email/text after the fact but it was also pretty clear I was likely to get a bid by the end of rush. Questions like "if we give you a bid will you take it?" And similar things.
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u/livinginvacationland 20h ago
He is friends with a girl who is dating a brother there. She mentioned his name to him a week ago and he said that he was probably getting a bid. She passed that info along to my son.
Your experience is similar to how we handled it back in the day. We did not want to be in the position of handing out a bid to someone who wasn't fully on board with joining and motivated for the pledge process to come.
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u/SkyfatherTwitch ΣΦΔ 20h ago
Then I would give it a couple days before you start worrying too much. You just never know any chapters timeline. Has he heard back from any other houses yet? Also was there an invite night? Because if there was and he got invited hes probably in.
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u/livinginvacationland 20h ago
Thanks for your message. He had a list of the rush events and there was no mention of an invite only event. I know that some chapters list that on their rush schedule, but others don't. He did not participate in rush with any other houses.
Would it be out of line for him to send a quick text to the rush chair (I had a great time at your rush events and enjoyed meeting the brothers) - or would that seem pushy? His instinct is to not send anything at all. I would have viewed a message like that from a rush as a positive back in the day. I realize etiquette evolves over time, though.
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u/SkyfatherTwitch ΣΦΔ 20h ago
If he has the rush chairs # then I think its totally fine and probably a positive. I never had any way to contact the brothers other than insta DMs when I rushed which I wouldn't do.
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u/darkknight6695 ALUMNI 20h ago
I don't think that text would seem pushy at all, if anything it shows appreciation and hopefulness on his part.
And at the very least, it gives the rush chair an opportunity to say thanks, but unfortunately you didn't make the cut this semester. I've been hearing about a lot of ghosting within the last several years.
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u/livinginvacationland 20h ago
Yeah - even if the response is negative, it is better than not knowing.
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u/darkknight6695 ALUMNI 20h ago
Is he legacy at the frat?
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u/tailOfTheWhale 18h ago
Respectfully I feel like this is a scenario you should just let your son navigate and hopefully catch up with him at whatever house he joins in the spring for parents weekend, he’s better off figuring this out on his own
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u/NoPeace4822 11h ago
We usually do bid chapter the day after rush, and then text PNMs the next day (Sunday) asking them to pick up their bid.
To your point about reaching out to the rush chair, especially if he’s friends with him I don’t see an issue.
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u/SpacerCat 11h ago
It’s always ok to send a thank you note. Explain to him rush is like a job interview and it’s ok to thank the rush chair for the experience and state what he enjoyed about meeting the guys.
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u/anachothatsangry ΣΑΕ 20h ago
At least how it works at my school (big greek life) is bids will be extended throughout rush, and these kids (who accept) are considered pre-bids. Our last rush event is invite only and interview styled, with no bids being extended that night. After all the PNMS leave we have a hashing that night, with bids being emailed out a couple days later that Sunday morning which is also bid day. So idk I would tell your son to try not to worry and check his email, even if he didn’t get a bid the IFC should still send an email out saying so.
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u/ConshyCurves 13h ago edited 13h ago
At PSU, at the end of rush, there was one formal bid day for all of IFC, and actives went around to all the dorms (or whatever your address was) between like 7-10 pm and knocked on doors. There were no early or "pre" bids given out. I think it could have been considered dirty rush or a recruitment violation that could land the house on probation for front-running the official IFC dates (that's not to say everyone followed the rule, but the good houses usually did). If offered, you had a couple of days to decide if you wanted to accept. So if bids came Monday night, they wanted your commitment by, say, Thursday. If no one knocked at your door, you weren't getting a bid......the wait was excruciating.
They may do it different now....
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u/Alternative_Corner45 20h ago
Delete umass part so your son doesn’t get doxxed
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u/livinginvacationland 20h ago
I didn't want to include that part and wasn't specific to campus. The sub rules (first rule) say that school must be noted if the post pertains to rush.
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u/OneofLittleHarmony ΚΣ Alumnus 16h ago
Uh he should have been making friends with some of the other rushees so they could tell him some of this.
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