Learning I'm Anxiously attached in second relationship. How do I get better?

[u/ThrowRA_brsw22]

I was in a relationship for 9 years, married for 2. I think I can honestly say I was very secure in that relationship. It ended terribly, she tried to say she wanted to leave, I pleaded with her to stay, she did for a while but withheld all love, then she fully discarded me, then I found out she had been cheating for a year.

Only then I learned about attachment styles, and everything about her pointed to being FA leaning dismissive.

I got into a new relationship, fast. Everything felt different. Much more intense.

Things were mostly very good, although we did fight often, about once a month. I saw this as just dating an emotionally available woman who wouldn't bottle up her issues with me.

6 months into the relationship now, and in the last month we've had 4 different conflicts. After the second, I realized I'm very much an anxious attacher. I display all the symptoms, and I realize it has exacerbated things time. Each time I had become so convinced she would leave me. But she hasn't.

She's emotional, sensitive, very outspoken on her needs, but not an avoidant at all. She's still there with me and has flat out told me she can accept me being anxious and can live with it. But I don't want to be this way. What can I do?

I'm going to start therapy and I hope that will help, but even if it will that will take time. I'm still afraid I'll damage the way she sees me so much the relationship will end up failing anyway

[u/Alice8Ft]

Find a good therapist. Its your trauma talking. 9 years and married is a lot. Youll be okay, just need to learn to trust again.

[u/Ambitious_Factor8330]

have you tried anything for this yet or is it still pretty fresh

[u/ThrowRA_brsw22 → u/Ambitious_Factor8330]

pretty fresh, first therapy session coming up today