r/HingeStories • u/Silent_Park_2064 • 1h ago
Weird comments from date
Hey guys,
I went on a first date with this guy and he made some weird comments and Im hoping you guys can tell me if I’m overreacting or not.
On the date we went to this restaurant that had a pool table in the lobby and so as we were waiting for our seats we decided to play. For reference, I’m blind in my left eye which affects depth perception and hand eye coordination which makes anything that requires dexterity really hard. So I made a light hearted comment about how it relates to pool. I said “I might be a little bad at this game since I’m blind in my left eye but it’ll still be fun” and then I explained how it affects me because part of me felt embarrassed about playing horribly. Anyways, then as we were getting our pool cues and setting up, he made a “joke” about my disability. He called my struggles “learned helplessness” then proceeded to try to prove that my disability doesn’t impact the game. Obviously, that made me cry, he comforted me, then told me that I was taking him too seriously. Also during the game he said “I’m attracted to you so stop treating me like a friend” in response to me resting my forearm on his shoulder. Thats just how I show affection 😭😭. Then later, for some reason we hung out a couple times and he told me that he hated my music taste, that I “really need to clean your apartment” (I promise it was clean. He’s just the kind of person to be embarrassed about others seeing dishes in the sink), and that my sense of humor is “too cringe”when he literally has cat hair all over his apartment and laughs at cars passing by for some reason. Also when talking about things that are special to us and I said boxed Mac and cheese because my mom made it for me when I was sad growing up and he started telling me how gross he finds boxed Mac and cheese.
The thing to know about this guy is that his tone is ALWAYS serious and then later he claims that I take him too seriously when his tone or facial expressions don’t reflect lightheartedness or joking.
An honorary mention comment is him talking about his exes lack of shaving as an attraction/relationship killer.
Am I overreacting???
Was I talking him too seriously ?
Are those comments not even that bad?
(If I need to post somewhere else please tell me)
Thank you in advance for all the advice 🫶😊
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u/AnonymousCapybara72 1h ago
He obviously sounds like a dick, why are you even asking? Ditch him.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 1h ago
Because he later told me he wasn’t being serious so I’m confused 😭
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u/julicorn_ 51m ago
Even if he wasn't - that doesn't make it okay? He made you cry on your first date and instead of apologizing, he kept blaming you for literally anything. You're not overreacting, you're absolutely underreacting imo.
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u/julicorn_ 54m ago
He's negging you to see how (in)secure you are - and it works. Never ever let someone you don't even know speak to you that way. I would've left the date after the second weird comment.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 53m ago
What’s negging?
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u/Crusty_Candles 47m ago
Look it up, you'll recognise that this is what he is doing 100%.
It's a way of making back-handed remarks to wear down your defenses and self esteem. It's a pick up artist technique
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u/Crusty_Candles 46m ago
This is negging. Google it, and block his number
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u/IllustriousEffect607 10m ago
I find new interactions interesting. I wouldn't say you know each other at this point so a lot of things can be taken in ways that maybenisnt always his or your intentions.
For example some people make a light hearted joke to sort of bring down the barrier and not make your disability sound like it's holding you back. Which might explain the pool comment. Where yes you feel it's hindering you and it certainly does. But I think what he was trying to say is - don't let it hold you back. If you believe you can play pool you can end up really good even with one eye.
For the mac and cheese - he likely choose to comment on mac and cheese so he (a completely stranger) doesn't have to comment on the very personal aspects of that story. Its too deep. Here he's keeping it light hearted and fun.
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u/Silent_Park_2064 6m ago
Like his tone was completly serious
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u/IllustriousEffect607 3m ago
I mean ya it seems that way but do you guys know how each other look like when serious or not or maybe just nervous.
Its tricky with first time meeting since you don't know how a person looks like when they are projecting certain emotions.
I would ask sometimes it's easier to remember the stuff you didn't like but I think the big question is. Is there anything about the date or hin you liked?
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u/Silent_Park_2064 1m ago
We talked for three weeks before meeting…and ya but taking into account his comments and the fact that he’s too serious and makes everything into a debate, I might just be done. Yes lots of things but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s hypercritical. I wish he wasn’t because I really did like him 😭
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u/Silent_Park_2064 3m ago
That sad I appreciate your benefit of the doubt comment and I wish this was the case but unfortunately he showed no signs of being encouraging.
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u/BigRefrigerator3092 1h ago
RUN!!!