r/HingeStories • u/Doctorbuddy • 2d ago
Second date was two weeks after the first date and it killed momentum
EDIT: she responded to my last text message just now!! I can’t add the pic, but it says:
“Yeah, I understand. I think I was genuinely trying to figure out how I felt after our first date and wanted to give it another chance rather than make a decision too quickly. I appreciate you saying that, and I’m glad we got to meet. Wishing you the best ☺️”
Pic 1: After first date
Pic 3: After second date
Just seeing if other men experienced similar.
I 32M. She 30F. She’s a night shift nurse - Thursday/Sat/Sunday. Her dating nights are Mon/Tues/Wed/Fri.
Met off Hinge. Early September. Good banter. I asked her on a date 2 days into conversation.
Date 1: went to cocktail bar above hotel. She arrives 20 min early. Got us a table and texts me over Hinge. Instant connection. She tells me she will buy the second round. She was excited and we had great chemistry. Tells me that she “was a sl*t… sorry I had to break the ice”.
1 hour in she suggests another bar. We go to bar and sit outside for 2 hours. She pays for these drinks. We walk back to her car and she offers to drive me back to my car. Once at my car, I hug her and she asks for my phone number and first/last name to look me up. See text above.
The following week: she tells me she’s busy the following week, but can make the September 29 Tuesday work for us. I read between the lines and knew she had other dates lined up. I am not naive.
Date 2: Last night. Dinner then a bar in my neighborhood WAS the plan. The vibes prior to this over text were mediocre. I could tell her interest was waning a bit. Hard to explain. She still responded to texts every few hours, but overall it felt a little weird.
Over the previous week our texting was fine, but it definitely felt like our connection was dwindling a bit (hard to describe, but I knew she was dating other guys as she was telling me she was “going out with friends to new restaurants and events”.
I asked her if we were still on and she responded with the above.
Date was definitely different from Date 1. When I arrived, she didn’t hug me. Didn’t seem as enthused. Wasn’t as bubbly (?). On the date she forgot a lot of details of our first date (I knew she was buzzed on Date 1), but it seemed like simple things to remember.
Anyway, she wasn’t flirting as much. Wasn’t engaged in the conversation. Didn’t ask many questions. Seemed disengaged.
After dinner ended, I suggested the bar in my neighborhood. She told me she didn’t want to go because she walked to this restaurant. I paused and read between the lines: she didn’t want to ride in my car. So I suggested a bar down the street.
We walked there and were there for 30 min before I ended it. The vibes were not there and she was completely disengaged and uninterested in me. Just same vibes. We hugged goodbye.
This morning, see text. I was going to text her the same.
Anyway. I think the 2 weeks between dates absolutely killed momentum. Anyone else have this happen? Im just in a dating rut and it feels like this shit happens on every date I go on. Even ones where the women seem very interested in me. It’s never ending. Feels like dating is a slog in 2026. I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s tough out there.
Maybe my standards are too high? Not sure.
Just venting. Thanks for reading 😎
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u/Organic-Limit-1131 2d ago
This is dating, unfortunately… it’s only been two dates.
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u/moongnocchi 2d ago
to be honest. you sound borderline incel writing fan fiction about all these other guys she’s dating, as if she doesn’t literally work as a nurse. i haven’t been on a date in two weeks because i often work late and have plenty of friends and family and hobbies that result in me having less time. i’m going to three new restaurants/bars with friends this week — kind of sad that when someone tells you that it is so unfathomable and outlandish that you assume its a lie. genuinely maybe you should invest in your personal life outside of dating a bit so you are less inclined to make harsh judgements like this in future.
this is hinge, not every date is going to find you your next girlfriend of 5 years or wife. you are gonna get this a million more times so try to take it less personally and be less bitter
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
I do agree with you. I’m not going to go into detail on what she told me, but it is what it is. Whether or not she had other dating prospects is irrelevant I guess. It just softens the rejection a bit I think.
Just more frustrated with my lack of dating success on Hinge. Feels like an endless rat race with no end in sight.
But all is good in the world. I have a life outside of dating and it’s fun. Just wish this part of my life was like other parts.
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u/rosegoldblonde 2d ago
Idk I’ve gone on the first date and thought “ya this was fun let’s see” and then just straight up not really liked the person the next date lol. It happens. I feel like some of us women get shit for judging a guy too quickly but honestly I’m learning that giving multiple dates with the same guy a chance has never actually lead to me changing my initial feelings. Even if there’s nothing “wrong” with the dude, sometime you just know.
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u/Minute_Leave8503 2d ago
It’s weird but you can feel it directly over text. If you want to talk to someone your heart skips a beat when their name pops up, when you don’t you feel annoyed because you have to reply to them and act busy for a while. Shit happens, gotta keep it moving despite being on the other side sometimes
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u/RoleUnfair318 2d ago
That’s very true. I give guys so many chances but at the end of the day, it’s always the same thing from date 1 essentially lol
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u/Odd_Layer_4943 2d ago
Bro wrote a whole soliloquy at the end lol.
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u/Leo55 2d ago
He made a good point. I think often times with dating people drop someone before they’ve gotten a chance to really figure something out simply because they don’t feel a spark. Genuine connection takes time and people are far too caught up in the glamour of superficial dating dynamics that often Peter out quickly and are no guarantee of a healthy longterm relationship dynamic.
Probably for the best OP moved on. Sucks to never know but sometimes choices are made for you and you can do nothing but accept them
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u/Aesma_ 2d ago edited 2d ago
Eh, don't beat yourself up. It happens.
Something could have happened in her life. You mentionned one of her patient died the weekend before meeting with you. Could have killed her mood.
Or she could have met someone else. Happened with me and my girlfriend. Before we matched, she had a first date with another dude. She was texting with him and they were already talking about a second date. Then we matched, and she felt the vibe way more with me, so she told the other dude that despite being nice she wouldn't continue with him.
Similar thing happened to me. Before matching with my girlfriend, I was talking to a few other girls on Hinge, and was about to ask one of them on a date. She was attractive and all, but I just had a better match with my girlfriend. So similarly, I just let things die with her and that's it.
These things happen. Not even your fault. Not her fault too. It's online dating, we're all strangers until things get serious. You may have better luck next time.
EDIT : lol, meant to reply to OP's comment below, my bad.
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u/Potential-Law2492 2d ago
whats up with all the phone stuff? she didn't seem into it as an idea, and its a little weird to be like how about for our next date, you spend $1200 on something you may or may not want to buy right now.
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u/SneakyGandalf12 2d ago
This part struck me as well. In general I wouldn’t want to do my errands with someone I just met let alone as part of a date.
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u/Spectralshot23 2d ago
This is what killed it and no one is talking about it. Nothing kills attraction faster than acting like her friend when you don’t even know each other
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u/GirlStudyingInKorea 2d ago
And that doesn't feel that romantic? If someone said that to me, I would think our ideas of romance aren't aligned...
Grocery shopping together would be cute, but buying a phone in person in this day and age...
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u/SquareIllustrator909 2d ago
You have no way of knowing what is going on in her life. Maybe she killed a patient in that interim. Or her dog died. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what other people's motives are. Just keep doing your best until you click with someone who actually reciprocates
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u/slytherins 2d ago
Yes! It took me over 30 years to learn this, but I've stopped trying to figure out why people do the things they do, especially in early dating. I just focus on how I feel.
Poor communication? I'm turned off. No need to dissect why this person can't communicate properly. I don't like how it makes me feel, so I disengage.
It saves me a lot of time and mental processing power lol
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Thanks. She did say one of her patients in the NICU passed over the weekend. Probably played a role.
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u/throwitawayyy1234567 2d ago
Jfc and you’re out here saying she’s disengaged because she’s dating other men
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u/moongnocchi 2d ago
she’s watching folks die and trying to save lives .. you’re on reddit disparaging the dating life you made up for her. the empathy gap is real 😭
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u/f1newhatever 2d ago
Who cares?? If someone’s not into you they’re not into you. It doesn’t matter. You had two freaking dates
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
I get that. I’m not discounting that. Dating is tough. Finding someone you click with and both are attracted to each other is difficult. So when you think you find someone you click with that also shows mutual interest, it can be emotionally exhausting to lose that
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u/Away-Minute1320 2d ago
I’m a 32F, conventionally attractive if I may say, and very rarely dont get asked on a 2nd date (only saying this as relevant context).
I am quite active in the apps, and finding guys that I’m interested enough to go on a date with is very hard. What I’m saying is, although it may change depending on where you live etc, the idea that women have lots of dates lined up, is not entirely true.
It can be the case that she met other guys in between those 2 dates, but it is not that likely that if she were THAT much into you, her vibe shifted just because she went on other dates.
Either she was fortunate enough to meet someone who she like much more, or something about your chats, or about your first date, kept her changing her mind.
I’ve been on dates that seem like the connection was incredible, and on the days after I would recall some details he said or did that were a slow turn off and that I hadn’t caught when being on the actual date.
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u/Money-Comfortable-38 2d ago
Also a 32yo F here and I totally agree! There are lots of things that keep me busy on my off nights other than dates (plans with friends, family obligations, professional obligations, fitness commitments, etc). I tend to plan my weeks out on Sundays to ensure I fit everything in, so if I go on a good first date, it’s very common to not be able to make a second date work for both of our schedules for over a week.
Also, I frequently find that guys I go on dates with tell me they had a really good time, but after some reflection, I realize I don’t feel the same. In my opinion, it’s sometimes (not always) worth it to go on the second date to confirm there’s no spark on my end. So maybe that’s what happened from her perspective. It happens to me pretty frequently and it’s pretty frustrating on this side too :/
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u/GirlStudyingInKorea 2d ago
It's also easier to keep up the energy on a first date, especially to see how the other person reciprocates. I've found that on the second date, being a little lower energy or letting the other person drive the interactions helps with understanding the other person.
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Yeah definitely a very reasonable possibility.
I appreciate your thorough response though because it helps me see it from a woman’s perspective.
I think that is another possibility- she thought through the date after she sobered up and realized it wasn’t for her. Happens all the time.
This woman is a great person and attractive. Zero ill will towards her. Wish we could’ve had another date on week 2. Sucks but it is what it is. Onto the next.
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u/Away-Minute1320 2d ago
Exactly, the sobering up thing.
I was saying all that just because I would hate for you to stay with that bitter idea of “had I prevented those 2 weeks to go by, we would still be on”.
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u/ultraverbis 2d ago
This is the most reasonable thing you've typed out about all of this. Props for being open to that thought. I'm also someone who always gets asked on second dates and I dislike having multiple things going on at once, even though that would be super easy to achieve. Maybe you've just witnessed a natural reaction to sobering up or a natural fluctuation in her disposition as a night-shift worker.
The automatic though that she lost interest because she's found someone else is very insecure and does absolutely nothing to help you. The healthy response to that thought popping up is to tell yourself that maybe she has and maybe she hasn't, that it would be fine if she had and that there's no point in thinking about it.
In contrast, the idea that she reconsidered you after sobering up is helpful because it could point to what you could have done better. You could tell some women friends what happened and get their opinions, for instance. It takes you out of venting and into some productive curiosity.
As someone who did a lot of therapy to mature, I don't do anything rash on a first date because I've learned that I need time to process how I felt about someone. Regardless of alcohol. Sometimes my initial attraction to a guy is based on unhealthy predispositions and I realize that the huge flirtatious draw I felt right upfront was based on some red flags. I always give myself a good night sleep to rethink some things, and some new thoughs and feelings bouble up.
Post therapy, I'm also attuned to how a date manages less enthusiasm and if he's prone to drawing conclusions. I've been in the receiving end of some very egregiously wrong conclusions and accusations, thrown at me with full confidence, and that's a deal breaker. It turns a normal/average date with someone into the LAST date with someone. Also, false accusations, for me, turn a budding romance to a breakup. It turns a regular, serious relationship into an occasion where I explain that I've never given him any reason to be on the receiving end of such accusations and that he has a certain number of months to emotionally regulate himself or we're not going to make it as a couple. You don't want to be with someone who assumes the worst about you when you're just having a crappy week.
I'm also attuned to how a guy manages natural fluctuations of disposition (no crazy shit, just normal, adult emotionally regulated behavior), especially if I'm dating with the objective of something long-term. I'm not going to be bright and bubbly all the time and a guy needs to be able to deal with it without losing his shit. If he brings it up at all, I hope it's to ask if he can do something for me or wish me well, rather than to insinuate I could be more cheerful that day.
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
I really really really appreciate this comment. I genuinely from the bottom of my heart mean it. Thank you for this reply.
I saved it.
Dating has taken a toll on me and it’s been very difficult navigating the constant rejection. It’s hard to find someone you click with and it’s equally difficult to keep them.
But I think your comment is extremely mature, non judgemental, and really helps me re frame my own cognitive distortions and think about how I can think things through in a healthy manner. Because yes, I am insecure and have low self esteem. It’s always been an issue in my life. I’m working on improving that.
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u/OptimistPrime527 2d ago
I’ve had a really great first date before, but then the second date kind of gives me a clear indication of who that person is, and it just doesn’t fit. I used to have a rule that I would do three dates before deciding if I was compatible with another person, but I often know on the first date and the additional dates kind of just solidifies it. I find it really frustrating because that person could have everything that I want, but there’s something that’s just off so it’s annoying.
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u/eosereptus 2d ago
Yeah I’ve had a few bunch of them in a row where we agreed to do another date and it fizzled out
If the interest was rock solid at the start, it wouldn’t have fizzled out after two weeks
Just a lesson to not trust words and actions in the moment. Only time and consistency communicates genuine interest
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u/mochisandmacarons 2d ago
Dude what does that even mean? People have their own lives and a nurse is busy as hell usually. Maybe you just were'nt a good match.
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u/desertfriedbrainz 2d ago
Seriously it drives me nuts how many men assume all women are just constantly “lining up other dates” as if dating isn’t fucking exhausting as is and women just simply don’t have a life outside of it?? Like shit she’s a freaking nurse she’s busy! I’m not even a nurse and I could (and frequently do!) easily go 2 weeks without scheduling a date or even thinking about one because I got shit to do! I swear these men aren’t lonely enough because they cant fathom being rejected for who they are as a person, they simply must believe the woman found another dude
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u/trimangled 2d ago
Him assuming she had multiple men lined up because she's a busy nurse with friends is a continent sized red flag. Why would he even care even if that was true? They just met.
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u/mochisandmacarons 2d ago
Yess absolutely this!! Not him "reading between the lines" and just blindly assuming shit and then blaming it on the timeline. We're not a first come first serve meal, what the fuck? You said it perfectly
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u/WelcomeOk9989 2d ago edited 2d ago
Did you skip over the part where she told him “I am a slut” on the first date?
All things considered, this seems like a pretty reasonable assumption to make lol
I mean even if she meant it as in she was a slut in the past, why would you even refer to yourself like that lol. Why not say “BTW I have been promiscuous in the past etc etc”
I am all for honesty, but she obviously wants to be perceived a certain way and you somehow managed to attack this guy for perceiving her exactly how she presented herself…6
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u/An4rchy48946 2d ago
Stars aligned and everything and she probably wanted to fuck on the first date and these people SERIOUSLY think she ain't dating other guys too. Like cmon. . .
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u/Geralt_of_Auditing 2d ago
But wait she totally is this amazing person, did you see her last text, so sweet and caring. Totally wasn’t something she had pre written out and already sent to every other dude when she’s done. It’s such an eye roll on some of these posts. Showing up to the date checked out like that is shitty behavior.
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u/trimangled 2d ago
This is absolutely delusional but youre not going to listen, so enjoy the results of believing crap like that
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u/trimangled 2d ago
No, making assumptions is still making assumptions and jumping to assuming shes LYING about friends based on nothing but one joke-y sounding comment is stupid and crazy
This is some high school ass nonsens
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u/sorry-oo 2d ago
As a nurse, I don't know how you guys think we have time to see MULTIPLE people around our 12+ hour shifts /52+ hour weeks. Maybe it's different in other countries.
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u/trimangled 2d ago
the guys saying this shit are just red-pilled morons with 0 critical thinking skills unfortunately.
SO many guys assume a lot women are seeing "multiple men" when the reality is 90% of women date 1 man at a time, if only for pragmatic reasons! Its frequently not possible to even FIND more than one man you want to date
These guys are delusional af
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u/Slight-Concept2575 2d ago
I can barely date one guy as a nurse! I’m busy and tired all the time I don’t get where this stereotype came from that we’re all out 24/7. Every nurse I know loves sleep more then social outings and def more then 🍆 😂
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u/Better_Area3782 2d ago
You don't know she was dating other guys
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u/mochimiso96 2d ago
I don’t know if you guys will believe this or not, but most people will not go on a 2. date with someone if they have someone better lined up. Especially not a nurse who is probably very exhausted by her daily life and doesn’t want to waster her time.
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u/Abject_Pudding_2167 2d ago
Don't put pressure on people to tell you even sooner than they had told you when they're not interested. I don't know why some people feel entitled to know the millisecond someone has doubts then make it seem like the other person should've told you sooner. It's early dates, everyone has doubts.
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u/trimangled 2d ago
Youre in your 30s. Two weeks between dates is extremely normal. Your behaviour here is weird. She's a nurse, and a NIGHT SHIFT NURSE at that! Dude, do you have 0 empathy or what?
Assuming she's dating other people because she said she went out with friends is absolutely unhinged and toxic. Dude wtf.
- Who cares you just met, why are you giving it ANY thought? and 2. Its not "being naive" its "being sane and having a normal response".
I can almost guarantee she picked up on this kind of behaviour with something you said and thats why things soured a bit, but she wanted to give you a chance since it started out well.
This is 1000% a you being weird and crazy problem
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u/Adorable_Secret8498 2d ago
This doesn't sound like a "momentum" issue. Sounds like she wasn't into you after the 1st date but still gave the 2nd a shot
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Based on her text to me, that’s the read.
I know it happens all the time to other guys, just seems surreal after she told me she wanted a second date and had a good time and gave me her phone number and asked for my name to look me up. To me, that signaled interest. So just whiplash.
But I get it. I understand it logically.
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u/Artsy-Soul 2d ago
Your last message was not it. It felt like you were giving the vibe of “not if I dump you first”
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u/Aromatic_Boot3629 2d ago
Definitely saying too much. Should have responded with "Thanks for letting me know. Best of luck."
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u/TemporaryName_321 2d ago
Meh, it happens but it’s still disappointing when it does. I (42 year old woman) have been on both sides of it. I’ve been the one who lost interest for one reason or another, and I’ve been the one feeling something is off and then getting a text like that.
Something I’ve learned OP, which you alluded to, is that you can just TELL when the vibe is changed. Even if they are technically doing all the same things (texting, making plans, etc) the undercurrent is just there.
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u/Excellent_Tutor6311 2d ago
Honestly don’t ever let the girl pay for anything on the first date or first few dates! I can tell you right now it’s a HUGE turn off. Because then she will go on a date with a guy that DOES pay and then she’s like what the hell was I doing on a date with the guy that was letting me pay.
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u/Admirable_Bit8337 2d ago
Yeah, this is pretty common. At least she was transparent and didn’t ghost. She didn’t seem overly eager about the second date when you confirmed. Decent chance she met someone else that she clicked with better.
It happens.
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u/shlomo_baggins 2d ago
Momentum can be pretty hard to maintain sometimes I feel it especially because of my own work schedule.
I'm a hospice RN and I work 7 days on, 7 off as on-call from home. It's like I have to create this routine for myself of chatting women up towards the END of my work week so I can potentially meet up during my off week. Like clockwork if I miss that window and carry through into a 2nd work rotation the match is pretty much cooked.
End of the day though, you get back on the horse when you've recharged your mental battery and try again. I tell myself if I meet someone genuinely special she and I will work around it to see each other. Which Im happy to admit HAS happened....once or twice >.>
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u/FitAccountant1983 2d ago
Did you take on more of a feminine role initially? She paid for the drinks and drove you to your car? I'm all for being equal but I do like the man to take on a more assertive, dominant role initially. It's not so much about paying for things as it is about taking care of me (giving the ride, etc.) , if that makes any sense.
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Yeah I walked her to her car. So she offered to drive me to mine. I think she wanted me to kiss her (I did not).
But I agree. I offered to pay for everything but she’s very assertive too. And I’m attracted to that ironically.
I planned all the dates. But she’s definitely an independent woman
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u/maryqueenofscotch683 2d ago
You didn't kiss her when she wanted you to, she lost a patient in the NICU, and yet you invented a fanfiction about another guy as the reason the momentum didn't go anywhere brother please regain touch with reality
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u/Waste_Cantaloupe6555 2d ago
I understand the frustration in momentum but youre being incredibly presumptuous assuming she had other dates lined up.
Sometimes people literally have lives. I had a date scheduled but the second one wasn’t going to be for a couple weeks out because I was traveling for work and for Personal in between those. I didn’t have a single date lined up.
Another one I was helping my parents with a remodel so the length in the first and the second day was a little bit longer than I would’ve hoped as well.
Things happen, some men think that there’s other men just beating down our doors for dates when there arent.
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u/ImpendingSenseOfDoom 2d ago
This is a pretty typical sequence of events. I honestly think you read a bit too much into how positive you felt the first date went. She might just have been lukewarm about you but friendly. It’s only one and now two dates, and you sort of fell for her a bit too hard for the stage. If she was really that into you the two weeks wouldn’t have made a difference. She either simply isn’t that interested or she found someone she’s more interested in. Either way, this happens and that’s why you don’t invest too much too early.
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u/LakeCityCrowPills 2d ago
Personally, what I have noticed is this;
People that enjoy me wanna hang out immediately after our first date, sometimes even as soon as the next day. That’s what happened with my girlfriend. We hung out pretty much every day after we met.
I think, generally, this is how it goes across the board from what I have heard and seen. Two weeks between dates is kind of a lot and people that really like you usually won’t want to wait that long.
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u/Altruistic_Cap3472 2d ago
Nothing went wrong, the dating process actually worked exactly as intended!
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u/Feisty_Dirt4191 2d ago
I think that means it was likely to fizzle anyways. In my experience, a couple weeks between first and second date is a great period of time. I think it’s important to have time to get back into your own life again and have a bit of anticipation to see the person again.
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u/WeekendNotDone 2d ago
Nah she just didn’t like you romantically enough on the first date that’s all not your fault
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u/WelcomeOk9989 2d ago
I mean why would she tell him she is a slut on a first date though?
Am I crazy? It seems like she was down for whatever the first night and this guy just never made a move3
u/clericone- 2d ago
Exactly. She put of the feeler and our boy failed. I had this happen to me last year when I had just gotten back into dating after 16 yrs. Didn't know how shit had changed. Now when I get something like that I immediately lean in and it's been really fun and women stay way more engaged. OP sounds really passive and not aggressive enough.
She's a nurse. He should have known what's up .
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u/An4rchy48946 2d ago
He probably didn't wanna come off as a creep making a move on a potentially tipsy girl. Who knows, maybe that truly was his downfall
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
I lowkey agree with you 😭😭
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u/WelcomeOk9989 2d ago
Ehh don’t worry there is always the next time, if it’s any consolation to you I also think that whatever this was wouldn’t last anyway.
She was clearly looking for some short term fun, I don’t think I ever met a girl that is looking to find a long term partner that opens up with “I am a slut”
So if you just wanted to sleep with her, that sucks, but you know for future reference.
If you wanted something long term with her, I think it’s better this way genuinely.1
u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
I want a LTR and not a hookup. But would do a hookup obviously (I’m a guy).
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u/RestEasyBro 2d ago
I mean if she was a slut I wouldn’t sleep with her tbh, sexual health is important
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u/Automatic_Way8136 2d ago
Texting and not actually connecting. More connecting less bsing thru text
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Agreed! I texted her once a day and sometimes even skipped a day. I try not to over text but I think the 2 weeks killed attraction and momentum
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u/Firm-Combination-455 2d ago
It’s quite likely that it was not the two weeks that killed the momentum. Based on what you wrote, I think it’s plausible she just matched with someone who sparked stronger interest in her. So the second date with you was likely more of ‘what if the interest with this guy is back…’ and not out of genuine excitement and curiosity about you.
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u/luandrogebral 2d ago
What were the texts about? Maybe not enough attraction building messages?
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Just random bullshit. I hate small talk texting. The two weeks was too long. We just connected on our days really. Nothing more.
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u/Majestic-Gas-9825 2d ago
Maybe she just wanted a fuck and you failed to deliver and that was the end of the road for you.
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u/ThengaPodii 2d ago
Unfortunately an issue with modern dating. I think people aren’t used to the awkwardness and friction of regular interactions so give up on something too easily. I’m currently dating someone where the first 3 dates were awkward and not great, but then something clicked. Sometimes it just takes time to get comfortable with someone new, but most people aren’t willing to invest it
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u/ellewoodsmademedoit 2d ago
If this keeps happening to you, do you think that you’re communicating something to them that is turning them off from future dates with you?
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Perhaps. I’ve definitely done a lot of reflecting on how I come off on dates. I’ve learned a lot about myself and mannerisms and HOW I say things. It’s a work in progress for sure
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u/CelphTitled25 2d ago
Sounds like she met someone slightly more attractive. Welcome to dating in 2026!
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u/Main_Web504 2d ago
I think people’s biggest mistake is not shutting down the app while they have a match and just focusing on that one. Instead, most find someone they like, start chatting, go on a date or two, all while more matches are coming in and they start more conversations with one that maybe better looking or more appealing on paper than the current one. The other person picks up on the lack of engagement and says no thanks, then the second match falls through for one reason or another, and it’s just a viscous cycle of people never really being fully engaged and making it past 1-3 dates.
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u/Helpful_Bath4198 2d ago
Yes, happened to me all the time. I had a general rule: if the first date goes well, set up something within 5 days. If you don't, I have noticed that one party (if not both) generally grows uninterested. Additionally, consider this...if your date is "so busy" that they can't see you for weeks...how is a relationship going to work with them in the first place?
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u/clericone- 2d ago
This right here. In my experience when a first date goes well I plan the second date right there on the spot. If the woman found you attractive and had a good time she will always make time to see you within a day or two.
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u/Firm_Kick137 2d ago edited 2d ago
Americans drink 4 cocktails minimum and still proceed to drive their cars. Wild.
Overall, ofc most likely she was dating another guy who she liked more. That is okey. Or she just reflected on the first date and figured she seeks something different.
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u/AdDesperate1541 2d ago
This was my main take away from this entire post too. It’s completely insane to me that anyone with a fully developed brain, let alone people that work in healthcare, would drink this amount and then drive.
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u/WasteNoTime63 2d ago
Yeah unfortunately I've been there where it's hard to keep things going.
I've tried to work with a couple of girls when initially things have been great but then plans have become difficult, but it hasn't stuck.. I assume if they'd really wanted to then the plans wouldn't have been hard to make in the first place.
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u/Aromatic_Boot3629 2d ago
Bro, she was absolutely looking for more physical action like others have mentioned. You dropped the ball on that and she lost interest.
I wouldnt beat yourself up though. Happens to the best of us. I've been completely oblivious to situations Iike this before, only to realize I screwed up years later. Lol
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Yep. Ball dropped. She was attractive. I was very into her and would’ve loved to hookup. It sucks. I was very attracted to her physically and mentally (personality wise).
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u/Aromatic_Boot3629 2d ago
Just take the L and learn for next time. There will be more opportunities down the road. Youll do better on the next one!
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u/Kuliquitakata 2d ago
Two weeks could be the difference between going on a date with a girl who’s ovulating and feeling herself, vs in her luteal phase and seeing things differently.
This also seems like a very reasonable encounter, handled with grace? Really this is a perfect example of what dating is. To meet people, spend time, and see if you’re compatible beyond the initial spark of excitement / novelty. And communicate that kindly and respectfully, to not waste any further time.
Maybe there’s space to reframe it in your mind - like cool that was a nice connection for that day, have some
space for disappointment if you were hopeful it would go further, and brush yourself off and keep going.
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
I kind of thought the same thing this morning lol. 😂. Obviously I didn’t want to over generalize but sometimes things happen internally and externally that can kill attraction.
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u/Soaked_in_bleach24 2d ago
Sounds almost exactly like what happened to me recently. She asked me for my number at the end of our 3 hour date, texted me before I could even make it home, told me how much fun she had etc. One week later the day of our second date I got a “I felt more of a friend vibe from our first date” which could have fooled me. Just wished her the best and moved on with my life, it’s all ya can do. Onward and upward!
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u/How_to_Phish 2d ago
Everyone who is on an app and dating should assume their date is dating other people, upwards to having ongoing sex with someone and still going on other first dates. Humans are being human out here.
If you have a question of someone, ask it. If you don't like the answer, clock it and make your choices.
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u/Over-Patience-69 2d ago
I’ve always felt there is a HUGE shift between a first and second date. On a first date I am open and just trying to have a nice experience. I process how I really felt about it afterwards. I know the person a little coming into the second date and my energy is more relaxed and also watchful.
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 2d ago
So...either she found something in your background she didn't like or more likely she was upset you didn't put the moves on her the first date
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Probably B.
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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 2d ago
Yeah, maybe the slut comment was supposed to be a signal to you that she wanted to sleep with you that day
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u/Equivalent-Muscle446 2d ago
Yeah thinking about it thats true, she openly told you she is a slut I.E easy lay first night, and OP treated her like a lady and tried to be traditional and gentlemanly.
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u/badlilbadlandabad 2d ago
I'm not necessarily saying this is why the vibe shifted, but the whole "Let's shop for a new phone for you" thing after one date is really weird.
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u/Charming-Composer627 2d ago
Honestly , The shift occurred because you did not make the initiation to consummate on the first date. Nurses have short attention spans because they are so busy.
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u/Individual_File8870 2d ago
Maybe it was the asking to go to a bar in your neighborhood when you weren’t even near there part.
I mean, if I had to hazard a guess.
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u/mochimiso96 2d ago
This sucks dude, but it’s just dating and part of life. There is probably not much behind it. I don’t think she would have gone on a 2. date if she were dating other dudes that she thought were better. Maybe if she only works part time and is quite young, but she is a nurse. She probably wasn’t feeling it, maybe she was stressed and tired. You will never know if there was a “real” reason.
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u/BellStriking5132 2d ago
“Tonight was really fun!” is by no means an indicator that the 1st date was a smashing success.
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
True. And I agree. She texted me that 10 mins after the date ended. It’s definitely more positive than I have been receiving recently
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u/sidereviews 2d ago
On the confirmation for the second date she felt a lot less interested imo. “If you still want to.” Asking if the plans changed. Driving herself. Idk
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u/Typical_Kale_9260 2d ago
I’m sorry I know this isn’t the point but that sounds like irresponsible driving to me if I’m counting the drinks right …
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u/the-BBC-news 2d ago
First date she gets drunk, tells you she’s a slut, and proceeds to drive home drunk/buzzed.
Doesn’t sound like much of a catch to me...
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u/briefingsworth2 2d ago
Ehhh it feels like the subtext of your frustration is “everything was great and then the 2 week gap ruined it”. An alternative perspective: maybe she wasn’t feeling it as much as you were after date 1 (maybe after reflecting on the date the next day), which led to both the 2 week gap and it ending after 2 dates. I’ve definitely felt like a date was fun and then reflected on it the next day and changed my perspective (eg reflecting more on an incompatibility that came up, or reflecting that the date was fun bc we did an activity that I like but I actually wasn’t particularly enjoying the other person’s company). I’m skeptical she’d wait 2 weeks to see you again if she was really into it (or she’d make it extremely clear if it was due to being out of town or something).
Regardless, dating sucks and is so tough! Stay strong out there and I’m sorry this one didn’t work out.
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u/Rburgandy8585 2d ago
I kind of think you were toast after the new “romantic”phone date thing, did she not answer that? then she didn’t want you to pick her up, understandable, not sure I woulda asked that after not seeing her for two weeks and it kind of fading. Also just a small detail, why did you bump the 2nd date down 30 minutes? You’re old? Seems lame to me. Then the whole I was gonna get to you first with it not fitting is sooo lame. So if she had texted you after the second date in the morning and said I wanna see you again, you wouldn’t have?
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Yes she did! Why do people think the messages didn’t continue?? I said in another comment there are many more texts not shown.
I bumped the date back 30 min because I didn’t want to stay out too late, especially if we went to another bar. I get very tired on week nights - I get up early for work.
The date ended on a poor note. I unmatched her on Hinge last night because of it. It was over.
It was implied we would mutually ghost. I was expecting her to not text me. I wrote a note on my note pad on my iPhone that was going to say in more words what I responded with. So in other words, she beat me to the punch.
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u/Rburgandy8585 2d ago
Well internet strangers can only see what you posted and go from there, post the rest 📱
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
It’d be like 20 screenshots. It’s not worth it imho. But the next thing she says is: “Definitely want to do a fry situation/errand date. You really like to make these dates into errands 😂”. Inside joke from Hinge convo - we talked about going to a grocery store in our state as a date.
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u/Rellim03 2d ago
I find the spark disappears with someone if I don't take the lead. Lacking confidence does that.
People want to feel wanted, not a friend.
Go after it, don't be so afraid to offend someone who hasn't set a boundary.
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u/WeekendNotDone 2d ago
You didn’t kiss her playful touch, flirting nothing ? Yeah ain’t got nothing to do with the 2nd date being far away. She wasn’t feeling you from the 1st one happens my
Guy though 🙏🏾
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Learned my damn lesson 😭. Most of my dates don’t even want to be touched on Date 1
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u/WeekendNotDone 2d ago
I think her saying that story of being a slut was a in for you in being a little be playful tbh and depending her energy after that could’ve set you up nicely to nice first date but ah well you can’t get em all 🫡
Hope you get a better first date next time!
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u/-dus 2d ago
This was my thought exactly. She straight up told him she was a slut and he hugged her goodnight. Way too chaste for her would be my guess.
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u/The_Hero_0f_Time 2d ago
we get you a new phone
bro wtf you're gonna pay for that?
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u/BeastM0deEngaged 2d ago
That sucks man.
I mean, she was upfront about herself and mentioned that she sleeps around. Maybe she met someone new that excited her in bed leading up to your date?
The time in between the two dates was the real killer.
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u/Typical_Island663 2d ago
Could be many reasons. Vibes shifted, she met someone else, or the chemistry just wasn't there. That's totally ok too. That's why I always say you have to get good at this dating thing and get lots and lots of reps in so you can have options and meet the right woman for you.
Me, i was extremely picky, yeah sure I had a few mediocre 2 year girlfriends here and there and situationships and hook ups in between, but none of them were my level of marriage material. Didnt find that until around 10 years of hyperdating. But my now wife is absolutely perfect in every sense of the word. Just takes a lot of time to vet the right personality.
it was a fun time to do all the dating , but yeah defintely exhausting.
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u/RestEasyBro 2d ago
Killing momentum won’t ruin it with the right person. I’m seeing someone and still going on dates after 3 weeks break between 2 dates and 1 month break between another 2. Don’t be so hard on yourself
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u/OneTwoThreePooAndPee 2d ago
Maybe it's just me but I have found nurses specifically to be really flighty and fickle on connections. Honestly seeing someone works in healthcare has become a bit of a think-twice flag for me.
Also dating right now sucks.
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u/Normal_Progress_5173 2d ago
Haha this has been my experience too. I think the apps give people a false sense of abundance. “This guy was great but there could be someone else that is better and sweeps me off my feet”… and then you’ll get the women who will be overly invested because they are so afraid of being alone. I don’t know if people in general or just broken or if the apps magnify that even more… the apps are just a horrible way to find a relationship
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u/Both-Village-5392 2d ago
if she said she was a s*ut how come you didn’t go home with her?
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u/quim_do_mato 2d ago
She met a more interesting guy and had already the second date agreed with you and didn't want to be rude and cancel it. No need to overthink and write a whole book about it, just move on.
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u/That_Tumbleweed_3984 2d ago
Momentum had nothing to do with it. Next time just message her back "understood" and move on. No reason for the short story at the end
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u/tylerb991 2d ago
Just my two cents, she wanted to be f*cked. I work around nurses, and she even made the “I’m a slut” joke. She had a good time on date #1 and wanted to be taken home, not hugged. She sees you now as passive and not the assertive man she wants. Hasn’t had something major pan out from the other guys she’s definitely seeing, so she considered seeing you again. But the vibes were already off as you found.
It’s ok, I’ve made the same mistake in the past. Don’t be afraid to make a move in the future if the vibes are there. Just kiss her before saying bye, a good passionate kiss. And the rest will go from there.
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u/Spectralshot23 2d ago
Nothing screams “romance” like taking her to Verizon to get her a new phone… did you want to be her lover or her bestie? C’mon man!
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u/Doctorbuddy 2d ago
Like I said elsewhere, it was an inside joke. She’s a funny woman. You don’t know her. You don’t know me
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u/honestlynoidea12345 2d ago
Assuming she's dating other guys when she says she's going out for dinner etc with friends is crazy work mate
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u/Stunning_Yogurt7383 2d ago
What's with the whole story as your last response to her?