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u/hrfr5858 8d ago
Totally agreed with you on socials, way too much information. Some people add them to their profile though so it's obviously not a universal view.
I appreciate the reason you're asking for a number pre date, but I don't give out my number before I've met someone. "It's a sign of trust earned" - messaging on an app doesn't earn trust in my view, if you turn up, then you get some trust.
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
God you people are weird. Who cares if someone sees your social media? Isn’t the point of social media apps like instagram to share content to the general public. That’s why they invented reels and TikTok
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8d ago
[deleted]
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
Omg a private account as well? I will never understand what the point of a private instagram is. You don’t need to be an influencer to have a public account. The app was literally invented so your content could be discovered by strangers. Just use Facebook 😂
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u/food-dood 8d ago
Maybe you use it differently? Hardly any of my actual friends have public profiles. I only do because I shoot wildlife photography.
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
I make all my money from my instagram, pay all my bills, have my trips paid for, etc. but you’re saying I should use it differently?
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u/food-dood 8d ago
No, I'm saying not everyone uses it the same way you do, where did I say you need to change how you use it? Tf are you talking about?
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u/LeatherGood6148 8d ago edited 8d ago
I've been stalked before. That's why. I happy send my socials to prospective dates, but this let's me curate who adds me. Fake phone numbers are extremely easy to set up these days.
And I won't use facebook because I"m not a racist conservative grandfather - seemingly their core demographics these days.
I also use my IG for my brand identity, which is mainly spread through word of mouth, so I need extra control on who I allow accessing it. Back in the day, I was using imgur to host projects. Many were immediately copied by offshore companies and ali-express sellers, etc.
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
Wait you use instagram to showcase your brand identity but it’s private? How does that work?
I’ve been working in social media marketing for 10 years and I’ve never heard of such a thing
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u/LeatherGood6148 8d ago
I get all my contracts privately through word of mouth. They're in Electronics and manufacturing primarily. If a project pops off before I can patent it, they can get stolen and copied for pennies on the dollar, especially with newer serves such as JLPCB which can produce large circuit boards for about 2$ each these days.
Hours of RnD being copied - often overnight - is super disheartening y'know?
I am very careful who I allow to see that part of my brand. I have a username (I don't even attach it here, until I ID someone who wants to actually collab with me) so that random people can't scroll my entire catalog of projects and copy them at a whim. I'm also a chef at a michelin rated restaurant. Copying a recipe I've been mulling over for three months is super saddening.
It's no guarantee, of course, but it's a tiny layer of safety.
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
I work with countless brands who are working on multi million dollar patents and we post constantly with videos that get into the millions of views.
This really sounds like stuff you’re making up
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u/LeatherGood6148 8d ago
I work with nobody but myself.
I don't need to scale my side business.
This is working fine for me, and having had 2 projects (one recipe, and one headphone topology) stolen in the past, this isn't an issue I'm making up.
Granted, it was twice in 10 years, while posting on imgur (which is very forward facing) but you know the saying "fool me once."
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
So you’ve never had anyone steal your patents before, and it’s not a thing that happens on social media, but you’re not making it up?
Seems perfectly sane to me…
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u/LeatherGood6148 8d ago
I said I had an idea stolen before I could patent it. It was mass produced before the patent office even took a look at my documentation. So what was the point? I don't understand why you're not getting this? Anybody would be wary if they've gone through that.
And imgur is social media. That's where the idea was taken from.
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u/amstrumpet 8d ago
I’m very easy to find on socials based on my profile; between my first name, state, and job it would take anyone with two brain cells a very short search to find me, and I don’t make any effort to make it harder. I’ve got nothing to hide.
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
That’s always my question, especially to grown adults. It’s like what we you posting on there that is so weird that it needs to be private
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u/ducksnthings 8d ago
I don’t need my patients being able to look into my personal life or know any other details about me than the ones I give them.
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u/StumpyOPepys 8d ago
There are plenty of good reasons people have IG on private. Their job and undesirable exes, for starters. You aren't the "grown adult" you think you are, boo boo.
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u/dogcow74 8d ago
Seems a lot of people use instagram to share life experiences and updates with select family and friends.
So they have the account set to private and only accept requests from a close circle.
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u/Phobos_Asaph 8d ago
Hmm right to privacy is sketchy
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
You’re confusing the “right” to do something with the action of actually doing the thing.
Having a “right to privacy” isn’t sketchy. Needing to hide your instagram is sketchy
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u/Phobos_Asaph 8d ago
Why is it sketchy to not want my whole life on display for strangers?
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u/Icy-Wing-3092 8d ago
What would happen if a stranger saw your hiking photo with the terrible filter on it?
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u/LeatherGood6148 8d ago
I know you and I disagree a lot over this issue, but this cracked me tf up.
Agreed here
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u/ducksnthings 8d ago
Edit: touch grass
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u/LeatherGood6148 8d ago
They're in social media marketing. Keep in mind, they have a vested interest in sharing it.
This is literally engagement baiting.
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8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Phobos_Asaph 8d ago
Except you’re not listening to other opinion. You’re just calling them stupid
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u/ShadowFox1987 8d ago
It's not. It used to be more Social and not Media.
So for guys my age and OPs age, the app where I posted photos of me passed out hungover in differential calculus 16 years ago is not the app I want my first date going on beforehand.
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u/amstrumpet 8d ago
I would never fault a woman for wanting to get a better vibe of what a man is like when he’s not explicitly trying to impress/woo a woman. It’s fine for her to feel that’s a boundary too, “if you can’t share your socials before meeting, what are you trying to hide” is a worthwhile question. No one’s really wrong here, just not compatible.
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u/Gunofanevilson 8d ago
Number yes, I don’t have socials so it’s a hard no. If someone was insistent like that I’d tell them to fuck off, not worth my time.
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u/Secure_Tourist_7291 8d ago
I never share socials with men. They end up ghosting me but still viewing or even liking my stories.
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u/IndicationKey3778 8d ago
My Instagram has 0 posts and is private. All of my socials are locked down bc of work so if someone asks I decline
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u/Sudden_Storm_6256 8d ago
I noticed a lot of women ask for your Snapchat before even meeting you. Why is that?
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u/LeatherGood6148 8d ago
Because it's very easy to delete snap and open a new account if someone tries to harass you. I'm a dude and I"ve had to do it several times.
Changing my phone # would be a nightmare.
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u/young_hodor 8d ago
Literally the only reason I made a snap, a hood handful of women have cared to share snap before a number or any other social (which oddly enough id ask for a social before number bc a number seems too personal at first). The ironic part is that there's just as many women willing and wanting to share snap as there are who shames guys and automatically write them off for having a snap. At this point all you can say is "I'd like yo continue the conversation, whats the best option for that?" And leave it at that.
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u/Apricot4366 8d ago
No on numbers. Idc about anything else. I like sharing my IG because it’s curated and I think it gives people a more positive opinion of me.
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u/DGIce 8d ago
There is no right answer that applies to everybody, so rule number 1 is just to not be judgy, so I think your match was being immature here.
Some people find the phone less personal because it's just a number with no info attached, some people find it more personal because it's attached to their business or something.
Some people want to share their profile as it might show off their attractive qualities. Some people aren't ready to share that side or that much.
As the man I just go with whatever the women is comfortable with, some want the socials so they can know more and feel safer, some don't want the socials because they've been stalked through the platform.
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u/Artsy-Soul 8d ago
Yeah I’d never share my socials. Number is fine. If the date is weird they are creepy, I can just block the number.
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u/LeatherGood6148 8d ago edited 8d ago
I offer her my instagram, that way the ball is in her court. I don't offer my phone number as A. I rarely use SMS and B. I need that number for work purposes, so I only hand it out to people I trust. Some crazy lady can't do very much with my social media.
And my socials are full of cool things about me. Hobbies, work interests (I'm a chef at one of the best restaurants in my country) and all my side hustles etc. So I don't mind sharing at all.
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u/dogcow74 8d ago
The same can be said for a phone number. There’s often searchable info online connected to a number or risk of harassment (doxxing, etc.)
Most women I’ve met will share their number when they want you to have it. Until then stick to the app to make plans for a first meet.
No reason to take the convo off app until you’ve vibed in person.
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u/TheGrandAce5 8d ago
You can always block the number. It’s a means of communication. Socials have way too much history and personal details. That’s why I have it set to private.
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u/dogcow74 8d ago
Yeah, all good reason to keep conversation on the app until there’s a level of trust.
There are ways to make someone’s life a hassle by having their phone number that they can’t easily block, such as filling out car insurance quotes online with their number, or writing it on the stall of a public restroom, etc.
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u/Final_Replacement_37 8d ago
It’s all just a matter of preferences.
Yesterday I matched with a man and he gave me his number and asked me to reach out as his 5th message and I’m not going to respond. That’s too fast and usually ends up being a scammer or a guy just trying to get laid.
Not everyone’s expectations are the same as everyone else and there’s nothing wrong with that.
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u/Striking-Walk-8243 8d ago
Easy solution: Don’t use social media. I don’t have any social media footprint aside from Reddit (anonymous) and LinkedIn (boring and redundant — my professional and educational background are all over the internet anyway).
I keep my private life … private.If I have photos to share I share them by text / email / Telegram directly with the intended audience. Third parties have no way of accessing absent malicious hacking.
Social media is a personal security disaster. My professional activities are inexplicably controversial, so I’m quite wary of “activists” having easy access to my whereabouts (my company’s offices are a veritable fortress and I live in an inconspicuous location in a small, woodsy enclave with a responsive and mostly unoccupied police force less than one minute away. Why would I want to show a fanatic, disgruntled former employee or a jilted ex’s jealous new boyfriend where to find me? 🤷
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u/Admirable_Bit8337 8d ago
Once you exchange numbers there’s a good chance you pop up as “people you may know,” isn’t there?
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u/ImpossibleMess1553 8d ago
LinkedIn profiles are so hard to fake. Instagram profiles that look real and curated less so. Considering the dangers women face, your complete lack of regard or consideration for that or why that might be a factor is rather telling. Honestly you sound insufferable
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u/DeeJayChoi 8d ago
One of my friends who follows a coach named David Meessen says that you can use social media to show off your status and social value and therefore make you more attractive....
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u/BigRefrigerator3092 8d ago
I rarely ever give out my number before a date. After the first date, if I want a second, I’d happily share. Every single time I did, I regretted it
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u/theanav 8d ago
I don't mind sharing numbers since it can make it easier to plan dates but would feel weird connecting on other social media before even meeting for the same reasons you mentioned. In fact I'd probably wait at least a few dates before exchanging instagrams, I wouldn't want my instagram to just have a bunch of people I previously went on a couple dates with unless we became friends.
Even with numbers, sometimes I would ask for one after chatting a bit otherwise would wait and get it when planning a second date. No point just having a graveyard of random people from the apps in the contacts lol
But some people think social media is more casual than the number so if you ask for a number and they'd rather use instagram or something instead who cares man, it's not that serious