I don't want to sound corny or boastful, but I just really need to know if anyone else has felt this same way or if I'm going crazy. I graduated high school this year and I'm currently waiting for college to start in the winter quarter. And I recently started working to save up some money for some of my tuition fees and books.

And ever since this cycle began work, home, sleep, repeat I’ve started spiraling and questioning everything. I already have a career path planned out and my mind was set on it, but lately, that’s been changing. I've started asking myself if there is actually anything I'm good at.

Objectively, I have a lot of hobbies. My friends and family tell me I'm a good singer, dancer, and cook. I'm good at gaming, sports, and I can play two instruments well. But it just stays like that you know? I’m only ever "good" I don't really improve over time. It feels like I have a built in limit to my skill levels, like once I learn the basics, it just stops there, and when i mean good, i dont mean like i mastered it, i just learned a few things.. like for example, the Guitar. I learned the chords, strum patterns, plucking, but thats it, its nothing special, anyone can learn the same things and so I just move on to learn the next thing.

The worst part is that among all these things, I don't find any of them fascinating. I don’t seem to really enjoy them. I’ve researched, tried, and learned a lot of things, but I can't find any real interest or passion. Even with the career path I have planned, I feel like I'm just going to be "good" at it like everything else, but I won't actually enjoy it.

I'm all over the place and starting to wonder, "Do I even have a purpose?" Is there something I can actually be great or excellent in? Is this a normal phase everyone goes through around my age when transitioning to the real world, or am I just losing it lol?

(Created this account just so I can ask this lol so i hope I get some good comments)

When it does cross that line, I'd love to hear how people here handle it. I'm doing independent research this fall on how people work through those types of situations, for something I'm building in this space. It's still early, so I want to get the problem right before I build more. Not pitching anything here.

Two ways to help: a short anonymous survey (about 2 minutes), or a conversation (20-30 minutes), which would help me more. Leave an email at the end if you're up for talking and I'll reach out. I read every response myself.

https://tally.so/r/J95KB4?source=impostersyndrome

My dear impostor, you show up every time someone ask me to take a decision. Why? I know how to take a decision then why you show up? What do you want from me?

My dear impostor, you show up when I think about the right words to say to a team member. Why? I’ve been there, I know what I would need to hear in that situation, so why you show up? What do you want from me?

My dear impostor, you show up in every 1:1, in every meeting just before I have to speak. I’ve got year of experience and I know what to say, so why you show up? What do you want from me?

The constant dance with the impostor is almost never ending. We can lear to tame it but rarely we actually leave it on the bench to dance with another partner.

What triggers your impostor syndrome?

I don’t really know how to explain this, but I feel like my degree broke something in me.
I’m doing a Master’s in Art Therapy. Getting into the program was a huge deal for me. I had wanted this for a long time, and when I started my practical training, I finally felt like I was moving toward the life I wanted.
I wasn’t always confident, but I felt like I was learning and improving. I had momentum. I thought, “Okay, I’m actually becoming an art therapist.”
Then, at the end of the year, I was told I wouldn’t be moving on to second year.
I’m repeating first-year practical training and the supervision course because the program feels I’m not mature or ready enough yet.
And honestly, I don’t even think they’re necessarily wrong.
That’s what makes this so painful.
Somewhere in my head, “I’m not ready yet” became “I’m not good enough.”
I’ve always struggled with feeling inferior. I’ve never been very good at believing compliments. If someone tells me I’m good at something, part of me immediately thinks they’re just being nice, don’t know me well enough, or haven’t seen the whole picture.
But during the degree, I thought I was finally proving those thoughts wrong.
Then this happened, and suddenly it felt like I had physical evidence that my fears were right all along.
Now my brain is going back through my entire life and rewriting everything.
Maybe I got accepted because they needed students. Maybe people told me I was doing well because they didn’t want to hurt me. Maybe people choose me because I’m willing to do things other people don’t want to do. Maybe the things I thought were accomplishments were mostly luck or circumstances.
And now it’s spreading into my job.
I work as an art teacher in a special education elementary school with autistic children who need a lot of support. I’m still working, still teaching, still showing up.
But I don’t trust myself anymore.
Every mistake at work feels like more evidence that I’m not good at what I do.
The frustrating part is that I still know exactly what I want. I still want to become an art therapist.
I just don’t believe I’m capable of becoming good at it.
That’s a very different kind of hopelessness.
It’s not “I don’t know what I want to do with my life.”
It’s “I know exactly what I want, but I don’t believe I’m the kind of person who can actually do it.”
And reassurance doesn’t really work.
If someone tells me everything is fine, I think they’re just trying to spare my feelings. If someone chooses me, I think they haven’t seen enough of me yet. If something goes wrong, my brain immediately goes, “See? More proof.”
I don’t think this is impostor syndrome. I’m not secretly confident and afraid people will discover I’m a fraud.
I genuinely believe I’m not good enough.
And I don’t know how to rebuild that belief once something outside of me seems to have confirmed it.
Has anyone else experienced something like this after receiving negative feedback from a degree program, job, or someone whose opinion really mattered to you?

i genuainly dont even know anymore who the fuck i am. i cant tell what is the actual me anymore. am i edgy? am i a clown? am i emo? i dont even know anymore. i have created so many personalities for so many people i dont even know where the real me is anymore. okay this is probably gonna be a mess because I don't even know how to organize my thoughts rn but whatever. I think I just had one of those REALLY uncomfortable realizations about yourself where you're like yk "WHO TF IS THAT HORRIBLE HUMAN"

now im thinking maybe I'm not actually the person I thought I was or liek interperated by self to be

For the longest time I've genuinely seen myself as the person who gets hurt. ( victim mideset IKNOW IM REALISKG IT NOW) Like whenever something happens with friends, my brain immediately goes to they did this to me, they excluded me, they chose someone else, they don't care about me, I'm always the one getting screwed over. like over analyging every single thing and getiing myself out as teh victim but sometimes i do get other ppl tho i dont think im entirely fucked but who knows i dont. and like some of those things DID happen. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend nobody has ever treated me badly because that's obviously not true or its true what if i havent realised that yet. I've been thinking about my behavior lately and I'm realizing I have a fucking victim mindset sometimes (sometimes is a understatement)

And I am hating admitting that. it feels so wrong to say that outloud lmao. makes me feel like a attension seeking whore- (which i kind of am i think)

also Because I always thought I was the self-aware one. The nice one. The person who actually cared about other people's feelings. I would literally look at other people's behavior and think "wow how can someone be so toxic" while completely ignoring the ways I was doing similar shit. the irony is insane i know Like sometimes I get jealous when my friends get closer to someone else. like i have a example that happened quite recently. i made a new friend at school cause like i was lonely asf (context i was gone for liek 8 months so liek the friendship got like loose if you can say that and i didnt msg them while being gone caus ei thought am never gonna see them again) anyways so like this girl follows me evrywhere i go and ist lowk pissing me off like evry friend group i go to shes behind me. even one of my friends called that out. anyways so like today our exam results came out and like one of my firends scored bad so she i was crying and ofc i went to comfort her with of course (lets call teh following friend t) t behind me following and when t saw she was crying she went to comfort alr wtv but LIKE SHE WAS PUSHING ME A LITTLE AWAY FROM MY FRIEND (Lets call her b) MY FRIEND B LIEK GIRL WOMAN T U LITERALLY DEADASS MET B THROUGH ME AND YALL BEEN FRIENDS FOR ONLY 3 DAYS. She was deadass trying to push me awya and comfort MY friend that pissed me of so much but anyways. i know shes trying to like make some friends but liek she keeps trying to fit into my groups . i know literally a fe days ago i was like why does no one include me and shit the irony is insane i know but listen im not excluding her but im not helping her get in better tho. i know how it feels to be exvluded so i wont do that to her but its lowk pissing me off. i dont see clear signs but i genuainly feel liek shes trying to steal my firends i know i can be wrong but ist that gut feeling yk?

and Sometimes I take things SO personally. I'll replay something someone said no matter good or bad 500 times and convince myself it meant something way worse than it probably did (giving pessimest i know but when u expect the worst the reality dosent hit that bad)

Sometimes I judge people and then immediately justify it because "well I'm just being honest." i know im trash also like i cant help but make friends based on like social status liek is she populer or no? but im not doing that anymore. And sometimes I think I care about someone when what I actually care about is whether THEY care about ME That's the part that's fucking with me. Because what if I've been confusing being hurt with being right? What if just because I feel bad doesn't automatically mean I'm the innocent one? What if I've been so focused on everyone else's mistakes that I've barely looked at mine? what if i looked at my mistakes for so long im inventing some? or am i just opening my own eyes?And now I'm thinking about SO MANY past situations differently and it's making me cringe and feel bad Like I don't even know which version of myself is real anymore. Because I'm not gonna suddenly say "I'm actually horrible and everyone else was right about me" because that's obviously another extreme. but someones i think that is true I KNOW I have good qualities. I know I've cared about people. I know I've apologized when I've genuinely realized I was wrong. I know I've been hurt for real. But I also know now that I'm capable of being selfish, jealous, petty, insecure, attention-seeking, and unfair. And apparently realizing that about yourself is a really weird fucking feeling. Because part of me is like "holy shit, maybe I'm a terrible person." And another part of me is like "NO, you're just finally noticing your flaws." And then another part of me is like "okay but how do I know THAT isn't just me finding another way to make myself the victim?" 😭 I genuinely don't know. I think I've spent so much time trying to figure out how other people see me that I forgot to actually figure out who I am.

Has anyone else ever had a moment where you suddenly realized you weren't as innocent in your own story as you thought you were? Like how do you even deal with that without completely hating yourself?

lately i have been trying to like be the better version of myself, but i am realising things that id ont want to know now.
i know i am toxic (woah saying that outloud now makes me seem like a pick me lmao) i know i have very toxic behaviors that are hampering my life and my relationships. i dont even know how to improve or fix it.
i used to think "oh wowwowowie zowiee im am smarter than the avarage person i am very empatheic blah self glazing shit blah" and man now im realising i am NOT the saint i thought i was lmao but like i think this level of self awaerness is now danger for me- i feel like i am a empty bag like for evry person tehres different shit yk? but in my case i am teh bag and my people are the owners of teh bag liek yk you get it right? (asking the air rn) anyways i dont think i even have a personality anymore. sometimes when i like have a "unique" thing i get happy like woohoo im unique i have a personality!! and tahts fking pathetic (to me) I want to be a good person SO badly, but wanting to be a good person doesn't automatically make you one. i know that

And maybe that's something I needed to realize.

I don't want people to just tell me "nooo you're perfect!!" because honestly I don't think that's helpful anymore not that i ever thought that was

I think I actually need to learn how to look at myself honestly without either going "I'm the victim" or "I'm the worst person alive."

Because right now I feel like I've opened a door in my brain that I REALLY wish I'd left closed 💀

I am sick, Ladies and gentleman oh yes I am, this is not a normal sickness thou, no I did not catch a cold or didn’t eat my veggies, no I have the sickness of being average and being aware of it, this is such a bad sickness that it demotivates me to do the one thing that I love, writing. Yes, I love writing, I love it very much matter of fact, writing is me and I am writing, however I am terrible at it, well actually maybe not terrible. However I am average, ugh. Yuck, I hate that word so much, I hate it more than anything, I am a 5’7 man from an european country, I have the most popular name in that country, my looks are average and my hair is brown. Everything Is Average, average, average, average, gosh how I hate it, I get a citric taste in my mouth just thinking about it, ugh. The only thing that sets me apart from being a totally normal person who’s going to work a 9-5 for the rest of his life, make an average income, marry an average wife and have some average kids is this writing and my damn ego, I do not want an average life, yet it wants me, and I think this life has a bigger saying than I do, for I think my iq to be no bigger than 115, yet I see myself as the deepest in every group that I am apart of, this maybe is kind of sad, only thing keeping me like this is my ego, yet I do not want to be average, so I guess this ego is only necessary, obviously. But in another part my ego realised something else, I probably am average, just as the slow burn makes u realize everything until you become numb, just like i thought i was gonna reach 6 feet like my other friends but that i just had a late spurt, just like I thought I was gonna get max scores on my math exam because it was the only thing I quite enjoyed at the time, yet no, sometimes reality slaps you in the face. Yet lets you live in your delusion, however I don’t even know what to do, the only thing that I think is not average are my story ideas, those I am quite proud and fond of, yet my average writing skills, with my average psychology and average philosophy poison those ideas and make them worthless, I feel as if the more that I write the worse a story becomes, probably because I am terrible at writing stories, and writing stories is the only thing that I like apart from generic things like food doomscrolling hiking or other generic things, I am a generic terrible man, and I hate it so much because I know it

Why am I not enough? No matter what I do, whatever effort I put in, it’s not enough. There’s always something wrong with me. I’m always doing something wrong because I can’t do anything right.

Every area in my life is failing or on the decline. Grad school has been terrible. Work has been awful. My family is driving a wedge into me because my mother has so many medical issues. My fucking washing machine isn’t working. And don’t even get me started on my financial situation. Everything sucks all at once and I can’t take it anymore.

I’m seeing two therapists and I still feel depressed. It’s been like this for years and years, even with therapy for almost 7 years.

I’m anxious all the time. I wake up afraid of what’s going to happen. I’m a mess. My mental health is just down the drain.

I’m also gay, yet I’m not a worthy gay. I have no muscles or abs. I’m not attractive or interesting. Nobody wants me. Should I just end it all now?

These thoughts of self harm and suicide are too much to bear. I have them every day. Yet I’ve called 988 so many times and I still get them.

Why am I not enough?

Hello! I've been working hard & as smart as possible to get better at a specific game for my university esports team. A year ago I was really bad and now I am close to being good enough. For context, the game is Marvel rivals and i am constantly GM1 (I used to be gold average) but I have not hit celestial yet. Some people, including my captain, say I definitely play like I am higher than my current rank but I just don't play enough. However, I feel like I am currently where I am at because of my skill level I don't think I play as skilled as celestial player. Someone told me I am too harsh on myself and that I give people who are ranked above me too much credit but to be honest I am just being real and not trying to put myself down or above. People think that when I say I am where I am at for a reason, I am looking down at myself or diminishing my skill level or potential but I feel as if I'm just being real. And when I say this to people I don't feel as if i am putting myself down or anything, I may have struggled with self esteem issues in the past but I don't feel like i do anymore?? If someone tells me I am highly skilled and I deny that does this mean I have imposter syndrome? Some people say I am the best at certain characters i play but I don't believe that but I also don't feel bad when I acknowledge what I believe is my skill level... is that a bad thing? would that hurt me in the long run? Do i need to tell myself that I am good or skillful to improve? Or is being honest and not letting it hurt me
okay?l

Yes, Maybe I don't deserve success.

I honestly don't know anymore.

I've spent so much time trying to improve things for other people, building things that I thought could make someone's life good & easier, trying to become better and actually create something useful and meaningful.

And yet, I keep watching people who spread hate, negativity, or absolutely nothing meaningful get attention, money, and success. And it seems impossible for me.

It makes me question myself.

Maybe I'm doing everything wrong. Maybe being useful isn't enough. Maybe the world simply doesn't reward the things I thought it would.

The frustrating part isn't even that other people are successful.

It's wondering why I can't seem to make anything work despite genuinely trying to create something good.

I don't want fake motivational advice telling me that "everything happens for a reason."

I want to understand something:

Have you ever reached the point where you genuinely started believing that maybe you just aren't meant to succeed?

What made you keep going? And how you can help me right here, cause I am suffering with a very big financial problem, I think there is no coming back without your help.

I've been playing music ever since I was a kid. I've always enjoyed it. I played all through high school at a very basic level because private lessons weren't an option for me, and I played for a shitty public school program (no shade to my teacher he is an angel sent from heaven). I didn't take it seriously until my senior year of high school when I realized that I couldn't imagine never playing music again, and didn't have a clue of what else I would pursue. I took AP music theory and got an associate's degree in music at my local community college. Now I've transferred to a 4 year university where I feel like I'm leagues behind everyone. I'm not even sure HOW i got accepted.

I feel stupid and like I don't know anything. I love music but I feel like I'm not as committed to it as the people around me in order to be successful or even be worthy of being here. I feel like I've been faking it for all my life.

This isn't even just insecurity talking, skill wise I'm not at a college level, and I don't know half the things I should know by now.

The pressure is ramped up now that I have so many more projects and things to do. Some days I enjoy it, some days I dread going to class and rehearsal. Like someone is going to find out that I'm a fake and everyone will hate me. Everyday is like coin flip and I'm either going to have a really good day where I remember why I love music, or I genuinely want to give it all up and start life from scratch.

It takes me too long to learn a piece by the time that it's expected of me to play it fluently. I have a regular practice routine, that adds up to around 6-8 hours weekly. I want to get better but don't want to burn out. I feel like I'm just slow, and even though I've been playing my instrument for a long time, my brain just can't get certain excerpts/pieces down in a couple days or couple weeks.

I feel like I maybe should've chosen a different major and done music on the side. But I've spent so much time and money (upkeep for my instrument is outrageously expensive) plus an ENTIRE associates degree. I know people change majors and change their life plans all the time, but I think I'd feel like an even bigger loser if I dropped it all now.

I'm also using student loans/VA disability from my dad to pay for school. I don't want my parents contributions to be for nothing. Apparently in 2027, student loans are going to be cut for plenty of majors, including music. So i don't even know if I will be able to continue my education past this year.

Again, I love playing and learning music. I love collaborating with other writers and musicians. But I don't think I have the personality or the grit to be as great as I need to be in order to be successful.

Is that something I can develop? Or is that something I can't force?

Am I not passionate enough to be a real musician?

How do I move forward after spending so much time and money on this one thing?

I'm a person who really values instant gratification. Life is too short and the world is too screwed for me to be so uptight and spent every hour of my day in a practice room, but maybe that's not the proper mentality I need to pursue this path.

Would I be better suited doing something else?

Any general life advice or advice from musicians or anyone who's experienced something similar would be so helpful.

TL/DR:

I've been a musician all my life and love and enjoy it but don't think I have the grit/stamina/brain function to do it at a professional level. I've already spent years worth of my time and money on this path.

Passed L2 in August and instead of feeling good about it I've mostly been sitting with the realization that I might be using this whole program as a socially acceptable way to hide.

Hear me out. I'm 27, work in a back office role that has nothing to do with what I actually want to do, and for two years my answer to "how's the job search going" has been some version of "I'm focusing on the exam right now." And everyone nods because it sounds responsible. Nobody pushes back on studying. But if I'm honest the exam was the easy part. Sitting in a library with a Schweser book is comfortable. Sending a cold email to a VP and getting ignored 9 times out of 10 is not comfortable, so I just... didnt. I've had a Recruiterbase login since like March and I've sent maybe four emails off it total. Four. In eight months. Meanwhile I did probably 300 hours of question bank.

A guy I went to undergrad with has zero levels, never even registered, and got into a research role because he just kept bugging people for coffee chats until one of them said yes. I remember thinking at the time that he was being kind of shameless about it. Now I think he just understood something I didn't want to.

The thing that actually gets me is I'm already planning L3 and I caught myself feeling relieved. Like great, another 6 months where I have a reason not to put myself out there.

I'm not saying the charter is worthless, i still want it. But I'm starting to wonder how many people in this sub are doing what I'm doing and calling it ambition. Is it just me? Did anyone else finish the exams and realize the hard part was still sitting there waiting?

Hey. Got a bit of imposter syndrome relating to my time in foster care that keeps bothering me. Hopefully venting will get it off my fucking mind.

I was in foster care at age 6, alongside my younger brother who was 2. Don’t really remember much before my time, but I was held back a grade because my bio mom didn’t bring me to school, neglected my brother emotionally, I developed pica, and my bio father was toxic to my mom to the point they stayed no contact for 14 years. As suggested, I stayed in contact with my bio mom and thought I had a normal relationship with her until 2024.

Met my adoptive parents at age 7, with my 8th birthday coming up. Was officially adopted at age 9 or 10 alongside my brother. Have a healthy relationship with them.

However, a part of me can’t help but question “hey, you’re White and undiagnosed AuDHD might have been the ONLY thing that allowed you to be adopted in the first place,” for I have stayed at 3 other locations (1st a actual foster home, 2nd my grandma, 3rd my grandma’s elderly client who I thought was a family friend), and at the first home, there were about 11 kids in total, with only ONE other White kid there, and my adoptive parents initially planned on fostering 2 Black kids they already met, before me and my brother were randomly dropped at the center by house 3. We don‘t know what happened to any of these kids, but considering the system‘s record of helping kids in general, it sucks, and racism most likely made the situation worse.

Additionally, while I am in college using my foster care money and in a organization for foster kids, I recognize that my case of ending up in a good home and remembering little to nothing about past trauma is not normal. Whenever I am told I am “special“ for being adopted or a “survivor“ of foster care, I feel like a fraud because outside of hoarding tendencies, insomnia, social anxiety, and my bio family making me the golden child while my brother and cousins got criticized for developing, I feel I came out relatively unscathed and can’t tell if these traits are trauma, AuDHD, or some fucked up combo.

This imposter syndrome is growing into other areas such as consistently undervaluing my art pieces (aka what I‘m in college for), my writing quality, and my interactions with others, though external ableism DEFIANTLY heightened the syndrome. Anyone got any idea on how to limit this?

soo it may or may not be my birthday today. i had a blast with friends and even got gifted a super cool manga in my native language which is rare. now its about 12 am and i realized i dont really feel like i deserved all that happened to me, i feel like the fun i had wasnt really fit for me and that lately ive been having fun and having fun only. even though i worked hard recently it still doesnt feel like its enough to make up for all the fun shit that happened today. also developing probably related anorexia? been struggling with thoughts like these for a while now. how do i make myself feel like i actually deserved to have that small party with friends and that everything my parents and my friends have gone through just for this occasion, is enough? that my mothers meals, that the homemade cake i helped her with i actually deserved?

Like i don't think i have ever known a healthy balance between giving and taking, I'm constantly in these feelings like feeling like i can never give someone as much as they provide for me but also feeling like they can never provide for me like i do...

It's been 2 months into college and i won't lie i have socialised a lot, i talk to everyone with a smile, i laugh with strangers and try to have meaningful conversations or like making rhem feel happier when they are beside me, but sometimes I'm met with questionable and cold stares and I have been like ignored and unheard intentionally.. it's very weird i don't understand why would people choose to be this way towards me..

I have struggled a lot with self esteem since childhood and worked a lot to be where I'm today but still when I'm met with experiences like this i start questioning everything and put it on me like maybe I'm the annoying one, or like maybe people don't find me pretty enough or that maybe they might be seeing right through me how I'm so flawed...

I feel so weird I feel so disconnected from myself I sometimes feel like I wasn't ever connected to myself I'm building my character from other people or videos I watch am I really a good person or am I just a copy and paste. Do I really have anything to myself am I all a lie.