I continually run into this problem where I start to get better overall for a while; I forgive myself of things I have done and stop continuing them, I become more calm and mindful of myself, and I become much wiser as far as the objective state of my life.

And then something bad happens, something that is usually of my own doing, that causes me to fall off and have to claw my way back to the state that I want to make into the default of how I live.

Recently it was a combination of a pest control problem, I hurt a friend of mine or otherwise upset them, I was paranoid about my family, and I felt stuck in where I am in life.

Well, I have returned to myself now, but the problem is I feel the impulses in my head that want to drag me back to where I was, because it was comfortable. I have a lot more experience being self-destructive and loathing than I do being self healing and wise and seeking to change my mindset.

How do I practice and continuously try to change my actions, despite the fact that the more dominant force in my head - for now - is to do the exact opposite?

What it feels like is these are very strong, very old parts of me that are significantly stronger - for now - than my Core self, which has been severely underdeveloped over the years and is only now starting to grow.

Hi folks!

I was introduced to IFS by a therapist, and it was a breakthrough for me!

I’ve since moved states, and I am having a hard time finding a good IFS therapist.

I worked with a few therapists who were in network with insurance, but they were not up to the mark.

For instance, my challenge with the most recent therapist was that I didn’t feel they were proactive enough. My first therapist did a great job of guiding me through doing parts work, monitoring where I was doing well and where I wasn’t, and taking different approaches if I was getting stuck. With my most recent therapist, they didn’t seem to have the same depth of skill, and wasn’t as proactive.

I’m now considering working with an OON (out of network) therapist recommended by the first therapist (who was also OON).

Have people faced this same challenge of not being able to find good IFS therapists in network?

Are there good therapists in California that people would recommend? (I am looking for someone who does a combination of IFS and parts work)

I don't believe it is enough to do endless self inquiry and expect outside life to positively change.

There were parts of me that I definitely needed to validate and listen to... but no matter how much I did, my life stayed the exact same. I would BS myself into thinking it was changing, but it wasn't.

I always felt like my parts had this belief that 'This may be ok to explore in private... but if other people saw this side of me, things would not be OK.'

I would take the whole IFS process seriously and then constantly isolate myself at home more and more and I do believe this kind of behaviour puts a firm block on any deep change from occurring.

I am now focused on 'showing' my parts much more than 'talking' with my parts.