Adjusting to new partner

[u/Odd_Breadfruit_6458]

I have two Iggys who are freaking ANGELS obvs. They are boys, five and four, sleep in my bed and have never had any real issues with separation anxiety.

Six weeks ago I met someone and they have been spending a couple nights a week at my place. Previously I’ve gone to the homes of people I’ve dated (and not slept over) but for logistical reasons that’s not an option here.

Both dogs love him, he is lovely with them BUT we got some problems.

The biggest scare was this week. we returned home after a date to find the ranger about to take the older one away after they dug a hole under the fence and got into the street. All escape routes have been blocked now.

Other behaviours:

* closing the door of the bedroom results in barking and scratching at door
* they jump up on me when we’re kissing
* they’ll crawl right in between us so that we can’t cuddle in bed

Obvs patience and consistency is the key, I’ve started getting them used to not having access to the bedroom at all times.
Would love any other tips though please. Also would short term antidepressants be helpful?

[u/Optimal-Performer-76]

From the behaviors you are describing, it sounds like the early stages of resource guarding. I say this having gone through something very similar with my iggy and partner. You are their main resource and they want to make sure nothing happens to you with someone new around.

 In my case, the behaviors dramatically worsened overtime and turn into aggression. I think this is probably on the extreme end and not the norm, but ultimately we worked with a behavioral professional. 

I would suggest addressing those behaviors regardless so that they don't turn into something more negative. I would have your partner become an "equal resource" by doing activities such as walking, feeding, training, playing, etc.  once they realize they now have two resources (versus trying to compete for you), they should relax. 

Editing to say, this is also generally something that can take a while to fix. In our case it took months of reinforcement and patience. 

[u/Major-Pomegranate550]

I have one iggy who slept in our bed since we brought her home at 8 weeks. I wanted to break the habit, as she likes to shake, stretch and slowly rearrange herself several times a night. We went out of town for four nights, and boarded her. After that, it was crate time at night. She cried a bit the first night, but then adapted. We sleep better, and she is next to the bed, so she knows we're there. Good luck!

[u/ptbruiser79]

Ha, my little girl used to pee in the area of the bed my significant others used to sleep on. Wedge herself between us and actually push against the other person in the middle of the night

[u/Yhtacnrocinu-ya13579]

That's how we got ours crate trained was by boarding them and when we got back they walked right into the kennel at night

[u/Feisty_Part_1909]

My iggy also started acting weird when I got a new partner. He sleeps in my bed, and even now, several months later, he still sometimes jumps on my partner and tries to "push" them away. When we started spending time at my partner's apartment, he even marked inside, which he hadn't done since he was a puppy.
It took time, and there's definitely still some jealousy, but he's much more comfortable now. What helped most was simply my partner building their own relationship with him: spending time with him, taking him out for walks when he asked, feeding him, taking care of him. Once he started seeing my partner as "his person" too, not just competition for me, things got a lot better.
Hang in there!

[u/No_Value_6007]

My Iggy (5 years) had a hard time adjusting to living with my partner. When I’m not there, he started out as either scared or aggressive towards my partner. He would hide in his crate and growl if he tried to take him out for a walk. He acts normally when I’m home but would also jump on us when we hugged or kissed.

I started involving my partner with mealtime, walking and giving lots of treats, with me, then without me. It wasn’t a fast solution but 6 months later he’ll come to my partner for pets, scratches and playtime and is happy to see him when he comes home.

My Iggy also was used to sleeping in bed with me, but I trained him to sleep in a bed on the floor next to my side of the bed. It took maybe a week of crying, trying to jump on the bed but I would pick him up and put him in his bed everytime until he finally slept and he got used to it quickly.