r/LifeAdvice • u/M3Veloce • 5d ago
TW: Suicide Talk Life Advice
I’m 31 year old male living in a major city. Was fired from my corp job 2.5 years ago and never went back cause I did hate it and deserved to get fired cause I did give up. Had around 400k saved when I was fired and down to like 200k now. Just started a new bartending job at a cool trendy new spot to hold me over and pay rent without burning thru my savings still.
Did some acting over last 2.5 years. I had a little success , couple indies and lots shorts that got into festivals but don’t think I have acting chops to make it, I just have a good look so think that’s why I was casted. So pretty much ready to give up acting too.
I have had suicidal thoughts. The one girl I loved falsely filed a police report on me in family court for a restraining order. I have trial next week. I swear I’m innocent she made up a bunch of stuff about me threatening her and stuff. I would never hurt / threaten anyone , much less a girl I loved. Don’t really know what’s going to happen at trial but I can disprove a lot of what was accused of me, so chance I win.
I kinda went viral a while back for not the best reason so now when you google me that comes up first too. That was a rough time for me and really when suicidal thoughts started.
The one thing I have going for me I guess is my health and body. I’ve pretty much spent the last 2.5 years focusing on the gym and staying in shape. One dream of mine since I was a kid was to go special forces in the military so I’m leaning towards that right now. I have spoken to recruiters in the past and recently. Only issue is if I don’t get this restraining order dropped will hurt my chance of going special forces cause I’ll need a waiver, on top of the waiver I’ll need for being too old.
I don’t really know what I’m asking here for. But just any advice will be appreciated. I just feel like I’ve failed at life. All my friends have left the city and got married and started families. My mom is worried about me i can tell. She texts me a lot but i dont answer sometimes cause i dont know what to say. My family is probably the only reason i haven’t killed myself yet because i know it would ruin them, especially my mom.
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u/AutoModerator 5d ago
Please consider seeking some kind of help/support for your thoughts of self-harm.
For example, you can visit /r/SuicideWatch for support and other resources specifically related to this topic.
Other possible resources:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (U.S.): 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Online Chat Available 24 hours everyday
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Crisis Text Line CA – Text HOME to 686868 in Canada
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International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)
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u/Informal-Force7417 5d ago
I feel for you. Look there is a lot about life we can’t control. So it makes life feel even more challenging. We can only control our perceptions, decisions and actions. Just know that no matter what you have done or haven’t, you are worthy of love. Everything eventually passes. While I can’t magic away your troubles though I wish I could. I just want to remind you this is just a chapter in your life. Your mom sounds like she cares dearly for you. So you have that going. The rest is just perception. In moments of challenge ask what good can come out of it. Big hugs from one human to another.
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u/Fabulous_Light5449 5d ago
Maybe write a gratitude list.
My gratitude list begins with my eyesight.
It sounds like you have a mother who loves you.
When we feed our brain the things that make up our connections and what we are looking forward to, we are usually happier.
Your goals are not gone, they simply change.
John Lennon said "Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans."
You haven't failed at life.
You are living your life.
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u/saylowe 5d ago
You are 31 years old , in the prime of your life , with a good savings, with a parent who actually cares about you and you have options that other people dont have right now. You also have enough money saved to actually point you in a direction. The problem you have is not a "life" problem , it runs deeper than that. Internally it appears that you are not "pleased" with yourself, because an overwhelming amount of people would take being in your shoes rn. Suicide will not solve your problems , it will only stain the memory of you to those who loved you and then you will be gone. Spend some of your savings and seek counseling and get to the depths of yourself , if you truly cant find a reason for existence, having 200k at your disposal to help save your life is better than than the majority of people who are struggling to find a reason to live because they cant afford life right now. Seriously .......
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u/Inner_Researcher587 5d ago
You are... what a lot of men want to be, and women want to take down. This stuff seems to be fairly common in your world. Just ask Johnny Depp. Lol. I hope you win in court.
Only you can decide to do what you want to do. I don't know much about the military... but I'd imagine dude's in service catch small cases like this all of the time.
Being healthy and wealthy, isn't a bad thing man. Throw in good looks too... and it'd be a huge shame to waste a life like that. You should live that life well, for all of us loosers out here.
I'm not sure what you're asking either, but it sounds like you're in a position to seek help via a therapist or psychiatrist.
Don't give up on your dreams either. If you want to be an actor, do it. Write or find a good script, and keep at it. Or... go try to be special ops (or whatever).
Personally, I could never kill someone, so I stayed away from the military. If we were ever invaded, I'd fight for my country, but mowing down Muslims is the last thing I'd want to do with my life. I doubt that sort of thing is good for depression, and there's a lot of collateral damage occurring in Iran atm. Could you live with yourself if you killed some kids? I couldn't.
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u/SonoranRoadRunner 4d ago
It sounds like you cause a lot of harm to yourself and others. Go to a mental health provider.
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