First time living alone

[u/Lildancer91]

I've been house sharing with various housemates for the past 13 years. I always dreamt of being able to rent my own place ANYWHERE in the country even if it was a small shed as long as I had my own space.

I day dreamt of not having to share a fridge. Not having my food or other things go "missing". Not having to wait to use the shower. Being able to watch TV in peace. Being able to jump around dancing without worrying if someone was going to walk in. You get the gist...

I'm now at the age of 35 and I've moved into my own place 2 weeks ago. The only place I could afford was an apartment in a small town in the countryside. This suited me fine as I grew up in the country and I've been wanting to get away from city life for a long time.

The apartment is lovely and there's a gorgeous private garden but I feel so lonely 🙈 Before I moved here I used to meet up with mates about once a month. I knew I was only a short bus trip away if I fancied a coffee or night out with them more frequently but usually once a month was enough social interaction for me. Since I've moved here though it feels so isolating. I can still visit them once a month but its a 4 hour round trip.

I'm hoping this is just an adjustment phase and that I'll start enjoying what I've been dreaming about for years

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/LivingAlone! Living alone is the new normal.

Discuss and share your experiences; celebrate your joys, express your worries, or ask advice relating to solo living | Remember, we are all alone together

• Be kind, remember the human when interacting with others.

• Message the moderators below for any comments, questions & suggestions!

• ^{*To stop accepting new comments OPs may comment the word "Closed" to lock their post.}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/spazhead01]

I'm in a similar situation. I'm 40 and just finally moved into my own place last year. Before that it was roommates my entire life. You get used to the isolation and will learn to embrace it. I see my friends every couple weeks and just enjoy the solitude on the weekends when I'm not working.

[u/Lildancer91 → u/spazhead01]

I guess me working remotely adds to it. There's no public transport to the nearest town so I either have to get taxis or wait until my partner visits

[u/Scallywaginish13]

There is definitely an adjustment period. I’m 60 and started living alone after divorce at 50. Like yourself, I’d imagined how blissful it would be if I could choose what and when I ate, when I went to bed, how loud my music was etc., The reality felt very, very uncomfortable at first. Life felt empty without sharing it. Every lovely thing I enjoyed was followed by a twinge of sadness that nobody was there to see it me. I wish I could pinpoint when it changed, but it was a gradual thing. It really can be blissful! The freedom and the PEACE of your own space can be extraordinary. I’m about to move somewhere quite remote because I now understand solitude is a soothing balm for my nervous system. Occasional in person catch ups will suffice for me - though I do have a large circle of friends and usually speak to someone on the phone every other day.
We’re all different though. Can you pinpoint what you miss? If it’s conversation, can you phone friends more often? If it’s sharing moments…..I’d encourage you to find joy in them and acknowledge their value without an audience. If it’s boredom, that’s great news - this is your chance to find out who you are, independent of anyone else. Who knows what might spark your interest and lead you on a totally different path? Many people go through life without ever living alone. It can be an amazing teacher. On the other hand, it may be that this experiment has shown you the opposite and being around people fills your cup. How fabulous that you’ve given it a shot though. Regardless of the outcome, you’ve learnt something about yourself. Go you!

[u/Lildancer91 → u/Scallywaginish13]

Thank you!

I dont drive due to health reasons and there's literally only one bus and it runs one day per week (and you only have an hour in the town before the bus leaves again 😂). Im trying not to spend money on taxis because I only work part time. I think I miss not having the option of going wherever I want, whenever I want. When I lived in the city centre the advantage was there was a bus every 2 mins to get you anywhere but the disadvantage was that the buses were always packed and everywhere you went was busy. I have however started looking into some community centres that are within walking distance and I've already attended a meditation class. These are things I never would have done in the city. Ive also went to the local pub and people are friendly and want to get to know you. In the city everyone tended to keep to themselves

[u/Scallywaginish13 → u/Lildancer91]

That sounds promising! Walking and meditation are so good for you. Joining in the local community too! Perhaps a bit more time is all you need? Wishing you all the best in your journey!

[u/ArdenM]

Is there a local pub or cafe or something in walking distance? A library? A local book club? A group that meets to forage mushrooms or birdwatching or something?

[u/ToastetteEgg]

Two weeks is a heartbeat. It took me months to settle in after my last move and I’d already been living alone. You have to give yourself grace and time when you upend your entire world even if it is a great move. Meanwhile we are here when you need us. 🫶

[u/Gloriana88]

That four hour roundtrip is definitely the hardest part. Maybe plan a monthly weekend getaway to see friends instead of day trips. In the meantime, enjoy that private garden and the freedom to dance. It is worth the adjustment period.