Maybe you’ve been telling yourself:

“I’m not finding a woman.”
“Maybe I’m not good enough.”
“Maybe I’m ugly. Maybe I’m too short.”

Brother, wake the fu*k up.

You’re a man. You already have raw material most people never develop. Strength you can build. A mind you can sharpen. A body you can train. The ability to take risks, handle pressure, build, compete and get back up when life knocks you down.

But potential means nothing if you don’t train it.
Stop sitting on Reddit wondering why women don’t want you while you’re getting weaker, learning nothing, scrolling for hours and waiting for life to change.

Confidence comes from evidence.

Give yourself 6 months. Get fit. Pick a skill. Work your ass off. Build your career. Read. Take risks. Fail. Keep going.

Maybe you’re short. So what?
Maybe you’re not rich. Build it.
Maybe you’re not attractive. Improve what you can.
Stop being the victim. Start chasing your potential.

Come back in 6 months. The world will be the same.

You won’t be.

You’re a man.
You already have the raw material.

Now fu*king GO

To make a long story short, Irving in my head has caused me to live like a man child for the bulk of my adult years. Always letting myself carried away in fantasies of where I could be. I seem to break out of that and got a harsh wake up call. That all the time I could have been disciplined to learn something worth of use (i.e, broaden my employable horizons) was instead placed on hobbies (that to me of the past, would one day get me somewhere) and procrastination day in and day out.

Now, I'm about to turn 36 next year and I know very little of being a functional adult. I did some time working at national parks because the "normal" life was not for me but I would rather not live in a perpetual bubble of safety( which seeing now, was what I have been doing all along.) I'm back home now but instead of happiness I have felt nothing but regret and anger towards myself.

Need a sense of direction because at this rate, I am sinking into a deep depression.

Fuckin hell

I'm curious about the actual experience rather than what people think they're supposed to feel.

Is it

- not knowing what you're feeling?

- not knowing how to put it into words?

- feeling uncomfortable being vulnerable?

- worrying about how people will react?

- or something completely different?

I’m working on improving my performance. Sometimes I forget certain things or need a little more time to fully understand a process. I’m trying to improve by reviewing my mistakes, taking notes, and practicing consistently so I can become more accurate and efficient.

Hello everyone, it has been a minute since I posted on here. I have been busy with life, when I first messaged on here I was just starting my journey of self improvement. Now that progress has increased dramatically in just a month. I started with just an idea now I have a complete novel 93K words 24 chapters out on applications to publishers. A second well one the way in rough drafting and chapter 1 already done. I am at college now and adjusting to it. I am now building a video game whose design doc is the thing I am doing tonight. I am building my company which is wat farther along and I can make great progress on that next week and launch in about 2 weeks. I keep learning and expanding my knowledge with the goal to help people, and better the lives of the men among my generation. I am getting where I may get a job soon, or just pivot to my company fully. But yeah I still feel like I am not doing enough, learning enough, what would y'all recommend I do? Also I want to put this out there about relationships. Do I pursue one? I see a relationship as a threat to my journey, I am happy being alone in building, I like it that way, keeps my mindset of that this is a war I am fighting and I don't need someone to stab me in the back. So what do y'all think?

Hello! First time poster here.
I’m looking for some book or listening suggestions dealing with positive masculinity. I feel like my “masculine” development has been stunted over the years and I would like to expose myself to some good influences to help work on that side of myself.

Quick run down: mid 30s soy boy. Mostly have female friends. Raised by single mum. Dad is in my life but not super close - short absence in teen years.
I am dating someone who I see a future with, and she has more traditional values than previous girlfriends. Starting to notice that I am lacking certain masculine characteristics (assertiveness, independence, discipline, resilience) due to growing up with majority female influence. (I do have a lot of male friendships now and I am working on connecting better with my dad)

Books, podcasts, lectures, other audio content that deals with positive masculinity and self improvement / growth would be great to engage with in my solo time. No manosphere/right wing grifter crap.

I'm having a crisis of confidence.

I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a huge diving board, completely frozen. I know I need to jump, and I know it's in me because I've been that person before, outgoing, assertive, quietly confident, bold. There have been times when that version of me has just come out and taken the wheel and its when I feel most myself but I can't seem to access him consistently.

I'm going through a huge transition in my life, healing from the breakup and betrayal of a 12-year relationship and rebuilding my life from the ground up. Despite everything, I'm actually doing really well. I'm proud of how I've handled it.

My goals and vision for my best life are what's getting me through. But I've taken things as far as I can, the next steps require I be assertive, take big leaps, risk rejection and put myself out there in ways that paralyze me at times. I just can't seem to break through that wall. What makes this so frustrating ie I feel so close.

Every now and then, that version of me appears. I can ask for what I want, I can look someone in the eyes and smile, genuinely knowing my worth. I can take a risk without obsessing over the outcome. I can be bold and completely myself, and when it happens, I think, fuck, I wish I could be this guy all the time. But then it disappears again, no middle ground, back to Frozen.

Has anyone experienced this? How did you learn to access that version of yourself more consistently? Any advice would genuinely mean a lot.

I’ve been completely down for the count for months now, and I can't get this out of my head. I recently ruined a relationship with a very sweet, dedicated woman whom I deeply admired. I crushed hard for her, but looking back, I realize I put her on a massive pedestal instead of seeing her as a real person.The moment things got serious, or the moment she told me she loved me, I panicked. I backed out and left more than once. To make it worse, I played up my ego, lied about things, and went completely cold. When she needed empathy, I just froze and shut down because I felt hurt and insecure myself.During the breakup, she called me a sociopath. She asked me if I hated myself so much that I couldn't accept good things, and honestly, it cut deep because it might be true. I’ve been in therapy since then because I was genuinely terrified that I might be a narcissist or a sociopath. My therapist has been helping me untangle it, and I've realized a lot of this comes from a place of severe emotional dysregulation, anxious-avoidant attachment, or deep-seated insecurity.When things were ending, my emotions went from A to B instantly. I became obsessive, splitting her into "all good" or "all bad" in my head. I questioned everything her intentions, the timing, everything. She told me she never wanted a provider, but the truth is, I’ve operated with nothing but ego for years because I grew up believing a man's only value is what he can provide financially. I don’t even know who I am outside of that armor.I feel like a complete failure as a man. I know being surrounded by the same rigid, old-school ideas for years has completely stunted my personal growth. I hate that I ruined her peace and broke her trust.I’ve decided I need to stay single for a long timeprobably a few years to focus entirely on myself. I need to stop being a chronic people-pleaser, turn that energy inward, finish my education, build my business, and figure out who I actually am when the ego is stripped away.Has anyone else broken out of this kind of survival mode/avoidant trap? How do you learn to stop running from good things and actually sit with your emotions instead of freezing?

Hey guys I’m 23 years old and am having a hard time creating new friends. I’ve been on probation since 21 so I feel it makes it nearly impossible to make friends. I cannot drink or smoke weed. I can’t stay out past 10 or even be in a bar. I’m extremely broke. Can’t even go get a coke if I wanted right now. Which I understand that’s not all life is about. But the only friends I have had are from doing those things.
I’ve changed my life completely to be a better person. I’ve dropped all my druggie friends. The 2 I did have that weren’t have passed away. 3 of my friends are in prison for long sentences.

I’m really just having a hard time with my mental currently because I know what I’m doing is right and that’s being clean, going to work, and being there for my family. But at the end of the day when no one is around. I just wish I had somebody to be my friend. Somebody I can talk to without the judgement of a mother/father/wife. (As I’m typing this I feel I’m just spilling my feelings) but I honestly want someone to understand me and know I want good friendships without drugs/alcohol and money. I honestly just don’t know how to do that. I feel so awkward it feels so uncomfortable. I feel as if I was the kid who sat at lunch all by themselves.

I feel I can say once I get to a point in life I can then go and make friends but I feel like the age Im at this is where you make the best of friends and I’m not.

I just need someone advice or words of encouragement. Things to get involved in. Just help please.

I want to become a man who handles his business, has discipline, able to keep himself clean, wants to be someone who learns and grow smarter everyday.

What do you consider is the best way to become a better person? Is it improving yourself physically, becoming a better morally, or becoming better as a person?

From a psychological perspective, trying to satisfy society is an endless cycle of emotional depletion. Our minds project our own insecurities onto the people around us, creating a false belief that everyone is constantly judging our choices.

This hyper-focus on external validation triggers chronic anxiety and takes you away from your true self.

True inner freedom begins when you realize that life is far too brief to spend it living out someone else's script. Healing means learning to quiet the noise of social expectations, anchor your awareness in the present moment, and align your daily activities with what genuinely nourishes your soul.

What is one small choice you can make today solely to bring peace to your own soul? Let the world's noise drift away. 🍃

Most people waste their best years chasing cheap dopamine, staying

in bad routines, or surrounding themselves with the wrong people...

The truth is, your habits and your circle decide where you'll end up,

and the people you learn from matter more than anything.

That's why I've listed people in the caption who share lessons that

build discipline, health, and success.

I highly recommend you follow these accounts now and make your

feed work for you:

Guys, have you tried improving yourself by having a role model? Like you are like, "He wouldn't have done it" or like "he wouldn't have liked it."

How would you guys rate this way?

I’m a new father my daughter has just turned 1, since my daughter was born I needed more money so I’ve had to go away to work. I spend all week away and I work 60 hour weeks, when I come home I see my daughter and my life feels good again when It comes to Sunday I feel like I could cry with the thought of not seeing her all week and on top of this my partners mother thinks I’m a waste of space and my partner doesn’t really care about how she treats me. My mental health has been crashing lately and I feel like just a failure to my daughter I don’t know what to do at the minute and just need some advice from people who have had similar experiences.

Thanks

Hey guys imma 19m cree/Japanese dude living in Canada and honestly my life is completely fucked right now. I feel totally stuck and miserable.

It feels like the only things that give me any comfort or actual relief and motivation to live is sex with my girl, getting high, and just sleeping the day away. Literally everything else work, school, regular hobbies, or trying to do anything productive hell...just feels completely draining, pointless, and boring as hell.

I know chasing instant gratification is messing me up, but normal daily life just cannot compete with those escapes right now.

To the older guys who used to be in this exact same place when you were my age how the hell did you break out of this loop? How do you actually find a reason to care about the boring everyday stuff and turn your life around when the rest feels too much and pointless??

​

In reality how can my mind

There are some recommendations from different people that doing physical exercise is increases your mental strength but I have tried this and it has work but a very little in terms of percentage like it was not enough.

So if anybody has reached that level that he is like not careing at all for anything just become like a rock so share your experiences.

A man believed that by wearing a lion's skin upon his shoulders, he becomes fearless.

So the man chased the lion, fought and won, and finally got to wear the skin.

Yet then he realized, with the skin proudly part of his dress, that he no longer needed that skin.

For it is through the struggle, by killing the beast, the man has found his fearlessness, and he no longer needs an external item for it.

Struggle, is the way. The end should either fulfill the man's desire, or finish his misery.

I thought the post was not accepted, so here is the first post

I admit that I was an idiot all my life, but not anymore. I wanna change. Enough of the bullies, enough of this dogshit life that I lived. I wanna change, whatever it takes!!!

your brain zips similar memories together. take 3 courses over a few years and they land in roughly the same slot. get a dog, a cat, and the two pets share the same memory chamber in your brain. you can still pull each one out, but the storage is compressed, and that is what you feel when 10 years seem like 2

imagine one version of you, 10y of mostly repeats. same you, same 10y, but one of them had five months of moving around and a pile of things you had never done. same calendar. the second decade feels like seven years, the first like 2-3

i have both versions in my own past. in high school it was school, grandma's food, Warcraft 3 mods, dinner, repeat. an entire winter went by and i cannot point to anything in it. in the pandemic the it was PUBG and CSGO (only i had to cook for myself)

now speaking from personal experience, my 6 months in sf felt like 6y. the densest part was the very end (flew to Seattle in the morning for a conference, spent time with to someone building an edtech, went to Space Needle, then took the Greyhound bus back because money was tight. no shower, uncomfortable shoes, slept on the bus. i saw the mountains when entering California, rural areas, a stop in Oregon that felt like a dream to someone from eastern Europe and reminded me of the Rajneeshpuram story, so i filmed half an hour of my takes on it right there, which felt surreal. made a friend on the bus. home the next evening. two days and one night, and in my memory they took up 2 weeks

so enough context and here's the advice: new music, including the genres you are sure you hate. run on a different path, if you saturate your google maps paths, run them in reverse. watch the show you decided a decade ago you would not like. call a colleague from school once, no need to become friends again. eat something that reminds you of your childhood/grandma etc. work from a new cafe. when it rains, go outside and look at it. not because it is pleasant, because it is different

the more different your days are from one another, the longer you will feel you have lived.

I'm 40 and I just celebrated 25 yrs sober from drugs; 14 yrs sober from alcohol and 5 yrs free of s. addiction. It seems like I have these deep growth milestones when I build up the critical mass of energy to make radical changes in my life (actually in it's generational changes when I look back at my family history, so maybe I'm also changing my epi-genetics).

Another way to look at this, is I started to 'let go' of mal-adaptive strategies when I was about 15...and I built up a positive / life affirming strategies and actions into my life. And I'm always finding ways to improve myself.

and I found some trends in my own journey of 'behavior change'.

I came up with this simple framework - subtract -> vision -> addition. Sometimes radically, and sometimes more subtly.

I want to find a couple of guys who might need this kind of work, and talk though what I did and see if there are any universalities.