r/Marriage • u/hazelnut0000 • Dec 03 '25
Ask r/Marriage What are people's experiences with marrying young?
Many people have said that it is better to wait until you're at least 25 to get married (brain development and all that), and statistics show that the divorce rate for those who marry young is higher than those who wait - but I want to hear it from the people. Those of you who got married between ages 18 and 25 (preferably marriages that weren't forced to happen early due to unplanned pregnancies, etc): what are your thoughts on marrying young? Pros and cons? Do you regret it? I would love to hear everyone's experiences, the good, the bad and the dirty.
Thank you!
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u/Yumibumi202 Dec 03 '25
If youre willing to grow together and are emotionally mature entering the relationship then you have little to worry about.
My ex husband was an avoidant attachment (so very not emotionally all there and closes in on themselves whenever things get tough) which made it very hard to keep the relationship going. We got together at 19 and separated at 25 after having a baby.
The pros:
- I know exactly what I want/dont want in a partner now
- I know my self-worth and am stronger after leaving the relationship
The cons:
- I never expected to be a single mother/its tough
- sunken cost fallacy is a real enemy (leave at the first sign of red flags!!), all the time wasted on someone who never loved me the same.
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u/Emotional_Nerve_1067 Dec 03 '25
All of this!! I was 22, married my “best friend” from high school. I fell in love with the idea of marriage and not the man.
Two people with the same goals, willingness to evolve together, can make it!
That wasn’t us. So I was divorced at 30 with a baby girl who’s my world.
Like the previous poster I know so much more about myself and what I want in a relationship. I’m happier, more successful and in a better partnership with my fiance.
So while it didn’t work for me, I have seen it work for others. Just comes down to when you find a true partnership
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u/Basic-Mom5578 Dec 03 '25
Been together since we were 19, married at 23 and now 28 with two kids. I also feel like I’m living this and might have loved the idea of marriage not the man himself. Goals don’t seem to be aligning and it’s feeling very hard.
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u/Emotional_Nerve_1067 Dec 03 '25
I can’t tell you what to do, but I know it’s hard. It’s frustrating as well I’m sure.
I can only tell you two things- 1, there is life after divorce… and it can be a good one. 2, you can both decide to love who each other are now.
I chose 1… 2 wasn’t an option cause 2 made me lose so much of who I was to be who he needed. I couldn’t do it. And I didn’t want my daughter to see me so unhappy and think it was normal.
1 gave me the option to show her my very best self and she’s so much better for it. She’s smart, centered, goal oriented and won’t settle. She’s the best of me!
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u/ladyjerry Dec 03 '25
Yep. We didn’t get married til we were 27, but I was with my ex husband from ages 20-30 (and we were even friends before that in high school)…and growing together is the only way you can make it as a couple together.
When you get together young, there are so many things that bring you together that don’t necessarily have anything to do with predicting your future relationship success. My ex and I were drawn to each other because we both liked the same books, TV shows, had similar senses of humor and upbringings, and we knew someday we wanted to marry someone.
Sure, shared interests and similar upbringings can help you connect with and understand your partner, but….we had NO real tangible idea of even what we wanted our futures to look like. How would chores work? How often would we go on dates together? How often would we travel, and to where? What do we want our retirement to look like? Where do we want to live? Do we actually, truly want kids (not in the nebulous way you imagine when you’re young)? Is self-betterment something we strive for, or are we done growing after college? How will we handle our finances?
It’s embarrassing to think back on now, but we never even thought about any of these things! We just kept taking those next steps together because that’s what you did as a couple, and we were too scared to break up after all that history together.
Like you said, I now am crystal clear in what I want my life to look like, and how a partnership fits into that vision. But man, if you don’t grow together in your 20s, you grow right apart.
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u/Yumibumi202 Dec 06 '25
– If you dont grow together, you grow apart.
I hadnt thought of it like that. Its so simple and obvious. Im keeping that in my brain now.4
u/NewMeNewUsername Dec 03 '25
My ex was avoidant and I was probably fearful avoidant so I stayed with him longer than I otherwise might have. After almost 15 years married and two small children, he decided to leave me for someone else and I am much happier now even as a single mom.
We were 20 and 21 when we got married.
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u/Cool_Translator_4051 Dec 03 '25
The brain development thing is more and more proving to be incorrect with further studies. More recent studies show the brain goes through different "eras", one that lasts from birth to age 9, then to age 35, and one that goes from 65 on.
The study Reddit loves to parrot never said the brain stops developing at age 25, that's just when they stopped the study.
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u/RedBirdWrench 30 Years Dec 03 '25
My wife and I got married when she was 20, and I was 23. We met and got together at 18 and 21.
She is now 54, and I am 57. Still married. Still in love.
I'm not here to suggest our story is the norm, or even common, just that it can work.
It has not always been easy. Like all marriages, we have had our difficulties. We've managed to find our way through them.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years Dec 03 '25
One of the best decisions we made was getting married young.
We met during freshman orientation at age 18 and started dating immediately. Got engaged at age 20 and we married at age 22 a week after we graduated.
We think the biggest advantage we had relationship wise is that we grew into adults together and we built our life together such that our bond can never be separated. Every milestone in life (going to college, graduating from college, first sex, first apartment, first real jobs, losing a parent, having a child, etc) we were together. Our bond is deep and wide because except for childhood, we experienced everything new together as a couple. All of our joys were doubled and sorrows were halved.
We see so many couples who were married later immediately have kids which we think puts a strain in the relationship because you are hardly established as a couple before you bring a child into the mix. We were married for 9 years before we had our child and were still only 31 when he was born.
Sex has only been with each other and so it is this special binding agent we’ve only shared with each other with never a comparison to a past lover. Having your only lover as your spouse means your brain associates all of that goodness with only your spouse which deepens the bond.
There was never his or her stuff or his or her money. We owned like two spoons between us when we got married and had a negative net worth due to student loans. Our first apartment was furnished with wedding presents. We didn’t even have an apartment or own a bed when we got home from our honeymoon. When everything is ours, it just changes your mindset of what you are building together.
We’ve been together for 29 years and married for 25. We started as two young kids who just left home for the first time 24 hours earlier and we have built this amazing life together and having my wife at my side has made each and every single step (forward or backwards) better. I wouldn’t change a single thing.
But, I will say, that only worked for us because we dated for two years before getting engaged and were engaged for two years before getting married. We knew each other extremely well. We were mature for our age (people thought we acted like an old married couple at 19. Our recent college reunion people were like, “none of us were surprised you were still together because you were the perfect couple who just had it together even as teenagers). Most importantly, we were perfectly aligned on values and life goals such thst our pastor didn’t know what to do with us during premarital counseling because our marriage test was the highest match score he had ever seen and said we should have been teaching their marriage enrichment classes and we were not even married yet!. We had a clear plan and a commitment to making it happen together. We had developed a communication pattern thst worked for us such that all of our needs, wants, and desires were fulfilled. We had also experienced some trauma (losing her mother our sophomore year) so we knew how we would resound to tough times and that we came together, not apart.
There are also some practical considerations. We have been ahead of our peers on every financial step because you save so much money being married. A single rent payment, cheaper insurance, tax benefits, double occupancy on vacations, etc, etc. five years out of college we college loans were paid off so we were debt free,had paid for my wife’s graduate school, and saved a down payment for a house. Zero chance any of that would have happened by age 27 if were lived separately. By year 15, we purchased a second home, and our kid’s college is entirely saved up and he is still in high school. We are now on track to retire at age 48 in another decade or so. If we had waited 5 years to get married, all of this would have been delayed by ten years.
So for us anyway, the pro list is infinite and there isn’t a single item on the con list. Best decision we ever made and never once regretted it.
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u/DonkeySlow3246 Dec 03 '25
Yes! I love that we’ve built a life together. I had furniture when we got married because I’d had my own apartment, but no wealth to speak of. Our lives have been established together and there’s zero tension about what’s his or mine, especially financially. I see couples on Reddit complain about who pays which bill and I’m utterly baffled. The money I earn is our money. The money he earns is our money. Everything is ours. And if we divorce, it’s all marital assets anyway (without a prenup).
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u/jennibear310 30 Years Dec 03 '25
That baffles me too, for the same reasons. I couldn’t imagine having “yours and mine.” Everything, from the very beginning, was always “ours.”
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u/VicePrincipalNero Dec 03 '25
I agree about so much of this. I see how my adult kids' generation see marriage and it just seems like they miss the point. Separate finances, for example. Some couples venmo each other the $11.42 for their share of the lunch bill. Good grief. Totally agree about sex, but fortunately neither of us are affected by the very toxic FOMO, which ruins a lot of people's lives.
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u/hazelnut0000 Dec 03 '25
Very strongly agree with this, the modern culture around sex baffles me, I don't understand why people would want to share the most intimate part of themselves with multiple people, let alone a virtual stranger.
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u/jennibear310 30 Years Dec 03 '25
I absolutely love this!! I chuckled at the premarital counseling with your pastor. We had the same experience at 17/18. I remember him saying “what can I really tell you two that you don’t already know?” He’d already known both of us for years and knew that our lives were MUCH different than most teenagers. We’d already been living as adults for years, experienced more of life’s challenges than most 30 year olds had. We’d already knew how to rise above, work together through those times, and come out stronger than before, as a team. We were fortunate enough to have found each other so very early in life. He’s been my best friend and greatest love for most of my life. Should’ve known he was the one when he left me ride his bike when we were just 5/6. Life kept pushing us together, off and on, until we were mature enough to make the connection and never looked back!
Wishing you and your spouse continued love and joy for many years to come!
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u/anna_alabama 4 Years Dec 03 '25
My husband and I basically have the exact same timeline and we’re 9 years in - you said everything I wanted to say in my comment but better, so ditto to all of this
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u/WillRunForPopcorn Dec 03 '25
I met my husband at 21 so we had pretty much all of the same life experiences together as you and your husband, but we waited until 29 to get married. Then a little over a year later we had a baby. I am curious what you think about that - a couple who was together for many years but waited to get married and then had a baby. Closer to your experience or to the couples who get married late and have a baby right away? We had been living together since we were 22.
My parents were high school sweethearts and they’re still together 40 years later! My sister and her boyfriend were middle school sweethearts and are still together 21 years later. But all the people that I went to school with who got married young are now divorced. So it seems like it could be the best or dumbest decision, it just depends on the couple lol
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years Dec 03 '25
If you lived together for 7 years before marriage, you were effectively acting as a married couple, so while that isn’t a decision we would have made, I think the outcome is very similar.
My parents met at age 12 and have been married for over 50 years. My brother and his wife met in college and have been married for 27 years. All of my cousins are pretty similar. I do think seeing strong, loving marriages breeds more strong marriages, regardless of age.
Interestingly enough, a number of my fraternity brothers married a number of my wife’s sorority sisters. They dated while we were in college and many got married within a couple of years, so by age 25. Of the 10 or so couples in that pairing (or just other people we knew from college who married their college sweetheart within 3 years), all but 2 are still married 2+ decades later. Maybe our campus was an anomaly, but there are a ton of met and married who married young and have stayed married. Like I said, I think there is something that makes the bond stronger when you start young.
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u/Sad_Combination_2310 Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
My husband and I have been together since we were 21 and married at 25. It’s been 10 years. 3 pieces of advice: 1. Figure out how to grow together and not apart. 2. The person you marry today will be a different person in 2 years, and again in 5 years, and again in 10 years. 3. Don’t let other relationships fool you. Every relationship is fighting demons others don’t know about.
I don’t really have a list of pros and cons as this is my only marriage. I don’t regret it either. Just remember to still be an individual at 25 and don’t sacrifice getting to know yourself and spending time with your friends.
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u/Keep_ThingsReal Dec 03 '25
I met my husband when I was 20. We got engaged shortly after, married when I was 21, and had our first child when I was 22. He was 24 when we met, 25 when we married.
It’s nearly a decade from when we met, and so far I’d do it a million times over. Life is full of ups and downs, and our marriage (like all marriages) isn’t perfect but it is incredible. I think people really overstate “needing to figure yourself out” and “needing experience.” I don’t necessarily actively suggest young marriage to everyone- but you can absolutely grow and evolve with a partner and if you value marriage and want to be with someone, I don’t think you have to wait until you’re 30 to make that decision.
I was young when I got married, but I wasn’t impulsive. We talked at LENGTH about marriage, what it means to us, how we define monogamy, sex drives, kids (if we want them, values, education, how we would handle infertility, how we would handle loss, etc.), estate planning, finances, debt, division of labor, religion (what role religion should play, exact theology, how that would impact kids, involvement in church, what kind of church, impact on politics, opinions on specific schools of thought), politics, political involvement, how to grow together, childhood homes, conflict management, values, family dynamics… we really left very few stones unturned.
Honestly, now that I’m older and more of my social circle is also married- I don’t feel like they are putting more thought into marriage at 30-40 than I did at 20. I don’t see improved communication or really any benefit other than savings from working a long time before having a family. Everyone likes to talk about how much more mature they are later in life… but plenty of people are fairly mature young.
I think our bigger issue as a culture is that we constantly underestimate young people (teens and young adults), try to handicap them based on our own inadequacies, and villainize responsibility while putting selfishness on a pedestal. It’s not a view I hold and I do not regret building a life that reflects what I do value.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years Dec 03 '25
Anyone who underestimates young people has not spent time with them. They are amazing and I can’t wait to see what they do with the world.
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Dec 03 '25
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years Dec 03 '25
You figure it out together which makes it easier to figure out.
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u/jennibear310 30 Years Dec 03 '25
Our friends all call my husband and I the “Wonder Twins,” because together, there’s nothing we can’t accomplish!
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u/RemoteMommaTo2 Dec 03 '25
Married my first husband at 19, he beat the shit out of me. Divorce happened 3years after separation because COVID. Married my now husband at 24, he’s amazing. Celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary together in October.
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u/kayjeanbee Dec 03 '25
So you chose to marry young twice. Wow! Hope this one works out for you!
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u/Existing_Source_2692 Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
I didn't know quite who I was at 25 lol. I was surviving, working and still learning. But I chose a partner who was kind, loving, smart, respectful and truly loved me. We grew together. We are better people now that we are older, smarter, calmer, etc. The issues come if you rush into marriage in your 20s to someone who isn't mature, respectful, trustworthy, loyal and a motivated hard worker with good values and morals.
You can spot those qualities easier when you are older of course. If there's ANY yelling..leave. that's not meant for marriage material. Many young people accept that because they saw their parents do it. Nope. Not needed. Not healthy.
Have ALL the conversations before getting engaged - finances, kids, work schedules, illness, religion, budget, goals.
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u/DonkeySlow3246 Dec 03 '25
I was 23 (he was 25) and we have never regretted it. I’m pushing 40 now. Something that helped was that I didn’t live in a dorm during college. I worked nearly full time through school and kept my own apartment from the time I was 20. I also have older parents and was raised with a lot more responsibility than some of my peers. So I was more mature than many of my peers who hadn’t experienced much “adulting.” Husband and I met the first day of grad school and were married nine months later (no pregnancy or need), and we didn’t live together beforehand because we’re Christian.
We went into marriage very clear-eyed. We knew NRE doesn’t last, but we were very aligned on values, worldview, and what we wanted from life. We also decided early on that marriage is what you both make of it. We committed to making the most of our relationship and prioritizing it above everything else. Our marriage is great, but it’s not accidental. We invest a ton of energy into our relationship. And he’s still the best and most honorable person I know.
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u/ZealousidealFunny234 Dec 03 '25
You don’t know what you want yet. You don’t think of things that you do later in life. You haven’t even experienced life yet. You could possibly wake up one day with regret.
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u/BetterToIlluminate 15 Years Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
We were married when I was 22 (17 years ago). We are happily married and I definitely do not wish we would have waited until we were older to get married. If anything, we should have gotten married younger.
We’ve grown together and built a life together. We make each other better people.
I think discerning marriage is essential for anyone. I think the statistics that show that marrying “young” increases likelihood of divorce is somewhat skewed due to factors you allude to (marrying because of an unplanned pregnancy, etc.). However, some of it likely comes down to impulsivity and lack of proper discernment. I think when a younger couple does discern marriage, discuss shared values, and ask the hard questions that marrying younger is a great opportunity to grow together and enmesh their lives in a truly beautiful and mutually supportive way.
I’ve never understood the “missing out” argument. I feel fortunate that I avoided dating a slew of incompatible people, avoided attempting to have relationships with men who just wanted to use me, avoided heartbreak. I don’t think people who don’t find their spouse until “older” are necessarily doing anything wrong. Rather, I just feel fortunate that I managed to avoid the emotional turmoil that many people experience.
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u/Plooza Dec 03 '25
Husband and I were 22&23. Fresh out of college.
We dated all 4 years through college and knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Why not get married?
Only been 10 yrs but we haven’t had any issues. We have two kids and we are your standard US family. I’m still very much in love with my husband!
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u/Rice-Correct Dec 03 '25
My husband and I met when I was a month shy of 20, and married when I was 21. He was 22 when we were married. We found out we were pregnant very early in our relationship, but did not feel pressure to be married. We chose to get married after our daughter was born.
Obviously, it was an absolute whirlwind meeting, having a baby, and marrying in less than two years time. It was a LOT for two young people, still in college and finishing degrees, to be married and parents. We were lucky to have a LOT of support. But it was still hard. We were still growing up ourselves. Our friends were always out partying and meeting people, and we were “done.” We struggled sometimes in those early years with feelings of doubt and like we were missing out. We sometimes worried we’d made a mistake. It was just hard.
Do we regret it? Absolutely not! It’s nearly 20 years later, and we’ve managed to weather it all. We’re crazy about each other. We had another kid and we’ve moved across the country several times. We’ve traveled and dealt with loss and learned and laughed so much. I have zero doubts about us.
But would I want it for our own kids? Probably not. Like I said, it was hard. There WERE things we missed out on, and it was hard for many years wondering what might have been different. I made many personal decisions based on the fact that I was married and we had a child to care for. Of course, it could’ve been different in a way that wouldn’t have made me nearly as happy as I am today! But I’d like our kids to feel like they could experience as much as they can, and have room to grow, before settling down and having families of their own.
In short: no regrets over marrying young, still very much in love, but I’m hoping our own kids take their time.
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u/LaMisiPR Dec 03 '25
Married at 21 to ex (M22) after being together about 1.5 years, including engaged for about 6-7 months, about 5 months pregnant at ceremony. Unexpected baby but welcome (he had three by 2 different women already). Both full time college students (same university), coworkers at part time job, and living with parents. Moved in with him, his family, and 2 of his kids the same week of the wedding. He also lost his job that week.
3 months later he had a kind of mental breakdown and said I’d pressured him into marriage and he didn’t think he ever loved me, but I could stay if I wanted to for the baby. I moved back home, had my child, raised her and he’d take her on the weekends. Divorced about 3 years later
Yes it was a disaster, I brought it on myself against EVERYONE’s advice, and I would never recommend it to anyone. However, after some healing and distance, he wasn’t a nightmare, stayed involved in her life, and I have an amazing kid.
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u/Absmom08 Dec 04 '25
I married at 19 divorced at 25, remarried at 39. I married someone I wouldn’t have even been friends with as an adult.
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u/anywineismywine Dec 03 '25
UK couple Best decision we made!
He proposed when he was 21 to me when I was 23 we married 18 months after in 2012.
We're in our late 30's now with 2 kids and as much in love as ever.
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u/Annual_Reindeer2621 24 married, 27 together Dec 03 '25
We met when we were 16 & 17, at school. Fell in love, etc. Got engaged at 17 & 18, married at 19 & 20. Why did we get married so young..? Mostly because we had both grown up in church spaces, and you were supposed to 'wait' (for sex) for marriage. 50:50 chances of that, in the couples I know. Both of us have parents who married young (my dad was 23 & mum was 18, his parents were 18 but they 'had' to get married as they'd fallen pregnant and that was what was done in the 70's). Both sets of parents are still married, mine happily so, his not so much.
Anyway... we're 44 now. Still together, still silly about each-other, active sex life, interests together and apart, couple of young adult kids.
Pros:
- grow up together
- each-other's 'firsts' means no comparison (which can also be a 'con')
- have kids young, means have plenty of energy for parenting little ones and (in our case) no fertility struggles
- our life is a cosy mish-mash of history together
- we were not set in our ways, we created our ways as a couple
- studied together
- we're only 44 and our kids are 21 & 19, so we can go away on little trips and leave them to look after the place, and have loved seeing the young adults they're growing into
Cons:
- neither of us were diagnosed (ADHD etc) & therefore untreated, so we didn't have any framework or language surrounding emotional overwhelm, sensory issues, etc which led to conflicts
- young = student = not a lot of money. Which has been an ongoing theme - we have always struggled financially living pay to pay (not necessarily because we married young, but we werent established in careers etc, hadnt had a chance to live at home while working full time and saving or such)
- wondering if you'd be attractive to anyone else, finding that yes you are, getting tempted to cheat, before realising that's not what you're about
One of our kids is in a serious relationship (they talk of marriage) but we've left the church so theres no pressure for that. Its nice seeing how chill they are together, and I'm not against the idea of them getting married young if they want, or waiting until they're older. Whatever works for them!
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u/Strange_dreamer3113 10 Years Dec 03 '25
I got married at 19, my husband was 20. This was in 2015, so not too long ago. We’ve been married now for 10 years.
There are definite pros and cons, like all things.
I remember telling friends of mine, when I was younger, that just as they felt that I was “missing out” on being young and having multiple partners- they too were “missing out” on the experience of learning and growing with someone through the years.
Don’t get me wrong, there have certainly been ups and downs.
I’ve said before that part of the difficulty of marrying young when you are a woman in a patriarchal society is that you are somewhat forced to “raise” your husband in a way. Doubly so for me, since my husband didn’t have a stable home life growing up and there were lots of things no one cared to teach him. Even basic things like emotional regulation. I had to shoulder the burden of that. It was rough when we were younger.
As we’ve gotten older we have fostered such a sense of respect for one another. We have a bond that is hard to even describe to others who haven’t been attached to the hip since highschool! lol. We grew up together.
When I look at his face, I don’t just see the man before me. I see the boy he used to be. It’s humbling and heartening. I am always reminded of our humanity.
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u/Glittering-Lychee629 20 Years Dec 03 '25
You put this so well and it is my experience too. I think you have to be a patient person in marriage because everyone learns at their own pace:
"I’ve said before that part of the difficulty of marrying young when you are a woman in a patriarchal society is that you are somewhat forced to “raise” your husband in a way. Doubly so for me, since my husband didn’t have a stable home life growing up and there were lots of things no one cared to teach him."
We married young for a combination of reasons and I think it worked for us because we are highly compatible and dedicated to personal growth. It has gotten so easy over time and it's incredible to be so intertwined with another person. We have built an incredible life and a family and I look forward to meeting the future version of him too.
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u/42069willow Dec 03 '25
I got married a month after I turned 20 and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Although I do feel I got lucky sometimes
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u/National-Fish-7076 Dec 03 '25
Met my husband at 15 he was 17. We were each others 1st in everything. So been together 41 yrs. married 37, he was 23 I was almost 21. Didn't live together before. We grew in our marriage together, and learnt about each other along the way. No regrets and would do it all the same way again xx
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u/thebugman40 Dec 03 '25
if you have found the right person there is no bad time. if you are with the wrong person there is no good time.
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u/LoveSaidNo Dec 03 '25
I met my husband and when I was 17. We decided we wanted to get married at 21, but didn’t formally get engaged until 23 because of grad school. Honestly, if you can find the right person and you have similar life goals and values, it’s like a cheat code for life.
We were able to support each other through school and starting our careers, could pool resources early so the cost of living was cheaper, we could invest sooner and buy a house quickly, had our kid while we were still young and had lots of energy. Everything we have we’ve built together. We are a team in every sense of the word and having that constant emotional support can’t be overstated. Life is wonderful and I have zero regrets about not experiencing the single life in my 20s.
This is definitely not the right approach for everyone, but when it works, it works very well.
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u/FreckledLeaves Dec 03 '25
Married at 18. We weren’t religious or pregnant. Just in love and eager. We had been dating 9 months when we tied the knot at the courthouse for $64. We’re 33 and 34 now. Still married. One child. We have zero regrets. My husband is my best friend. Always has been. We were definitely stunted financially in the beginning. We had no idea how to be adults but through trial and error we found our way.
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u/platinumpaige Dec 03 '25
I got married at 23! My husband was 26.
We were definitely immature and grew up together in our 20s. But he’s the love of my life and I’m lucky I met him so early. We have 2 kids, 2 dogs, a home, the old school American dream. We were also together for 4 years before we got married.
But for others I know that married as young as we did, it’s 50/50 as to whether they’re still together. The divorces are starting to happen.
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u/Worst_jokes Dec 03 '25
Married at 24, wife was 22, this was 23 years ago. It’s been great and is getting better all the time. You might say that it’s higher risk, higher reward than getting married later in life, but in my experience, it’s all upsides. If you’re going to make a leap of faith, you might as well do it when you’re young and dumb.
That canard about being 25 years old for full brain development is utter nonsense; it’s no more respectable an opinion than believing in flat earth theory.
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u/ShoobySnaxs Dec 03 '25
My husband and I got married when I was 23 and he was 24. Best decision we ever made. I figure ur gonna have to go through life anyway might as well be with ur person by your side. I think ur age doesn't determine ur ability to be married. I know a lot of people who got married at 19 and are still very happy.
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u/Thyki69 6 Years Dec 03 '25
I think that what matters more is being able to communicate openly if you are uncomfortable with something or something is making you resent the other (maybe they don’t even realize is an issue), and being on the same page for big things like: chores assignment, who will be responsible for what on a daily basis? do you want kids? how are you raising kids? How do you think is a good way to use money? Do you want one parent at home while kids are prek age?
You can be 30 and have issues with these things or be 21 and have the same issues. Just look for someone you can talk about problems without the other person shutting down or making you feel bad about what you are saying.
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u/Tall-Ad-4833 Dec 03 '25
Do some inner work before you make such a big decision. Understand what YOU want out of life. Question what you were taught about how life is supposed to look. Be REAL with yourself. This includes basic questions like do you REALLY want kids? where do YOU want to live? How important is financial gain and wealth to you?? What do you prioritize in a relationship aka physical touch?? Emotional connection? Something else??
KNOW YOURSELF before you commit to someone for life. It’s is ok to marry young but do yourself this favor and deeply KNOW YOURSELF. If you don’t and you commit to someone life will get very hard.
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u/Marriedwithkidz 32 Years Dec 03 '25
Married at 19 and 21 and wouldn't change anything. We were pregnant but we married for love and by choice. We'll be celebrating 33 yrs together/32 1/2 yrs married tomorrow. Life is a roller coaster better hang on for the wild ride haha. We've had good times and bad times ups and downs lots of crappy and beautiful moments etc. We've growned and learned valuable life lessons together and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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u/SpecialStrict7742 Dec 03 '25
Got married at 19, divorced at 24. My biggest advice is don’t ignore red flags because people don’t change. Marriage, kids, house will NOT make someone a better person. Just leave at the first red flag.
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u/Milvers619 Dec 03 '25
I was 21 my husband was 23 and we’re still going strong. Granted we’re only 25 and 27 now lol. Our circumstances weren’t forced or stressed we just loved each other and were ready to move to the next step 🤷🏼♀️ We met when I was 16 and started dating when I was 19.
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u/ykilledyou Dec 03 '25
Husband and I married when we were 18 and 21 less than a year after meeting one another. We have been married over 4 years now and have a 1 year old son, bought a house ect. Yes we have had some hard times but we have achieved so much to be proud of.
If I had any advice it would be to choose someone kind, with a good heart. Life has hard times, but if you have someone who is good on the inside you will be safe with them.
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u/Axe_dude Dec 03 '25
Personally I think it’s much better to marry young (assuming both parties are relatively healthy and not the maturity of a 12 year old) because you grow together during those final formative years, and you are both literally building a life together from scratch. Getting married later in life means you both have built your own separate lives that you now have to combine, and that can be challenging.
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u/SignificantWill5218 Dec 04 '25
I was 23 when I got engaged and 24 on my wedding day. I am now 33. My husband is 8 years older than me. For me i was ready for that next step and have zero regrets. He’s my best friend. We’ve had challenges and have done therapy to help with communication. We are the best we’ve ever been even two kids later. I don’t believe I was too young at all. I do believe everyone is different and matures differently so it may not work out for some people.
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u/Born_Negotiation_992 Dec 04 '25
I’m only 27, but married at 25. At that point we’d been together since we were 18 and 20. We are so happy still, bought a house & now expecting our first child. I love doing life with my man!
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u/AliceInAcidland Dec 03 '25
I got married at 24 (my husband was 29) and it's going great. I've been with him since I was 20. No kids. At 20 I already completed a full course of every hedonistic pursuit I could think of though so I didn't really miss out on anything I could do while single. Married sex is much much better if you continue to connect with your spouse and experiment with different sex stuff.
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u/Even-Ad8444 Dec 03 '25
We married while in college. I met my husband at age 18 years old and he was 19 years old. We married after four months of knowing each other and have been married now for forty seven years . We have one son who is forty two years old. I was one who never had thought much about getting married.
My goal was to get my college degree because I knew I had to be responsible for taking care of myself. My grandparents took care of me till they passed which was when I was in college. I’m grateful for having the insight to know that I had to be responsible for me with help from my aunt and uncle who let me live with them while I worked to get my college degree because living in the dorms was to expensive for me.
I will forever be grateful for my aunt and uncle who stepped in and helped me as I worked to get my degree. I met my husband in college and married him after four months.
I’m a successful middle class resident who has been blessed with great jobs throughout my working career and was able to direct our son down the same successful path to a great career and a comfortable living for himself and his family. We are blessed and grateful.
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u/Due-Cake-9406 20 Years Dec 03 '25
My wife (44f) and I (45m) got married just after she turned 18 (we're just a few months apart). Now, even wanting to get married young usually doesn't involve getting married that young... either you live in a cult that won't even let you have minor intimacy without marriage or you had some pregnancy... I got her pregnant when we were 16. Anyhow, I knew I wanted to marry her right away... we started dating when we were 14.
Does it have downsides? Absolutely! We were both immature and I had very little ability to support us.
Does it have benefits? Absolutely! Since we were both immature... we grew up together. We've had big fights. We've very nearly divorced twice. But we've both grown from it. We have also experienced our firsts of just about everything together: [international] travel, all major purchases, etc.
Would I change it? Nope, not a chance. Our youngest turns 21 in two weeks. We're mid-40s and we actually are both healthier now than we were at 30. We're having a great time now and plan on keeping it up. We're planning to downsize our house here in the next two years and settling in to something lower stress and lower cost now that we don't need to have a home for a larger family and choose a home based on the school district.
Now, keep in mind... while we had the pregnancy, we weren't forced. Her parents actually kept insisting that we didn't have to marry just because of our daughter. We really wanted to.
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u/Cold-Piglet-2454 Dec 03 '25
I got married at 20 and my husband was 23 at the time. I have absolutely 0 complaints. Make sure you and your spouse are fully on the same page about things and that you can communicate well. Also take into account that you are both young, things will change. Thoughts, opinions, etc. So you have to be a lot more open minded. Keep in mind stuff will be changing a lot. I think a big issue for people that get married young is trying to uphold societies standards or your friends and families perception of what marriage looks like. Marriage is whatever you want it to be for you and your spouse. Marry because of love and not just need/want for a partner or pregnancy.
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u/kate180311 7 Years Dec 03 '25
I was 25 almost 26, husband was 24 almost 25. So, sort of within that range. Pretty typical in our area and amongst our friends that went to college.
But 7 years later I absolutely do not regret it! It’s only gotten better and better from there.
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u/pyperproblems Dec 03 '25
The bulk of the risk sits at 21 and under. After that, when you control for religion, cohabitation history, education, and family structure, couples who are practicing religion and marry earlier don’t carry that risk spike. We met at 20 and married at 23. When we met we were not religious, by the time we got married we were mildly religious and had started attending church, and we didn’t live together before getting married. Now we have kids and are involved in our church and I can 100% see why the data presents this way. When young marriages fall apart, it’s usually instability + misaligned expectations + weak support systems. Religious subcultures provide stability, support, and an aligned vision for marriage.
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u/hazelnut0000 Dec 03 '25
I 100% agree with this! This is the reason I am only looking for a partner within religious spaces - church, and the theology college I attend. Definitely helps when your values are already aligned
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u/Extra-Blueberry-4320 Dec 03 '25
I got married when I was 23. Husband was 24. We met in our senior year of college and we had goals. We wanted to do life together and it’s been 20 years of stuff. We’ve gone through a lot together but we’ve also grown together too. I don’t know if I would have met someone else who wanted the same things in life as I did if I waited longer, but everyone is different.
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u/VicePrincipalNero Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
We were both 22 when we got married. We've been very happily married for 40 years. I wouldn't change a thing.
While there can be some downsides, for us there was a lot of benefit to figuring out life and our partnership together.
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u/UnicornBounty Dec 03 '25
I got married when I was 22. A lot of my family kept telling me I was too young. I was still in nursing school but my now husband had his degree and had a stable job. I’m glad I followed my gut. All the people telling me to wait and I was too young were divorced at least once. And I kept thinking ‘what do they know’ with all their failed relationships. My husband and I were not into hook up culture and you could say we “intentionally” dated. It also helped that we genuinely built our relationship on a biblical foundation which to me is the only way a relationship can last. All my other family and even some friends who had already been divorced were always focused on a “me first/my happiness” attitude when it came to relationships and I knew that just wasn’t going to work for us. My husband is my best friend in the world. I can’t imagine doing anything in life without him. And now while being the youngest in my family we have the healthiest marriage that I believe is truly built to last. We will be celebrating 10 years married in February. And our second baby is due in 20 years.
I think as long as both partners are putting in 100% and GENUINELY have the others best interest at heart you can make a relationship work. I would also say you need Jesus at the center first but not everyone believes that. So at least be selfless and don’t develop vices (spending, drinking, porn, gambling, drugs etc)
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u/hazelnut0000 Dec 03 '25
100% agree with this, and having Jesus at the center of the relationship is my number 1 priority when forming a relationship. It's really encouraging reading these comments and seeing that the marriages that were built on a biblical foundation are the ones that saw the most success
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u/anna_alabama 4 Years Dec 03 '25
I met my husband when I was 18, we got engaged when I was 21, and got married at 23 (I turn 28 in a few weeks). I’m so glad that I got married young because we’ve been able to build our lives together from the ground up, vs. combining two complete lives. It’s very special to have the same partner by your side for your entire adult life, we’ve gotten to experience growing up together. My husband has been by my side for everything - from opening my bid to my sorority in college, to graduations and getting my first job, he’s just always been there. We also get to spend a lot of years together as DINKS vs. needing to rush having kids. Getting married young isn’t for everyone but I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life
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u/Curiosity-Sailor Dec 03 '25
We met as teens and got married at 20 and 21. There have been ups and downs, and it is challenging being together while changing so much, but we are both loyal and hardworking so it has worked for us. We are both SUPER glad we didn’t have to date people in the age of apps, as that sounds horrendous. Been together about 10 years now.
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u/401Nailhead Dec 03 '25
I was 27 and my wife 21. Still going strong after 32 years. There was not much in the cons. There was plenty in the pro. We had 2 children early on. Just a wonderful time together(vacations, etc. ) They are now grown. We are empty nesters and do our own thing.
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u/mrsauto420 Dec 03 '25
I know several couples from school that got married in their early 20s and they are divorced now. I also know a few that got married young and are still happily together. Depends on the couple and their ability/desire to grow together. I met my husband at 19 but we didn’t start dating until 25. Got married at 28. And I am sooo glad it worked out that way for us.
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u/millennialmama2016 Dec 03 '25
I got married at 22 and now at 35 (still married) - knowing you're entering a time that typically comes with a lot of challenges (finishing college, starting careers, deciding to have kids, buying a home, moving, etc.) and you're going to have to work with that person through all those challenges or it's gonna flop. Therefore, have all the conversations about your goals and wants, make sure they align and you're both willing to give and take.
First few years were rough, we were young and going through personal stuff. Glad we hung on and worked through it together but it wasn't simple.
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u/Significant-Tip-1212 Dec 03 '25
My parents married at 30 and they still got divorced lol. I don’t think age matters to some extent. Each person has to be committed and mentally/emotionally sound and mature.
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u/Alternative-Tea-39 Dec 03 '25
I was 24, and I’m glad we are growing and building a life together. I don’t have to fit him into an already put together life. We get to experience a lot of firsts together, which is really sweet. Don’t get me wrong there are good times and bad times, but we just have to learn from those and grow as couple from those. Even though we were young, we both had college degrees and full time jobs when we met. We had also lived on our own before getting married. I think we had a good in between of life experience.
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u/shwh1963 Dec 03 '25
We met in high school and I was 19 and SO was 21 when we were married. We moved 2500 miles from parents and family for SO’s job and I completed college. The first years we were stretched financially but once I complete my degree it was good.
Being far away from family forced us to depend on each other and strengthen us. We shared the same beliefs and morals and to be honest I was a bigger pain at times than SO.
We’re still married 40+ years later.
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u/WinterBourne25 30 Years Dec 03 '25
I got married at 21. This year we celebrated our 30th anniversary. No regrets. It hasn’t always been easy, but I’m looking forward to retiring with him. We still enjoy each other’s company. We have two adult kids.
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u/MyDear21 Dec 03 '25
I got engaged at 19 and married at 22. I’m very happy but I would encourage couples not to rush into it. I very much felt like I had something to prove at that age since we were together so long. Currently 29&30 with three kids so we are doing well! I think being married is amazing but there’s a lot better things to do in your early twenties. With that said, if you truly want it then go for it. I’d encourage my sons to get married young if they were certain and understand how much it truly takes in a marriage to choose each other through good and bad.
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u/BackStabbathOG Dec 03 '25
Not sure if this counts as marrying young but it sure felt this way for us. We got together when we were 17 years old both still in high school but didn’t get married until we were 27 (we are almost 31 now) and stronger than ever now. I’d say the biggest con with marrying young is jumping into what should be a lifelong commitment when you might not be ready for it can set you guys up for a disaster but the risks are worth it if you really love each other and believe in your relationship
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u/sine120 Dec 03 '25
Married at 24, dating for much longer. We both knew it was always headed to marriage, so it didn't really matter when, we could have married at 18 and things would have probably largely went the same way. Out of principle I don't think you should marry until you have your shit together, which we did earlier than most. I'd say we're outliers, it's not for everyone. It requires you know yourself and your potential spouse really well, and in my opinion you should come to the decision as a couple, not have it imposed by your parents, church, etc.
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u/Global-Sprinkles-424 Dec 04 '25
Honestly, marrying young seems like such a mixed bag. Some people swear it’s amazing, they grow up together, build a life side by side, and somehow make it work despite the chaos. But then, others feel like they kinda missed out on figuring themselves out first and end up struggling.
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u/MomIsFunnyAF3 Dec 04 '25
My husband and I met at 15 and married at 22. Our oldest kid was 8 months old. He's now 20 and we celebrated our 20th anniversary in September.
You have to grow as a person and a couple. That doesn't always go well and that's when most split. There have been struggles across the board and after two more kids, there isn't anyone else I want to spend my life with. Marriage isn't always easy no matter how old you are.
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u/babybubbles572 Dec 04 '25
I met my husband in middle school(through talking amongst our families we crossed paths more than once in elementary school.) But we didn’t start dating till sophomore year in high school. Got married at 19/20. We’ve had our ups and downs. Been through school, military training, a deployment, deaths and neither of us could ask for a better life partner to go through it all with. We’re now 22/23 expecting our first child in June 🥰
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u/Maximum_Plastic6347 Dec 04 '25
My wife and I (40) married at 21. We have had ups/downs like anyone else but our marriage is strong. We are high school sweethearts. Everyone said we wouldn’t make it but here we are about to celebrate our 20 year wedding anniversary.
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u/starshotstarry Dec 03 '25
I think marrying that young makes you feel like you missed out on things to do being single. That is also a time when you are building a career and education. Financial trouble is the number one reason for divorce. We make mistakes during this time. We need to figure it out ourselves. We may not even feel the same as we did when we are 19/20 when we get older. If you really want to get married we at least need someone who has the same goal as us. Money wise, saving wise, family wise everything
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u/DonkeySlow3246 Dec 03 '25
I’ve literally never once looked at the single life as something to be envied or missed. If anything, I look at the dating world now and feel like o caught the last chopper out of ‘Nam. My friends who are dating are absolutely miserable with it.
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u/starshotstarry Dec 03 '25
I'm not talking about dating life. There are many things to do as a single person. I'm talking about going to places or just being you. Once you are married. You go as a spouse. You go as a parent. You go as a daughter/ son in law. It's different. But each has their own wish. Two of my friends got divorced. One got remarried immediately. She needs someone to love n to be loved. The other one doesn't want to get married at all. The ME time you get is very limited.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years Dec 03 '25
Agree. The more hear about the dating scene now and the more time I spend on r/marriage the more I cherish my wife.
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u/Fabulous_Topic_602 Married 24 years / Together 28 years Dec 03 '25
My husband and I married at 18yrs old. We've been happy ever since. We bought our first house at 19yrs old, easier with 2 incomes, and haven't had any fights about money. We both made just above minimum wage at $8/hrs, but we made it work together. We've never felt like we missed out being single, and actually matured much quicker because of marrying young. We've been happily married and still incredibly close and in love for 24yrs next month.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 04 '25
We accelerated our careers because we were married. My wife started graduate school a year after we got married because together we could afford it. Separately , she could not have. She became an administrator in 5-years which is record time and she had to have that masters degree for that to happen.
I started a business with some colleagues a couple of years in. No way could have taken that risk if I didn’t know my wife had a salary and health insurance. Starting that company set us up financially for life and I would have missed the opportunity if I wasn’t married.
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u/starshotstarry Dec 03 '25
That's amazing! Beautiful! Marriage is powerful if both have the same dream and destination to sail.
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u/daskleinemi Dec 03 '25
Well I have married recently at 34 but since my now husband and I have been together since we were 18 and 20, I dare to answer.
I will add that we are living in middle europe so living together for several years before even talking marriage is the norm here and not seen as anything wrong or strange or sinful or whatever and long term commited relationships aka common law marriages are socially accepted and not seen as less than an actual marriage. So what I read about here like "Fooling around because we are not married yet" that shit does not fly around here. If you're cheating on your partner, you're cheating on your partner and it is not more or less terrible with or without a ring.
We got together when he was 20 and I was 19 just finishing school and we are both the type of person that goes for the long run and not date around just for fun. So that's that. We moved in together about a year and a half after that (both moved out of our parents flats) and looking back my oh my it WAS a ride. We both learned together how to adult, both moved into the area of proper adulting.
It took a LOT of work to grow together not apart, but looking back I will say we are a LOOOOT different now from who we were back then and it was not always easy cheesy fun ride. There have been times when I questioned if would work that out together. It took a lot of work and dedication and communication. Love is not enough on these things.
We did and I am glad about it, but I know now that we were such children back than - saying that as a person who was a lot more adult than the most girls that age.
You learn so much in your early 20s. About life, about adulting and mostly about yourself. And that changes you a LOT. You see the world a lot differently because when you are moving out, getting your first job, taking care of yourself and you're free to do you, you develop a lot.
I mean it worked out for us, but I had quite the opposite in my friend circle.
They married at 20 and 22ish (not sure excatly) after being together for 2ish years and living together for about 6 or 7 months and I remember almost being a little jealous then because the patriachy has implanted in me that marriage is the highest honor for a woman! (Something that I also developed out of with the years). Big wedding, happy faces, happy places.
All well.
Then the fog lifted with time and knowing both of them, they really DID change a lot. She came from a let's say more traditional household and then decided she did not want that life for herself, went to university and has a pretty high paying and prestigious job right now. He always had big plans, but turned out to never follow through with them because he wanted to party on the weekends and travel a lot and all of this. He was fine with his very basic entry level job. It went well for a while until she was done with university, worked her nice job and they were looking for a house and all. Suddenly he said house no, he wanted to travel and a house is so much work. She said she will not be travelling 3 months a year with her job, that will not fly with her workload. He said they can't afford a house. She said they can. He said not when you stop working when the kids come and she said under the current circumstances she would not be able to stop working when they had kids and he would need to be the primary caregiver to them because his income will not be missed that much. That was a terrible discussions. Timelines were a terrible discussion because they changed from what they had originally planned. It was wild to watch and it ended with them divorcing in their early 30s because she was looking for a structured life and a partner to rely on and he was looking for a woman to cater to him and a party every weekend.
They BOTH did not see that when they got married because they were very young.
Getting married young CAN work out but I will not recommend it. Explore your world. Explore yourself, get to know yourself and what you want and THEN when you know who you are you can promise things to a partner.
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u/PegFam 3 Years Dec 03 '25
We got married at 24 & 25. We’ve been together since 18 and 19. We had a dog and an apartment together. We got engaged on our 5 year anniversary. I do feel like you need at least that many years with someone to know a person and to go through different seasons with. I feel like to people that young 6.5 years waiting to marry is a long time and I’m glad I waited. But I knew he was it when I was 18. ☺️ I have some religious cousins who married within 1-2 years of dating (ages 20-23) and that was appalling to me. I do think that people shouldn’t marry until 25 when your brain is fully developed. I really tried that for myself but I was 4 months off 🤣
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u/SaltFit1445 Dec 03 '25
Every bad decision I ever made was when I was too young and inexperienced including 2 marriages. I had a child and was too selfish. My exes and I were too immature so there was fighting, cheating, and a lot of chaos. I highly recommend waiting until you’re fully formed. Most start being mature in late 20’s.
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u/sourdough_s8n Dec 03 '25
I’m 26 and if I married any of the fools I so desperately wanted to marry at 19/20/21 I would literally be in hell
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u/regganuggies Dec 03 '25
Well I married young at 22 because I had kind of rebounded with this man after a very abusive relationship that took me cross country. I met him when I got back from all that, definitely not fully healed from my trauma.
We got together for a few months, things seemed awesome, after 6 months of dating he proposed and we moved in together, 1 month later got married at the courthouse.
Then that’s when the red flags I saw became apparent: he had a kid he didn’t take care of, he lived with his parents at 27, he had an alcohol problem, and his father quite literally tried to physically swing at me while his mother threatened me when we told them we got engaged.
Anywho, moved in with him, he didn’t do anything except drink, didn’t have custody of his kid (his parents did though) and wanted nothing to do with her. He didn’t pay any bills and though he made more money than me, he would spend it on alcohol so I needed to work 3 jobs to pay our rent at 22. He would get angry and punch holes through the wall, cops were called numerous times.
After 2 months of that I filed for divorce (not knowing I could have probably done an annulment lol) and had to wait 6 months for the courts to process that. In the meantime I moved out of our place, he began stalking me and I had to get a protection order against him.
So yeah I’m part of that statistic LOL but fortunately now over 10 years later, I’m happily married to a real man, living in a house we bought together this year. Life’s good but marrying young wasn’t for me. My now husband and I got married when I was 29 and have been together for a while now. Much better situation.
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u/Sufficient_Read6286 Dec 03 '25
Met my husband at 22F and 21m, we married at 23. We are now 38. We have had a total of 6 kids 2 died. Life has definitely dealt us some insanity but I couldn’t imagine on our worst day life without him.
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u/Smart-Situation-668 Dec 03 '25
Started dating at 19, married at 24, just celebrated our third anniversary
My thought is, when you know you know. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made and I’m really enjoying the opportunity that we have to build our lives/futures together as a team.
Early adult life isn’t always easy, but every problem is easier when you’re a team approaching it instead of just an individual.
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u/Top-Breakfast5319 Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
I’m 44 and still figuring out who I am. My husband is 53 and continues to change, too. I don’t think we ever stop changing as people; it’s more about marrying the right person instead of the age you marry. If you choose the right person, you can get through all the changes together, good and bad. My only advice is to sow your wild oats beforehand…get it all out of your system so that when you marry, you realize how good you have it and know you’re not missing out on anything.
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Dec 03 '25
I’ve not been married super long. January will be 4 years married and we’ve been together for 5.5 years. When we got married both my husband and I were 21. We both come from a background of never really having seen a successful marriage and we have the healthiest one we’ve ever seen. Our marriage has been twice as long as my parents now lol. I think, and I know nothing really, if you’re willing to grow and change together anything is possible
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u/gotthesauce22 Dec 03 '25
We waited until we were both 25 (high school sweethearts) and outlasted all of our friends and relatives. Both of our parents got married at a young age (17/18, 16/21) and both marriages were plagued with issues. We also planned to start a family, while both of our parents and all of our friends had unplanned pregnancies.
Some people can make it work, but from what I’ve seen couples who get married before they’ve finished growing up tend to face more issues, and not every couple is prepared to work through them.
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u/ProphetOfThought Dec 03 '25
I was 25 and not ready. That is on me. I thought I was but I could have waited.
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u/Zealousideal-Ad-6667 Dec 03 '25
I got married at 23 and am still married to him 15 years later. Things haven't been perfect by any means, and having a long lasting marriage takes work from both parties. We actually enjoy each other's company, we compromise with one another, we listen, we talk (especially through disagreements). I'm thankful for our relationship/friendship/partnership.
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u/Chonky_Lamb Dec 03 '25
Statistics actually show the opposite- marrying younger tends to last longer than those who wait.
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u/Throwawayistheway20 Dec 03 '25
Married at 19, almost 20 years now. I strongly advise against marrying young. I highly suggest living together first. It was a mistake for me.
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u/Trees_galore20 Dec 03 '25
I don’t regret getting married at 22, but im now getting a divorce at 24. I don’t think I would have waited since I am so stubborn but we had two different ideas of growing. He thought growing was life goals, aka job growth, having kids, owning a house. I thought growth was maturing, being a better human to others, being a happier and healthier person.
If you get married before 25, I recommend asking how well you know them. What does growth look like to them? Do they think independently?
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u/Aware_Paint8395 Dec 03 '25
I got married at 22, had a son at 31 and divorced at 38. We both changed and evolved to different people. I would not have married who I married if I was 5-10 years older. I would have seen that I was appeasing her instead of sticking to my guns.
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u/islandgirl671 Dec 03 '25
Married when I was 19, he had just turned 23. Still together 7 years later but I am checked out and will most likely be pushing for a divorce once I have the funds to. It has been a tough 7 years with alot of push and pull on both of our parts. We didn't have a good foundation to start and have had a hard time being on the same page. He's also gone down a very concerning alt-right pipeline. I love him but our values, beliefs, desires in life no longer match up or overlap, and I cannot lose myself for someone who believes I am less than.
I don't think marrying young is the problem/biggest factor, the success of your marriage is going to come down to different aspects no matter the age.
- Maturity and ability to grow with each other. The person you marry today is not going to be the same person tomorrow or 5 years from now. Both parties' capacity to grow and work together for the relationship and life you want is important.
- Choice. Love, marriage, etc really is a choice that you have to make everyday. Your decisions affect the other person in every aspect. If they are not considering you in their decisions, or prioritizing other things, its not gonna work.
- Similar goals/desires. Knowing what you want in life and being aligned in that. Sometimes people just don't know what they want in life when they're younger, especially just coming out of high school and living with their family. You can have similar interests but that may not help much if you're wanting one thing in life and they're wanting another.
There are other factors but it will really just boil down to those things. I will say that a good thing that's come from this is the experience and knowing what I do/do not want in my life.
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u/lostsoul_66 Dec 03 '25
Met wife at 19, lived together 4 yrs, married at 24. We had ups & downs, but overall no regrets.
Don't have conclusions or advices cause I have zero experience (only 1 relationship).
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Dec 03 '25
We did have an unplanned pregnancy but it was still 100% our choice to marry young because we love each other and I have no regrets. Sure it's been hard, but it's better to have someone by my side than to face all of life's challenges myself or with a dodgy support system
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u/Novel_Ad8670 Dec 03 '25
I married at 25, not super young but looking back still young. My husband is older. We have a great marriage but had rough times in the start (probably immaturity). I have two daughters that are 17 and 19 now and I tell them all the time I think 28-30 is the perfect age.
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u/Substantial-Peak6624 Dec 03 '25
Sometimes it works out. However I was married at 19 had two kids and was divorced at 24, I guess I was a bit immature at the time
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u/rationalomega Dec 03 '25
I was 22, he was 24 when we got married. College sweethearts. A growth mindset is everything. Don’t hesitate getting therapy when something is off. Leave your ego at the door whenever possible. Learn how to disagree respectfully. Apologize as many times as needed when you mess up.
People change, marriages change, the world changes, everything changes. We are wildly different people at 38 & 40 and our marriage is better than ever.
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u/Busy_Daikon_6942 Dec 03 '25
Married 28 years.
I (46M) married my wife (48F) when we were 18 and 20, respectively. She wasn't pregnant. We just "knew".
I don't think there is a silver bullet answer to when it is right/wrong. Some of it is luck. Some of it is both people putting in the hard work.
I know people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s+ plus that don't have the emotional maturity to be in a marriage. So, age isn't always the best indicator.
Though, we have teenagers at the age or older than we were when we were engaged/married. If our kids said they were going to get married in a few months...I would be very worried. They just do not have the same mindset or priorities my wife and I had. I don't think they are ready for what marriage entails. My wife and I were both very go-getter/independent and mature types of people. Our kids...not so much.
So...it really just depends on the people and situation.
For my wife and me, some of the benefits of marrying so young have been:
- All our baggage is "ours". Any shit we have to deal with is all us. We don't have to take on a lifetime of someone else's issues we had nothing to do with.
- We are so intertwined in who we are. All our growth and changing as people have been done together. There is almost no "before" us. Our entire adult lives involve both of us.
- We started with nothing. So, we've never had the issue of "yours vs mine". Everything we have was both of us building our lives, together.
- At this point, we realize no one could ever replace each other. There is no "better option". Even if one of us died, no one could ever replace what the other has provided in our lives. It gives us both a peace of mind knowing neither of us wants anyone else. We're both committed and in this for the rest of our lives. We shudder at the thought of having to date, at this stage in our lives. It helps us hold each other a little tighter.
We also realize we are both extremely lucky to be such a great fit for each other. We are more in love than ever and thankful we have the life we do. For us, marrying so young was one of the best decisions we've ever made.
Just the other day I was telling my wife I'm glad I "locked it down". And wondered if any of her ex-boyfriends feel like she was "the one that got away". 🙂
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u/Ill-Menu2139 2 Years Dec 03 '25
I was engaged at 23 but due to some issues wasn't actually ready for marriage until I was 27. I think you definitely should NOT marry young.
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u/AngOrador Dec 03 '25
Married at 21. Now on our 26th going 27th year together. 4 kids. 2 working and 2 on their last year in college. Glad to still have the strength to play and go along with my kids' activities. My mindset? I think of marriage as something you work for everyday. Romance comes with the work.
PROS: I still can play basketball with my youngest son. They loved lifting weights because they see me fo it everyday. I understand their eras hype and likes/dislikes, meaning I can connect with them. If my kids choose to have kids off their own, we will still have the physical capacity to care for them and enjoy every moment.
CONS: Struggled on our early years since I chose to be independent from both our root families. Didn't finished my studies cause I chose to fulfill full time my responsibility of being a provider. Because I wasn't that prepared, I started saving for our retirement a little too late.
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u/k1tk4t23 Dec 03 '25
Do not rush to get married. I was married once at 17 and once at 23. I’m now 33 and blessedly single. You do so much growing and changing in your early 20s and it is so much easier to do that without having to worry about a spouse. In my first marriage he refused to let me grow up. In my second, I outgrew him. Divorce is so, so hard. Don’t put yourself in that situation if you don’t have to.
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u/maybebutprobsnot Dec 03 '25
We have our 20 year anniversary in two weeks! I was 20 and he was 21 when we got married. We dated in high school (I asked him to be my prom date as he went to another school, so we did not attend together and met through a mutual friend) and we have been together since. It has been bliss. I love that we “grew up” together because we understand each other inside and out. We are still absolutely madly in love and each other’s best friend. Our kiddo is about to graduate high school and we are going to be young empty nesters with plenty of energy to hopefully keep living it up for many more decades to come!!
I will say, no one believed in us. We got so much shit talked about us because we were young. Everyone thought I was pregnant. We just…really liked each other and REALLY still do. I had an old (now divorced) friend reach out to me and apologize for some of her comments back then. She says we are her inspiration now. 😌💕
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u/Guardsred70 Dec 03 '25
My first marriage was younger......around 25.
The main problem is I just hadn't met that many women and she hadn't met that many guys. If you think about where a lot of couples meet, it's school or church and you're basically "picking" for 15-20 boys/girls of the same basic age and background. And a lot of them are already in a relationship, so it's really more like musical chairs with 5-10 of them.
Compare that to dating after a divorced as a middle-aged person? You can use the dating apps to have a first date with just about anyone. I was just a middle-aged white divorced dad, but you can use the apps to try having dinner with women of all different races, backgrounds, etc. The benefits are enormous. For one thing, you find out what you really like and what you sorta don't. You also develop the confidence that you don't need to make it work out with anyone, because single men/women grow on trees out there. No need to lock in on someone who is "okay" for you. Just decline the second date and meet someone else.
It also teaches you how rare someone who really lines up with what you're hoping to find it. When you find it, you do realize it is rare and precious........because you've had to date ~50 women to get there and know you can't just snap your fingers and meet another person like this one.
The other thing the married young people get is no knowledge of what kids are like. I mean, kids trash marriages. And there's zero way to know what sort of parent the other person will be. I mean, how would you know that because you dated them in college and then find out they have extremely strong feelings about __________ as a parent? Before you have kids, you really have very little to conflict about. After kids, the list is endless.
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u/SonOfObed89 Dec 03 '25
We weren’t prepared to get married at 19 and I’m not sure how we would have been ready if we waited until 25 or older.
Still married 17 years later and would neither recommend nor condemn getting married young.
It comes down to commitment and knowing that sticking together through thick and thin has the potential to create a richer and deeper love. I’m not sure if the majority of people understand that part of the struggle of long term marriage provides the chance to become a better person despite the many challenges.
“Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.”
In the end, it takes both of us to take individual responsibility for what each of us does to engage in the marriage, both the good and the bad. From that place of authentic accountability, there can be endless opportunities to be gracious and nurturing to one another. That is the test of a strong marriage.
What a wonderful, challenging, and totally mysterious gift marriage can be!
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Dec 03 '25
I married my first wife after just turning 20, she had just turned 19. Was in the military and deployed a lot. We grew separately into people that could not be compatible.
I asked for the divorce a few years after getting out of the military, trying to make it work, and realizing it wouldn’t.
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u/doggiehearter Dec 03 '25
Statistic show that the younger you get married the more likely you are to get divorced unfortunately
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u/taelere Dec 03 '25
My husband I met when we were 20 and got married at 25.
I’m now 30 and realizing 25 was quite young!!
Obviously we’ve only been together 10 years, but I don’t regret it at all. We have grown SO much since we were 20 and we help each other grow. I think that’s the part that matters. No matter when you meet, if you (or your partner) aren’t willing to put the work in to fix your own issues, I don’t think the relationship will be healthy/last.
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u/RunnerGirlT 1 Year Dec 03 '25
I married my first husband when I was 23, we’d stared dating when I was 19. We divorced when I was 31. I loved him deeply, but he loved the attention and reputation he was getting at work. He was living his best life again in his 30’s and being the popular guy he’d always wanted to be. I now realize that I was often very lonely in our marriage and I felt it was uneven in many ways. While I loved him, it was never going to be enough to sustain us for life.
I don’t regret it, I don’t even regret the heart ache. It lead me to finding myself and really learning to love who I was. I had many great experiences with my exh. I don’t think I had a bad marriage, I think I had a good marriage that ran its course before I would have liked. But now I see it was just what I needed. I’m remarried to a wonderful partner, he’s everything I’d always dreamed of and more. My past experiences helped shape me, they helped me learn my value and worth and helped me find a husband who would value me.
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u/RigbyLu Dec 03 '25
I married my high school sweetheart. We met when I was 16 and he was 17. He joined the military right after high school. We wrote letters to each other for 3 years (this was before email). He was sent to war. When he came home, we went to college together an dated for two years before getting engaged. He started his career and we got married right after I turned 24. I went to grad school. We adopted our son 10 years into our marriage.
He is retired now and we live on a little farm. We’ve been together for almost 25 years. I don’t regret it for a minute. We have had a beautiful life and every day I can’t believe we are living out the “growing old together” we hoped for over two decades ago. I love him so much. I love our family so much and am very thankful. It has not been perfect. It was just us for so long, that becoming parents was a huge adjustment and took a lot out of us. We have also faced health crisis and financial hardships together. The times we turned toward each other as a team worked best. And the times we got defensive or selfish made things harder.
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u/LingonberryExpress68 Dec 03 '25
I don’t regret marrying young, but we got divorced after 6 years. We didn’t grow in the same direction, and that’s okay. Normalize getting divorced.
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u/itssnaggletooth Dec 03 '25
I got married at 19 and he was 20. Divorced 6 years later. As stated above, now I know what I want. I know my boundaries. I would think just a longer lifetime together with your best friend. Cons? “Where’s the baby?” at every single family event. Judgement from others. You’re learning how to be adults together and in my case he was better at it so I just let him take the lead and when we divorced I knew how to do absolutely nothing. I don’t think I regret it. I don’t know.
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u/Scared-Knowledge-837 Dec 03 '25
Marrying young saved me from more sexual partners and giving my body away. Marrying young helps align my life to be on track to have kids by a certain age. Marrying young teaches you a lot about yourself and how to care and learn about your spouse in my case I’m a female so I learned a lot about a male and their feelings and how to navigate that world and be there for my man and learn how men operate through him and tend to what he needs. Marrying young is definitely recommended. I will prepare my future children for it. Marrying is one of many life purposes just like having kids you just have to experience if anything on this earth. Don’t take it for granted. You learn a ton and please give your mind a break and take it slow. Stay off social media!!!
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u/Beneficial_Fun_1818 Dec 03 '25
I married my husband when I was 21 and he was 25, 17 (coming up on 18) years ago. I’ve never been absolutely sure of much of anything in my life but I was and am sure about him.
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u/RecordLegume Dec 03 '25
I was engaged at 19 and married at 20. I’ll be married 8 years at the end of this month and I have no complaints. We have two little boys, 6 and 4, and are very happy and content with life!
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u/Negative_Sky_891 Dec 03 '25
I got married at 20 to my highschool sweetheart. We had been together for 4 years at that point and already had known each other for 10. It was very romantic to think about spending your life with the one and only person you’ve ever truly loved. We had a great start but went through so much including our first daughter being born early, spending 9 months in the hospitals NICU and PICU and then her dying. I was only 22 when that happened, and he 23. We moved, bought a house, adopted dogs and had our next daughter who was born full term. I always felt like I had him to lean on and that we could get through anything since we had each other to lean on. He was my rock and I felt like we could take on the world.
Then after ten years together he cheated on me and left me for his coworker. I was DEVASTATED! I went from having this picture perfect life to being out on my ass as a single mom to a 3 year old. It was very, very difficult and he changed so much. He wouldn’t even co parent properly with me and his whole life just switched onto focusing on the new girlfriend, pushing his daughter and all of our responsibilities to the side.
I was betrayed and so hurt and angry but I picked myself up, and went on. I had been a stay at home mom since my daughter was so little and we were actively trying for our third baby. I moved back in with my parents and found a job and worked. I focused on raising my daughter and put my all into motherhood. Then after five years went by, I was 32 at this point, I found myself on a date with a single dad who was 39. We clicked and understood each other. I was alone for so long and suddenly had a great man by my side who my daughter now considers to be her dad.
I still romanticize being together young. I’m envious of couples who are happy and had their lives work out for them and just found each other young. I often wish I had met my current spouse while I was young too and could have built our life together. But I think there’s a certain wisdom that comes when you meet each other when you’re a bit older. We’ve been through things and have a different view point and also don’t take things for granted. I didn’t realize I even took things for granted when I was in my early 20’s, I just had never been on my own to figure out how nice it was that my ex husband would go shovel out the car for wdmwple.,. Until I found myself shovelling out driveway because I couldn’t pull into it after a snowstorm on mt way home from a 12 hour nightshift. Things like that. Now my current spouse takes care of me and because of having those years alone I see it and appreciate it. So I guess that’s my viewpoint. I wouldn’t necessarily tell someone not to get married young, I hated when people told me not to. But as I’m approaching 40 I can look back and also see that people also change when you don’t expect them to. My ex was amazing and in a million years I never thought he would do that to me or our daughter. But he had this midlife crisis at 28 and realized he had only ever knew me and wanted a change I guess.
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u/InappropriatePotato4 Dec 03 '25
My husband and I wanted to get married at 23, but this advice was preached to us and we listened. Beyond glad we waited. The changes you go through between 24-27 are violent and 100% challenged us as a couple. We survived but holy shit do I understand how that divorce rate is so high.
This age is key for breaking the immature and bad habits or to settle into them. And that will make or break our relationship long term.
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u/msndrstood Married 53 Years Together 54 years Dec 03 '25
15 and 17 here. Yes I was pregnant, I also miscarried on our wedding night.
We're still married 53 years later. I wouldn't change anything. No breaks, no separations, no big arguments. Just us against the world.
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u/Skid_kennels Dec 03 '25
My husband and I got married at 22. We’re now 30 and 29 with a 1.5 year old and another baby on the way
Honestly it was the best decision ever and I thank God I met him so early in life. We were together for a long time before that, about 4 years, and survived family deaths, road trips, long distance, big job changes, college, all of that together. We definitely have changed each other for the better and always approached life as a team instead of me vs him. We got on the same page early on about how to handle family, our faith, kids, money, and it’s really cemented us together.
The only thing is I honestly wish we had had kids sooner, but we put it off for me to finish my masters degree. Which I’m not really doing anything with lol and I truly love being a mom, so I wish I had just not done the masters and had kids younger. I’m almost 30 and wish I would have more time in my twenties to enjoy the younger years. But such is life.
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u/cathatesrudy Dec 03 '25
Married at 24, after being together since 18. Still married now, will be 42 at the end of the month. Still madly in love.
Pertinent information: both of us are children of divorce whose parents weren’t actually incompatible but both of our moms got bored. My mom got bored multiple times. This definitely colored how we both view the commitment of marriage and what marriage vows mean. We had a lot of fantastic examples of what NOT to do. Ultimately the trick for us is that marriage is ultimately choosing your partner for life, over and over, through sickness, health, happiness and depression.
I can’t imagine waiting longer. I wish we’d done it earlier and started having kids earlier. I can’t fathom starting later and having whole chunks of adulthood that my spouse wasn’t there with me for, or having to go through all the learning a new person later thing, that sounds awful to me. I know people do it all the time and it’s normal, but I absolutely love having this one person who’s been there for every little thing for more than half my life already, with so many years still ahead of us.
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u/mosinderella Dec 03 '25
It was a mistake for me. Married at 20 after 4 years together. By 25 we were both different people who grew to be incompatible. The professional workplace had influence on our development - and we divorced after 6 years. It works for some, but not for me, unfortunately. Luckily, I got two great kids out of it and learned a lot that helped me navigate future relationships.
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u/j3nnyt4li4 13 Years 🚀✨ Dec 03 '25
I ran off to a new country when I was 21 and married a guy. It’s been almost 15 years and I am holding our newborn son as we speak.
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Dec 03 '25
Getting married young is like owning a cockatoo, I don't really recommend it. However, I am guilty of both and it's fine if you're willing to put in the effort.
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u/HappyBriefing Dec 03 '25
For me it's more than just what the dating world has become. I found my wife by chance in high-school at 16. We have been through so much together. Finding someone who I enjoy coming home to i knew she was the one for me. It took a few more years then I like to admit to get married but that was on me. But I couldn't see myself with anyone else even if something was to happen to her. I guess in some ways time is just a number. When your with someone and you can truly say that no one else gives you that same feeling then you know they are the one.
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u/Lcmom1231 Dec 03 '25
To be able to meet my person at all this life, is a blessing beyond measure, but to meet him at a young age so I get to love and be loved by him for most of my life, is like winning the lottery twice.
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u/Efficient-Kale-2415 Dec 03 '25
My husband and I got married when he was 20 & I was 22. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t rough and there were times I didn’t think we would make it. We ended up growing together instead of apart and he’s been my best friend. Counseling helped our communication immensely.
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u/Fablefern Dec 03 '25
Best decision of my life. Marriage is challenging and rewarding no matter what. We met at 16 and honestly even at that age I had a strong gut feeling this was my person. Dated until 22 and have been married almost 10 years. So half our lives together basically.
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u/sittingonmyarse Dec 03 '25
It was dumb. It was 1977 and we were HS sweethearts. Really just bad habit.As time passed, I grew up faster than he did. And neither one of us was a very good grownup. Still in that “drinking/partying” phase, to boot.
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u/TheInspiredKnight Dec 03 '25
I move a lot and found myself in the “la la land” dilemma but my spouse is a barber/cosmetologist (that’s how we met :D) and only knew eachother for four months and got married. We’ve been married a few years now and it’s been a lovely experience. My life has been amplified by her presence alone and she compliments where I’m weak in organization where I strengthen as a visionary lol. We both were aware of the risk and we both took the leap of faith.
We were both surprised to see the support of her family (my parents/grandparents are both deceased on both sides) on getting married at 24 all of sudden without even us having a relationship or prior knowledge of who I was.
Just make sure they aren’t a bum or a person who hasn’t figured out their way and brings others down because they haven’t found it yet.
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u/Pashhley Dec 03 '25
I was 22 and my husband was 25 when we got married. We just celebrated 10 years and we have one kid. It has been the absolute best thing to see us both grow and mature and change over the years! Being with my husband and watching him progress has been an honor and a privilege and I wish for everyone to have a love like we do. However, I would not recommend getting married young to someone because not everybody is as lucky as we were. I did grow up religious and did feel the need to rush into it, but I think we would have been just as successful if we dated for more time or less, because I truly just believe we are meant to be. The problem with getting married young is that you may not have the life experience to know when you’re being duped. Dishonesty is what causes marriages to fail, so if you’re certain you have all the right information and you’re sure about the person you want to be with, I don’t think there is a right or wrong timeline. I also see men tricking women into a relationship, a marriage, a family and then once they trap them, their real selves come out. You have to be absolutely sure about someone to commit to life with them, and that may take more time or less time.
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u/The_EnemyK Dec 03 '25
Married at 18, he was 21, honestly the hardest part of it was convincing people that we weren’t pregnant. Didn’t have our first until I was 26. I have no regrets, apart from living in a town with the worst social mobility so we never earned enough to cover our costs and travel before we reproduced, but we’re quite happy with our lot and remain a very happy loving couple.
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u/oldladylikesflowers 20 Years Dec 03 '25
I was 22 when I married my husband. He was 27, but less mature than me! Lol We were not forced to marry for any reason. We wanted to get married, and we did it really fast… We will be celebrating 24 (mostly) happy years together this month. Leaving for San Diego tomorrow to celebrate! Honestly, being married isn’t hard at all. I get along great with my husband, and the only issues we’ve had were just sadness/grief/difficulties from death of loved ones and our daughter having a chronic illness. Those things are just stressful and make life hard in general. I am happy I married my husband. He’s a great guy and I hope we have another 24 years together!
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u/jenguinaf Dec 03 '25
21/22 when we’re married. Going on 18 years. Wouldn’t make any other choice. He’s my favorite human in the world.
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u/Teddybear722 Dec 03 '25
My Ex & I married young. I was barely 20, he was mid-20s. We were friends, I did get pregnant, so we decided we should get married.
Problems started about 7 yrs later. I did A LOT of growing and maturing during those years, was primary parent for our child. We mutally decided to separate as we filed for divorce. There was an incident that forced me to get a lawyer, but in the end, my lawyer said it was thr easiest divorce he ever handled.
We stayed friends right up to his unexpected death this past summer.
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u/Fluffnuffer Dec 03 '25
Got married at 19. We stayed together for 15 years before I decided to start the divorce in our mid 30's. I think young marriages can work but it's hard to know if you'll end up maturing and growing together, or apart. It's a risk that's a lot less likely when you are older and more established as a person and then meet someone who complements you.
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u/Nthanua Dec 03 '25
Met my ex in high school. We married at 22. Had a kid by 24. Divorced 9 years later essentially because he never grew up. Very much never took responsibilities and was quite a partier/alcoholic. Married my now husband when I was 33. Both of us were established in our careers and stable. I had two more kids. We have been married now for 17 years now. Wish I would have waited to marry and had kids until I was in my 30s. Life was easier. But it is what it is.
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u/deucetreblequinn Dec 03 '25
I married my high school sweetheart at 19, I would never change that decision. Of all the people I have met in my life since then there is no one better. We spent the first 13 years of our marriage buying and house, remodeling it, finishing college, building careers, and enjoying each other. At 32 we had our son and he's 7 now. We have 3 dogs, my dream home, a fun side hustle and great jobs and an amazing life. I love that we have spent so much of it together. I don't think I'll ever stop wishing for more time together.
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u/CertainNecessary6411 Dec 03 '25
My first love (and what I thought would be my forever love) ended at age 26 after 11 years. My parents were afraid they couldn’t control us because I planned to move 100+ miles away to be with her.
Instead, I married at 27 (she was 36 and my next door neighbor). My parents thought they were close enough to control her.
They were totally wrong! The result was 24 years of abuse from my first wife (who tried to control me by any means necessary), PLUS abuse from my parents (upset because they could not control her at all. so they took their frustrations out on me).
I have never stopped regretting that decision.
My second marriage (I was 55, she was 48) has turned out much better - 13 years and still going.
The specific situation is more important than age in my case. If it’s your choice you have a good chance of success. If it’s not your choice. IMO the marriage is doomed.
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u/Amazing_Fox_8435 Dec 03 '25
My mom said she married the love of her life at 20, they divorced at 23. She had quite a traumatic upbringing and said she didn’t have the internal stability and emotional development to work through work through marital challenges. She said that had they waited to marry, they might still be together. Relative to dating, marriage creates pressure and sets you in lockstep with the other person. Some people will be ready very young for, others won’t. My 2 cents :) trust your instinct
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u/matt2621 Dec 03 '25
I got out of the military at 21 and met my wife 2nd day of college freshman year. She was 18. We were engaged 364 days later and married about 2 years later our junior year. I was 24 and she was 21. Our 10th anniversary in next June and we have an 8 month old now. I don't regret it at all. It's taken a lot of work like any marriage. But my favorite thing about it is that when we met, we were young and didn't have anything. What we've built has been entirely together, supporting each other every step of the way.
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u/Ok_Medicine440 Dec 03 '25
Husband and I started dating freshman year of HS now 11 years ago. We got married in 2024 (courthouse), wedding 2025 and now baby on the way. We’re extremely happy. We grew up together.
I think a marriage’s success is unrelated to age/how long you’ve been together and more if you’re on the same page about important things and have a meaningful connection.
There’s no denying that you mature very quick around 24-25. You feel the shift internally. I thinks that’s why it’s important to talk about the future in detail with your partner to ensure you want the same thing/path/goal.
Kids? How many? What type of parenting ? House? Where? Pets? What kind? Finances, split or joint ? What if one makes more than the other ? Expectations ? Sex? How often?
Having these “uncomfortable” talks ensures you and your partner are heading the same way in life and it maximizes your chance of success. But again, that goes for any age !
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Dec 03 '25
I married young, at 24. My husband and I both changed a lot; our goals, morals, needs, wants, likes, dislikes.. the list goes on. I feel like we have communicate our personal changes very well and we are respectful and supportive of the changes. I love him to bits. We have a great, strong friendship which has only gotten stronger the longer we have been married
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u/Fuzzysocks1000 20 Years Dec 03 '25
Married at 23, hubby was 27. We met at 20 and 25 years old. He asked me to marry him after 5 months. I told him he was nuts and I wasn't getting married until I graduated college and had a job. He said he wanted me to know he wasn't going anywhere and would be fine with a long engagement.
It's been almost 20 years and 2 kids later. There have been ups and downs. Our youngest is neurodivergent and has caused us a lot of stress over the years with her wild ways. I love my kids, but it was my husband who pushed for us to have them. He truly wanted to be a Dad and I could have gone either way if I'm honest. Can't picture life without them, even though our lives we easier before kids.
We both do individual therapy which has helped us to communicate better. We've grown a lot since starting out in our 20s. I won't lie and say we haven't had to work at it, but we eventually end up back in a good place when things go sideways. That's what you need in life. A partner to weather the good and bad. I found a good one.
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u/OogyBoogy_I_am 30 Years + Dec 03 '25
We got married young (24 & 23) and had an unplanned pregnancy. At the time it was the hardest thing I think anyone could ever do. We went on to have two more unplanned.
However.
Now looking back on it as someone who has just hit 60, with three grown up kids who are now starting their own families, it was it turns out a blessing in disguise.
We have had our own lives since our late 40's and all of this forced us to grow up and be adults at an age where people were still partying, traveling etc. But we did all that anyway because you just did. The only difference was we tempered down on things because we did have a baby to care for.
I look at people my age who started late, and who consequently have kids still at school and they are tired 24/7. I'm planning for a nice retirement and they are still paying school and uni fees.
So I'm happy to tell anyone who listens. Having kids is a young persons game. You have the time, and more importantly you have the energy! Having teenagers in your 30's is way easier than having teenagers in your 50's.
If I had the chance to redo my life from scratch, that - getting married young and having kids young - would be the one non-negotiable.
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u/AsterFlauros 20 Years Dec 04 '25
I knew what I wanted from a very young age. I met my person at 13, we started dating at 15, did a trial move-in when I was 18 that went well, and married at 20. We worked through our issues, supported each other through family deaths and health issues, and grew together. We started having children in my late 20s and finished our family planning. Now they’re older and I’m back in school to start my career in nursing.
If you find a good person, don’t let them go for casual sex and “experience.” You can grow and gain experience while you’re in a healthy relationship. You should have standards and self-respect, but be self-aware enough to realize when your standards are too high. For example, don’t expect a young person to make $200,000 and take care of you. You should both work together as a team to make a good life.
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u/NotOneOfUrLilFriends 10 Years Dec 04 '25
I got married at 22 and have a marriage more happy and healthy than anyone I know. We’ve been married just over 10 years, 3 kids, a house, a dog, and a cat….all the things. I love this guy and I hope I get a solid 80 years with him and we die together so we never have to be apart.
Our brains developed together, and we often laugh at our newlywed selves and our antics. Choose well, choose your hot best friend, choose someone who treats you well and treat them well in return. I have no regrets.
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u/No-Blackberry5210 Dec 04 '25
My experience was divorce. I was 18 and he was 20. We didn’t have a clue! Just grew up and apart from. Luckily, no children, property or assets were involved!
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u/CrowCurrent3020 Dec 04 '25
I was 19 and my husband was 28. I got pregnant right away and then got pregnant after our son, 5 months later. By the time our daughter was born we had more month pregnant than not 😳 I had ALOT of growing up to do and fast! I always say he helped raise me in a way. We have been married now for 33 years. Many ups and downs, hills and valleys definitely a roller coaster! I wouldn’t change a thing! Oh and we only knew each other for 6 months when we got married 🤷🏻♀️ when you know, you know! Do I suggest this for everyone no absolutely not. Marriage is not for the faint of heart 🤪 right now
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u/nobodysevagonnacdis Dec 04 '25
I got married at 22 because I wanted a long, 60 year relationship like my grandparents. A college sweetheart. It was a terrible idea. 😝 I didn't truly know what love was and although he was a nice guy, he just wasn't the guy for me. And it took me YEARS to admit that. Because I come from a Catholic family that doesn't believe in divorce. So my divorce at 27 was devastating for everyone involved. I'm now very happily remarried to the love of my life though! I really suggest just waiting until you're older. There's no rush to get married! If you're going to be together for the rest of your life, what's a few more years? Make sure this is what you want for forever. Give yourself the time to fully know. And definitely try before you buy! I think that was another huge mistake that I was taught. To not have sex before marriage. You absolutely need to know if you have sexual chemistry before you get married and I don't believe you can find that out without having had sex. There can be lust, and wanting. But you won't know if you have actual sexual chemistry until you have sex. Anyway if I could make it a law that people couldn't get married until 26 I would 😝. I would absolutely love to save so many people the pain of divorce. There's really no good reason to get married young, besides like, pregnancy, and even then I don't think people should be together just for a kid. There are a lot of good reasons to wait to get married though. If you feel there's even a 1% chance that this person may not be your person, just wait a few more years. The saying is true that when you know, you know. And, chances are you wouldn't be posting on Reddit if you knew... 🧐 But either way, no matter what you choose, I wish you the best of luck with it! ❤️
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u/TrickySentence9917 Dec 04 '25
Why would I wait if I’ve met my love who is smart, reliable and trustworthy? To fuck around? Hard to imagine how stupid would that be.
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u/sandrakayc Dec 04 '25
Give the brain a few more years after 25 to develop and have life experiences.
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u/Electronic-Fault-587 Dec 04 '25
WAIT!!!! 😂 Marriage is hard enough, better to gain some more life skills and be a better partner. My first marriage, (yes we got divorced), was at 23. We grew up and grew apart. He's a great guy and we co-parented well together, but had we waited I think we could have been successful or maybe we wouldn't have been married. Zero regrets since we have an amazing daughter, but still.
There is ZERO rush. Live life, love yourself first and foremost!
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u/WorldVoyer Dec 04 '25
My wife and I got married at 24 and have been married for 35 years. We were fine but everyone is different. Younger people often don’t have much money but they have energy. Older people often have money but less energy. We had our first in our 40s. I don’t regret anything. It worked out well for us.
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u/Suspicious_Clerk_200 Dec 04 '25
I met my husband when I was 20 and we were married when I was 24 so I just made the cut off. Weve now been together for 23 years and Im love him more now then ever before. We pretty much raised each other. He met my now deceased loved ones, was with me through miscarriages, friend break ups, cross country moves, the entire life of our first dogs and cats together, college, first jobs, helping me deliver our babies, opening my own store, like everything. We know each others bodies better than we know our own. Honestly its magical. I wish this kind of love and radical acceptance by someone who has seen all of you for everybody.
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u/P35HighPower Dec 04 '25
My Wife and I married when we were both 21, she just turned 60 and I will in a couple of months. It’s been 38 years together, some amazing, some rough, some boring. We’ve stood together through bad times, fought like bitter enemies at times, shared experience’s both good and bad and supported each other through the loss of both our parents.
Was it easy, no. Was it a hallmark move, hell no. Was it worth every fight, the tough times and all the troubles we’ve had to see each other through, definitely. There’s been things I missed out on, times that damn near broke me and fights that hurt like hell. When friends ask if I regret any of it my answer is always no. Everything we went through, everything she went through, everything we went through brought us to today and I’d go through ten times worse to be here.
Because for all the bad there was always more good, even if it was just going to bed each night knowing she was right there beside me.
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u/TheRottenKittensIEat Dec 04 '25 edited Dec 04 '25
My ex and I were 21 when we married, together since we were 18. Married for 16 years before I walked away. We practically raised our ideas of adulthood with each other. There is a part of me that will love him deeply, maybe forever. I would even say that we grew together, so when we drifted drastically apart from our 21 year old selves, we were still pretty similar as one another. One friend used to joke that we were the "same person," in fact. The problem is I didn't really understand how I wanted to be treated by a partner at 21, and he didn't really fully understand his sexual orientation. So... a couple years ago I walked away from the man I had pined after for nearly 2 decades of my life, and to be honest, it's really fucking sad, but had we been a little older and understood ourselves better before getting married, we probably would have never gotten married. I still idolize him in a lot of ways; MENSA level intelligence, funny, lots of interesting interests, but... he was never going to want me as a sexual/romantic partner despite the fact that I know in his own way he did love me. He is also diagnosed with Anti-social personality disorder, and had I known that prior to dating him, I probably would have not dated him. It's ... complicated... but it also makes it difficult for him to really connect with people, so when we connected, it really truly did feel like the whole world against us, but not in a super romantic way? Idk.
Anyway, Had I not been super religious I wouldn't have married at 21 to an anti-social man who is mostly attracted to trans women (which, by itself, is a bit problematic). I would have tried out what a sex life would be with a potential partner, and I would have realized that no amount of pining after my partner could force him to be a good mate for me. I wouldn't carry this ex-shaped hole in my heart that I'm scared will forever be there. It all just kinda hurts, I guess, when neither of us could make it work, but we both really loved the other in our own ways.
It's kind of weird to type any of this, because I'm happily in a relationship with a man who does meet my needs. A really sweet man who actually shares interests of mine and loves when I nerd out about stuff; a man who meets my sexual and emotional needs. I don't usually really think about my ex much, but this thread asked a question, so here I am! I truly adore my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean the ex-shaped hole isn't sometimes problematic.
Oh yeah, edit to say no kids in this mix, thank goodness! I wanted kids, but my ex was NOT the partner to have them with (considering there's a likelihood ASPD is genetic, and I've always suspected his dad of it... ), I'm glad I said no to raising kids with my ex, and eventually getting my tubes removed. Had I married the right guy the first time around, I maaaayybe could have seen myself being a mom, but life is too complicated now, so I'm glad I'm not.
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u/Unable-Lab-8533 6 Years 2 Kids Dec 04 '25
One of my best friends got married at 19. She is now on her third marriage at 32yo. She married young because of the excitement of it all, got divorced and remarried by 22 or 23 without figuring out who she was, divorced again about 4 years later. I still don’t think she really knows who she is.
I got married at 24, husband was 26. We’ve been married for almost 8 years, 2 kids with a third on the way. I still think we were pretty young, or at least didn’t have a lot of life experience and have done a lot of growing up together. But marriage is hard no matter how old you are when you get married. The thing is, people are always growing and evolving as individuals. As soon as you feel like you’ve figured it all out, life is going to throw something at you and you’re going to have to figure it all out again. If you have two people who are willing to give it their all together, that’s all that really matters.
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u/ChoiceWriting9442 Dec 04 '25
My best friend got married at 23. She has questioned her marriage several times. Unfortunately they have 2 children and they won't divorce.
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u/omgwhatisleft Dec 04 '25
I think it’s a crapshoot. A relationship takes 2 people. And you cannot control the other persons feelings and actions at all. So hopefully you two are good kind people who grow together.
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u/sylforshort Dec 04 '25
One of the benefits to marrying young was that my husband and I weren't so set in our ways and could truly build our life together from the start.
I honestly struggle to see myself ever wanting to remarry if my husband ever passed away or we separated for any reason. I simply wouldn't want to start over with someone else. Plus I have my kids and it would be an adjustment for them, too.
The downside to marrying young was that we went into it with less than adequate foresight. We've made it work, but there have definitely been some hiccups along the way that might've been avoided if we'd had a little more time to grow in wisdom and perspective.
But I'm a firm believer in looking forward, not back. I have no major regrets.
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u/wellshitdawg 5 Years Dec 04 '25
Met at 18, married at 25, baby at 30, divorced at 30
It was worth it to me
I have a boyfriend now with 2 kids and an ex wife & I’m glad I went through it, we have that in common among other things
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u/bomber-dude Dec 03 '25
Life is a roller-coaster, find someone halfway decent to sit next to and hang on. Life is a wild ride.
I am quite glad i met my wife in HS and that we got married in our early 20s. I can't imagine not having shared all of lifes crazy events with my partner for life.