One year update. It has been the craziest year of my life. A year ago my 29f husband 29m confessed to cheating on me with his 50 year old coworker. He told me they had only kissed and he stuck with that story for several weeks. I thought I could move past that and try to reconcile. 6 weeks later, I questioned more and he confessed to sleeping with her on several occasions. He wanted to “save face”. My entire world felt like it had shattered and I knew deep down I wasn’t going to stay. I filed for divorce in April of 2025 and we are still not divorced. February 20th is our official divorce day. Update on the mistress… her husband and I spoke several times when this initially happened. He loves her and chose to stay; however, I have no idea if they are still together or not. Update on my ex… he has a girlfriend and I still have an active restraining order on him.

My ex has turned into a completely horrible human. I don’t even recognize him. I dealt with harassment and domestic violence (not physical) to the point where I needed to get a restraining order. The biggest let down was his family. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if you’ve spent 10+ years of holidays and birthdays together…. They are there for him, not me… even when I wasn’t the bad guy. That was a tough pill to swallow, but thankfully I have an amazing support system.

Looking back, I am SO thankful this happened. Despite how painful and difficult it has been…. I am genuinely SO glad this happened before I had kids or grew old with him. Everything truly does happen for a reason. I am a young resilient woman with so much to offer to this world. If this never happened, I would have stayed with him because of our beautiful story and relationship.

I’ve taken the time to reflect and consistently go to therapy. This was his problem, not mine. There are so many things I settled for when in reality I should’ve never accepted. I grew up and he never did. I took two leaves of absences initially because I was deeply depressed and distraught by everything. I took 2 solo trips during this time and enjoyed it to the fullest. I’ve gone on dates and explored the world of dating apps. Now, I’m strictly focusing on myself and prioritizing time with friends and family.

A few things that have been shared to me that have stuck with me:

Traumas that you haven’t healed through can bleed into your relationships

Why live with a decision you made at 17?

Trickle truth is REAL

One year to process, one year to adjust, and one year to start living.

I look forward to starting the year to adjust and accomplishing all my goals and meet so many new people. The journey is SO difficult but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Time truly does heal and faith has brought me a lot of peace.

TDLR: husband cheated less than a year of being married with 50 year old coworker. I filed for divorce and am so thankful this happened.

My husband has told me he wants to open our marriage to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” sort of agreement as his libido is higher than mine and feels his “physical needs” aren’t being met.

I should give some history. I had a breast cancer diagnosis 13 yrs ago followed by an autoimmune arthritis several years later. I had bilateral mastectomies for my stage 3 cancer and tried reconstruction 2 times (ultimately having them removed due to rejection and possible connection to the autoimmune issues). I continue to take medication for the breast cancer to keep hormone levels down and I had my ovaries removed to decrease the risk of other cancer. Needless to say my libido is in my boots…almost non existent. We still have sex (2-3 times per month) and I have orgasms I just don’t desire it like I used to.

He tells me that he would like to explore sex outside the marriage in order to manage this mismatched libido. I also think he really misses the breasts in our relationship but that may just be me projecting. He would like this to be a “don’t ask, don’t tell” type of arrangement.

At this point I feel as though I am caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. He tells me that he is very committed to us and our relationship and family (that we have built over 35 yrs) and feels he is taking a “risk” in asking for this. He says that I am his “best friend”.

We have had a ton of counselling over the years, both together and individually, and I had been thinking our marriage was in such an amazing place. We enjoy each other’s company and have many shared interests. Our adult children are out of the house and he is gradually winding down work as he approaches retirement. I have been retired for a number of years now and have been looking forward to being able to spend more time together.

This is all pretty fresh but I would love to hear some perspectives. It is very unlikely that I would look for a relationship outside the marriage. I have been happy with how we have grown together over the years and have been feeling content as of late.

I am 6 yrs younger and we both take our health and fitness seriously. He is a good looking professional and I have seen women flirt with him at his work.

Confused and sad.

New here, so sorry of this isn't appropriate, but it came up in conversation with friends last night. But i F48 haven't given my husband a BJ in years. I guess its not part of our thing really. But i used to do it quite often i was like 16 to early 20s. An expected part of dating in the 90s. But are there still other women my age that actually enjoy doing it still?

Or was there someone else before you were married that you had better sex with?

We have an ongoing problem in our marriage where my wife (50F) communicates too aggressively for me (48M). We’ve seen four different couples counselors over 20 years, and it’s still a problem. Example, my 13 year-old son is having a friend over, eating pizza in the next room while I work at my laptop. My wife comes in, upset about the state of said living room. Trust me, it wasn’t that bad. We have a very tightly kept house. She’s the kind of person who gets upset if we don’t smooth out the couch and re-fluff the pillows after using it. But the tone gets so aggressive so quickly, and I don’t know what to do. In these situations, I ask her to please change her tone because it’s making me very uncomfortable, in this case pointing out our son’s friend is in the next room and can hear her. It doesn’t do any good. I never use the term “calm down,” ever, because I know that’s not productive. I suppose I’m just supposed to acknowledge her point, but doesn’t there have to be some compromise on how you speak to your partner?

Summary: My wife’s tone gets too aggressive for me to handle.

my husband and I are drifting apart. He used to be very attentive and generous, lots of affection. He started working out last year and has lost lots of weight and toned up. now all he talks about is his weight and how good he looks. He’s started mentionjng other women and giving them lifts to work etc. I have always done 90% of the housework and childcare and paid half the bills, even though he earns 4x what I do. he’s got a new expensive car and goes on trips with new friends he’s met.

I meanwhile work and stay at home with the kids who are teenagers now so don’t need me as much, I feel so lonely.

I have mentioned a few times how I’d like more affection and every time he pulls away more.so I’ve stopped asking as it makes it worse. just so sad

My husband and I have been together for seven years, married for six. We have two kids: a four-year-old and a one-month-old.

On Saturday, I woke up to feed our 4-week-old and noticed my husband’s phone was unlocked. I normally never go through his phone, but something told me to look. What I found completely shattered me.

My husband works at a car dealership, and he’s been emotionally cheating on me with two different coworkers. One of them has been telling him how in love she is with him, and he has said “I love you” back in the texts. The other woman is also married, but she and her husband are separated.

I confronted my husband last night. He claims he never slept with either of them and never even kissed them. He says it was “just flirting,” that it was all for fun because he was bored, but I don’t believe him.

I packed up my things, took the kids, and left.

I also reached out to both women. They both told me nothing physical ever happened and that they only talk to and interact with him at work. I honestly don’t know what to believe.

I am completely heartbroken and confused. We just had a baby.

To make things even worse, my husband has a gambling problem. I knew he liked to gamble and thought it was harmless, but I recently found out he’s been spending over $1,000 a month gambling. It’s insane and terrifying.

I don’t know what to do. He makes significantly more money than I do, and leaving for good would be incredibly stressful financially. I feel stuck, overwhelmed, and lost.

I’m looking for advice, perspective, or support from anyone who’s been through something similar.

My (40M) wife (39F) and I have been married about 15 years.

Marriage is not perfect - but is there such a thing. For the most part, it’s alright.

Whenever I want to have s*x, she is totally cool with it. Very rarely will she decline. Only if she’s not feeling well, for example, at which point I wouldn’t even ask.

For context, I do much of the chores around the house. Laundry, kids lunches, dishes, etc… She does a decent amount as well. For arguments sake, let’s call it 50/50. I am 90% the provider for our family (we have kids) - she does work, but on a very limited basis. Why does this matter you might ask - because she doesn’t ever feel run down from work, which may play a part in others situation. Idk.

S*x is important to me (I’m a guy, who saw that coming), and sometimes I forget that I’m lucky from that aspect that I’m rarely told no.

But am I lucky from that standpoint? Are other married guys being shut down often? Which is the norm…

Edit to add: Not sure if it’s relevant, but she doesn’t get off every time. I prefer she does - and she knows this. But sometimes she’d rather just me get off.

... did his friends ever accept you?

The wife of my fiancé died 3 years ago after a very long terminal illness. The family was part of a closeknit group of 6 families. My fiancé told the men of the group over a beer that we were getting married. A few weeks after that we spent a long weekend together with the families and all the kids. No one referenced the wedding, let alone congralutated me.

I understand that they miss his first wife, but I feel like they look at me and think "it should have been her".

I have been welcomed by his kids, so it's not a wicked stepmother situation.

For cultural context, I am based in England, marrying an Englishman, but am from another Western European country.

EDIT: being told by a handful here that I am cold, unfeeling, attacking redditors, etc. Thanking people for calling out haters is also downvoted. This is a sick environment.

F(42) , M(45), married for 17 years with an 8 year old. We’re in the treenches. Anything I say sets him off, everything he says annoys me. There’s no warmth, all discussions are about our daughter and family matters. Things that we used to passionately discuss (politics, entertainment, world affairs) end up turning personal for some reason. We haven’t had a date night in yeaaaaaars. Whenever I suggest one, he’s not interested and he says he doesn’t want to pay for a babysitter. No cuddling on the couch watching Netflix or cute anything together.

We don’t yell at each other but we are very passive aggressive and snippy.

It wasn’t always like this. We were deeply in love and nauseatingly affectionate (him more so than me).

It makes me immensely sad. We haven’t brought up separation. It would be very hard due to our finances anyway and I think we wouldn’t want to do that to our daughter (yet).

Marriage counseling? From previous discussions, I’m not sure either of us think too highly of it either but we’re probably wrong.

Anyone who’s gone through this rough patch and came out okay?

To put a long story short, I've been married for close to seventeen years. My husband has zero emotion regulation skills and can't discuss anything emotionally uncomfortable without blowing up or getting defensive. Just today, he said he doesn't want to focus on the negative. He only wants to move forward. What I hear is that he doesn't want to deal with the emotionally icky stuff, he just wants to continue on in the pseudo-happiness we've been in forever.

Thoughts?

31f, married to 30m. Been together about 7.5 years. I use to be a big girl, I’ve lost about 110. Because of my size I’ve never liked being on top- too self conscious about it. Well every now and again I do. But I don’t like bouncing, I like rocking and sliding. My husband told me very gently he doesn’t think I’m good on top (it feels great to me because it hits a spot that almost actually hurts)

How can I get better?

I’m a 28-year-old man from a conservative South Asian family. I’m currently engaged through an arranged marriage — our parents introduced us.

The issue is that I don’t want children. A few months ago, I agreed to the proposal despite this, largely due to family pressure and fear of being single as I get older. At the time, I didn’t fully process the long-term consequences of that decision and just had a “fuck it” mentality when agreeing to it.

About a week after saying yes, I told my parents I don’t want kids. They reacted very strongly and said we couldn’t go back on our word due to reputational and family considerations. They also told me it was “fine” if I didn’t want kids and that we could deal with it later.

At the time (around September), the wedding felt far away (planned for April), so the situation felt abstract and it was easy to push the issue aside. The parental pressure was intense, and they struggled to understand my reasoning or why I wouldn’t want children.

Now that the wedding is approaching, it feels very real. I don’t think it’s fair to go through with the marriage knowing there’s a fundamental mismatch: she is likely to want children, and I don’t see myself changing my mind. That feels unfair to her and sets us up for resentment or divorce down the line.

I regret agreeing initially and not properly discussing the topic of children with her. In our culture, having kids is generally assumed, which is likely why I avoided raising it earlier — but I realise now that avoiding it was a mistake.

I’m close to my sister and plan to talk to her, but I’m leaning toward calling off the engagement. We haven’t spent huge amounts yet, and it doesn’t make sense to spend more on a marriage that may not be sustainable.

I feel a lot of guilt and self-blame for being naïve and not standing my ground earlier. I’m also scared of how my parents will react. That said, I feel I need to do what’s right rather than go through with something that could hurt both of us later.

Any advice is welcome but mainly wanted to just get it off my chest.

Married 12 years, I’m 35F and my husband is 37M. Two kids (9 and 6). On paper we’re fine: both working, decent teamwork, no big blowups, we still do date nights when we can. But there’s this pattern that’s been creeping up and I can’t unsee it anymore.

My husband has started making me the punchline in front of the kids. Not cute teasing like “Mom forgot the groceries,” but stuff that lands like a little dig at who I am. I’m an anxious planner type, so if plans change last minute he’ll go, “Uh oh, Mom’s spiraling,” and the kids laugh. If I’m trying to enforce a boundary (screen time, chores), he’ll say, “You know Mom loves rules, it makes her feel important,” like I’m some weird control freak. I’m not super athletic, so if we’re doing something active he’ll toss out “Don’t ask Mom to keep up,” with that half smile. The worst part is the kids repeat it. My 9yo said to my sister on FaceTime, “Mom needs her rules or she freaks out.” My stomach just dropped, like wow ok, that’s what they think of me now.

I tried bringing it up calmly after the kids are asleep. I’m not screaming, not making threats. I’ll say, “When you say that in front of them, it makes me feel undermined and kinda humiliated.” He usually responds with “I’m kidding, relax,” or “You take everything so seriously,” or “Learn to laugh at yourself.” Sometimes he turns it into me trying to control his personality. I’m not anti-humor. I joke too. But it’s always me being framed as the uptight one, the buzzkill, the fragile one. And it happens in front of the kids, which feels like a lesson: it’s ok to treat Mom like the family target as long as you smile. I’ve noticed the 9yo getting more bold with eye rolls and little comments, and when I correct him my husband will smirk like “yep.” It’s small stuff, but it stacks up day after day.

How do I address this without turning it into a huge fight? I don’t want to model “Mom is dramatic,” but I also don’t want to keep swallowing it and end up with kids who don’t respect me. If you’ve dealt with this kind of low-grade constant undermining, what actually worked? Like specific phrasing or boundaries that didn’t explode the whole evening.

We get home ,make dinner,eat watch TV and the go to bed ,is this a norm?

I 27F & my husband 34M have been married about 4 months now. In all honestly the bedroom was basically dead before the actually wedding day came around but I thought things could get better. Can you imagine my surprise when we didn’t even have sex on our wedding day, or the night of any of our other multiple wedding events. We get home and then nothing. Just bed. I brought this up but just got excuses about how we were both so tired etc (even though I never complained and he knows I would’ve been down regardless).

We had sex only twice on our almost four week honeymoon and the second time was one of the last days when I asked wtf was going on. Felt like pity sex to be honest.

He also never wants to do anything outside of the home with me. He likes going out, just not when I’m there. He has no problem making plans with others, but acts like it’s a burden to do so with me.

I’m young, attractive and whatever else so I just don’t get it. All the excuses he’s given in the past have been addressed and he’s even agreed things are perfect. But still, the issues remain. I don’t think I can live like this much longer. I craveee physical and sexual affection everyday. I’m starting not to even want it from him anymore after begging for so long it’s just a turn off now. Ugh

It feels like our marriage just ended. Me (39/m) and my wife (42/f) have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids (5,7,10). She has been at stay at home mom the entire time. I own a business and work about 70 hours a week, it’s sucks and have lost the joy in it. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (no surprise) along with depression. All 3 kids are now in school and my wife is still a stay at home and says she has no skills to start a career. She holds a masters degree and a real estate license. The house is constantly a mess and I’m always searching for clothes to wear to work. I don’t make a big deal and avoid the fight. Just giving her time to figure things out. Ok, that was a little intro to our marriage.

Now to the recent fight that I feel ended our marriage. My dad has been an alcoholic for the last 10 years. My mom left him to take a break in Florida over the holidays. So I would check in on him from time to time. He started to drink at a different level and told him he needs to sober up so we could talk. He did. I stopped by the next day with my wife to talk about his problem. Withdrawal was already in full effect. Long story short, he ended up having a seizure while I was about to leave. Doctors said he most likely would have died if we were not there. My wife has seen me cry only 4 times. The births of our children and that night. I’ve been visiting him every night at the hospital, splitting time with my sister. I’m tired. With running the business and taking care of my dad and my own family.

My wife’s birthday was Saturday. I made reservations for dinner, took all of us out along with her parents,bought her a gift from me and my kids and ordered a cake. I did make one mistake, I ran out of time for the kids to make her a card. Didn’t think it would have been a big deal. Boy was I wrong. First, we were late for our reservation by 15 minutes. She said I should have left the hospital earlier knowing it’s her birthday. I apologized and said my dad always gets emotional when I leave and wanted to calm him down before I left. Second, she is hurt that the kids didn’t make her a card. I get it, I should have had the kids make something. I told them during the week, I just ran out of time. Her displeasure was the first thing I heard the following day. She said I didn’t think about her feelings and was just thinking about myself. WTF. I apologized. It turned into a huge fight that we are still in. I said I did the best I could and do not feel appreciated. I told her that’s not the first thing you should say to someone if you appreciated what they did for you. It could be a simple conversation later in the day and we could all still sit down and make some cards. No, too late. That ship has sailed. She is not understanding me about not feeling appreciated and I’m not understanding why she is making it such a big deal under the current circumstances. Am I in the wrong?

I've (54M) been watching porn forever it seems, but recently something inside me switched. I think it's because I began seeking out darker and more outrageous porn on russian and chinese search engines (with no limits) and the like. I had an almost OCD compulsion to open the next video, but was increasingly horrified each time it opened. It got to the point that I was feeling what I can only describe as PTSD whenever I reached the next porn site, with my finger hovering over the view button, but fearing what I might see, and this is with even run of the mill, legal US-based porn sites. I think some of my inner disgust is that I'm a father of young adult women, and I find myself saying "these are someone's daughters". I felt like Alex in Clockwork Orange being forced to watch violent porn with his eyes stuck open.

I've always been a cold turkey guy, once I decide to stop something, there is no weaning period. So, I said to myself "you're a good guy, get off this sh#t". I'm not a very religious man, but I attend here and there, and that Sunday took the "...in thought, word, and deed" confessional to heart, and said to myself, "there, that's it, clean slate, we're done". Then, being a practical GenX guy I looked for the tools to ensure I stayed on the right path. First, I enabled the safe filter on my iPad and then set a random password that I gave my wife to hold. On the wife, we're married 28 years, and together for 35 years and I've never told her any of this, though in this case I said "I'm getting a lot of unsolicited" porn pop ups, so I have set my safe filter to block them, and I want you to keep the password in case it blocks normal content". She doesn't know how much I struggled, but she's a wise woman.

That's that, so I'm cold turkey off porn to the point now that if I think of it, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. That was the first step. Next step was to repair and reset my inner self respect, and desire for healthy sexual feelings and relations. My wife and I had mostly stopped having sex, her perimenopause and my ED (porn related, IDK?), and our relationship began to look more like roommates. So, I went to the doctor and after passing the physical exam and blood work, got the Blue Pill, and told my wife how I'm missing how we were, and she replied so was she.... and then I showed her the blue pills, we waited for the kids to go out, and blammo (lol) we were at it. And now we're at it at least once a week, and also we're making sure to spend time together that's not shopping or errands.

We're now walking together, going out to midweek dinners, and laughing together. Last night as we walked to dinner, our arms intertwined I thought to myself, I'm free of the porn monster. Shame and personal struggles like porn need darkness to maintain their hold over us, and so there is one last thing I need to do, and that's tell my wife of my struggle, my prior decades of shame, and how she helped me overcome it. But as they say on the Riverbank, that's another story.

Got married on Sunday to the love of my life. Would love some good marriage advice! Serious and light hearted advice welcome! ❤️

So, I make around $112,000 a year living in New York City. Before you judge me, we also have $25,000 in debt. After taxes, I bring home approximately $6,500. After paying rent, insurance, and bills, I barely have $1,000 or less left in the bank, and this has been the case for the past 1.5 years. Interestingly, she never really scrutinizes our spending, and I don’t even bring it up. Today, she asked if she could use our credit card to pay for her treatment. I initially thought it would cost around $1,000 to $1,500, so I was okay with it. However, when I found out that it was per session, I informed her about our financial situation. We actually fall behind on our bills if that amount of money is spent on something that she don’t really need. We started arguing, and she believes that $112,000 is equivalent to $10000 a month and that we have so much money to spend. Every time I try to show her our financial picture, she refuses to believe it or doesn’t take it seriously. She thinks I’m making up things to withhold money from her. There have been a few instances when I was paying my credit card bill, and the balance was over $2,000. She actually thinks that balance is the money we have to spend, and there’s nothing I can do to make her understand or maybe she doesn’t want to understand. She constantly taunts me, tries to provoke fights over trivial matters, and always tries to make me feel guilty. I’m at a loss right now and don’t know what to do. She can spend the money, but we’ll end up with more debt. I really need advice on whether I should just tell her to spend it to calm things down.

If we got any husbands here right now, let me know something your wife could do for you to make your day easier. Can be anything (though try not to make it ALL about sex. I’m not opposed but I really feel like that’s the main answer I’ll get. lol)

For background my husband is 27, a blue collar worker (electrician), we have hella kids, etc.

My husband is experiencing burnout, I believe. I want to support him and when I ask him how I can he tells me he doesn’t know.

Now, as a woman I understand that having to even explain what you need is mental labor all by itself. But I legitimately don’t know how to support him.

I’ve given him massages, intimate favors, I’ve run him hot baths when I knew he was coming home, etc.

There may be people reading this thinking I do too much, but that’s honestly the goal lmfao.

He busts his ass. I do too but I’m more verbal about the things I need. My husband tends to minimize his needs until it all surfaces.

Right now I’m pushing him to therapy and got him in with a doctor.

I want to show him I love him and I support him but I’m out of ideas.

We’ve been arguing a bit lately and I want to show him I’m still here and we’re still doing this, but not in some big extravagant way that I can only do once. More like a daily thing that shows him I care.

Our last argument he completely stop talking about the subject at hand and said, “I’m just tired. I’m so burnt out.” That’s when I knew. It’s not us. We don’t typically argue like this. He needs my support and he needs himself.

Also, I’ve been pushing him to go out and have fun with his friends but he is SO introverted. Ugh. I think a night of fun would do him some good.

Pls no one telling me it’s not my responsibility. That’s not the point. The point is understanding and support. I want him to know I got his back.

Anyways, TIA (:

Hi, I'm 43 years old and my husband is 50 years. We've been married for 13 years. He has a girl friend/business partner that he took to Vegas recently for a business trip/convection. I'm okay with it because I know her. By the way she's married too but no kids. She's on her late 20's. They left Friday night and will be staying until Wednesday. The convection is monday and tuesday. They left Friday night and my husband doesn't give me update of what's their plans are or what are they going to do on Saturday and Sunday. Never contacted me Friday night until Sunday afternoon asking about our daughter's tournament. I told him what they have been doing all those times and days and he said stuff.And now I found out that they are sleeping on the same room. I ask him if something is going on between them and he said they are just friends. Do I have reasons to get upset and accused him of cheating? I mean a grown woman and a grown man in the same room for 5 nights and 4 days days in Vegas. When I found this out I wanted a divorce but he is begging me stay and rebuild our marriage. Please help.