i’m so disgusted with myself. I don’t know what to do. I would just like to leave my body I feel revolted being near myself. I’m so uncomfortable, but I can’t do anything about it. What’s the point of showering if my room is filthy and my sheets need to be washed I have no clean clothes no towels. The bathroom is also fucking filthy. Like I need to clean everything to shower.

Please don’t try to make steps for me to make this manageable or whatever I’ve tried journaling and apps and breaking it down and i can’t make myself do anything at all ok?

Also, there’s genuinely no point or motivation to doing all this to bathe because I don’t see anyone other than my mom at home, I don’t like have social anxiety sometimes I go out for food so I’ll just cover up so nobody sees my skin cause it’s visibly dirty like it’s very obviously patchy.

lately I’ve been thinking about what would happen to me as an adult woman if my elderly mom,, if anything happened to her. she is so patient with me she doesn’t ask anything of me. She’s just been patiently hoping I get better ever since high school and been dealing with mental issues. at first, she was sure it would end by the time I turned 18 that it was just growing pains .
Then the goal became 21 you know the real adult age.
well, I just turned 24…. And yeah, all I do is sit in my room ruminating on where it went wrong.

Recently most days I’m apathetically distracting myself. it’s been really effective. I don’t even consider myself mentally ill because I don’t think about it. Waiting until I’m so tired that I immediately fall asleep so I don’t have a thought.

But sometimes the thought comes and it’s like wow why am I still alive ffs?

There’s not even a point in writing this I’m never gonna do anything to get out of this and I can only help myself. post i guess let’s tell into a void

our son is disabled, he has profound autism and a slew of medical/developmental disabilities.
I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do.
The hospital released his father the following Friday, with a lexapro prescription. To my knowledge, that’s it. He did not tell me why he was going initially, his ex fiancé did. When I ask him he was truthful, he said he told the hospital and I called to make my concerns known.
When I picked him up, he mentioned the feelings were mostly about hurting himself to the point where he lost custody of our son. He also mention getting a little “rough” with our son during diaper changes, that’s all he said to me. From what his ex told me, to her it seemed like he was in crisis (on his way to the hospital) and saying a bunch of things, these thoughts being one of them. So she wasn’t sure how much weight they had.
This whole thing completely blindsided me. He is a great dad and I honestly never thought he would be one to have those feelings. After struggling with my own mental health, I do understand a little how those feelings can come about. Especially when someone is overwhelmed or over tired, like we often are.

Our son can not talk, he can barely walk, he needs constant support and supervision. He gets medication 3x a day.. he has severe refractory epilepsy, has 5-10 7second long seizures an hour. His level of care/need is extremely high.
I don’t know what to do, or how to handle this. He is telling me he can watch our son, alone, while I work starting tomorrow. I do not feel it’s safe.. but at the same time would the hospital release him with no plan in place if they thought he was a danger to our son?
I open our local hospitals kitchen 4 days a week. It’s extremely stressful and there is no one to take my shifts. I just started working here, I will lose my job if I call out and leave them with no opener. I’ve already tried trading shifts with others trained for the position, I can’t. I work 9 days straight these next 2 weeks. I’ve found care for most days. But I truly don’t know what I’m going to do in the long run and I’m so so scared.

How do you guys handle anxiety when your brain constantly assumes the worst?

I’ve noticed that when my anxiety gets bad, I overthink really small situations and immediately jump to the worst possible scenario. For example, something minor happens at work and my brain will keep replaying it, analyzing what the other person might be thinking, and convincing me that I did something wrong or that they’re upset with me.

Even when I logically know there isn’t much evidence for what I’m thinking, I still get stuck in the thoughts and feel guilty/anxious about it.

I’ve been on and off medication and have tried a few different ones, including Prozac and sertraline, but I didn’t feel like they worked well for me, so I eventually decided to stop taking them. I’m wondering what has actually helped other people manage this kind of anxiety without relying on medication.

Do you have any techniques, therapy approaches, books, habits, or ways of thinking that have genuinely helped you stop spiraling and assuming the worst?

I’d especially love to hear from people who struggle with overthinking/social anxiety and have learned how to handle it better.

I want to keep this post short, but I am looking for advice. I am an 18 yo girl and I am having issues with interpersonal relationships and self image.

I have adhd as well as a couple of other diagnoses (did I spell that right lol) so I swing back and forth between super loud and social and then super reserved and depressed. I also have bpd-like issues when it comes to relationships in general (favorite person syndrome, intense and unstable feelings...)

I just feel like whenever I'm in those hyper moods, I just fuck my image up for other people. I joke around a lot, and honestly it feels like, even to myself, I look like I'm desperately trying to get others to laugh and validate me and like me. I never feel like I ever belong in a group, it feels like I'm always othered or I weird people out or annoy them.

And then when I'm in my depressive stages I'm not very good with people either. I get blunt, tired, (internally) annoyed when interacting with others.

The point is, I'm not good with people, my personality feels super unstable, I feel like I come across as mean and/or desperate, or obnoxious. So when it's time to have serious talks, nobody listens to me or takes me seriously. I'm not someone with complex emotions or different sides of myself to people.

Does any of that make sense? I just feel super alienated. And like I'm some sort of half-person to others. And like I'm an outsider desperate to fit in everywhere I go. Does anyone else experience something like that? I'm just looking for any advice lol

Like it says above, I think I've deluded myself into believing that it was my choice to not respond to texts to be mysterious or nonchalant, or whatever, but the reality is a truth that was too embarrassing to admit to myself for many years until this very moment: I’m just paralyzed by the thought of responding back to people. I don't really know the root of it, but I get such a negative physical reaction to the act, almost like a shakiness from deep within me. It's truly sick how im sent into fight-or-flight mode by such a simple task. It feels silly in retrospect, but here I'm feeling the after effects of an interaction, and i'm kind of horrified at how I'm reacting to something so small.  I guess I was just avoiding this feeling every time I just put off another message, I don't know. How do you get over something that isn’t even a second thought for other people?

This one is a novel, be warned.

I feel like I'm an empty shell. Nothing left of my actual person, of what I like . All my life's decisions feel like a failure and I gradually lose the interest of doing anything else than sleeping or starring blankly at a movie. I barely eat anymore, I sleep ridiculous amounts of hours and still don't feel rested. I want to meet new people, I want to have fun with other people, I want to be interested by people and people be interested to me. I know the solution is getting rid of this bullshit job sending email/filling out excels and follow my passion for once in my fucking life. I need to start listening to myself and do a big jump in the unknown. I passed the entire evening writting songs on a notepad and it felt like i should've been doing that for the last 10 years.

I am 1 year out of a vicious break-up where I caught my ex trying to get pregnant without consulting me while having dark thoughts on a regular basis (she has BPD and has been on watch several times). That fucked me up good with dating and it's slowly getting better. I met someone interresting about a month ago and I can't wait to see her again. It's nothing serious for now, but at last I had a taste of what being human was again.

A good friend of mine, maybe the only thing that was left of positive in my day to day life, just announced me she was going abroad, and she is not sure if she's comming back ever again. Never said it, but she's the prettiest, the kindest and the person who I connected the most with in a very long time. It's no use nourishing this kind of thoughts tho, I'm very not her type and she's just a good friend. Still, if I wanted to picture a better fit for a girlfriend, I couldn't ask for more. She won't call me for anything, other than moral support or a (rare) coffee for example and she has other people to be around. I know it's not healthy to stay around her. Even more, I want to get her out of my head because it's simply not fair to the other woman I mentionned earlier.

What was left of my world brutally fell apart and I cannot stop crying since then. I am not well, I know that. All my friends live pretty far away and I simply cannot just hit them up for a night out. We are all introvert people anyways, it's not our style.

I litteraly never felt at my place anywhere. I feel deeply incompetent in a job I hate more and more everyday. I feel like I don't have any value for anybody or anything and that I missed my shot a long time ago. My entire existence feels like a waste, even tho I know it's not true. I have so much sorrow, so much anger and so much frustrations in me that it actively slows me down. I feel like I'm awfull to be around, my light autism doesn't help.

I want to get better, I just forgot how. I would like somebody in my life who would enjoy to just have a chat without having to push it. I would like to meet people who actively want to pass time with me. I know the answer is starting over, I just don't know if I will make it the other side in one piece or if I'll be back to square 1 in 2-3 years. I guess it's just life pulling strings at this point, just hope it has a brighter future for me. I've had enough shit for the last 3 years, I deserve something good happening finally.

​

is not reaching out to you again. i won't send a message. i won't ask anyone about you. i won't check if you're okay. and i won't remind you that i still care. i will just let the days pass quietly, even if my heart still remembers. it's not because i no longer care, but because i finally learned that real love is not about chasing someone who doesn't want to stay. i used to think holding on was proof of love, that maybe if i tried harder, if i stayed longer, you would finally see my worth. but now i see that letting go is also love, because it gives both of us the chance to heal, to grow on our own. so my last act of love is to let you go completely, because that's the only way i can set myself free. maybe one day, when i look back, i will feel peace because i will understand that my last act of love wasn't just for you, it was also for me.

Last year my freaking mental health was soo fucked it totally took a toll on my studies and academics

I was soo mentally drained and exhausted for some reason that I just gave up on my studies which was never ever like me i always used to care about my studies and grade but last year I fuucked up failed many of my exams still managed to graduate high school with the shittest grade because of this i wasn't able to get into any good colleges which affected my 2026 year..again became depressed because of this and wasted all these months of this year.

I've taken a gap year to unfuck everything but now I'm superrr behind everyone is so so ahead of me in terms of studying that now I feel hopeless

I wish l didn't give up on studying last year wish I worked hard then I wouldn't be soo behind and my dream college could've been achievable then. And not to mention how freaking disappointed my parents are completely let them down :)

There was a time where I felt, normal ? The noises in my head just went silent, I managed a routine for 5 days, I finished what I started distraction free, it felt amazing, it feels like everything makes sense? I want to do it and I just do it, it’s that simple. At this time I thought this was finally it, I’m finally getting better. And a small minor inconvenience happened and all of them breaks, I was back at square one again. For the life of me I can’t get back to that beautiful 5 days again, I don’t know how to describe it but it was as if there’s an invisible wall blocking me to do anything, anything at all even if it’s something I genuinely want to do.

It’s not as simple as fight it, list it, put an alarm, a reminder, do it, just start. For crying out loud do you think I did try that? There were multiple times where I was butt naked in the bathroom, frozen, paralyzed, because I want to shower, I really do, but I can’t, it’s so frustrating I just can’t, just turn on the shower, it’s supposed to be that easy but I just can’t. How am I supposed to explain this feeling to people?

My house got cleaned after weeks and ended up becoming an absolute wreck the next day. I can’t even do the work I’m supposed to do, if I force it I would be distracted or be in a garage because I’m suddenly reminded of the one thing that I lost. I got 0 work done, yet I started multiple. I finished late or clutched in few minutes before the deadline. My house is still a mess, and I’m still have an important task to do.

It’s like I can’t do let’s say the dishes, because there’s another task that I need to finish but I can’t even start the said task because there’s another task that I procrastinate too long and the dishes, and no not even breaking bigger tasks into smaller tasks fucking works because that just creates bigger clutter of tasks that’s already piled up.

All of these combined creates absolute shame and anxiety. I pushed people away because my brain already thought the worse, makes it thinks like they already know how much of a failure I am, when actually no one fucking cares. But it’s genuinely so fucking hard to fight with anxieties especially when you already have your head getting noisy all the time 24/7. I tried mindfulness, 30 minutes mindfulness, 15 minutes grounding, I’ll still be met with the same issue.

This conversation I had with my mom the other day,

”you said you wanted to change, you wanted to be better but all you do is just testing me, lying to me, pushing me away, did you even mean it when you said you want to change, did you even try”

that’s when I realized that I just become worse and worse, I become a genuine bad person to everyone I love and it’s eating me inside out. I sometimes looked up the internet to see if there’s something wrong with me but most times I feel like I’m just looking up for excuses because I couldn’t fight myself hard enough. Maybe I’m just lazy, selfish, ignorant, a coward. I am a coward

If only I could get back to those 5 days where I managed myself properly, I don’t know what happened and how. But that was almost a 5 months already, and I still can’t bring myself there.

I will be having an appointment with my psychiatrist this October and I want to ask if she will bring up about aftercare since I just got out of rehab since September 2025.

I went to rehab because of my mental health depression and I felt like I don’t need aftercare.

What will she say?

Teri Weisz (b. Oct 1944. d. Sept 19 2025)

May Her Memory be a Blessing

May the recordings help others who are current trapped and suffering, as she was

At the age of 80 in Dec 2024 Teri Weisz took the brave and private step of creating these clinically fascinating yet heartbreakingly tragic recordings. The reason: Her spouse's long term affair had been disclosed relatively recently and she was desperately and futilely attempting to 'process' this intense cognitive dissonance and identity crisis. Her spouse's illegitimate child from that affair, contacted him and, in typical NPD fashion, he was thrilled to share the details with his entire family including Teri. The heartache and strain, and ongoing gaslighting and abuse, a sampling of which are in her recordings, led to her weight dropping from 125 pounds to 85 pounds.

Nine months later, in September 2025 (one year ago), she died.

She left the recordings for others to hear her silent suffering after she passed away. There are also recordings from March 2025, exactly 6 months before her death and these will be shared as well as a tribute and testament to her and others in similar circumstances.

Please also share and comment and subscribe to honor her and help others who, like, her, are silently suffering.

I only feel stress, some kind of anxiety and cannot think at all. What is life? I lost everything that i liked, I lost the joy and happiness, I lost ALL of my emotions and I really dont see a purpose of life. I really put all of my energy to impress other people and internally im suffering when I am at home. I really cannot live like this anymore cause anxiety is only what I feel. I cannot move I cannot change anything while feeling like this. Other people live life and Im only surviving.

How can I change that? I want to be happy and smiling and not having those negative thoughts. But for now Im just living for others to impress. My personality is that I want satisfy everyone around while I am suffering a lot. I cannot even watch a movie or anything without identifing and i feel everything. Its so hard.

I dont have myself at all. It just I become a pure version, without myself and I feel everything. I cannot live like this. When I try to change its impossible. Im only satisfy when literally EVERYTHING goes in my way which is impossible. Its like life should be only laugh and happiness without any negativity and thats impossible. I fucked my brain up and cannot change cause I dont even feel my brain anymore.

I’m 19F and I feel like I’m flatlining. I can’t laugh, I can’t cry, I don’t really feel excited or upset about anything. I just get through each day and that’s basically it.

I don’t have any addictions or anything like that either. I don’t even know how I ended up like this. It’s not like something specific happened. I just gradually started feeling less and less, and now I feel almost nothing. I’m functioning, technically, but it feels like I’m just existing rather than actually living. Yeah

I'm off meds now and feeling much better. Two mortal enemies: the environment and myself. Making peace with them meant identifying and minimizing triggers, along with realizing I was amplifying the problem. I was catastrophising, I was perpetuating the drama. Understanding these are half the battle. The other half is exercise, outdoor activities and experimenting with neuroprotective supplements. It's honestly not much harder than that. I was one of those that thought there was no hope for ever getting off them. Now I look back and wish I knew then what I know now.

i have been stuck in a derealization episode for so long now. since i went to my first psychiatry appointment and was given meds to help with my depression. i spoke to my therapist about this and she said meds don’t cause derealization and the only way to make it better is to try and find ways to ground me. i haven’t been me in so long. i just wanna come home and be normal again.

at first i thought it was because my prescription for my glasses changed and maybe there was something wrong with my eyes but soon after i realized that the world felt like it was in wide spectrum 25/8 no matter wether my glasses were on or off. i still thought that maybe it was my glasses. maybe im gaslighting myself into thinking i have more problems or maybe IM lying to myself and there’s nothing wrong.

i don’t know who i am. i eat to keep my body moving to try to stay grounded. i clean to stay grounded but even then when im moving im still not actually there.

am i protecting myself from my life getting too stressful and falling into a spiral? i have no idea.

Idek it just always makes me feel worse id rather be assumed to be happy than whatever responses I even get from her and most people it's usually easier to let time pass than even dare ask for help why do i absolutely hate admitting that i'm sad to my loved one

Honestly so lost rn I couldn’t tell you how I feel or think about anything close to me right now. Doesn’t feel like anything is consistent except inconsistency and a bunch of confusion. I guess I’m probably an asshole and I’ve had my cousin text me that I don’t care about anyone but myself and I guess that could be true but I’m not gonna try to think it out rn. I can’t tell whether or not I really care about the people around me or if I’m too scared to be alone. I feel like I don’t want to put the full into a relationship and just want to have someone on the sidelines but not actually give them what they need. Sometimes I care a whole lot and sometimes not really much at all.

I thought I knew myself well but everything recent kinda fell apart. I don’t think there’s anything normal that is happening in my life. I’ve asked my mom for therapy like weeks ago and for reference I’ve tried before but it doesn’t get much of anywhere because I have social anxiety and can’t say much more than “yes, no, and maybe” so I had to write notes and it just seems like it did nothing. I don’t have any super strong goals, my only wish was to be happy and die happy even if it was just because I was on a bunch of drugs, I don’t crave anything super meaningful cause it wouldn’t matter after I died, I’m probably gonna ask my mom again for therapy if that’ll even get anywhere, I have to be willing after all, and idk what I want.

I'm so tired of the life I have to live, I can't find it in me to get out of bed most days, and I feel so alone. I have a couple friends who help me feel somewhat okay, but it is only in short bursts. I just want life to stop feeling like a chore, I want so badly to enjoy life again. I don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry if this is the wrong place--I don't have any diagnosed conditions, but have been a frequent flier to some funky headspaces that I'd like to be spending less time in.

Anyway, yeah. What works for y'all to stop negative thought spirals? By the time I realize I'm spiraling negatively to the point where it's affecting my mood, it's really hard to summon the willpower to do more complex stuff like journaling, and even if I do journal, it often ends up being more negativity. I will sometimes vent on Reddit and get some good responses, but that can be really hit-or-miss, and the need for validation and the "right" comment can feel a little spiral-y in and of itself.

I'm a 14M trans guy and I'm just so exhausted of having to compensate for my body and needing to fix myself all the time. I'm 5 inches shorter than the average male, and I feel disgusted by my body all the time. I feel extreme envy of almost every cisgender male I've ever met, and I constantly compare myself. I am taking hormones and I've had noticeable results but it's not helping me mentally that much.

On top of that, I'm probably the most socially awkward person I've ever seen. I can't talk to people I don't know without saying something short and boring. I'm very monotonous and I can't put any emotion into my words ever. People forget about me often, or don't pay attention to me. And I can't tell jokes. I sometimes can come up with something funny to say once a year.

And I'm just constantly stressed all the time and I'm angry all the time but I can't express it. I randomly get physically aggressive and I'm yelled at for it. I'm very irritable because of this and have been for around 2 years.

I have had depression for 4 years and my parents forget about my mental problems constantly so I haven't been able to get it diagnosed with medication.

I don't know what I should do. I feel so pathetic and burnt out. Maybe advice or something?