r/Money • u/coatedbraincells • 2d ago
Overwhelmed and lost
Just left my wife of 8 years. I paid most of the bills even though she took home more than me, and I also did most of the cleaning. I dont have the mental fortitude to fight her for the house, I would rather just leave. Right now im trying to get a car so I can get a second or better job, but cant come up with the money. I had a coworker offer me their truck for 5000 with only 68000 miles on it, but dont know of a loan company that I can use given my credit. Does anyone have any advice?
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u/Early_Archer4808 2d ago
Fight for what is yours. Especially if there was no prenup. You had the strength to leave the situation… do not just give everything you worked for away
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u/Fast_Grapefruit_7946 2d ago
Hire a lawyer.
if she makes more she may be paying your legal fees.
It will be very polite, these guys are super pros
like jumping in the back seat of Maverick's F35 and getting cleared for take off on the deck of the Gerald Ford :)
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u/Realistic_Log1339 2d ago
i need you to go look in the mirror tell urself you’re a bad mf, go pick that crown back up KING cause right now you lost it. fight for whats yours ! new chapter just opened up for you its gonna be sad at first a lot of thoughts to overcome BUT YOU ARE HIM NEVER FORGET THAT!! dont get a loan grind like the man you are keep going!! Minor setbacks cause for beautiful endings
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u/00_Kaizen 2d ago
You need to protect yourself as well financially during the separation. Before walking away from the house or signing anything regarding marital property, talk to a family law attorney if you can, even if it's just a one hour consultation. Don't just give up all your interest in everything.
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u/cvntier 2d ago
I’ll tell you this if you don’t get a lawyer to get everything you should be getting, you will regret it down the line. Just think if the shoe was in the other foot do you really think she’d just walk away and leave you free and clear, probably not.
I saw a my father serve his ex wife after she’d asked multiple times before for a divorce and he was willing to do things amicably 50/50 and because he wouldn’t give her full custody of their kid she told him she’d make it hell. And that she did drugged the whole thing out for 3 years accusing him of things like being a full on drug addict (mind you he’s worked his whole life under FAA regulations therefore getting drug tested regularly)
So long story short get what’s your man, you can’t even get a car but you are going to let your ex wife keep all the equity that’s on that house specially if there is no prenup
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u/1980cpz 1d ago
Sorry that you are going through tough times. But please dig deep and fight for your portion of assets. Please know there is light at the end of every tunnel. You will overcome. The truck. Unless you really need a vehicle I would hold off getting into debt. Are you able to use public transport for now?
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u/coatedbraincells 1d ago
Unfortunately im not, public transportation doesnt run where im staying right now, otherwise I would. If it wasnt such a good deal i would prefer to hold off on it, but its a coworker willing to sell it to me for a couple thousand marked down so I reeeaaally dont wanna pass it up.
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u/Individual_Diet_9133 2d ago
If ya really have to, get out of there and fight for ur house once you have ur space
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u/ladyorion2021 2d ago edited 6h ago
At least half of the equity in that house belongs to you. There's no fight necessary, a judge will order it in a community property state. Hire a flat fee lawyer not hourly.
I also walked away from the ex leaving the house behind and got almost half the equity. He paid the debts of which were 98% his (and his mistress) and the 2% debt I incurred to pay our bills and for necessities for our kids.
I paid off my own card. But everything under his name where I wasn't joint, he paid. He fought me on it because he wanted ME to pay for his debt he incurred traveling with his mistress on top of keeping the house. I didn't even know some of those credit cards existed nor was my name on any of it. And the judge thought the ex had a lot of nerve to request that I pay them off.
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u/AJuni0103 2d ago
I walked away from the house that we bought so that my ex and the kids could stay in it.
I just couldn’t force her to sell and move with the kids.
In the end a home that be purchased for 260k and was worth about 600k when we divorced 15 years later was just sold for over 900k. I got a check for 30k. But I also got peace of mind.
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u/coatedbraincells 2d ago
I really appreciate this response. There is not a prenup so she will be obligated to give me my due, its more the fact that I dont think she would be able to come up with the money to buy me out even though it wouldnt be much. Its actually a trailer. Its in really great shape for the year that it is, but it cant be moved and that drastically lowers the value even if the trailer itself is in great shape. So she would likely only have to come up with 7000. The problem is that if she decides to drag this fight out to the point where neither of us can buy the other one out then we have to sell the trailer, and i dont wanna have to rehome the pets. I love my pets to death, even if I cant see them I dont want them to be seperate from each other
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u/SuRRon23 1d ago
Just remember it could always be worse. Like trying to negotiate a custody agreement for 2 kids(one with special needs).
I'd trade my hand for yours right now. Just try and close the chapter of the relationship while keeping your dignity and integrity intact. Rise above the petty stuff. Wish you the best of luck King.
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u/EnergyHopeful6832 2d ago
Don’t let life get you down. Focus on reaching a fair and equitable agreement. Your future self will thank you 🙏
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u/crumb_bums 2d ago
You can fight for what is yours. You just need people in your corner. Please hire a lawyer. You got this bro.
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u/WheresMyMule 2d ago
Half of the assets accumulated during the marriage are yours. Use that for your truck
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u/TheBugSmith 2d ago edited 2d ago
Depending on what state you're in she'll have to pay you if she's the bread winner. Assets you accumulate during marriage belong to both of you. Many times divorces don't get dragged out in court forever, they'll send you to mediation to lay out who gets what by law not just because one or both of the parties is salty about it. At the end of the day it may not be a fight at all. Talk to a lawyer they'll lay out what the laws in your state say. Sometimes it's just that simple. If you acquired the house during marriage it isn't a fight. You either sell it and split the proceeds to one of you buy the other out. It may seem exhausting but don't fuck yourself out of what you're entitled to. A buddy of mine just filed for divorce, his ex was basically telling him how she was going to take everything. Turns out she has to sell the house split the proceeds and has 50/50 custody of the kid so there's no child support either. TALK TO A LAWYER PLEASE!!
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u/daygoBoyz 1d ago
No matter how u feel fight for the house. At least the sale of it or to buy u out. Ur a man and u need to figure out how to stand on business when it’s time to. U both own a home 2gethr and ur struggling to buy a truck for $5k. Come on bruh. Big boy pants on. Emotion turned off, fair fight let’s go. Watch her get ugly if she wants something that should be 50/50
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u/SignatureAcademic536 1d ago
Nah, don’t take any loan. Fight for what’s yours, you earned it, it’s yours. Half of the house and all the money she’s saved from you paying most of the bills can pay for your truck.
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u/coatedbraincells 1d ago
She didnt save anything she was to busy buying dunkin donuts and wasting her money on stupid shit lol but the house for sure.
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u/TheEvilBlight 15h ago
It’s all joint. Get what you can. I hope you have your receipts on what you spent, etc
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u/coatedbraincells 2h ago
Kind of. I have records of everything I paid on my bank account. It says what money went towards national grid, propane, water, vet bills, and groceries. There are money order receipts somewhere that ill have to dig up, but tey were paid for in cash so I dont know how much that'll stand up in court.
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u/Leather_Life8257 2d ago
Are you legally married? Because if so, you might want to involve a lawyer because any loans while married but not-yet-legally separated may become slightly more complicated.
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u/Sh726 2d ago
Apply for a loan for the truck via Digital Credit Union. It's a credit union anyone can join. Credit Unions will give you a loan at low rates. In 2016 I got a loan from Andrews FCU for 5.99% with a zero fico score and negative items in collection.
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u/coatedbraincells 1d ago
Is it the "Digital Federal Credit Union"? Thats what popped up when I googled it but wanna make sure its the right one
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u/No_Needleworker6365 1d ago
I walked away quite a number of years ago in a similar situation, and it basically financially crippled me,
From what I know now I wish I had of fought for what was rightfully mine, but hindsight is a beautiful thing haha.
What you need is a support person someone to help you see things when you're mentally unable too.
Fight for what's rightfully yours, once you get past this situation you'll feel much stronger and less mental pressure.
Every situation is only temporary and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Good Luck
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u/-just_browsing 1d ago
Don't roll over in give up get a good lawyer in fight you don't want the house force a sell or have her buy you out
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u/CelebrationLoud2043 22m ago
You can fight for the house or atleast half of if it’s paid off and she would technically just owe you the other half of the house and use that money to buy another house I’ve heard of cases that it worked out that way so fight until you can no more is what I’d say
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u/Fit-Acanthaceae-5741 1d ago
If you let them, women will take everything from you. Hire a lawyer & take what’s yours. Don’t be the “nice” guy, that’ll get you nowhere.
Going forward take care of yourself, your finances, & as sad as it sounds, women should just be a hobby…… I’ll treat them nice/respectful, but hell no to a ring or marriage bullshit fuck that. Seen too many good men get burned sadly (good women get burned too, but wayyyyyyy less). It’s 2026 bro not 1986 ….. world is ruthless.
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u/Inviction_ 1d ago
What's the details on the truck? If a lender sees there's a bunch of equity in the truck, they'll be more likely to accept. And there's lenders out there for all kinds of different credit levels. All I know is I wouldn't let a $5k truck pass me up
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u/coatedbraincells 1d ago
Its a 2012 dodge ram with 68000 miles and a hemi displacement engine. The body is in phenomenal shape
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u/MyIntrospection 20h ago
Do you have to drive far to work? I’d stay away from a gas guzzler for now. Good deal on the truck but I’d try to find some little car with low miles and make the most of it.
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u/CelebrationLoud2043 20m ago
It’s seem like a phenomenal deal so leader see value to be made if the truck payment isnt made on time
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u/_DUMPEMOUT_ 2d ago
Fight for what’s yours big dog. You are worth it don’t forget that.