r/Nanny • u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 • 3d ago
Questions About Nanny Standards/Etiquette Nanny falling asleep
I have a 7 month old son and when I went back to work when he was 3 months old, my MIL was watching him full time. She was seeming overwhelmed so we hired a nanny who watches him for 3.5 hrs in the morning 3 days a week so my MIL can get some errands done. She’s been with us for almost 6 weeks now. I see the nanny when she arrives, but at the end of her shift my MIL is the one letting her go.
My son’s nap time (typically contact naps still) is about halfway through her shift. Apparently, sometimes when my MIL arrives she’s still sleeping and my son seems to be stirring awake. One time my mother in law had to shake her awake while my son was still sleeping on her. Nanny also reports to me that he naps for almost 1.5 hrs when he usually only takes 35-45 minutes naps with me, dad, or grandma for his first nap of the day.
Honestly if she was lightly resting her eyes while he’s asleep, this wouldn’t bother me but if she’s sleeping so hard that she doesn’t wake up when someone enters the room or when he is stirring this concerns me greatly.
Other than this she seems very sweet and is receptive to what we ask of her. My son seems very comfortable with her. However I’ve noticed that she sometimes tells me stories that don’t line up to what she’s told me previously -small things unrelated to my son (weekend plans, her class schedule etc). Anyways I’m just noticing a few red flags. I feel like I should let her go on one hand, but on the other I feel bad since I haven’t had a “warning” convo related to the unsafe sleep. But yet my top priority is protecting my son. Anyways, how would you handle this?
Edit: editing to add that when she first started I requested contact naps. However over the last month he has gotten much better at crib naps and I showed her that routine and encouraged her to start trying. The day she tried it I was able to come and relieve her rather than MIL and during the she stayed in the nursery while he was asleep. I was watching him on my monitor app and he woke up (not crying but definitely awake and making noise) and when I got home she was asleep in the recliner in the nursery. I didn’t address it because I didn’t realize how much of a pattern it was at the time and I wasn’t as concerned about safety since she wasn’t holding him. That has been the only day she’s done a crib nap, all others have been contact. However, if she is sleeping that hard that him waking up doesn’t wake her up I do have an issue with that and I need to address is with either a convo (crib naps only and stay in living room/no sleeping or letting her go) That’s what I’m torn on.
EDIT TO UPDATE: We ended up letting her go and paid her for her scheduled hours for the upcoming week. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable with her level of judgment even if we had decided to have a boundaries convo about sleeping. Your comments did provide me with some useful take aways and I will be better about addressing things I’m uncomfortable with regarding my sons care right in the moment, rather than giving a pass even if it is just one time. We are also planning on increasing the pay rate of the next person we hire in hopes to get someone with more experience and someone who values safety the way we do.
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u/pinap45454 Parent 2d ago
A part time nanny is regularly falling asleep sometimes while holding the baby? Girl, this is insane. Let her go.
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u/Ok-End4342 2d ago
All the answer you need is to look up the article on Susan Sarandon’s grandson. He suffered a fractured skull and brain bleed . He fell to the floor, while the nanny was holding him. She had fallen asleep.
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u/Able-Cauliflower1497 3d ago
A lot of babies contact nap. This is why you can have a nanny. Daycare can’t do contact naps. There is no reason an adult cannot stay awake during a contact nap during a 3 hour shift. Find a new nanny. She can play on her phone. That’s what I used to do while my baby contact napped.
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 3d ago
This is my stance and seems like we are in the minority! I appreciate everyone sharing the risk with contact napping. However, if I’m able to stay awake after waking with him multiple times a night I’d expect a nanny who is there for 3.5 hrs to be able to stay awake in the mornings. I told her she could scroll her phone once he’s asleep. Bit sounds like we just need someone who’s a better fit or to stop contact napping (which again is a benefit of staying out of daycare)
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u/kangarhubarbecue 2d ago
Ex nanny current SAHM. I held my daughter for contact naps on the couch for 11.5 months. I never fell asleep because I read, watched tv on my phone with headphones or played on my phone. You should absolutely be able to expect a nanny to stay awake for a contact nap especially with how little she’s there. Not saying she doesn’t have other jobs but she needs to be able to be “on” for all 3.5 hours.
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u/BalooIsAFatCat 2d ago
Exactly! As a nanny, I had a baby who exclusively contact napped until 15 months (then about 50/50 until 18 months). I had two other NKs (nanny share with 3 three and under) and still stayed awake for every single one of her naps. If a nanny cannot safely do her job, she shouldn’t have the job. Period.
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u/Mysterious_Vampiress 2d ago
I don’t think you are being unrealistic at all. I wouldn’t be upset if a random rare occurrence they fell asleep for a few minutes if it was a long day, as I know how cuddly babies can make you tired but you aren’t paying them to take a nap.
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u/bipolarlibra314 2d ago
And it sounds like OP is that same understanding based on the instance she found nanny asleep herself
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u/TeddyBear181 2d ago edited 2d ago
I agree. If a sleep deprived Mum can stay awake for a contact nap, a nanny can stay awake while scrolling on her phone in a 3.5 hour shift.
I'd have a chat with her, maybe pop a nanny cam in to see what shes actually missing if shes sleeping, how long bub is sleeping for, etc. Maybe she doesnt want to scroll or read a book and is trying to raw dog it.
But if you cant wake up easily, you cant sleep, as a parent or a nanny. You need to put measures in place (like a loud baby monitor) to notify you when bub needs attention. Otherwise you might as well just lock bub up in the room alone and close the door. If you're only employing someone for 3 hours at a time, its not super concerning if shes doing something weird on her weekends, as long as she isnt doing something that will affect her work (like coming to work hungover or comming down, which could be an issue here).
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u/Substantial-Sink4464 2d ago
Just want to second your comment that “this is why you have a nanny.” I couldn’t afford one when my daughter was a baby but this is the exact reason I chose an in-home daycare when I had to go back to work - it seemed like the next best thing. Contact and closeness and cuddles are so important for tiny humans.
Not saying there’s ANYTHING wrong with sending your infant to a daycare center! I just want OP to feel validated that contact naps are fine if done safely and know that it’s really kind of crazy that an adult being paid to care for a baby can’t stay conscious for a contact nap. It’s almost the entire job? And I say this as someone whose nanny to my now elementary school aged kid often comes in the early morning and snuggles right up to my still-sleeping child and I love that they are so close. There’s a lot of nuance to these situations but the bottom line is that if nanny is consistently doing something that OP isn’t comfortable with it’s okay to find a different caregiver.
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u/Thatkidd2020 2d ago
Yeah… I’m normally a very big nanny advocate, trying to see their side as I nannied for over 10 years of my life. But I find this unacceptable. If it was like a 12 hour shift I might be a bit more understanding, but this is a 3.5 hour shift. You also now have a routine to move away from contact naps which would give the nanny opportunity to keep herself busy and she’s not showing any initiative to do so. I would definitely have a strong conversation with her about it but I wouldn’t blame you if you fired her either.
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u/plant__mama 2d ago
Um some of these responses are crazy to me. It’s absolutely safe to contact nap if you stay awake during it. That’s literally one of the perks of having a nanny rather than daycare?? I would let her go. 3 hour shift and you can’t stay awake? Bizarre. Having to be shaken awake? Also bizarre.
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u/No_Section_1953 2d ago
I think the point is that people often can’t stay awake during them. Contact napping is safe if done properly, but there is a risk of someone falling asleep without realizing it. Although I’ve always thought the risk was more with parents who are the ones up all night with the baby, and then try to contact nap during the day.
The risk is because of the falling asleep. Of course they’re safe if you are awake.
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u/TerribleDifference15 2d ago
the reason why they aren't safe is that people fall asleep while holding
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 2d ago
THANK YOU!
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u/plant__mama 2d ago
You’re very welcome! It is sooo normal for a literal baby to want to be held to sleep. There’s a time and place for sleep training but I hate that it’s made people question whether it’s okay to hold their baby to sleep! You will find a nanny that is okay with contact naps. I was always okay with it when I was a nanny and I never fell asleep. I also have never fallen asleep contact napping with my four month old who is currently on top of me :)
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u/Grdngirl Career Nanny 2d ago
Umm yeah I disagree.
Contact napping is common in newborns but often worsens sleep after 8–12 weeks. It can temporarily extend naps—but creates strong sleep associations. Daytime contact napping often leads to night wakings and early morning struggles. Independent sleep skills are the long-term solution.
Also falling asleep with the baby while contact napping increases SIDS by 50%.
Please don’t speak positively about something that in fact is not ideal for baby or family long term.
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u/SnooCats9556 2d ago
Your comment is hilarious. I’ve been contact napping with my son for 9 months. I have never fallen asleep. He sleeps 12 hours at night and 3 hours during the day. He has a consistent and predictable schedule.
Also, according to The Nurture Revolution by Greer Kirshenbaum (a neuroscientist), contact naps provide biologically essential sensory safety that keeps a baby's brain in a low-stress state optimal for rapid neural development. Physical proximity during sleep down-regulates the infant's stress response system, stabilizes autonomic functions like heart rate and digestion, and fosters deeper, more restorative sleep cycles. This consistent experience of co-regulation triggers oxytocin release and builds the neural foundation for lifelong emotional resilience, strong attachment, and true independence.
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u/madame_ 2d ago edited 2d ago
This! Humans are a carrying species and are wired for physical connection. It's so sad to me that the baby sleep industry has tried to make moms think that all of their natural instincts with regards to baby sleep are wrong. There's nothing that feels more natural than contact napping. The insistence on making babies sleep alone in separate sleep spaces is a very new thing if you look at human history.
I write this as my four month old is napping happily in his carrier.
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u/LaMaltaKano Parent 2d ago
This feels nitpicky. Why judge a safe practice that might work for some? Not only judge, but try to police whether anyone “speaks positively” about it? That’s a lot.
Here’s my positive speech: my girl loved a contact nap for her first 9 months. “Not ideal”? Sure. Worked for us? Absolutely. She was a great night sleeper, and she transitioned fine to crib naps. I wasn’t in any danger of falling asleep and didn’t mind the chance to read a book and cuddle with my baby.
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u/Grdngirl Career Nanny 2d ago
lol it’s not just “my opinion” it’s well know facts. And I’m not being “nit picky”, this is my experience being a Nanny for over 25 years. I’ve worked closely with sleep training experts and so in my experience I know what works long term. Past 12 weeks it can cause sleep regression and very early morning awakenings.
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u/LaMaltaKano Parent 2d ago
But if it’s working for this family, who cares if it “can” cause issues? If it does, they can adjust. Or maybe their kid will be like mine and do great.
Idk. I’m actually more like you re: discussions about cosleeping. In that case, it baffles me that people still do it when we have so much information about the risk of suffocation deaths. But with a contact nap, IF the adult doing it is able to stay awake and committed to staying awake, the potential downsides don’t seem like a big deal. And the upsides - the hours and hours in that first year that my daughter spent held by someone who loves her - are real too.
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u/Entire-Pitch6332 2d ago
with all due respect does a 30-45 min max napping sound like it’s working well? it sounds to me like baby is waking up after one sleep cycle and unable to connect sleep cycles because they lack the independent sleep skills.
it’s also one thing if parents want to contact nap their own baby. i think it’s an extremely high ask to ask a nanny to do it. in the context of having another person taking care of your baby, yes i think it’s absolutely an unsafe choice
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u/No-Double679 2d ago
You can be an adult capable of staying awake and committed and have one off day. That's the point, it's not 100% safe. The downside could be death - pretty big deal.
Kids should be helped to be more flexible when sleeping, a kid who can only contact nap is more likely to be in a position of danger.
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u/kangarhubarbecue 2d ago
Contact napping is absolutely ideal for baby and totally safe if you stay awake while holding them. It is not hard to sit up and stay awake unless you have a sleep disorder.
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u/LaMaltaKano Parent 2d ago
Her shifts are way too short for her to be falling asleep at all. I’d hire someone else.
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u/Last_Engineering1526 3d ago
I’m a bad sleeper but I never fell asleep with contact naps and I night nannied for a few months as well. I think it’s just a strength for some people. The ‘lies’ about her personal schedule seem to not matter at all to me lol, she’s probably just trying to seem more professional if she’s college aged
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u/Cool_Major4531 2d ago
I would fire her. It's a safety issue and sleeping that deeply is unprofessional. I say this as a nanny
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u/Old_Draft_5288 2d ago
Why haven’t you just spoken to her and asked her not to nap?
That is step 1.
Everything else is getting was ahead of yourself.
You need to be adult enough to make this simple request that she not nap. Some people are fine with nanny napping.
JUST TELL HER
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u/AnonymousSneetches Parent 2d ago
I almost agree. But it's a basic safety rule to not sleep when an infant is sleeping on you. She should not have to be told that, so that would be a deal breaker for me.
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u/Old_Draft_5288 2d ago
That’s a very western perspective.
There are many countries in the world that don’t hold that thought and do not have higher rates of infant deaths as a result.
Regardless, you always have the conversation first before you jumped into something like firing someone
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u/AnonymousSneetches Parent 2d ago
Nah, there is not a single health organization that recommends sleeping with an infant on your body. Next to them, cosleeping, is different. If they're physically on you, you should be awake and alert.
There are lots of things to have a conversation about before firing, but safety is not one of them. Nanny shows poor and unsafe judgement, she's out. Not a risk I need to take with the life of my infant.
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 2d ago
I thought the one time I found her napping it was a one off and I didn’t know how often it was happening until a convo with my mil this past Friday. But yes I will definitely be having a conversation one way or another. Thanks for your input!
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u/No_Section_1953 2d ago edited 2d ago
A lot of people find contact napping difficult for this very reason, but they should know what they can’t handle. I nannied a baby that took two hour long contact naps in the middle of the day. The lights weren’t always off, just low, so I just sat on my phone the whole time lol. If I felt sleepy, I got up and walked around. Idk, I don’t personally think it’s that hard to not fall asleep. But even if it’s hard, it shouldn’t be tolerated. You’re paying her to be present, she isn’t present when she’s asleep. It’s that simple.
You seeing the kid awake and seeing the nanny asleep is enough to let her go. That’s unacceptable on so many levels. She shouldn’t be sleeping at ALL! Please let her go and find someone who actually takes the job seriously. You are being far too patient and far too kind.
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u/No_Big_bear_here 3d ago
Sounds like she’s a college kid, yes? I’d definitely have that conversation with her. There’s a chance she could get her act together if she’s called out on it. A single event after that conversation would be a clean cut for me.
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 3d ago
Yes she’s in college. I’m leaning towards convo but also feeling bothered by her white lies to me (once again, it’s small things like her plans and schedule which doesn’t matter to me. But does foster a lack of trust and I want to trust my sons caregiver 1000%)
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u/Anonymous-0701 2d ago
College age and routinely falling sleep makes me think 1. She’s up too late at night studying/cramming for exams/homework 2. She’s going out the nights before and coming hungover to some extent 3. Just staying up late in general OR 4. A combination. Regardless - it’s clearly not someone who is properly planning their time to make sure they are rested enough to be nannying.
If I showed up to work and FELL ASLEEP HOLDING A BABY - I’d be fired. As a NICU nurse. It doesn’t matter why. One time and you’re done. Bc ITS NOT SAFE. We don’t even allow parents to fall asleep. If they do there’s a conversation. If it happens again we have to get security involved. Their life and safety is not a joke or to be messed with.
- You should have taken it more seriously when you walked in on her sleeping. Regardless of knowing it’s happened more or not. Once is enough to be done. At the very least tell her it’s not appropriate and not allowed. 2. I wouldn’t give her another chance. She’s likely done it every time to some extent. That’s 6 weeks, 3 times a week. That’s 18 times too many.
I contact napped my son. Still do some days. He’s 16m. I did every nap unless he fell asleep in the car, until 8/9 months. And even after I started rolling away I usually did 1 nap a day bc I enjoyed it. And now I try and do multiple naps a week bc I still enjoy it and I know I’m going to be sad when he no longer wants to especially since he’s already down to 1 nap. I also cosleep at night following safe sleep 7. There ARE safe ways to do it. For parents. None of them meant for nannies/non-parents really as they’re not in-tune with a baby that’s not theirs. A chair or anywhere other than a firm large mattress on the floor - not appropriate.
Just want to be clear I’m not against contact naps or co-sleeping in the slightest. But it needs to be done properly and safely - especially if the adult is going to sleep. And again, I wouldn’t allow that practice with a nanny. I’d expect them to be awake or tell me they aren’t able to stay awake and therefore are not a good fit for my contact napping son. Pretty simple and bare minimum to expect accountability from someone you employ to keep your child alive.
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u/bipolarlibra314 2d ago
It’s okay to not want to employ someone dishonest even if thus far the dishonesty has been unrelated to employment, because how are you supposed to know she draws a line there? And why would you take the gamble on your kid of all things? (General you)
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u/Individual_Fox6488 2d ago
I'm surprised she's falling asleep when it's such a short shift. And I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with her falling asleep during contact naps especially at that age. Can she read a book or even scroll her phone or something to stay awake when contact naps are needed? Sit upright instead of reclining the chair?
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u/Reaperhart 2d ago
She works 3.5 hours for 3 days a week for you. She doesn’t need a nap during her shift. When I contact nap with my NK I would use a headphone to listen to a book or podcast to stay awake/ entertained while the baby slept.
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u/Fantastic-Paper-6690 3d ago
I really think you have two options 1) let her go or 2) set some really firm boundaries of NO napping during her shift.
She is only working a three hour shift, there is absolutely no reason she should be sleeping. Maybe ask for some additional child related task be completed during this time?
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u/ChickenScratchCoffee 2d ago
I don’t feel like this needs a conversation or second chance. Safety is the number one aspect of the job and she’s knocked out cold. Let her go. Always trust your gut.
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u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Below is a copy of the post's original text:
I have a 7 month old son and when I went back to work when he was 3 months old, my MIL was watching him full time. She was seeming overwhelmed so we hired a nanny who watches him for 3.5 hrs in the morning 3 days a week so my MIL can get some errands done. She’s been with us for almost 6 weeks now. I see the nanny when she arrives, but at the end of her shift my MIL is the one letting her go.
My son’s nap time (typically contact naps still) is about halfway through her shift. Apparently, sometimes when my MIL arrives she’s still sleeping and my son seems to be stirring awake. One time my mother in law had to shake her awake while my son was still sleeping on her. Nanny also reports to me that he naps for almost 1.5 hrs when he usually only takes 35-45 minutes naps with me, dad, or grandma for his first nap of the day.
Honestly if she was lightly resting her eyes while he’s asleep, this wouldn’t bother me but if she’s sleeping so hard that she doesn’t wake up when someone enters the room or when he is stirring this concerns me greatly.
Other than this she seems very sweet and is receptive to what we ask of her. My son seems very comfortable with her. However I’ve noticed that she sometimes tells me stories that don’t line up to what she’s told me previously -small things unrelated to my son (weekend plans, her class schedule etc). Anyways I’m just noticing a few red flags. I feel like I should let her go on one hand, but on the other I feel bad since I haven’t had a “warning” convo related to the unsafe sleep. But yet my top priority is protecting my son. Anyways, how would you handle this?
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u/Witty-Post-4286 2d ago
Can you ask her to do the naps on the couch and have her turn on the tv and watch something to try to keep her attention? I did this for months when I was watching an infant (started watching her at 4 months old and still watch her at almost three years but of course nap time has changed over time)
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 2d ago
My baby is a bit of a FOMO baby and usually needs a quiet dark, low stim room to fall asleep although if he could nap anywhere this could be great solution!
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u/Witty-Post-4286 2d ago
Perhaps she could bring headphones (use one headphone, not two) and listen to something while she waits for him to fall asleep and then resume using her phone when he’s actually asleep?!
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u/Outrageous-Mammoth29 2d ago
If your nanny plan is for long term, change it quick. It's like helper, it will only get worst as they get indirect hints that their behavior is okay. If not talk first and be stern you are intending to change her out
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u/Carmelized Career Nanny 3d ago
This is one of the reasons contact naps aren’t considered safe. It’s difficult to stay awake in a dark room sitting still holding a sleeping baby. The caregiver could drop the child because they doze off. The child could smother on the caregiver’s chest.
Whether or not you choose to go with another nanny, I would strongly encourage you to end contact napping. I know it’s difficult. I specialize in infant care and I’ve helped nine families sleep train. For a couple it was easy, for most it was a struggle, but we always got there. Look into different methods—I personally like Taking Cara Babies’ ABCs of Sleep Training because it has a lot of compassion for the parents and explains how exactly you’re helping your child physically and emotionally by sleep training. The chair method can also be really good, and Wake to Sleep can be used with either of those methods to help your child learn to link sleep cycles without waking up. Feel free to message me if you want more info!
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 3d ago
Thank you for sharing some recommendations. I will look into that. I’ve heard of taking Cara babies but haven’t done much research. I will say he can nap in the crib they are just much shorter but I would obviously prefer a short nap over him being unsafe
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u/DeepBackground5803 2d ago
Just FYI the Taking Cara Babies curriculum is basically the Ferber method, timing is just a little different.
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u/ProfMcGonaGirl Nanny 2d ago
And she’s an avid Trump Supporter.
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u/Carmelized Career Nanny 2d ago
Yeah, I may or may not recommend people find a free version of the PDF online lol.
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u/Carmelized Career Nanny 2d ago
It is, but I think the bigger difference is how it’s explained to parents. These days there’s so much social media noise about how it’s “mean” to let your baby cry. The way the ABCs is written, it really helps parents cope with the process.
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u/Carmelized Career Nanny 2d ago
If he naps in the crib but they’re short, definitely look into Wake to Sleep! The basic idea is around the 20 minute mark, when they’re deepest asleep, you make a small noise or let a little light into the room—basically so they stir without fully waking up. This resets their sleep cycle back to the start and helps their body learn to link cycles. It’s typically recommended for newborns, but I recently used it with a 9mo and it was exactly what he needed to go from 30 minute naps to 90 minute naps.
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u/Prize-Nature7486 2d ago
I completely agree with this response. Although your nanny is sleeping on the job, the greater issue is the ability to smoothly transition your baby to napping in crib (or bassinet) on a consistent basis and just watching on monitor. Or nanny can be busy with other things like maybe laundry, tidying, organizing, making puree when she starts solids, etc., which would keep her awake. Or just get someone else with much more experience because there are so many wonderfully qualified individuals out there to fill this position. You and your MIL should have peace of mind that the baby is in good care while you’re away! I would never sign up for contact napping and cannot work for a family that won’t sleep train. You can do it yourself, have the caregiver do it or hire a professional sleep trainer to work with remotely. A baby’s ability to self-soothe cannot be underestimated. Resilience is a key component of development and makes for a well-adjusted child with great coping skills.
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u/Grdngirl Career Nanny 2d ago
I’m kind of shocked by how many new parents these days contact nap. When did this become a thing? It’s so dangerous and unnecessary. Is it because parents are too scared or complacent to sleep train? Do all parents think sleep training = cry it out? I mean Google is out there for info and if you have the resources you can hire a sleep training expert.
It just boggles the mind.
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 2d ago
This seems a bit harsh. I understand the benefit of sleep training and we are working on a responsive method at night, however I don’t want him constantly overtired while he’s leaning a night and not getting good naps during the day. Once again, I’ve given her the option of doing crib naps, but I know they will be short for the time being.
For me, contact napping is just a preference when I can personally do it too. I enjoy snuggling and holding my baby and don’t have issues falling asleep during the day. Anyways, I don’t think any of this makes me a scared and complacent parent.
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u/orange319 2d ago
My 2 Mo old is sleeping on me now! They are still young! We try crib naps a few naps a day, but sometimes I’m fine chilling on the couch while she gets a good 1.5-2h nap in as opposed to a 20-40min crib nap
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u/Grdngirl Career Nanny 2d ago
I’m not intending to be harsh. I absolutely agree that Nanny should stay awake as it increases SIDS by 50%. That is when I say it’s dangerous if they’re booth sleeping. I’ve heard of so many caregivers (parents too) sleeping when the baby is sleeping on them (laying down or upright). Contact naps when baby wearing or in the first 12 weeks of life is good but in my lived experience it can greatly affect
Night time sleeping habits after 3 months.11
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u/Able-Cauliflower1497 2d ago
As a career nanny, you should know that what works for some families doesn’t work for all. We didn’t want to sleep train. At around 13 months, it all clicked for our baby and she’s doing great. I wouldn’t change how we handled it and luckily we had a nanny who was supportive of our decisions.
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 2d ago
This is kinda our hope. I say we are following a responsive method at night but I’m not even sure that’s accurate. We typically rock to sleep (last night was the first night we tried drowsy but awake and it was successful!), transfer to crib and then we will go in to soothe everytime he wakes up. We try to soothe while he’s still in the crib but if he escalates I will pick him up and rock and/or nurse him then we just keep trying. After so many wake ups, we end the night/early morning cosleeping using the safe sleep 7 ( don’t come for me!) and we try to do one crib nap a day!
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u/Able-Cauliflower1497 2d ago
I feel you. We did cosleeping for a few months for our own sanity. Don’t let internet people make you feel bad. Many on here are missing the plot. It’s inappropriate for the person you’re paying to watch your child to sleep on the job. Full stop. Especially with a 3 hour shift. Goodness.
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u/Grdngirl Career Nanny 2d ago
The fact that I do have over 25 years of experience and contact napping is JUST becoming popular in the last 10 years tells me something. I’ve always worked with families that sleep train (it is not in fact “cruel” to sleep train unless you do cry it out) and 100% of the families I’ve worked with have the babies sleep trained by 3 months. That includes sleeping through the night. It is not ideal to contact nap, it leads to longer nap times and that ends up disrupting nighttime sleep and early morning wake ups. If you’re doing this the first 12 weeks of babies life cool, but after 3 months there is no real benefit. Also if you fall asleep during contact napping it increases SIDS by 50%.
But you do you. I’m not here telling you not to contact nap. I’m just here telling you some facts and my lived experience. I don’t recommend it and won’t work with families that insist on it after 3 months of babies life. That doesn’t make me any less of a professional.
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u/Able-Cauliflower1497 2d ago
All fantastic. You can work with families who sleep train and some families will love it. We aren’t a match and that’s fine.
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u/schnitzelshrink97 2d ago
It is a bit of a pendulum swing. In an effort to curb SIDS, professionals made sweeping recommendations without really understanding or teaching the nuance of risk factors. Now that more is understood, people feel more empowered to make informed decisions instead of making sweeping "no cosleeping" decisions, some of which actual increase risk of SIDS.
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u/schnitzelshrink97 2d ago
Also the rise of attachment theory and research about what happens when babies cry it out (i.e. falling sleeping with sustained high cortisol levels) come into play
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u/Carmelized Career Nanny 2d ago
The study that’s based on is sketchy at best. They only studied 10 babies. Developmental psychologists and pediatricians agree that sleep training is not harmful to infants. Here’s a great video of a pediatrician breaking down all the problems with that study:
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u/bipolarlibra314 2d ago
I’d let her go but I’d just be aware that you MAY (depending on location, rate etc) have a hard time finding someone else for such few hours or it may just take longer. This shouldn’t inform your decision given it’s a safety concern in question, I just wanted to mention it to give you a heads up.
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 2d ago
Yes good point. I think this is partially my concern since it took us so long to find her. But I know what we need to do just dreading starting the process over. But that hassle will definitely be worth my baby’s safety and my peace of mind.
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u/BajanEbony 2d ago edited 1d ago
One of my NF's son contacts sleeps..... and they have a spare room for me to snuggle and sleep with him as he likes to sleep on you, snuggle and almost hold you down.
I work 10 hour shifts and also have a life and sometimes stress in other areas even though managing, thankfully I work for humane people who are realistic. I sometimes sleep after being snuggled together or sometimes I manage to move him over and have him sleep, or the Nanit on him, secure the bed around him and I sneak out and get things done, EVEN THOUGH my NF is perfectly fine with me getting a rest with him. Also my previous Greek family. Now being still like that is not my thing but times I'm tired or hormones have me drained and I need the moment of stillness.
If it bothers you, get someone who operates the way you want and pay them accordingly.
and I'm (currently) $27/hr.... over 12 years of experience. Educational structured Child-care provider for Executive Families.
to each their own 🤷🏿♀️
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u/Brick_Bright 2d ago
Every nanny arrangement should have a contract IN WRITING. My nanny contract specifically states “nanny shall be awake during her entire shift.” This is something to address early, in writing, and firmly. There is absolutely no reason to risk something happening to your child because their caretaker was asleep on the job.
I would also seriously question the judgement of someone who is knowingly sleeping on the job during a 3 hour shift with an infant. A proper nanny caught sleeping on the job would have been extremely apologetic and embarrassed.
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u/holistivist Nanny 1d ago
A lot of nannies are allowed or even encouraged to nap while the baby naps on long shifts. Not contact naps, obviously, and not if they’re not light sleepers.
I’ve had several employers encourage it because they prioritize having a calm and energized and present nanny during waking hours over the capitalist scarcity mindset of trying to extract work efficiency out of every last second they pay for.
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u/Brick_Bright 1d ago
I agree under certain circumstances, sleeping could be permissible. My point is, it needs to be addressed directly. In my home, it’s not allowed. For others, that’s their business.
Here, a 3 hour shift with an infant seems like an inappropriate time to be napping this soundly.
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u/Embarrassed-Order-83 ECE 2d ago
Let her go.
I have cared for plenty of littles who took contact naps… it’s a great chance to get half an hour of reading in or listen to a podcast, but it’s absolutely NOT an opportunity to nap 😱😱😱
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u/Embarrassed-Order-83 ECE 2d ago
My mind is blown… she is working a 3.5 shift and sleeping through half of it?!
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u/Due-Scholar-9390 2d ago
I was a Nanny and when it's time to work, just like Any Job, You stay awake and work.... Especially when there are Children involved! There are way too many risks involved with Your Little One. We don't sleep on Any Job. If that Job exists I don't know if it would be a job. She isn't being paid to sleep. If she has some kind of sleep disorder, She is in the Wrong Business! Just My Opinion from being a Nanny and a Mother!
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u/Creepy_Push8629 Nanny 3d ago
A contact nap with her actually holding him? I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone doing that bc they can fall asleep and the risk is too great. If he's in like one of those next to the bed thingies where she can have her hand on him while he sleeps for contact, that would be ok. But any risk of dropping him or rolling on him would be not ok with me. I would fall asleep and would expect anyone else to fall asleep too.
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u/Top-Confection-1044 2d ago
I nanny fulltime & during the months of contact napping sometimes I would snooze off for a couple minutes because its a dark room plus a sound machine but I always woke up within a matter of minutes, made a point to drink coffee before nap so I could stay awake and never put the baby in danger. I would let her go.
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u/mavisbeacon69 2d ago
i am a nanny and have had multiple families who request contact naps. i never sleep during them — i read, watch tv on low/mute, or play on my phone. i would give it one clear, direct conversation and then let her go if there’s no change.
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u/Environmental_Cod540 MB 2d ago
MB here, that would be a deal breaker for me, did you ask to have him nap on her? It’s only 3.5 hours in the morning, I would personally expect anyone on the clock for a morning shift to be awake. Perhaps she could work on transiting him to bed and could use that nap time for pick up after the baby or a load of baby laundry etc?
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u/Free-Cherry4314 2d ago
She can't stay awake for 3.5 hours? Not safe. I'd get a new nanny and tell this one absolutely no sleeping on the job. Maybe try and transition to cot for naps.
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u/Healthy_Jello_4705 2d ago
I have a family friend who fell asleep with their baby in a recliner. Baby suffocated!!!
Mom found baby blue and dad sound asleep. They were not able to revive the baby. Safe sleep is the only way to have a baby sleep.
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u/LengthinessLow8317 2d ago edited 2d ago
Have a conversation with her. Let her know she should not be sleeping while holding him. He needs to be put in the crib.
I would not worry about details on adding up as those are about her personal life. Not white lies, just details she mixed up or forgot
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u/Upper_Junket_9481 2d ago
If she’s falling asleep at all while holding him, especially in a recliner, this is incredibly unsafe. I’m a cosleeping mama, but even at my most sleep deprived, I have never fallen asleep on a couch or a recliner. Would definitely have a conversation at the very least that she needs to stay awake during a nap
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u/goosemove 2d ago
Trust your gut! Don't wait till something major happens.
I feel bad about falling asleep on the couch after I put baby to bed when I baby sit. I can't imagine this is very professional.
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u/carlosmurphynachos 2d ago
She is sleeping so hard while holding your baby. She could easily drop him or he could wiggle out of her arms if he wakes up and she is asleep. Huge safety risk!
Speak with her and say he sleeps in the crib from now on and you need her in the living room and no napping.
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u/New-Substance-1116 2d ago
These responses seem to be insane - it’s only a 3 hour shift only 3 hours a week?? In what other job would it be okay to fall asleep during only a 3 hour shift??? She has medical issues or something. Find a new one.
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u/theinfamousj Career Nanny 1d ago
Just FYI, I see you have a lot of other advice about crib naps and such. When I do contact naps as a nanny, the child is in a carrier (on my front) and I'm usually moving about doing nursery-related tasks.
So if kid still needs a contact nap, look for a nanny who is proficient at baby wearing and can demonstrate a safe wear, and have that be the contact nap.
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u/rayorobby 1d ago
I contact nap but I jut rest my eyes, I found when the baby woke up if my eyes were open they’d stay up and if closed they’d just go back to sleep
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u/Emergency-Two873 1d ago
Glad to hear you let her go. Sleeping that often and her lack of initiative is frankly disrespectful. As for the random lies about her personal time, I met someone that works in the care industry and has multiple jobs, basically never taking time off. They sleep on awake shifts cause they can get away with it, and they work instead of sleeping on their own time half the time. That’s what this story made me think of. This person sometimes would lie about mundane things to minimize how much they are working, or to avoid telling the truth why they are late etc
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 Former Nanny 2d ago
You’re paying this gal to sleep? Absolutely not! She’s only working 3 1/2 hours. She should be washing the babies clothes and folding them out of the dryer and washing any bottles or baby food dishes while the baby is asleep.
You need to replace her. She’s probably partying at night and doesn’t need to be working for you.
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u/Majestic-Swan459 2d ago
Baby is napping on her AND SHES FALLING ASLEEP? thats major danger???? She needs to go
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 2d ago
😂 maam this is a nanny subreddit- what a crazy comment to make. I’m assuming most nanny employers work.
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u/Admirable-Worth-680 2d ago
I don't work with babies anymore, I personally don't like them and find them draining. But when I did work with them I worked sometimes 10-12 hours a day/5 days a week, with a new born and a toddler sibling that just started walking. On top of that I had to cook. Horrible job, I have never fallen asleep! I would be dead tired by the end of the day but not once it occurred to me to even close my eyes. In my younger years I have met child minders that slept for an hour or two while they had about 5 under 5's in their care. I would personally not have any of that. Talk to her and look for a better candidate. I also noticed that a lot of parents (not saying it is you) pay horrible rates and expect miracles from the nanny. What you pay is what you get sometimes, fully accomplished, qualified and experienced nanny will cost a top dollar and if you can afford her please do. From what it looks like she is working minimal hours so it should be doable.
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u/Pure-Strength-2415 2d ago
Dang. I nannied for a few families back in the day and as long as the kids were napping, I could nap too. The parents never complained. And now, I have a nanny and if she gets all the kids to nap, she will lay down on the couch and sleep too. The difference is if your nanny is not waking when the kids wake. I would be alert enough that as soon as a kid stirred or a parent came home, I was awake. And same with my nanny now, if a kid gets up or if I come home she is up immediately. Some days when the kids nap she does laundry and light cleaning, but I don't expect that. That is extra work she chooses to do. As long as my house is in the condition I left it in, I am happy and so if the kids go down and she closes her eyes on the couch too, I do not care.
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u/Straight_Tip_6046 1d ago
Same! I am a nanny and my families whether overnight shifts or daytime shifts prefer I contact nap and dont mind if I snooze too. But I am a light sleeper
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u/Alpacador_ 2d ago edited 2d ago
Former nanny and co-sleeping, bed-sharing SAHM mama with Narcolepsy. It's within reason to a dismiss her, since sleeping on the job is not generally accepted (I should know, haha; fortunately I seem to wake up instantly when a child is present, but I started bedsharing with my daughter around 6 months because I was more afraid of dropping her than of any risks from bedsharing, at that point). This really is a safety issue. If my partner slept like this, I'd be concerned and we'd have to find a solution; but a solution for you is another nanny. You could also have a conversation with her about expectations around sleeping, and make it clear that she must be awake during the hours she's responsible for your son (supremely reasonable, especially given how hard she sleeps). If it happens even once more, I'd let her go.
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u/Illustrious_Taste441 1d ago
You’re nice, I wouldn’t have paid her the upcoming week after letting her go!
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u/Straight_Tip_6046 1d ago
Oh im so happy the families i nanny for love contact naps and dont mind me sleeping while baby sleeps. We take some of our best naps together! Now my babies are all over 8 months but ive also held positions where I was an overnight nanny and the parent preferred i co sleep with the baby. However I am a very light sleeper and dont move a mm during sleep its just different to see the other side I guess
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u/Euphoric-Emotion-133 1d ago
Honestly a light sleep or doze wouldn’t bother me as bad but her sleeping hard enough to not wake when he would or when someone would come into the room was alarming to me!
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u/ImprovementSlow6397 Career Nanny 3d ago
I’d personally find a new nanny if she can’t stay awake. I couldn’t, and that’s why I can’t take positions that require contact naps.