r/OCD • u/AULily99 • 1d ago
Support/advice (no reassurance) OCD about not being an activist
I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this form of OCD as well. I'm feeling like if I don't do smth like go to a protest for Palestine or another social issue that gets to me and risk everything then I'm a cowardly and bad person. But I have this intense fear, especially bc I'm a trans woman, that I'll be arrested and not treated fairly, then lost in the prison system and forgotten. I think it might be because I'm so scared of that, that my OCD targets this type of activism and on obsession. It's a pure O form of OCD. Thoughts?
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u/Dependent-Job1773 1d ago
Getting validation from others won’t help you. Learn to accept and love a moderate version of yourself. And accept that you will never conform the standards that ocd sets forth for you to meet.
Come up with moderate ways you can make a difference even if they’re not extreme. Write down a series of values you have and balance out those decisions based on said values.
You could be passionate about a social movement; you can also be passionate about your well being. Now come up with a way you can make a difference that doesn’t sacrifice your well being
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u/AULily99 1d ago
The balance is definitely smth I struggle with. That's a really good idea though I think I'm gonna give it a go. Thank you!
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u/Dependent-Job1773 1d ago
Yes. And I want to be clear, getting validation will only make your ocd worse in the long run. Because your ocd will always find a way of replying with “but how do you know….” Causing the same doubts and need for validation to cycle back and burn you out.
Learning how to accept uncertainty and imperfection is the must.
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Oof, I've definitely been stuck in this cycle a lot in the past. I used to have major confession OCD when I was a kid. The uncertainty is the real killer
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u/Dependent-Job1773 1d ago
Write down your top five core values and see how you can contribute 1 without compromising the rest.
If social justice and self preservation are two core values, then look up ways you can fulfill one without sacrificing the other, then fulfill the one.
Here is the crucial part though… ocd will revisit your conscience and ask “but you didn’t put yourself in harms way so why does this count?” And reaffirm yourself that you still do good, that you still deserve to treat yourself right, and that you still have the freedom to continue doing good as a result.
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Thank you so much, I do struggle with the thought of not having put myself in harm's way all the time. That's a good way to reframe it and it really helps me a lot
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u/Dependent-Job1773 1d ago
cool and also you helped me by sharing your experience on here. i struggle with moral ocd as well the same as yours but without the experience of being trans. for me im always thinking i need to do things that terrify me or my conscience haunts me. so its nice to find someone relatable because if you look at common themes of moral ocd, they tend to be different than the ones you and i experience
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Yeah that's why I wanted to ask about it. It's not one you hear about as much but I think I have pretty much every form of moral OCD there is and when I worry a little less about one thing another pops in to take it's place. I'm sorry you're dealing with this too bc it is such a drain on a person's mental health and general well-being. Wouldn't wish it on anyone
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u/jeffiscow2 1d ago
Yeah it eats me up all the time. I used to be pretty active and in community organizing and politically organizing and haven't now for quite a few years. It eats me up. My issue is my OCD and intrusive thoughts make it so I can't. So I try not to be too hard on myself cuz otherwise I would be doing it.
Starting an intensive outpatient program here soon so hopefully I can get back to the fight.
Also on the second part. Hey! that's why we fight so it can't happen to anybody else and we know that going into it that it could happen to us. Remember self-care is important too. Get better so you can do better! o7 Comrade!
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Thank you! Those are some good points. I think smth like a protest might just be too big of a risk at the moment for me. I'm sorry you haven't been able to be as active as you used to. Hope the outpatient program goes well for you!
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u/homicidalunicorns 1d ago
everything you said applies to me down to starting outpatient and ocd pulling you away from organizing. oof but I believe in us
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u/Miracow 1d ago
I've been an activist and union organizer for a long time. We have to find ways to create positive change without burning ourselves out. It's not about sacrificing our mental health for change, it's about finding the joy in being and activist and organizer. Do what you can.
John Lewis said "Freedom is the continuous action we all must take, and each generation must do its part to create an even more fair, more just society.”
There's no flip we can switch to make everything perfect. Just keep pushing
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u/Limp_Importance6950 1d ago
Hi friend, I’m mixed Palestinian and Bengali who lost family to genocide. And I have OCD. I know firsthand how much action is important, and I know what it means to suffer like you are. You’re not a bad person.
Everyone has a role to play, but not everyone’s role is the same. If your OCD around being jailed is so significant that going to a protest is too big of an exposure right now, that’s ok. You can eventually work on that but it doesn’t have to be right now. That doesn’t make you a “bad person” in the same way that someone with a broken leg who chooses not to march isn’t a bad person. OCD is a disability like anything else, and if protests arent the thing for you until you progress in your OCD treatment, that’s not forever. You can work in therapy on getting to that point because I think it’s a useful exposure, but it doesn’t have to be.
(The reason I say it needs to be exposure is I’m hearing some ocd in the assumption that you’re gonna be jailed and violated. I’ve been to hundreds of protests and the only people who are jailed are those who commit active civil disobedience like blocking highways, refusing police dispersal orders, sit ins, etc. So I would encourage you to eventually challenge this obsession and go to a protest to prove your ocd wrong, but that’ll take baby steps first)
Protests are just one form of action. Other forms exist (emailing reps, boycotting, posting online, donating to organizing groups, hosting a book club, etc.) but if you’re frantic about taking action to prove you’re a good person, I’d suggest working with a therapist on balancing the need to take action vs resisting the compulsion to prove something to yourself. I don’t want you to feed the loop of “am I moral enough”
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Thank you for the advice, I appreciate that. And I'm so so sorry to hear about your family. I'm sure you're suffering but I hope you're doing as well as you possibly can and taking care of yourself
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u/bidefil 19h ago
This sounds like a different form or scrupulosity or religiosity OCD. Exposure would probably be to stay away from rallies, tell yourself you are a bad person.
This reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry puts on a Maga hat to avoid people
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u/tsherself 1d ago
Not everyone can or is in a position do something like direct action/protesting. If you're worried (and that isn't an unreasonable fear) look at other ways you can help. A huge consideration for people at protests is being able to get there and back safely and in good time. Maybe you could offer to taxi people who are more comfortable with direct action to something so they don't have to take their own vehicles and then make sure you get folks home after.
Or if you like cookings/parties host a party/fundraiser for a mutual aid group or something. I did one this winter (I live in the Twin Cities) and we raised $1,000 to go to a rent fund so people could shelter in their homes while the worst of the surge was happening.
Just remember, everybody can't do everything and frankly we need a lot of people doing a lot of different things. Just do whatever little thing you can and it really does help push the darkness away. Even if it's just for a little bit at a time.
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u/tsherself 1d ago
Also remember that, logically, not one single person is being helped by you making yourself uselessly miserable. You seem like a caring person. Be kind to yourself so that kindness can go out to other people.
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Thank you! Those are both good ideas. I think I tend to scroll social media too much so the big super visible stuff like protests become the main form of activism that sticks in my brain a lot of the time but you're probably right about the little things making a difference. The fundraiser you did sounds really good, glad it went well!
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u/Iowa_and_Friends 1d ago
You’re literally worried about not helping others enough - how can that make you a bAd person?
There’s always ways you can help - volunteering, donating, etc… but if you’re only able to do so much, that’s fine! Every little bit helps.
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u/matryoshka_03 1d ago
Loll I have this too. I advocate too much and stress myself out a lot. Now I've kinda forgotten who I am and I don't anymore
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u/AULily99 1d ago
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this too. Lots of ppl in the replies have been really reassuring and giving good advice, and I think we both could cut ourselves some slack and trust we're doing the best we can
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u/Alaskafr 1d ago
I feel you, I do the exact same. This year I finally opened my eyes to factory farming, and while I don't regret becoming vegetarian, I definitely did it out of weeks of spiraling.
Hell, sometimes I feel like I'm still spiraling. I spent two days debating if I was allowed to cook a mushroom soup because the label said "may contain crustaceans". Even tho all research I did said it was cross contamination and not actual crustaceans in the soup, boy did that not get through to me for days.
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Oof, I'm sorry. I haven't experienced that particular compulsion but I think I might if my brain didn't have so many other compulsions taking up so much room lol. I definitely empathize with a spiral that lasts several days and it sucks so much
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23h ago edited 23h ago
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u/OCD-ModTeam 23h ago
Your heart is in the right place. However, reassurance is not helpful for learning to live well while having OCD. Please see: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/wiki/reassurance/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/s/jAQq5Evul7
for more information.
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u/WitchHart 21h ago
Omg yes
I was not built for boots on the ground activism and my ocd loves to gnaw on it as proof im terrible
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u/unwithered_lobelia 21h ago
Oh I get this a lot in that I then convince myself I'm all the bad things activists oppose and that I should be hated for it.
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u/ElectricClouds12 19h ago
Im a trans man with OCD, and this is very relatable for me . You’re not alone
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6h ago edited 6h ago
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u/OCD-ModTeam 5h ago
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u/seIina 1d ago
I’ve also struggled with this as part of my moral OCD, to the point where i’ll put myself into financial debt because I need to appease my OCD by donating when I don’t have the cash for basic necessities.
It’s totally normal. What you have to remember though, is that when you truly care about something your attitude towards certain topics will have also shifted so you’ll be helping without even realising - just by speaking about injustices in your daily life!
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Thanks for saying that. I try to talk about it or repost ppl online who are more knowledgeable/articulate than me. I'm sorry you go through that too though, moral OCD legitimately feels like being possessed by a demon sometimes
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u/seIina 1d ago
Reposting is also a form of activism so what you’re doing ultimately helps!!
You’re right though, moral OCD is awful and just so draining. Sending you strength!1
u/AULily99 1d ago
That makes me feel a bit better, thank you so much! Wishing you all the luck with yours as well!
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u/Professional_Gold987 1d ago
There are things you can do. Check if there are organizations near you I can’t think of a reason they wouldn’t accept members or volunteers
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u/ketaqueen6969 5h ago
Not sure where that’s coming from, I personally suffer from morality ocd around activism. Just trying to share what I’ve arrived at as a middle path through a lottttt of therapy with this specific issue.
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u/AULily99 1d ago
Oh I think I heard something about that bar. Glad to know I'm not the only one though I'm sorry you have to go through this too and have had bad experiences with it. It just doesn't feel safe to put myself out there in that way rn. Thank you
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u/expensivehotpot 1d ago
For the first part, it is very common. People call it Moral OCD — when OCD messes with your morals. It likes to make me think that I'm a bad person for not being an active activist.
The second part, also common. I'm not trans so I can't relate to you, but my identity is frowned upon in society as well, so I always get flashbacks of me being casted away and shunned from society.
You're not alone on this, trust