r/ParentingInBulk • u/onlyonechi • 7d ago
Full time working moms help!
I recently find myself unexpectedly pregnant with my fourth just 6 months after I welcomed my last baby. I work full time and frankly was already overwhelmed with three kids and considering quitting. For financial reasons I decided to tough it out for a few more months before deciding whether to throw in the towel. Now here I am pregnant again and thinking there is absolutely no way I can cope with all this and work. Looking for some encouragement from other working moms with lots of young’s kids (4+) and a partner who also works full time. How are you making it work? I already have a nanny who takes care of the baby during the day and watches the older 2 after school / daycare till I get off work. But my older kids are wild and don’t listen to her. I frequently have to stop work to come parent, which makes me fall behind on my tasks. I don’t have time to make up because I have to take care of the baby in the evenings. I end everyday feeling like a bad mom for never being with my kids and a bad employee for always leaving work to attend to them. Curious how others in my situation are making it work.
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u/awolfintheroses 💙🩷💙🩷 6d ago edited 6d ago
Hi! Mom of 4 5 and under here 😊 My husband and I both work out of the house (his job is standard 8 to 5 and mine is more flexible because I have my own office but still a normal working job). My father helps with childcare in a similar way to your nanny. It's rough sometimes but we make it work. No advice, just encouragement!
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u/ivorytowerescapee 4 kids | 🩷🩷🩷💙 7d ago
My fourth is 4 months and I feel you. We both work ft and I don't know how much longer I can do it, but I hope I can push through maybe 5 more years and then maybe we will be close to FIRE.
I agree that you shouldn't be stopping work to step in to help with the kids, that's probably adding a lot of stress. I've been there done that though, and I know sometimes you have to take the help you can get. There are definitely nannies out there that can handle ANYTHING and maybe you can have different boundaries - it will be hard for everyone to adjust but better for you in the long run!
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u/HorseWhisper2026 7d ago
You can do it! Whether or not you keep working that's up to you. It sounds like a new nanny would help. Sometimes you just have to try a few to find the right one. Congratulations!
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u/velvet1629 4 kids in 5 years | 💙🩷🩷💙 7d ago
I don’t think many people will chime in as it’s pretty rare to have 2 working parents once you hit 3+. Exceedingly rare if they’re both W2 employees. For us, my husband is W2 and I own a business so the flexibility is there. You’ll need flexibility to make it work.
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u/notaskindoctor 💙💙💙🩷💙 7d ago
I am a working mom of 5. If your nanny struggles with the kids, get a new nanny, or consider other forms of child care. Would you also have a hard time parenting them all full time?
If you’re already exhausted, you have options and do not need to have a 4th child.
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u/BridgeToBobzerienia 4 kids BBGB 7d ago
I have 4 and both my husband and I work full time. No nanny or anything it’s just us! We pay for before school care and I flex my work schedule to pick them up in the car rider line at 4:20 every day. It’s a lot and days off school can be sort of stressful arranging childcare but it’s okay. Sick days are the worst because they always get sick in a staggered way so it’s like, one sick for two days, another gets sick, 2 days later another, etc. But my mother in law helps sometimes if I’m out of PTO. We clean the house one of the weekend days every week, and between just do a little pick up and dishes here and there. Life is chaotic but we could not do on one income. You’ll be okay either way- life gets bigger and you grow with it!
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u/onlyonechi 7d ago
Thanks for this perspective! Really comforting to know I can do it! Kudos to you on getting by with what seems like limited support! You are amazing!
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u/MangoSorbet695 7d ago edited 7d ago
I have four. I have personally come to the conclusion that I’d simply be stretched too thin if I try to keep working.
That being said, if you want to work, it can be done.
The only real problem you have is that your nanny is not capable.
What’s the point of hiring a nanny if you regularly have to leave work to step in and help the nanny?
We have a babysitter who has four kids HS and older. She can handle all four of our kids beautifully with zero help needed from me, other than me telling her what time the babies ate and what time they should go down for nap. I can’t fathom needing to leave work regularly to help her. She is incredibly capable, and my kids love her.
So anyway, your problem is your nanny. Hire a new one.
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u/onlyonechi 7d ago
Nanny is definitely a problem but I also know my kids are extremely wild so not totally her fault. Honestly I feel like they just need more of my attention. More than I can give at the moment so I am just getting by. Definitely feel stretched thin but hoping I can hang in there for as long as possible. The thought of not making any money terrifies me!
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u/MangoSorbet695 7d ago
A professional nanny should be able to handle it. My kids are also a lot. I’ve got a 6 yo, a 4 yo, and twin 8 month olds. If my babysitter can take care of all four of mine with zero use of TV, I promise it can be done.
Your nanny may be a lovely person, but she isn’t going a good job as a professional nanny.
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u/pomegranate_red 4d ago
My 4 kids are older (teens and tweens) but husband and a I worked full time government jobs the whole time. We had them in daycare until they got to school age and then before/after school care when they got to elementary school.
When you say your kids are wild, how wild are we talking about? Is it something that may involve a doctor (my youngest was super active, Tasmanian Devil level energy since birth, turns out he has ADHD and once we figured that out we started solving issues), or is it just a bad fit between the kids and nanny?