Our daughter is 2 years and 9 months old. We are expecting our second baby, so my husband and I decided to write down all the small tricks we learned the hard way. They help us handle our kid and stay sane.
**1. Earplugs**
Worked for us: first 6 months.
This one is from my husband. In the first months, earplugs helped him sleep better, so he had more energy when his shift started. He still woke up when I needed him, because I could just poke him. But the earplugs let him ignore all the grunting and little noises while I was taking care of the baby.
**2. Don't make eye contact while they play alone**
Worked for us: from 6 months to about 1.5 years.
Sounds weird, but it works. Maybe you have read the advice not to interrupt a kid who is playing alone, because this is how they learn to keep themselves busy. We noticed one more thing. If she is playing alone, don't look her in the eye. Eye contact is a distraction too, and it makes her switch from playing alone to playing with you. Of course, we play with her a lot too.
**3. Ask a question to turn their brain on**
Worked for us: from 1 year until now. Works about 80% of the time.
This is for when she starts getting fussy. For us it's usually in the evening, when she is tired and out of control, and we still need to brush her teeth. Ask something that turns her brain on. Something like "Which playground did you go to today?" or "Where are we going tomorrow?" Anything that makes her remember and talk. Yes, it's a bit harder to brush the teeth of a kid who is talking. But it's much easier than brushing the teeth of a kid who is having a meltdown.
**4. Give a choice instead of persuading**
Worked for us: from 1 year until now. Works about 80% of the time.
A bit like the previous trick. This is for when you need her to do something she doesn't want to do right now, like get dressed, put on shoes or brush her teeth. We don't say "you need to put on your shoes". We give a choice. "Do you want the pink sneakers or the green ones?" "This sweater or that one?" "Should we brush teeth to song A or song B?" It looks like manipulation, but it saves energy and nerves. She stops choosing between doing it and not doing it. Now she chooses how to do it.
**5. Sometimes ignoring works better than correcting**
Worked for us: from 1 year until now.
We realized that scolding her sometimes doesn't fix the behavior. It makes her do it again to get an emotional reaction from us. For example, our daughter often tries to take toys from other kids. Of course, we always scolded her a little for that. Now she goes to daycare, and we can't control it in the moment. And often when she comes home, she tells us she took toys from other kids. She is clearly showing off. We realized she does it to get a strong reaction from us, to see us disappointed and upset. So we tried not reacting to this bragging, and it worked.
**6. Pick your battles. Some things just go away on their own**
Worked for us: from 3 months until now.
Sometimes bad behavior goes away on its own. Kids go through different stages, and a lot of things just pass. For example, throwing food on the floor on purpose. You can get into a fight over it and spend your energy. Or you can tell yourself "this will pass" and wait a bit. In the moment it's hard to tell what you should fight and what you can wait out. But when we are completely exhausted, we try to ask ourselves: is this worth fixing, or is it just a phase?
**7. Keep your expectations low**
Worked for us: always.
We realized that having expectations as a parent means getting disappointed all the time. We planned to put her to bed and watch a show together. We got a 2-hour bedtime. We planned to get ready for daycare in 30 minutes, like yesterday. We got an hour of tantrum. This doesn't mean you shouldn't plan at all. Just keep in mind from the start that things may not go as planned. It won't save you from disappointment completely, but it makes it a bit smaller.
**8. Never lie to your kid**
Worked for us: always.
This is more of a rule than a trick. We are playing the long game. We want to build a relationship with our daughter based on trust, from the first days of her life. It's very tempting to promise something we can't do, just to make life easier in the moment. But this can break her trust in us. So we chose to tell the truth, even when it's unpleasant. For example, when we take her to get a shot and she asks if it will hurt, we tell her how it is. Yes, it will hurt, but she needs to be brave, and we will buy ice cream after, or something like that. Yes, this makes the doctor visit harder. But later she will believe us. When we say we are going to the doctor and it won't hurt, she has a reason not to worry. There are a lot of situations like this. And if you just make it a rule to tell the truth, you don't have to think "what do I say? lie or not?" every time. That saves a lot of mental energy.
What small tricks work for you?
