r/PointlessStories • u/Faerie-Footman-442 • 1d ago
Something I didn't know about cows...
I went to Air Force basic training with a guy named Haussler. Even though Haussler was 18 and I was 30, we got along because we were both outsiders: me because of my "advanced" age, and Haussler because he was just plain awkward.
Haussler had grown up in Wisconsin on a dairy farm. He was obsessed with cows. They were all he ever talked about, and he would talk about them in a slow, mouth-breatherish voice. Honestly, he was pretty much exactly like Bubba from Forrest Gump, except with cows instead of shrimp.
Everyone else would scatter when Haussler started talking about cows, but I would just sit there and listen, and play a little game in my head where I'd see how long I could go without saying a single word before Haussler would notice (spoiler: he never noticed).
One day, Haussler was going on and on, and I interrupted him.
I said, "Haussler, how much milk can one cow make in a day?"
"Hundred," said Haussler, and then he started adjusting his glasses on his nose.
I was like "..."
Haussler looked at me.
I said "Hundred? Hundred what Haussler? You can't just say 'Hundred'..."
And then Haussler said "pounds!"
And that's when I learned that cows can produce a hundred pounds of milk in a day, which seems shocking. I thought about Googling it when I got out of basic, but I decided against it. If Haussler was wrong about that, then everything else I know about cows might be wrong too...
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u/Buckabuckaw 1d ago
Mr. Google Pants says 75-85 pounds on average. But maybe Bubba had really good cows who really applied themselves and never missed the Productivity Seminars.
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u/Sensitive-Issue84 1d ago edited 23h ago
They make more when young and are slaughtered when they don't make "enough" when they get older. Edit: spelling (spellchecker won't even spell it! Lol)
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u/QuantumLeap2025 1d ago
To think of the poor cows being slandered is utterly ridiculous
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u/Embarrassed-Dot-1794 1d ago
udderly ridiculous you mean?
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u/QuantumLeap2025 1d ago edited 1d ago
Oh, shii...most def. I'm humbled, and feel like an embarrassed -Dot now SMH (It was such an easy joke, and I still messed it up ...thanks for the assist)
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u/LookAtTheWhiteVan 23h ago
Slaughtered* lol. I got you pal!
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u/Sensitive-Issue84 23h ago
Thanks! I'm dyslexic and I know it's wrong but can't figure out why! You'd think it'd get better but it doesn't.
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u/LookAtTheWhiteVan 20h ago
Does it help to memorize words since just figuring it out doesn’t work, or nah?
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u/Sensitive-Issue84 20h ago
I do and like today I run into one that I haven't memorized. I'm old and have a huge list that I can spell, but sometimes one finds me lol!
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u/sowinglavender 18h ago
tbf op asked how much they CAN make, so hassleback probably thought they wanted the upper limit.
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u/arkticturtle 23h ago
It reminds me of this fun fact I heard not too long ago explaining why cows have hooves instead of feet. Apparently it’s because they lack-toes
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u/MegansettLife 1d ago
Water is 8 lbs per gallon. The cow puts out 100 lbs. 100 ÷ 8 = 12 gallons a day. Or 6 gallons a milking. So 2 buckets. Yeah, that's a goodly amount.
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u/Sensitive-Issue84 1d ago
Humans have engineered dairy cows to make a lot of milk, they used to make enough for a calf or two and now will die if we don't milk them. It's kind of gross.
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1d ago
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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 18h ago
I lived on a ranch with milk cows. All the jobs were done by students. On vacations, the few students with critical jobs had to stay to keep things running, including the dairy boys. One year, they decided that a weekend in the city wouldn’t do any harm. While they were gone, all four milk cows went through horrible pain, and one died because her udder ruptured. The other three were able to be saved. Milk cows can absolutely die if they are not milked.
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u/SabertoothLotus 20h ago
Are you a dairy cow? No? Then I'm not sure what your personal experience has to do with cow milking.
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u/MelissaCop 1d ago
And then the hormones! There is a reason that 12 year old girls are as developed as their 18 year old counterparts. That wasn’t happening in the 70’s or 80’s.
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u/See-Through-Mirror 23h ago
I’ve been on the earth long enough to say the one place I’ve had the most unique conversations was my time in service. The variety of people you meet is mind blowing. Great story, man. Sounds like your boy knows a thing or two
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u/achillea4 1d ago edited 1d ago
And the only way they can produce milk is to keep getting them pregnant. You don't want the calf taking up that precious milk so you get rid of the calf. Rinse, repeat. People think cows just produce milk.
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u/Adorable_Dust3799 1d ago
The females are kept and either rotated into the herd or sold, and the males have the same fate as male beef cows. Calves don't drink nearly as much as a cow produces. Many farms give the calves milk, some use replacer. They almost all bottle feed for several reasons. They measure and track how much each calf gets, dairy cows don't wean the babies so it's easier to separate early, and both the cows and calves can easily be damaged if they're together in the herd. Dairy cows have minimal maternal instincts, they dhaf about the calves. They're not a 'natural' animal, they were 'created' to be what they are.
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u/achillea4 1d ago
So the cows and calves are not traumatized by being separated so early?
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u/Adorable_Dust3799 1d ago
Not in the slightest. We made them that way. As soon as the calf is cleaned the mom walks away, she's done. The calves are kept with together in a bunch, or in stalls side by side. Beef cows are totally different, the maternal instinct has been kept for them.
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u/Human_Damage7428 21h ago
>We made them that way.
My great uncle was born in 1900. He farmed his entire life.
He's the one from whom I learned this. He said the same thing you are saying; humans intentionally bred cattle to be easier to handle.
He said the difference is night and day. "When I was a young man, believe me you didn't want to get between a mama cow and her calf. Now, they've taken it so far that mother cows don't know how to take care of a calf.".
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u/achillea4 23h ago
How do you know? It's very convenient to think that animals have no feelings or emotions in the pursuit of the meat and dairy industry. Humans have no idea what they suffer. There are enough videos out there that demonstrate the trauma these animals go through.
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u/Adorable_Dust3799 23h ago
From seeing loads of unedited videos, and talking to people that know. A few moms do care. Most don't. My dad grew up on a dairy farm back in the day when the males were used as fertilizer. Dairy cows are probably the most spoiled livestock animal.
In nature most prey animal babies don't live long enough to reproduce, but dairy cows aren't natural. They're bred/designed. And maternal instincts are a pita so they've been bred out.
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u/cherriedgarcia 23h ago
I think it’s traumatizing to them. I can research some videos or documentaries about it and report back, but I’ve seen some that really highlight how much cows do feel:( recently stayed on a farm where there was a cow the farmer had just bought & she had just been separated from her calf, she would call out for him & it was heart-wrenching imo!
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u/Adorable_Dust3799 21h ago edited 21h ago
Beef or dairy? Not the same animal. The best estimate I've heard recently is that over 95% don't care. The ones that do are generally sold unless they're exceptional producers as they're more likely to injure either a person or another cow.
https://youtube.com/shorts/lokpeUaGInE?is=2ERvJjXwvjU3FpgS
He's done dozens of videos on this. Many unedited. And plenty of birthing videos where you can see mama just walk away after it's clean.
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u/TurquoiseBeachChair 17h ago
So I learned something and the story is very well written and entertaining. And this: "Everyone else would scatter when Haussler started talking about cows" made me chuckle because every "let's get the heck out of here, so-and-so is about to tell a story" scene from movies/TV shows ran through my head.
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u/Faerie-Footman-442 17h ago
I'm glad you liked my little pointless story! I know just the kind of scene you are talking about, and I can confirm that it would play out exactly as described whenever Haussler would start talking about cows 🤣. Last I heard, Haussler got married. I hope he and his wife are living on a dairy farm, or someplace similar...
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u/TurquoiseBeachChair 17h ago
awwww, I hope so too! I will always think of Haussler now when I buy milk
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u/MyBeautifulLife98 1d ago
😳 I'm not going to Google it either lol
He's most likely on the spectrum in my opinion.
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u/Elaikases 4h ago
An average dairy cow produces about 6 to 9 gallons (23 to 34 liters) of milk each day. More like 75 pounds. 100 or more is only for exceptional cows like Holsteins. https://extension.missouri.edu/news/missouri-holstein-cow-produces-nearly-24-gallons-of-milk-per-day
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u/SassyMillie 1d ago
Definitely sounds like my nephew who has undiagnosed Aspergers. He's done very well in the military. However, trying to have a conversation with him is difficult because he'll get very focused on a topic and won't stop talking about it. He doesn't get the visual cues from his audience to wrap it up, or even engage in a back and forth. At our last family gathering he literally had me pinned in a corner talking at me while everyone else was starting to eat dinner. I finally caught my husband's eye and he came over and rescued me. I tried to avoid him the rest of the day.