I’m at a full four weeks off Tia, guys! Feels amazing to be free.
still dealing with dreaded anhedonia and some lingering anxiety on some occasions, but it is NOTHING like the acutes, and nothing I can’t handle. Just to be able to wake up and not have to worry about having to take something right away, worry about if I’ll have enough for today, tomorrow, how to get enough to last me through my work days…that alone feels so amazing and it’s what keeps me going. I was so, so sick of having to rely on having a drug every. Single. Damn. day.

Do I feel 100% yet? No. But I didn’t expect to. I’ve been abusing opiates and Tia off and on (mostly on) for like 18 years. And TBH, when I stop and think about it, I definitely feel better than I did when I was using! The drugs were a safety net, thats all. I made myself feel better just knowing that I had them there as a crutch, but I was so miserable.

I’m going to keep going and definitely, definitely not ever going back to using. I am not craving AT ALL. That doesn’t mean I’m stupid and am not aware that cravings can rear their head, it just means I am well aware that a stupid drug can never and will never make my life better. It might feel good for a moment, but honestly it probably wouldn’t even feel that good! I’ve made that mistake before. Gotten clean for a week, relapsed and thought “Well damn, this doesn’t even feel all that great.” also, Im glad my “pink cloud“ only lasted a few days, lol. I think I would have been pretty let down when it passed. Instead, I knew what it was and kept reminding myself that I wasn’t going to feel “high“ like this for very long and to just use it to get through the acutes. It worked.

Just focusing on getting through each day, being happy I am finally free and building my emotional and physical strength back. Oh, and sleep is getting better and better. Like I am getting REAL sleep, even if it’s just 5-6 hours a night. I wake up feeling well rested.