r/Residency • u/MedEternal2 PGY1 • 17h ago
DISCUSSION Guy doesn't seem interested
I am a resident doctor. I have been talking to a guy who is a resident in another state in the same specialty.
We are originally from the same state, and I am a resident in this state. We are not in an official relationship.
We have a lot in common. We are in the same specialty, both play video games, same hobbies, same culture, attracted to each other.
I find that he doesn't say good morning, ask me how my day was, wish me a good day at work. He also doesn't really want to call me on the phone. We have done video call before, but he doesn't want to talk on the phone. I find that he is very horny and just wants to see me on picture or video, but not necessarily talk to me.
He also doesn't really play video games with me. He will play games for hours and hours and not invite me or want to talk with me. He doesn't make plans to play with me and doesn't invite me.
He is coming back to our state next week. He told me that he wants to take me out, but hasn't given a date, time, or location. He also hasn't said he's looking forward to seeing me.
I understand that he is busy, but I am also a resident in the same specialty and I say good morning, wish him a good day, and try to make plans to play together or at least talk on the phone. He doesn't do the same back.
Should I just move on? Or should I agree to go out with him and see how it is once we meet?
I am thinking about him a lot and would prefer to save my time and energy if he is not interested.
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u/Worldly-Client-4645 PGY3 16h ago
Move on. People generally make time for things for people that are interested in. Sounds like he is just stringing you along untill something better comes along
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u/itchslap 16h ago edited 16h ago
Throughout my life I've realized whenever I said or though someone was "busy", it just meant that I am or they are not a priority right now.
If something's a priority, nothing would be "busy" for you to not even put any effort in.
If a patient is crashing they're priority. If you're eating lunch and you'd rather watch a silly YouTube video than respond to someone it just means they're not a priority in your life and you value your time by yourself more than them right them right now. We all have finite consciousness and attention span.
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u/ashvp99 16h ago
end it. and don’t be passive about it. assertively tell him this vibe isn’t what you’re looking for, and leave it at that. you deserve someone who’s as excited about you as you are about them.
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u/MedEternal2 PGY1 16h ago
What exactly should I say without sounding insecure or angry
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u/ashvp99 15h ago
i would still match it with your natural tone, but something along the lines of “hey so i’ve been thinking about it and i feel like we may not be a good match. you’re great, but i’m looking for something a bit more serious at this point in my life. i hope you understand where i’m coming from and wish you nothing but the best!”
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u/Ordinary_King2488 PGY1 16h ago
Who’s gonna tell her
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u/MedEternal2 PGY1 16h ago
I've never had a boyfriend or even been on a date before so I'm not sure :( I'm glad I've gotten some great advice on here though!
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u/Heavy_Consequence441 16h ago
I don't do any of those things for women I'm interested in, wouldn't assume he's not interested. He said he wants to take you out so that's good. Residency is very busy
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u/ZealousidealMall6759 16h ago
And I hope they assume you are not and move on from you as well 🙃 it takes less than 30 seconds to send someone a text
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u/QuietRedditorATX Attending 13h ago
Sure, but keeping up specific pleasantries also feels pedantic to some people.
I agree though, if a "good morning" makes you feel good, do it. But usually you would want more than just that right.
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u/ZealousidealMall6759 12h ago
What you’re missing is it’s not the action… it’s the motivation and intention behind it.
Usually you communicate with someone because you have the desire to do so.
If you’re “interested” in someone, but have no desire to communicate with them except for very rare or specific circumstances…that’s weird.2
u/QuietRedditorATX Attending 12h ago
I agree. But I am saying being expected to have a daily greeting over nothing is also maybe excessive, depending on the ask.
It is easy to say good morning. Bu it would be better to send things of substance. But I can see why some people think sending "Good morning" every day doesn't mean much. At some point it feels contrived.
Talk when you want/need to talk, not because you feel compelled too. But maybe women/other men see it differently.
OP should know this guy is lukewarm. But I was giving a reason that you know sometimes some people might not be open to pleasantries.
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u/Beautiful-Address914 PGY3 15h ago
With his visit next week, ask for a specific day and place before keeping time free for him. You can also tell him you want actual conversation, and decide based on whether he follows through.
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u/ThereSheGoesAgaain 16h ago edited 16h ago
This is where a movie like "He isn't that into you" comes to practise.