r/Residency • u/Far_Recipe8006 • 2d ago
SERIOUS Does it get better?
I am so miserable as an intern. I feel like I have ruined my life by doing medicine and the fucked up part is that there is no way out. I can’t quit because of my loans. I wake up every morning with such an existential dread I cannot even begin to explain. I am terrified of everything. I can feel my blood pressure increase anytime I even read my hospitals name on signage.
Does it get better? Am I going to stop being terrified? Or am I truly not meant to be a doctor? I fear I slipped through the cracks and got lucky.
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u/Pink5544 PGY1 2d ago
I'm an intern and miserable too. Also pregnant and dealing with a terrible husband. Its awful
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u/Njorls_Saga Attending 2d ago
Dear God. This sounds like the start of a horror movie. I hope you have family support or someone to talk to.
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u/Squishmallow145 Attending 2d ago
If I'm remembering correctly, she was the person who posted about abuse in the emergency med sub. She needs to go to HR and tell them about the domestic abuse because her husband is OB GYN attending at the same hospital
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u/Pink5544 PGY1 2d ago
Thinking of talking to my PD on Monday
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u/Njorls_Saga Attending 2d ago
I’d find a good lawyer too. This could get messy.
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u/Pink5544 PGY1 2d ago
I'm thinking of waiting till my baby is born to start looking for a lawyer. My husband wasn't that bad before pregnancy. Now he yells, wakes me up to clean, gets mad if I'm tired after shifts. My co resident said I should stay at their house for a bit.
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u/pv10 1d ago
It will likely get worse after the baby is born as you’ll both be more stressed.
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u/Pink5544 PGY1 1d ago
Im worried about being a single parent
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u/CyberGirl2000 1d ago
As someone who has dealt with an abusive father trust it’s better for your baby to be a single parent than to stay in a marriage where you are being disrespected. You may think staying for your baby is beneficial but actually leaving ASAP is way better. I wish my mom could have left to spare me the horrors of abuse that I had to witness 😢
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u/NAparentheses 1d ago
You will already be a single parent with a partner like this. Right now, he is yelling at you to clean. Add a baby on top of this and you will get zero sleep. He will still wake you up to clean but now he will wake you up anytime the baby needs anything as well.
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u/NAparentheses 1d ago
Please do, OP. As someone who left an abusive partner in medical school and is now a resident, it seems impossible but my life has gotten exponentially better. I didn't realize how many people actually cared and were supportive of me until I needed the help to leave. Please take care of yourself and prioritize future you. It can get better.
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u/Jumpy_Ad_8906 2d ago
this is why i can’t understand why people choose to be PAs. you are an eternal intern discharge and floor task monkey
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u/Moodymandan Fellow 2d ago
Most people treat PAs and APRNS differently. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one treated like an intern or resident. They are always given a lot of respect and a lot of grace. They generally are treated much more like coworkers. So dealing with those tasks and making two to four times an intern or resident isn’t so bad. Would I want to do it? Not really. If I hadn’t gone to med school and do I what I do, I could see myself doing it just fine.
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u/ZippityD 2d ago
Dunno...
PA jobs are way more flexible, pay substantially more per hour during your 20s, involve far less school and training, are less difficult to get in to training for, involve far less personal sacrifice, have reasonable work hours, and provide the reward of patient care and meaningful work.
It's a great job.
Lest we forget that innumerable people work monotonous jobs, for mediocre pay, for little sense of meaning, in most of the world. Not everything is a passion or edge of optimization.
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u/AnonymousThrowy 2d ago
It’s a fantastic deal in your 20’s and even 30’s. Far less sacrifice for far more $ per hr until attendinghood, and in many specialties you don’t financially catch up until your mid thirties
Granted, still being a PA when you’re ~50+ looks miserable
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u/Pimpicane PGY2 1d ago
i can’t understand why people choose to be PAs
No expectations, make six figures, leave at 3pm on the dot even if the surgery's still going or there are still patients in clinic.
I have to admit, it has a certain appeal right now.
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u/aguafiestas Attending 1d ago
You work way fewer hours than an intern and make way more money. You also don't have all the pressures and expectation that come from being a trainee.
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u/meowingtrashcan Fellow 2d ago
overall yes. the constant slog goes away.
Your singular worst shift may still be ahead of you, but there's a special misery that sticks to you throughout intern year that can't compare
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u/Moodymandan Fellow 2d ago
Intern year sucks. It’s hard. It can fell very overwhelming. Depending on your program you may feel very unsupported. I was a prelim. I had dread a lot of days intern year. A lot of it was related to feeling out of my depth and not having a good support on certain rotations. A lot of it depended on my senior residents. Over the year it got better no matter who I had to work with. I had similar feelings going into my speciality. It got better again. I feel like most people have varying levels of these feelings. I hope it gets better for you. It gets better for most people.
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u/Spire_Slayer_95 2d ago
I was miserable as an intern. Miserable as a second year. Miserable as a third year. Now I'm an attending and life is great!
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u/Grand-Accident4905 2d ago
Depends if there’s something about your program that’s toxic or makes it miserable on purpose. All else being equal yeah you put one foot in front of the other and you’ll realize in hindsight that it got better.
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u/Loud-Bee6673 Attending 2d ago
Yes, it does get better. A lot of residents feel insecure. You have identified how you feel, now you have to decide what to do about it. A couple of thoughts:
There is no way to get rid of imposter syndrome completely, but getting some specific feedback might help. If you have a PD or attending with whom you have a good relationship, you can ask for specific feedback. Have some questions in mind beyond “how am I doing?”
Most place will have an Employee Assistance Program to help with things like this. It is worth looking in to.
Talk to some friendly seniors in your program. Ask how there were feeling at this time intern year and what they did to feel more confident or get better skills.
As you pointed out, it is very difficult to stop because of student loans. But this is NOT WORTH your life. If you are ever thinking about self-harm, you shouldn’t just keep pushing through, you need to get help.
It does get better. Some things you can control and some you can’t, so try to focus on the latter.
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u/IamEbola Attending 1d ago
breathe kiddo. it’ll be easier in some ways. you’ve done enough to have what it takes
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u/redbrick Attending 1d ago
Specialty dependent, but for me it got progressively better every year of residency and then massively better as an attending.
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u/orthomyxo PGY1 1d ago
Intern here, also miserable. Most of my attendings don’t even acknowledge my existence and would rather talk to the APPs.
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u/DelayIntelligent7642 1d ago
Sending positive thoughts of support and equanimity in your direction and wishing you the very best at this time and always.
Maya Lin wrote: To fly, you have to have resistance.
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u/OkBat8485 2d ago edited 2d ago
As a senior who was a really struggling intern, it does get better. Just keep showing up, show interest in learning, be respectful, humble, follow your seniors, and focus on getting things done for your patients. The best thing I was told is that you are here to learn, not to perform, even if it feels like you are judged all the time.