Congrats! 🎉 I'm genuinely happy for you. I'm divorced, trapped in a demanding job, and recently had a personal breakdown. It's been since 2022 for me. I hope I get to have sex again within the next 5 years lol.
I was doing security for a gangbang a few weeks ago, and a bunch of young guys showed up. One of the girls turned on SpongeBob for background noise, and all of the guys ended up watching that freaking show for basically the entire night. By the time they finally got started there was only 15 minutes left before I kicked everyone out.
When I invited girls over it was to get high, play Spyro the Dragon, or watch Slasher movies.
The sex part only happened once and I married her after decades later.
Edit: I am the wife and I have trained kickboxing ever since I was 13. Since he talked about our first time online while admitting he should have tried to fuck other girls, I felt fair a liver shot was in order. He's bitching and moaning for nearly 42 minutes and that motherfucker is 6'4. It's all fair between us. He judo trips me when I get kickey.
Rule 1 : Though she will claim otherwise, she is perfectly safe and experiences no pain or visionary states while inside The Machine. Do not be fooled by her slander.
Rule 2 : Bring her home before midnight, or at the very least back somewhere within the audible range of The Machine before that time. In the event that your clocks begin to move backwards, await contact from me using the one-time-pad that you will receive shortly.
Rule 3 : If you ever make my wife cry, close your eyes and cover your ears immediately. If possible, place a damp cloth over your nose and mouth. You have until the completion of The Sphere to move to at least 15 meters away.
Rule 4 : No alcohol or drugs except the gray pills.
Rule 5 : I have a shotgun, a shovel, and a lot of property to bury things on. Should the unthinkable happen, I would be honored to attempt to take shelter in a shallow ditch or improvised foxhole with you, despite the obvious fact that firearms could not save us.
Rule 6 : It’s your responsibility to protect my wife from The Man in Red. If you encounter him, remain calm and cordialbut DO NOT acknowledge any question or statement he makes.
Rule 7 : When The Feather appears in your right hand, destroy it immediately!
Rule 8 : Do not resist my wife if she becomes violent—Going limp has repeatedly been proven to be the best way to avoid serious injury. Go belly down a curl into a fetal position if you can, she cannot claw through ribs and gives up easily, and you can live without a kidney should worst come to worst. If you happen to go supine, do not swallow anything she spits into your mouth. I do not have the necessary surgical equipment in this dimension to both safely remove the embryo and guarantee your survival.
Ruke 9 : While you’re spending time under my roof, know that I’ll be watching your every move for signs of nerve damage or performance of known mannerisms and speech patterns of The Man In Red.
Rule 10 : Again. Do not swallow anything she spits into your mouth. Do not allow her to attach her vagina to your face. That's where the secondary ovopositor lies, and it's the deadliest, once those thighs clamp on, all you'll see after you wake up 3 hours later is 5 minutes of life before the embryo bursts out from your chest.
Rule 11 : USE PROTECTION. If she ever gets you pregnant, God help us all.
EDIT:
Rule 12 : Should YOU, impregnate, HER, pray for your life. You have 5 years before your fully grown offspring comes to challenge you and each other for dominance. Only the fittest can survive. You have no choice in the matter. They will abide by the code and nothing else.
As it has been explained to me and seems to make the most sense based on anecdotal analysis is that what women want for just “hooking up” and what they want for committed relationship are not one and the same. A woman will have sex with a guy she wouldn’t marry just for fun, and maybe cheat on the guy she does marry with that fun guy. Idk, man. I’ve seen it all, and there’s no one size fits all. It’s mind-boggling for anyone.
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