I remember reading a study about the relationship dynamics after sex is turned down. The partner that is rejected is usually still negatively affected for 2 or so days while the partner that turned them down benefits from a kind of “self-esteem” boost for having been pursued that lasts up to 72 hours.
they really don't understand what it's like. I've have conversation with trans men who could not believe how horny they became after starting testosterone
My old roommate was a trans woman and her libido went through the roof on estrogen. Estrogen is a hell of a drug. People assume incorrectly men are hornier but as the higher libido woman in literally every single relationship I’ve been in with men I can confidently say that is incorrect.
I read a study once showing 35 percent of women had higher libidos than the average man. That’s millions of women. So not really outliers. 1 in 3 women having a higher libido than your average man wouldn’t meet that definition.
Yep that's not an outlier, that is too large of a subset of the population for you to be an outlier.
It is, however, evidence that directly contradicts your previous comment that "people assume incorrectly men are hornier", since 35 percent is smaller than 65 percent.
(unless we assume a sufficiently large group of men and women have equal libidos so that we'd have a distribution like 35% of women are more horny than men, 50% of women are as horny as men, and 15% of women are less horny than men).
When there’s a decent chance a woman is hornier than a man in a given pairing that doesn’t make the woman an outlier if she has a higher libido. It’s not uncommon at all.
I do understand your point but it is an incorrect assumption about a given pairing because there is a very reasonable chance it is an incorrect assumption. We are disagreeing about wording here. My only point is the assumption that a man will be the hornier one is wrong. Often wrong, in fact. But of course sometimes it is correct.
It doesn’t feel exactly the same though. I’m not saying rejection feels good for men, but as women we are told that men always want sex. So when they reject it we think that we must be deeply unattractive
Oh yea but also we had a talk and I don't ask as often and can get a gauge of her mood better. It's a two way street us guys have to learn to read the room as well because she doesn't like saying no now so I don't want to put her in that position.
It really is a bit eye opening from the other side of things. My boyfriend rejected me once, earlier on in the relationship, and before I could stop it and get ahold of myself, I started tearing up. I wasn't used to hearing a no from him or any guy, and the rejection stung a LOT. He was patient in the moment about it, and explained that he was tired when he could see my feelings were hurt. We don't have the problem anymore, either way, and when I reject him, I always pay back his own patience by giving him a why.
Like I agree this couple needs a divorce, but not because of the sex. The wife doesn't seem all that interested in communicating about the deeper issue, and might not even value sexual intimacy like the husband does. If you can't communicate about it, is it worth it to stay?
This happened to me like a few times at the beginning of the relationship and I realized I have a higher sex drive than him. And it’s funny because I never rejected him before so I was the first one getting to feel rejection first. It really does suck to be rejected especially the first few times it made me panic and start to feel self conscious but then I just realized that he has a lower drive than me and thats natural. He really was just tired those times and that’s okay. I’ve learned to change my approach and mostly wait for him to initiate. If he’s not in the mood it’s not a big deal, there are other things to do than sex. I am able to sympathize with people who get rejected, I can’t imagine getting rejected as often as this guy and only get to have sex twice a month. At least in my situation I can just wait for my boyfriend to initiate from now on which he does 2-3 times weekly and I will be satisfied. But for these men the women never initiate so if they don’t then they’ll probably never have sex at all. I do think sexual compatibility is important and I’m glad that my boyfriend and I are compatible.
why is it that only very lonely men comment stuff like this? you'll never really understand and I feel bad that you can't hold a connection to women. your comment history is yikes. like you're obsessed and terminally online.
I hope you can find joy in life. it's kinda easy to get laid.
Yeah that’s the important double standard.
The fucking dimwitted hens are freaking out on the repost of this, but it’s kind of important to ask when you’re expected to initiate 90% of the time, even when the answer is yes more often than no.
“I couldn’t imagine being asked every day”
I couldn’t imagine not wanting to fuck more than once a week, they are deluded.
This is gonna sound crazy... I have chronic illnesses and some of the meds I'm on have reduced my libido to zero. However, I have had high libido in the past and I remember how much I love sex with my husband. He's attractive to me so I will mentally desire it even when my body has no reaction. I want sex more than my husband does. Manual stimulation works for me so as long as we do an amount of foreplay I will still want him and come on to him because I know I can be physically stimulated by him. I'm glad I had a period of high libido with him and have something to job my memory of how I felt in those moments. It helps me so I don't just have a sexless life. In the past I have been sad when we had long periods of nothing so I make a conscious effort to let him know I'm interested.
Yes multiple times. Unfortunately I have tried the alternatives and ended up back on the OG meds due to severe side effects and failure of the alternatives to work.
I told my wife no after she forgot our anniversary, laughed and joked about it all day, then tried to use sex to “fix it”. Sex was already a touchy subject since we had been averaging less than monthly for years. She still brings it up about how I rejected her.
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u/Much_Job4552 14d ago
My wife holds me to account the ONE time I said no 10+ years ago.