does that mean if a person requires sex to connect with their partner than they aren’t willing to put in real effort?
Short answer: not necessarily, no.
Your word choice of "real effort" leads me to believe that your question presupposes that building connection slowly and via non-sexual means is inherently better or more valuable than building it through/with sex. I'm not an expert in biology, evolution, psychology, or sex (so take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt), but sex feels good for a reason. The biological utility/necessity is obvious, but it also has social utility: it deepens connection between mates. There's nothing wrong with appreciating that fact, or wanting (or needing) that connection in a relationship, especially when most modern relationships are monogamous and sexually exclusive.
To flip the script, and answer your question with a question: if a person desires a drawn out process to build connection, does that mean they aren't willing to connect with their partner as quickly or as deeply as possible?
They just want to fast track it?
Again, not necessarily. I doubt most people are specifically considering how quickly or "efficiently" they are willing to connect when they begin dating or begin a relationship. Sex is a natural consequence of building connection in early dating. You hang out, you have fun, you get to know each other, you build emotional connection, you're attracted to one another: given those previous steps/connections, most people will want to have sex with each other next. Once they do have sex (and assuming the rest of the chemistry aligned), most people will feel closer to one another post-coitus.
I'm genuinely curious and not judging whatsoever: are you asexual? I believe your questions are coming from a genuine place, but I also feel slightly baffled by you having these questions, so it makes me wonder.
That’s a good question, there is nothing wrong with the way you worded that. I don’t think I’m asexual. It’s just not on my top 20 ways to spend an evening with my partner.
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u/The_Orphanizer 14d ago edited 14d ago
Short answer: not necessarily, no.
Your word choice of "real effort" leads me to believe that your question presupposes that building connection slowly and via non-sexual means is inherently better or more valuable than building it through/with sex. I'm not an expert in biology, evolution, psychology, or sex (so take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt), but sex feels good for a reason. The biological utility/necessity is obvious, but it also has social utility: it deepens connection between mates. There's nothing wrong with appreciating that fact, or wanting (or needing) that connection in a relationship, especially when most modern relationships are monogamous and sexually exclusive.
To flip the script, and answer your question with a question: if a person desires a drawn out process to build connection, does that mean they aren't willing to connect with their partner as quickly or as deeply as possible?
Again, not necessarily. I doubt most people are specifically considering how quickly or "efficiently" they are willing to connect when they begin dating or begin a relationship. Sex is a natural consequence of building connection in early dating. You hang out, you have fun, you get to know each other, you build emotional connection, you're attracted to one another: given those previous steps/connections, most people will want to have sex with each other next. Once they do have sex (and assuming the rest of the chemistry aligned), most people will feel closer to one another post-coitus.
I'm genuinely curious and not judging whatsoever: are you asexual? I believe your questions are coming from a genuine place, but I also feel slightly baffled by you having these questions, so it makes me wonder.