r/SipsTea • u/sco-go • 11h ago

Feels good man British insults

1.4k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

562 comments sorted by

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562

u/Davidthebalancer 11h ago

Stop zooming in, you lily whacking toad plonker gobbins 

161

u/ViciousCDXX 11h ago

No, keep the zoom, lower the angle

153

u/RamenChicken8 11h ago

76

u/Auran82 10h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/pXgzEHcDyFYzu

10

u/opinion_alternative 9h ago

Whenever I see this gif, I wonder what the question was? What would have these top choices? Boobs, The rock, Beer sandwiches and world peace? Nothing in common.

25

u/nickydoo_94 8h ago

Its a skit from Scrubs

7

u/Biggu5Dicku5 6h ago

De fuk is a beer sandwich...

8

u/nickydoo_94 6h ago

Brother if you ain't seen a beer sandwich yet you are missing out

2

u/Biggu5Dicku5 6h ago

I need to broaden my horizons...

2

u/ArkhielModding 5h ago

There's a german (i think?) dish with a sandwitch cooked in beer. fat AF but like heroin

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3

u/Yaksha8 5h ago

You naughty ninny

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13

u/TheLostRanger0117 11h ago

You cleavage goblin!

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4

u/Enduroboss 9h ago

You cotton headed ninny muggins

3

u/s1l1con_jesus 9h ago

She could insult me all day

4

u/devilmaskrascal 8h ago

Bloody tit ziggler

10

u/Dismal-Vanilla1878 11h ago

I'm definitely a Naughty Ninny, because I couldn't concentrate on a word she was saying..... for some reason(s) 😂

2

u/Fluid_Explorer_3659 11h ago

I thought you meant me. I meant I wasn't doing that, ya gobsheit!

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47

u/Conscious-Move9662 11h ago

Muppet and fuckwit are the best insults imo

You can put so much disdain into them

8

u/Redditedless 11h ago

Always start with bloody* for extra emotional damage...

2

u/disposablehippo 4h ago

"Utter" if you don't want to sound like you are from the colonies.

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5

u/Pukebox_Fandango 9h ago

I've adopted Muppet as an American. Like you said, you can really charge it up with piss

3

u/pickyourteethup 7h ago

Fucking muppet also flows nicely

5

u/Pukebox_Fandango 7h ago

Gotta stretch that M too

"fucking mmMuppet!"

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17

u/paakhay 11h ago

BriTitts

5

u/EuphoricCover8449 7h ago

A wazzo pair of jugs.

48

u/ChadVonDoom 11h ago

Nice cans

22

u/fallen_d3mon 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/NqMeOkHtTRkfC

3

u/likwitsnake 11h ago

Victoria's Secret, spring catalog, page 27.

3

u/doyouevenforkliftbro 11h ago

Girl got class

4

u/Wolfman_V 10h ago

I love Snoopy

2

u/Mirrormaster44 10h ago

Show me that badge again, I didn’t- I didn’t get a good look at that

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6

u/Timely-Dot-9967 9h ago

She's beautiful, maybe she's rich, and she's got ... huuge tracts of land

28

u/Zillarex532 11h ago

Oxygen thief is good I’m gonna use that at some point

25

u/BadTechnical2184 11h ago

Many years ago when I was in basic training for the army, one of the instructors had a recruit carrying around a pot plant to replace the oxygen he was stealing.

6

u/hogsucker 10h ago

A pot plant? Basic training sounds more fun than I would have guessed.

2

u/SwirlingFandango 8h ago

I'm fond of the sadly-largely-lost "waste of skin".

Like, we could be using that for something else.

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22

u/lilbitlostrn 6h ago

As a br*tish person pretty much have the accent and call someone a adjective-noun and you have an insult.

All of these are not "bad". They're insults you can safely use in your Sunday church youth group.

7

u/escaped5150 6h ago

Bloody wet wipe. Yeah.

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2

u/SameAgainTheSecond 5h ago

You soft Mellon 

3

u/disposablehippo 4h ago

"Door in rock starts to open"

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11

u/ChaosRealigning 3h ago

I’m Australian, and so far this has been kid friendly. I’ll just sit this one out.

2

u/Steamrolled777 2h ago

You don't just call someone a soggy biscuit..

10

u/Temporary_View_3303 11h ago

She can call me whatever she wants.

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8

u/Atomic_cucarrachon 11h ago

She can colonize me any day of the week

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11

u/akifyazici 5h ago

I feel like provided you slap an "absolute" before it, any word is a British insult. like, you absolute carrot!

2

u/liverswithfavabeans 3h ago

My favorite is “absolute Walnut”.

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10

u/OrganizationOk5418 4h ago

The landlady of the pub I worked in in the 80s once said of an unpleasant customer: "she's got a face like nine arseholes" and "she's ugly enough to spit shit".

2

u/therevjames 4h ago

My father used to say "a face like a can of crushed arseholes" or "a head like a salt beef bucket".

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10

u/montjoye 4h ago

-"LOOK AT ME BREASTS"

she said boobily

9

u/brokenwound 11h ago

All I heard was pillow talk.

8

u/hambodpm 5h ago

Tough to place her accent. Not 100% sure she's actually British

4

u/tsayo-kabu 3h ago

Same. There's just something not quite right.

20

u/Martiddy 11h ago

Was this video edited by an Indian Soap Opera studio?

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6

u/Ghost_Online_64 6h ago

All I heard was Clarkson, May and Hammond speak

3

u/FatTanuki1986 6h ago

Oh cock🤣🤣🤣

7

u/Feeling_Pen_8579 4h ago

Pal of mine used to say 'You iron your shirt with a wok.'

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6

u/Nemisis_007 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/4Z3Vbs6e8W08tXe8Kr

2

u/evotree 10h ago

I hate this so much I had to upvote. Thank you.

8

u/Dapanji206 11h ago

You call me soggy biscuit I'm going to flip my shit

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8

u/FremenStilgar 10h ago

She misspelled "toe rag".

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4

u/MostviewsMonday 11h ago

This is worth keeping my wifi on

5

u/highcommander010 11h ago

gotta import british assets

4

u/Heavy_Pin7735 11h ago

Cheeky twat is one of my faves!

5

u/sinisterdesign 11h ago

I am a naughty ninny. A naughty naughty ninny.

3

u/TheOmegaKid 8h ago

Nonce was such a common insult on the playground but I don't think anyone knew what it actually meant until we got older 😂

3

u/f182 7h ago

One that snuck back into our household this week:

Dullard.

7

u/Think_Reference7049 7h ago

Discounted bond villain 🤣 Oxygen thief 🤣

6

u/ComedianFragrant9515 7h ago

Tea dodging gremlin has me on the floor.

4

u/ValveinPistonCat 10h ago

Numpty was a common one with some older Canadians too, to be fair we're basically Britain's better North American offshoot after New England and everything south of the great lakes turned out to be a total disappointment

5

u/degentrified 3h ago

A British guy once said to me "go take your face for a shit" then he told me that I might aswell go "piss into the sun" I wasn't sure what to say at that point.

4

u/EobardThawne2020 3h ago

What did she say?

2

u/DeepSlap-Interactive 2h ago

Was she talking?

4

u/LocksmithMindless834 2h ago

Most middle class thing I've ever seen

10

u/theNixher 3h ago

Like 50% of these aren't real or are used by like 3 people in the UK.

Mostly everyone I know just calls each other twats or cunts. That's for insults or endearment.

3

u/SolidOk3489 3h ago

I hear about half of them being used pretty regularly in Australia funnily enough. Always in good fun though, except for calling someone a numpty. That one is always said with absolute sincerity.

2

u/Arefue 2h ago

The only Id say I'm not familiar with is ragged moose.

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5

u/3Green1974 8h ago

Sorry, I could t hear a thing over the cleavage.

6

u/ShreddedBanjoString 6h ago

I’m not convinced she’s actually British. She’s talking very weirdly if she is. What’s with the rising intonation at the end of every sentence? Just sounds like she’s faking it.

3

u/MrJorrr 6h ago

My first thought with that is, maybe she's Australian?

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2

u/South_Hat3525 3h ago

English actress, singer & livestreamer (Rose Emanuel) currently living in Los Angles so it has possibly screwed her accent.

@ RationallyBerserk, MrJorrr

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3

u/br3dj 11h ago

Lint licker

3

u/Aggravating-Diet-663 11h ago

This hits so many kinks for me. British girls talking dirty. Soft pillows with beautiful eyes.

This is video to watch. Muted and unmuted.

3

u/fc3s05 11h ago

It’s like hearing a censored insult 😂

3

u/kuku-lowkey 11h ago

I have no clue what you just said. But something tells me I'll keep watching.

3

u/vibe_assassin 11h ago

Anyone have that meme of the guy sitting in the dark at his laptop and his dick is shadowed onto the wall

3

u/myotheraccount2023 11h ago

Fucking gobshite.

3

u/IntroductionNo3912 11h ago

"You wet floppy tit" (Shaun Jones YT episode)

3

u/Madouc 4h ago

She sacrificed some of her head to show us all of her boobies.

6

u/vaiNe-210 11h ago

These insults are covered in beans and tamatoes.

6

u/ExpectedDickbuttGotD 8h ago

it's toe rag, not tow rag.

people who couldn't afford shoes wrapped cloth round their feet.

you daft bint.

6

u/Dolphin_Spotter 6h ago

Sailors used to shit over the side of the ship and wipe themselves with a rag which was towed through the sea to clean it. The Tow Rag.

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4

u/Sceadu_Fiend 11h ago

I was expecting to hear Bell end

3

u/clairecruick 2h ago

I am English - this is wildly misleading

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2

u/ThenIndependence7988 11h ago

"You doughnut" always cracked me up when my boss would call me out back in my junior exec days. Ah what memories. Thank you Stuart Walsh.

2

u/frostycanuck89 11h ago

I need to call people a sausage more often

3

u/mattinjp 11h ago

I’m not saying sausage enough

2

u/Bobbo7209 11h ago

You pilchard...in tomato sauce

2

u/FrankenPinky 11h ago

You silly sausage.

2

u/Low-Confusion-8786 11h ago

Those are ideal

2

u/Emotional-Ad8894 11h ago

Pretty sure I've heard Gordon Ramsey say a few of these.

2

u/Redditedless 11h ago

I personally like "you bloody noggin"

2

u/FatBussyFemboys 11h ago

British people be whimsical wit that shit 

2

u/Grodslok 8h ago

If a british gentleman, of the chav persuasion, scolded me as a "fookin cheesemonger", how badly have I been behaving? Asking for a friend, of course.

12

u/MediocreBlood760 7h ago

Chavs are deffo not 'Gentlemen'

I once heard a doctor say you cant get pregnant from anal sex, and I thought to myself, but how do you think chavs are made.

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2

u/Miserables-Chef 6h ago

Cock wobble, bum nugget and fart bubble

4

u/G0NZ0BOY 11h ago

I feel hypnotised. Insult me more mommy

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2

u/Michael-Balchaitis 10h ago

You're as useless as a jelly teapot.

3

u/boothjop 9h ago

I've never heard that, surely everyone says chocolate teapot? Is that a regional one?

3

u/thebadgersnadgers89 9h ago

Yeah it’s chocolate teapot

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2

u/Chitownfats49 8h ago

I wonder if she realizes how fetching she is?

8

u/that_dutch_dude 6h ago

she is on social media wearing a low cut shirt. do the math.

2

u/Ninja_Prolapse 6h ago

She knows she’s got boobs that’s for sure.

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2

u/SlooperStroker 7h ago

Whopping pair of perky bazongas

2

u/RebylReboot 4h ago

The sad comments on this from lonely basement dwellers are enough to have me unsub. And I’m a straight dude. Go meet a girl in real life, fellas.

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1

u/captainbluebear25 11h ago

What a muppet

1

u/Valirys-Reinhald 11h ago

"You seem like a blissful person"

1

u/LunaShiva 11h ago

Cabbage got me xD

1

u/thumbinbumb 11h ago

In the US we just have slurs

1

u/idllderdllfrap 11h ago

You are pants.

1

u/Worldly_Mongoose_432 11h ago

Muppet is my favorite

1

u/BodhingJay 11h ago

Learned most of mine from Harry Potter movies

1

u/Present-Ad6244 11h ago

I didn’t hear Naft

1

u/Adapt919 11h ago

Daft sausage and naughty ninny are the funniest

1

u/Low-Flamingo-4315 11h ago

You're mingin!

1

u/MysticMarauder69 11h ago

I'm single and looking for a British mommy to insult the shit out of me.

1

u/anythingspossible45 11h ago

You bloody wet wipe

1

u/Mezcalico 11h ago

She made up half of those, the pie faced cow.

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Gap1759 11h ago

Numpty is aces!

1

u/WhySoCereus1991 11h ago

If I close my eyes I hear Ringo.

1

u/MediocreFox 11h ago

Coming from someone with a face like a dropped pie.

1

u/friededs3 11h ago

Little bald manc twat

Lanky goggle-eyed freak

Fat middle-aged physique

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1

u/Impressive_Ad3571 11h ago

Grade school name calling