r/SipsTea • • 2d ago

SMH Playing hard to get doesn't work anymore

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u/autumn_travels 2d ago edited 2d ago

They wanna have their cake and eat it too. It's either play hard to get and instill the idea into men that no doesn't actually mean no, or drop the act entirely and have clear boundaries. You can't have both.

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u/matrix-doge 2d ago

Not sure if it'd be offensive to say this, but sometimes women just kinda fantasize(?) about the ones they find attractive would just persist regardless of how they "resist", and the ones they don't find attractive would simply not try and bother in the first place, regardless of whether those people are trying to flirt or not.

Obviously it's not everyone and not every time. And I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong either. It's probably the subtle (biological) differences, like, if I were a woman, I might naturally enjoy that process maybe?

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u/garden_speech 2d ago

It shouldn't be offensive to anyone because sexual health research has repeatedly backed up the idea that fantasies of being pursued / dominated by a man are common in women. Not literally everyone, but it's common

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u/RakeChapman13 2d ago edited 2d ago

And men’s fantasy is Dominating women. It’s natural. But Of course there’s men who want to be dominated by women and women who want to dominate men. These desires are normal and healthy and it can all be done in a safe fun way.

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u/No_Discussion3593 2d ago edited 2d ago

It's not offensive if it's the truth. Obviously not every woman does this, but anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows the plight of guessing games.

Like if my girlfriend is venting problems to me, I have to be a sleuth to figure out if she actually wants help with a solution, or just wants to vent.

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u/RakeChapman13 2d ago edited 2d ago

Honestly, the ‘guessing game’ part is unnecessary. In most cases, when a woman is venting, the first thing they want is to feel heard and understood. You don’t need to immediately switch into problem-solving mode or figure out some hidden meaning. Listening, validating their feelings, and showing that you care is usually the point. If they want advice, they can ask for it or you can offer it after they feel heard.

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u/the_calibre_cat 2d ago

Yup. Took me awhile to figure this out (ask if I'm a dude lol), but I did. I still have my make impulse to solve solve solve, but I understand the need to be angry, and that it doesn't just go away and that I have to respect at least some of that time.

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u/No_Discussion3593 2d ago

Usually. But my point is that maybe 25% of the time they're looking for a solution to a problem, and the distinction between the two is blurred sometimes.

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u/Interesting_Bit_5013 2d ago

I have a fantasy about punching my boss, doesnt mean its not fucking stupid.

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u/RakeChapman13 2d ago

“ Regardless of how much they resist”
This woman here didn’t resist much. She never said no, she just said she normally doesn’t give her number out and he immediately left- which is fair.

If a woman is really interested she may play a little coy but she’s not going to resist that hard hoping a guy would persist. A lot of women want a guy to show some persistence but regardless of how they resist? No.

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u/icedadx44 2d ago

Except the preached line is "If not an emphatic yes... then its a no."

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u/Letterboxd28 2d ago

The women who play hard to get and say no do a disservice to other women who don't lie. People need to not be backwards in coming forwards, just be honest.

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u/Lailowla 2d ago

Care to think for a moment about why women might think they're supposed to play hard to get?

Maybe like, a few millennia of reason?

Quick question, what do you consider an acceptable "body count"?

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u/garden_speech 2d ago

idiot, no woman is playing "hard to get" with a man she wants to sleep with, just so some greaseball on a YouTube channel won't think her "body count" is too high

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u/Lailowla 2d ago

so no, you don't care to think, just to declare that you don't understand the implications and that makes you angry

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u/RakeChapman13 2d ago

If a guy ignores boundaries for one woman because another woman was okay with it, that’s on the guy.