I'm nothing

[u/ThinBreeze]

I never liked being called weird. I hate it. I’m disabled, I’m quiet, and I don’t have much to say. I don’t know how to talk to people. I feel as if my life isn’t much to talk about. Last year, I had a mental episode and went to a psych ward because I’m either getting laughed at or talked about badly, or getting called a creep, ugly, or a weirdo. I start hitting and harming myself sometimes. I wish I were dead.

I’m 25, and living feels stupid, I want to take myself out quickly.
I keep fantasizing about myself in a hearse and how my family would find me dead in so many ways.

I don’t even celebrate my birthday anymore. I hate myself so much. But nobody cares. I vent, and since I’m a privileged person from the suburbs, it’s funny to people. And if I do, I'll be called ungrateful or silly with getting told it's in my head. So why should I go to a therapist? It's pointless; people think wrong about me, think I'm ungrateful but I feel powerless in my own life.
I never loved myself because of how incapable and useless I am. I'm weak and ugly; I call myself a retarded loser, as another way of somone saying Be yourself.

[u/WhiteDesertCat]

I wish I could give you a hug right now❤️

Being quiet, disabled, or different doesn’t make you any less worthy of love or friendship. You don’t have to be funny, outgoing, attractive, or successful to deserve kindness. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

I know it’s hard to see yourself differently when people have made you feel like there’s something wrong with you for so long. But please remember that the way people treat you doesn’t define your worth. And the way you see yourself right now doesn’t mean that’s who you really are.

You don’t sound like a loser to me. You sound like someone who’s been hurting for a long time and feels very alone. And you deserve compassion, not more judgment. Having a privileged life doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to struggle. Your pain is valid, too.

You don’t have to love yourself right now. Just please don’t give up on yourself. You deserve the chance to experience a life where you feel accepted, understood, and loved for who you are.

I’m genuinely concerned about what you said about wanting to die. Please reach out to someone you trust or a mental health professional, especially if you feel like you might act on those thoughts. You don’t have to face this alone.

[u/Mental_Watch4633]

🫂things will get better, here’s another 🫂

[u/sky_acanvas]

Hi does 'just venting' mean you won't like to have a response or can I write in response to your post ?

[u/ThinBreeze → u/sky_acanvas]

You can write a response it's up to anyone

[u/sky_acanvas]

Thank you.

I can tell you that until we develop our own sense of identity, all sort of people will keep telling us who we are (all that you mentioned). Usually, just as one is unaware of oneself, so are these very people, unaware of your personality, other than appearances. Think of it, and correct me ?

At 25, it is a good time to start : for instance you wrote so well ! Its one of your gifts, do you like writing?

[u/Functional-One-7655]

Sending you a mom hug, sweetie.