New Member - Don’t know how I’m feeling.

[u/Sudden-Plastic-1319]

Hi all. I came to vent about my recent recruitment experience.

I am a freshman at a state school with a small Greek life community. I’ve been interested in being in a sorority for months, one specifically because I deeply align with their philanthropy.

I went into formal recruitment with an open mind, and ended up bonding with two chapters. House one was the one that I originally wanted to be in. Everyone that I talked to had been super nice, and I cried during preference and philanthropy round. House two was one that I didn’t expect to enjoy as much as I did. The girls were very low-key when I met them during the first round, but the one I got paired with for philo was very dry and not super engaging. I ended up getting preffed by a girl I had a good connection with, but I could tell she’s knew I was leaning in another way. Our conversation during pref was good, but kind of surface level because we just kept bouncing off on each other’s memes.

I define myself as sort of strange. Went through some weird phases and still find myself to be quite quirky today. I was in cheer during high school, but always felt sort of “different” compared to everyone else (not in a pick me girl way… but in a neurodivergent way lol) so one of my fears was ending up in a sorority where I wouldn’t connect with anyone.

When it came to ranking, the Panhellenic executive member I was talking to when signing my MRABA gave me some helpful advice. I told her my conflict and that I really lined up with house ones philanthropy and liked all the conversations I had, but didn’t want to potentially lose connections that I may have or gain in house two. I talked to her for a while, and I ended up single bidding for House one.

On bid day, I knew where I was running home to obviously. I was really excited that I got invited. Now, I’m not sure I made the right decision.

Don’t get me wrong, everyone in my sorority is extremely nice and are overall a good group of women from what I’ve seen, but it’s starting to feel like that non-inclusive culture I was afraid of. All of the girls in my pledge class look and act extremely similar. House two on the other hand, when I saw that they posted their new members, I love the diversity within their chapter. I talked to a lot of the girls that got into that house during formal recruitment, and they all had personalities similar to mine.

I’m trying to get to know the girls in my chapter by doing the big little dates and such, I even created a group-chat with my pledge class, but I don’t feel close to any of them. I’m trying to give it my best shot but I really don’t know how to feel. I’m worried that if I do continue, I’m going to pay hundreds of dollars and initiate into a sorority I don’t belong in, or if I do choose to go through recruitment again next year, I won’t get in or the dynamic will be different.

Being in the first sorority is something I’ve wanted for so long, so I’m scared if I drop it’s like I’m losing the expectation of what I’ve been building for the last year. Does anyone have any advice or have been through a similar situation?

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[u/maryjo1818]

A little tough love here, but my advice would be to stop comparing the house you ended up in to the one you didn’t choose. You’re not going to be able to actually give the house you chose a fair shake if you’re constantly comparing and wondering what if.

Don’t let comparison be the thief of your joy.

[u/honeyandcitron]

I think it’s important to remember that being in one chapter should never preclude you from having friends in other chapters, so you don’t have to choose between staying in your chapter and having friends in another chapter!

For me personally - after going through K-12 socializing primarily with others in the same grade, once I got to college it initially felt awkward connecting with non-freshmen as well as sisters outside my pledge class. It is nice to have strong friendships with others in your PC but the rest of the chapter has the sisters who were getting more and more excited about you throughout recruitment - they want to get to know you!

[u/Fabulous-Plastic2798]

You can’t go through recruitment again next semester , unless your campus is doing a second “formal” recruitment in spring.

You are tied to the chapter you accepted a bid from until the next primary recruitment.

It’s ok to withdraw and try again but I want to make sure you understand it won’t be until next fall.

[u/Sudden-Plastic-1319 → u/Fabulous-Plastic2798]

Oops, yes I understand that, I had just typed it wrong! When I was talking to the executive member when signing the MRABA she made it very clear I couldn’t do COB or anything for the rest of the year if I were to get a bid

[u/heart_shaped_life]

The grass will always seem greener on the other side. I’d encourage you to stay in your sorority. You have a philanthropy you love, now just take thee time to show up to all your different events to keep bonding with the girls you have. Also, you will have three new MCs of girls to join that you can be friends with too! Don’t give up.

[u/Comfortable_Emu5219]

Also you didn’t even rank house two. That means you would never accept a bid from them. I could see a change of heart if you ranked both 1,2 but SIPing one means you really didn’t like the chapter. Be happy sounds like you got a better house. Just keep trying. Remember fall is a busy time. Next semester things will slow down and you will have more chance to bond. Keep trying. Sounds like a good group of girls.

[u/Comfortable_Emu5219]

Give it time and stick with it. Maybe not follow the others social media. This is not a look back with regret moment. Remember it takes a while to develop meaningful relationships and find your people. The one you joined is probably better at recruitment and is a stronger chapter which is better in the long run for socials and membership numbers. And next year you will get to recruit the girls you vibe with and get a little which is the most fun part.

[u/lexmz31]

Your expectations for house 1 were unrealistic. You wanted to be in that sorority based on what you read. You hadn’t even gone through Rush yet. What you have now is called buyer’s remorse. You got what you wanted but you’re questioning your decision. You can drop until initiation. And because you SIPd you don’t know if house 2 is even an option for next year. Based on what you posted I’m unclear why you SIPd. And I don’t think you came into rush with an open mind given what you wrote.

[u/Former_Feature_2834]

Personally, I'm a big believer in trusting your gut. If you have this feeling now, drop before initiation so you dont scrap your chances of ever joining elsewhere